transitioning to different meds and Im so exhausted all of the time

had a good therapy session & been productive all week.

I am having periodical mood disorders, my life is a mess. I've reached my peaked burned out (yet) this year.

I am not sure if using anti-depressants is the right way.

I went out tonight (with my roommate and one of our other best friends) and it was super fun and we went to two different bars and all three of us got really drunk, but at the second bar our friend was really into this dude working there and I expressed that I thought he was cute too and she said she wouldn't pursue him if it'd make me uncomfortable and I said I was fine with it so she ended up getting his number… but I didn't think that interaction would end up occurring literally right in front of me, and it made me feel so f*cking insecure and stupid and I don't know. I never have people asking for my number so it made me feel like sh*t and after my roommate and I got home he blew up on me calling me self-centered (which is true) and how it makes him so sick of me sometimes. and like expressing how we didn't even hear how her interaction went cause I immediately made it about me. we talked it out and she actually texted me after she got home and said that she cares about how I feel and idk. I'm so insecure. it's not great. it's not even that people've never asked me for my number, I think the insecurity lies more in that girls typically don't flirt with me as much as guys do  anyway, I'm still such a dramatic and self-centered person and I really should go back to therapy at some point soon

great and now continuing off of that^ my roommate woke me up after I only got 4 hours of sleep to tell me that someone told him that I told three of my friends that he wants to "f*ck everyone I f*ck," which couldn't be farther from the truth  I have NEVER said that and I'm annoyed that people are making  sh*t up about me and it's even worse cause now I have a hangover and I don't know where the hell this is even coming from but now you're mad and it's making me mad

Friendly reminder that there is NOTHING 'wrong' with any of us btw. 

 

 

I got on antidepressants. I was having massive aggressive personality swing, depression and waking up in anxiety for nearly a month. (it had been going for a long time but it became worse) I saw people much better than me being on antidepressants for years then I said I cannot take it anymore and I finally feel calm. Best decision ever. I resisted more than I should but it was great to test the limit to be REALLY sure. 

4 minutes ago, Aethereal said:

I got on antidepressants. I was having massive aggressive personality swing, depression and waking up in anxiety for nearly a month. (it had been going for a long time but it became worse) I saw people much better than me being on antidepressants for years then I said I cannot take it anymore and I finally feel calm. Best decision ever. I resisted more than I should but it was great to test the limit to be REALLY sure. 

I'm actually on the edge of getting them myself. I don't want to get addicted to them and I really want to get better on my own, but my mood swings and this constant sadness and loneliness is getting the best of me. I'll see how long I'll be able to avoid them.

3 hours ago, Dear Reader said:

I'm actually on the edge of getting them myself. I don't want to get addicted to them and I really want to get better on my own, but my mood swings and this constant sadness and loneliness is getting the best of me. I'll see how long I'll be able to avoid them.

Aside from depression (which was bad enough) I got massive anxiety. I was shaking up, taking showers, drinking water. Especially in the heat. Some night (last week) it hit me really bad after I drank a lot coffee. Then I gave up, I talked to many ATRL members who were in much better position than me and they went through, since the severe phase had not gone away for more than a month I said I'm taking them. 

 

Edited August 27, 20251 yr by Aethereal

Sigh 

Yeah, its a bad night.

Edited August 31, 20251 yr by Baby Dancer

Something is wrong with me, I'm so sad but I can't bring myself to cry

53 minutes ago, KFC said:

Something is wrong with me, I'm so sad but I can't bring myself to cry

i know this is gonna seem terrible but whenever i feel like this i watch sad videos on Youtube, like mothers finding out their kids died or dying people saying goodbye. i feel a lot better after and it's much better than the alternative (i used to self-harm)

I want to f*cking shoot myself in the face sometimes with how AWFUL twitter makes my self-esteem go. people get hundreds of likes on their selfies and i barely scrape 2 likes now on each selfie i post. i want to f*cking die and i know it's so stupid how  this is what my self-esteem is based on nowadays but i'm having a hard time having it NOT be dependent on that. no matter how much i fake confidence i'm still gonna be f*cking ugly and weird looking. and the way our community is so obsessed with looks i should just f*ck off forever. 

I'm so riddled with anxiety nowadays whenever I have to face a social situation and I just want to medicate with alcohol

 

I'm on my way to a meeting right now and I wanted to have a drink to calm my nerves so bad but I didn't! But I can't even be proud of myself because the only reason I didn't is that I don't have enough money

I think this is the end of the road for me now. 

On 9/9/2025 at 7:10 PM, jeauseph said:

I want to f*cking shoot myself in the face sometimes with how AWFUL twitter makes my self-esteem go. people get hundreds of likes on their selfies and i barely scrape 2 likes now on each selfie i post. i want to f*cking die and i know it's so stupid how  this is what my self-esteem is based on nowadays but i'm having a hard time having it NOT be dependent on that. no matter how much i fake confidence i'm still gonna be f*cking ugly and weird looking. and the way our community is so obsessed with looks i should just f*ck off forever. 

Just saw this and even though I don't post on Twitter, this really expresses my frustrations with places like Reddit and Discord. I sometimes share my selfies there like r/gaybrosgonemild and LGBT+ Discord servers and it's obvious that white, conventionally attractive, masculine gay men are inherently seen as more desired and always get more engagement. It's hypocritical that the gay community is supposed to be based on love and acceptance and somehow it's so discriminatory.

 

53 minutes ago, YourFavoriteWeapon said:

I think this is the end of the road for me now. 

Do you need someone to talk to? My DMs are open.

33 minutes ago, Jotham said:

Just saw this and even though I don't post on Twitter, this really expresses my frustrations with places like Reddit and Discord. I sometimes share my selfies there like r/gaybrosgonemild and LGBT+ Discord servers and it's obvious that white, conventionally attractive, masculine gay men are inherently seen as more desired and always get more engagement. It's hypocritical that the gay community is supposed to be based on love and acceptance and somehow it's so discriminatory.

 

Do you need someone to talk to? My DMs are open.

you get it!! it's so disheartening how there's such a rigid definition of what's considered "attractive" for gay people. it's so confusing for me because I know that I have many assets that make me stand out and that could make me be very appealing to a lot of people (my musical talent I feel like being one of them), but I have a baby face still at 28 so that's not always what people are looking for. I have such a weird relationship with my body. I know I'm attractive, but I know I'm extremely unconventional and I don't adhere to the basic short hair super chiseled face thing that is what goes most viral. I have a distinctive and defined nose, I'm only 5'6 and somehow feel like that comes across in pictures, I work out, I have long hair that's very… shall we say wild looking? it's just a lot of like… I'm all over the map I feel like. maybe some people just don't get me, and that's fine. on sniffies I have a lot of luck cause I have a big d*ck and that's apparent in my profile, but I feel like I could never fit into a box and that's what challenges people FAR more than a dude who looks straight out of a romance novel would. reddit and discord are totally their own stressful places, I hear you there. I'm sorry that it's getting you down too, I'm here if you ever wanna talk 

1 hour ago, YourFavoriteWeapon said:

I think this is the end of the road for me now. 

here for you too king 

Spoiler

I also added ya on instagram the other day, I'm sometimes better at answering DMs if you'd like to talk there too

 

Things that bring me relief:

- A yoga routine that I learned online. Don't do this enough but I make sure I do it every few days 

- Breathing techniques and meditation that I learned from The Art Of Living. Need to get back to this. 

- Training my 3 month old Shepweiler puppy and letting her sleep in my room

-Getting up really early while it's still dark. Being fully awake when the sun rises really helps me. Also sleeping early gives you no time to think too much in bed.

- Bite size infused brownies every other day. Every day makes me feel drowsy and heightens my emotions so I cut down. Definitely more of a vice but it's a good distraction. Microdosing is key for me. 

- Cleaning a few hours a day at home really helps. 

- Putting my phone away even if it's for a little bit and sit outside in my backyard. 

- TV Shows. Another vice but good distraction.

- Less time on here if it gets too toxic and remind myself that it's not real and shouldn't affect me. 

- I quit smoking for 9 months now and I have so much more energy. 

- Music. Gaga, Taylor, Mariah, Pink Floyd, Billie Holiday. 

 

I'm past that stage in my life where I can cry easily. I'm definitely more numb these days but creating a routine and doing these things help me. Having a good mother is my anchor. At the end of the day I wanna be strong for her because I know how strong she is. 

Edited September 18, 2025Sep 18 by SharGaga

2 hours ago, Jotham said:

Just saw this and even though I don't post on Twitter, this really expresses my frustrations with places like Reddit and Discord. I sometimes share my selfies there like r/gaybrosgonemild and LGBT+ Discord servers and it's obvious that white, conventionally attractive, masculine gay men are inherently seen as more desired and always get more engagement. It's hypocritical that the gay community is supposed to be based on love and acceptance and somehow it's so discriminatory.

 

Do you need someone to talk to? My DMs are open.

 

1 hour ago, jeauseph said:

here for you too king 

  Hide contents

I also added ya on instagram the other day, I'm sometimes better at answering DMs if you'd like to talk there too

 

I'm good now I love you guys  also DM me there @jeauseph

This society is so dark and I feel like my own life is on a downward spiral that I can't change. I hate myself and I hate that nobody can see my potential and I just wanna jump off a building 

My 20s have been a mess. The pills made it better for me.

On 9/18/2025 at 6:41 PM, Cyanide said:

This society is so dark and I feel like my own life is on a downward spiral that I can't change. I hate myself and I hate that nobody can see my potential and I just wanna jump off a building 

I can relate. I don't even want to check the news because it's all some messed up dark **** every day, just makes me even more depressed and hopeless about the future. I'm already so tired and hopeless about my own life, but when I see where the world is heading, it only gets worse. Feels like days and years are passing by and I'm just stuck in one place, unable to move. 

I'm tired of living