I did one of those open call auditions for The Voice today and I didn't get in and I'm sad about it. idk why they never pick me maybe I'm bad and I should d*e

I'm kidding lol but yeah it just sucks cause I know I'm a good singer and I know I'm talented… but just when is it gonna be my turn? something's gotta change maybe but also something's gotta give

I was doing so well until I wasn't; I just feel heavy, hot, restless, stressed and tired. This too, shall pass, but right now it really sucks.

blah

my roommate has been really mean to me all morning and I'm honestly so sick of it and just want to sleep but I'm worried he's gonna walk in the door and immediately want to fight with me. I understand he wants to move out and not live with me and that I'm a horrible roommate and ladida but there are kinder ways to talk to me than the way he's been texting me. it's so passive-aggressive and unfair. it's like he doesn't even realize that I'm stressed out in the first place. ugh.

I just feel like this isn't how my life was supposed to be

Just a friendly community check in this holiday season.

I send my virtual hugs! If you're reading this, sending my overseas love to you.

I feel like most of my friends are indifferent towards me. Unless I reach out first I won't hear from them

I have seasonal depression, but this year seems to be worse than others. Doctor even put me back on antidepressants as a way to help me sleep. I haven't used them in years.

They also strongly recommended I go back into therapy, but alas it's too expensive.

Weirdest part is - I have a new friend who I just met this year has been the single most supportive person. Even more supportive than my spouse even.

I was my happiest when I was on drugs now I know why people get addicted but like after the come down I'm getting abused more and more by my other to the point I rather just kms and be around it any longer

I'm not allowed to date or like Asian men

Whenever I'm happy and in positive mood she doesn't like it

Ive always suffered asd as a young child but my parents made sure to force me into acting like a normal child to the point I cried, had melt downs and couldn't make or hold friends because they never got me proper help

After years me being a FUCKIN adult I tried to get help and she sabotages my assessment and saying I'm fine I'm just lazy when I've been suffering my entire fuckin life.

And now I went in 2026 was like y'know what I'm happy things are going well for me I'm so excited to get my computer desk and she tells me I'm not allowed to set it up. And because I can't really take care of myself she knows it she has taken so much control over my life. I can't do anything all my exes my best friend ******* hates her guts because she's like that and she says I don't trust them they are using you bc your easily walked over. When she's ******* DOING IT. She likes the exs who raped, cheated, spit in my face but then goes why don't you date again you can't be fussy then goes if you bring a asian man home I'm going to fuckin kill you. So yeah I can't even date guys I'm into.

Like at this point I'm tempting to hand her a knife and go fuckin just end it. You got control over me then you can end it because I'm done

Like I've been stuck in this nightmare for 30 years now and I can do it anymore I was like to myself she's nearly 70 the new house will be mine. But idk I rather not do this anymore I can't even run away behind stray kids because she yells at me for liking them

I feel like I don't want to live anymore

my roommate and I are really on the outs and it f*cking sucks so much because we only re-signed our lease in October and he's already planning on moving out within the next month. he's mean to me a lot of the time honestly. he's a mean-spirited person. I only just got back to Colorado a few hours ago and he already yelled at me and told me it was really stupid of me to quit my last job EVEN THOUGH I already have another job lined up likely starting in the morning if not on Tuesday morning. I'm really stressed out and he told me that all my problems are self-inflicted. I just went into his room to confront him and tell him that I'd just prefer if he wouldn't call something like that "stupid" because I've heard it all already and he was like "no. f*ck off Joe, you're not a kid anymore. you're not gonna get unemployment and your new job is with a temp agency so if it doesn't pan out you won't be able to get unemployment from it. and now you're walking in here, what, do you want me to take it back? I'm not taking it back." like BE. F*CKING. NICER. TO ME DUDE. MY GOD. on top of that, I had a sh*tty interaction with yet another bisexual guy on sniffies last night who made me feel insecure about my height and how he has an easier time getting with women than I do. like this vacation I just got home from was full of stress and now it's just more stress now that I'm back where I live

shockingly my seasonal depression didn't kick in this winter. ironically i caught the flu instead

I have no energy and I can't even get out of bed

Someone help me please i'm not ok

I think my roommate and I are fully just not gonna be friends anymore. I know he's moving out soon and I've accepted that but it got worse today when he told me that he will not be giving me his half of rent for this month (the last month he'll live here). I really think it's unfair. I feel for him in terms of his mom filing for bankruptcy and his grandmother being in hospice, but still, frankly, it's stiffing me to not give me his half of rent if he's still gonna be living here. he brought up that my dad flew into town today and how I'm about to buy my first car, and yes I know I'm very fortunate, but still it's screwing me over to not give me the half of rent even next month or the month after. he thinks that all he's done is give give give but I would disagree. I am thankful, and I thanked him earlier, for him letting me use his car so much over this time we've lived together whenever I've wanted to go to the gym. but he's also been rude to me a lot. he's a rude person. he's screamed at me more today than he ever has. my best friend, back in the DMV, who I spent almost all of my winter vacation hanging out with, I confided in her earlier today on how he was talking to me, and she DMed him and dragged his ass. I was at dinner with my dad a few hours ago and I suddenly get a call from him and he just starts yelling at me again. he told me on that call that he thinks I have 0 empathy and when I told him he was the first person to ever tell me that he told me that was shocking to him. I did NOT set up my best friend to DM him. she did it at her own accord. but… yeah. here are the texts he also sent me

I got home from dinner with my dad and I genuinely was scared. but I apologized and he said "I'm just not gonna say anything." and I'm fine with that. he blocked me on instagram too. I hope we can repair our friendship but I think living alone will be way better for both of us. I feel a lot of regret but I hope he does too. he hasn't been fully innocent in the deterioration of our friendship. I feel f*cking numb, all the same.

lol. I spent all day with my dad who's visiting from out of town and it was fantastic, then I get home and actually have a CIVIL. CONVERSATION. with my current roommate about how our respective days went and I thought we may be turning a page but then I go out to a bar with my friend and my roommate f*cking texts me this:

and those "people in this neighborhood" are our two friends who are a couple who live two doors down. like ouch. I mean I have other friends too but what a horrible thing to say and how middle school can you get…

tonight should be feeling good cause I had a great day with my dad and then with a good friend I hadn't seen in a few weeks, but the lingering tension with my roommate has caused everything to have a nasty residue on top of it. I'm sitting in my room with the light on and I can tell he's in his bed but not asleep yet even though his light is off cause he's not snoring crazy loud like he normally does yet, but yeah. I hate how this is how this is ending. I wish we could stay friends but I guess we can't. he probably thinks I'm just a horrible person meanwhile I'm letting him stay here for free this month. f*ck my life.

my dad is in town visiting and it's been nice but he's very much of the mind that I shouldn't engage in irl conversation with my roommate about all this sh*t that's happening. but this text my roommate just sent is making me even more frustrated:

like no I don't think you are a scary or mean person. you have scared me and you have been mean and rude, but I'm just so not here for this passive-aggression. my god. it's making me even more depressed and stressed out and my job's not reliable yet so that f*cking sucks too

Edited January 10Jan 10 by jeauseph

Everything that's happening in the world right now is affecting my mental health. Everything seems so hopeless. Humans are so selfish and evil.

Everyone is so fake. What's even the point?

seeing this when I get home from work is honestly just not fun

like I get it. you're moving out on the 31st. I had to break the lease that only I and my dad were on (btw, it's cause my roommate's credit was so bad that he couldn't even be on the lease with me) and so you've f*cked both of us over that way. okay. got it. how are you even gonna eat cooked food other than the stove or the oven for the next week if you're already putting those away? we've been doing the silent treatment basically since we both got home from winter vacations at the beginning of the month. you yelled at me and then refused to give me your half of the rent so I've been paying for you to live here this month. we have tickets to see Jade together on February 10th and we haven't even spoken about how that's gonna work. you blocked me on instagram. you turned two or three of our close friends against us and told me about it this way:

On 1/9/2026 at 10:24 PM, jeauseph said:

and yet here I am. having written a new song for you. and still wanting to salvage our friendship somehow. I really hope it's possible but the more time goes on the more I'm uncertain as to why I want it so bad. idk. I just do. this is so much stress and I shouldn't be so hung up but I f*cking am. I'm sitting in bed right now after my work shift and he's not home and I'm unsure of what will happen next. I just want this all to be over. it feels like I'm living in a nightmare. whenever he's home and we're both awake I feel nothing but tension. and then there's the cat. I'm not gonna fight him on who of us gets to keep him. if he wants him, I will not fight him on it. but I know that the cat prefers me so it'll hurt a bit. it'll sting. f*ck my life honestly. this is the worst and most tense undoing of a close friendship I've ever had. idk what'll happen I miss what we had. I hope we can get it back someday.

My bipolar management has been so awful.

I was fairly stable, but recently the lows are so low and the highs are so high.

My medications make it impossible to have sex, and also I've gained so much weight on them.

I don't think I'd even wish bipolar disorder on my arch nemesis.

so the roommate situation has turned somewhat of a corner... but I'm also unsure

so last night I thought a cute/endearing thing to do would be to go into his room after he came home (idk where he was but I got home from work at around 6:30 pm and he didn't get in until like 9:30ish pm?) and tell him an apology joke. he, of course, didn't really cooperate (in keeping with his stubborn personality, he's probably almost as headstrong as I am tbh) with his half of the knock-knock joke (you know, the "who's there?" "Iguana who?") but he still chuckled and couldn't help but smile... anyway, here's the rundown of how that interaction fully went:

and yeah. he also kept talking about how I'm "so crazy" and he smiled more than I'd seen in a long time. but also at one point I was like "I miss you" and he was like "really? you do?" like yes dork... obviously I miss you you're one of my best friends but anyway he just got home like 25 minutes ago and he's watching something in the living room and I wanna ask him where my tea steeper is cause he'd packed up all his stuff (as you can see here):

On 1/24/2026 at 7:11 PM, jeauseph said:

and I think he may have accidentally put it in with his stuff? but also I need to call our utilities service and make sure that my name is on it for next month instead of his... ahh I'm so stressed out dude

well. there it is.

so I guess it's over now? who knows. I'm confused and sad. I knew he'd be taking the cat but ow. I think all three of those people who are helping him move out hate me now because he'd been saying earlier this month that he didn't particularly want me to be home when he'd move out

at a party with a girl I like and a friend I haven't seen in like a year and I feel so f*cked up and don't even want to go back to my place. I hope I can stay at one of their places this morning. my roommate is moving out starting around 9 am

I really do not know how to f*cking feel right now. so he's officially moved out as of yesterday but he texts me THIS this morning:

I pulled an all nighter Friday night and kinda went on a bender. then tonight/this morning I've pulled an all nighter again. I know I need to sleep and this girl I really like is actually asleep in my bed right now and she dyed my hair earlier after we did some ubereats together in my car (I look sexy and very masculine with the darker eyebrows ngl) but man… after receiving that^ text I have no f*cking clue how to feel. f*ck. ugh. damn it dude. he's the one who actively turned those people who are acting "so petty" about me against me so like… what? jesus