7 hours ago, ThousandMiles said:

baby log off. or change your pfp. unfortunately this is a messy pop culture forum where people go to be messy about their fave pop-divas and hide behind a pfp of said pop-diva.

no you're so right love. sorry for this intensity. you know what hon I'm so far removed from this I don't even remember the mindset I was in that day but I hope you've been having a nice night

this is how much of a narcissist I am: after an incredible rollercoaster of a night, the thing that made me happiest was when a bouncer recognized me from coming into his bar earlier. "hey you're here again! you were here earlier, I remember you!"

I proudly told my friend, cause she didn't hear it. I f*cking can't stand myself sometimes lol

my main problem is that… I let my mommy issues infiltrate everything. I had to be perfect as a kid so now as a 29 year old I still have to make myself stand out in some way. and it's so detrimental most of the time

Well my alcoholic tendencies are back and I'm back to ruining my life with it.

And I'm not sold on what to do about it this time

I am feeling it consuming me again. I hate how deeply it takes over everything; I feel like a river with just poison coursing through the waters, only a matter of time till all the fish perish.

I know I know I KNOW I SHOULDN't be comparing myself but I just opened instagram and saw that my brother Jake produced music videos for his friend Nick's new music project and he literally called Nick his brother in the post and kept praising his music and I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE JEALOUS CAUSE WE'RE ALL ON OUR OWN PATHS OF COURSE BUT I still can't shake the goddamn feeling that he'd never talk about my music that way. I'm literally working for a temp agency and I'm f*cking broke and I don't have money to record my own music and I posted a snippet on instagram yesterday of a new song i'm working on and none of my siblings liked my post so I kinda wanna scream right f*cking now but I KNOW that reasonably I should chill the sh*t out but this half caff latte I drank is making me manic and it's not in a good way this time.

My depression keeps me so "mellow" at all times. It's hard for me to feel excited or show enthusiasm....which hinders a lot of social interactions. Mental illness has ruined my life.

oh my god I'm so chopped this morning I need to die why thef*ck do I keep going to the gym until like 2 am when I need to work at 9 am… like kill me NOW. at least I ordered coffee and it's otw

also I'm insecure. I'm seeing FKA twigs tonight in concert and look at these texts my friend Missy sent me about the dude we're gonna be hanging with…

Joe stop being insecure. I cannot but please oh my god I feel like piss can someone date me or some sh*t I feel like chop b*tch

how am I just now finding out we've had this

i feel so uninterested in anything lately. like i just quit a mobile games that i've been playing for 4 years and i don't even post here as much as i used to. those are like my top 2 time-killers. the weird thing is i feel completely fine and i'm not as suicidal as i usually am. i'm just bored of everything.

i'm on my second week of Mounjaro so i wonder if that has anything to do with it.

Started treatment again and I'm feeling optimistic about it. I hope everyone here finds a way to make it work.

I had a sh*tty day at work yesterday and then I fortunately got a new saxophone one of my friends was giving away for free, which cheered me up temporarily! but then I got home earlier tonight and my ex roommate and my ex friends were jeering at me from the stoop of the apartment building some of them live at (which is in the same alleyway as my apartment building) when they saw me entering my flat. it was disturbing and weird. why are you still spending all that f*cking energy on me? it's deranged. then I had a hookup tonight, which ended up going amazingly, but of course when I got back into my car I saw that you know who cracked a f*cking egg on my windshield I'm sorry but this is actually insane like look at this sh*t

so this is how you spend your Friday nights? you're almost 31 years old for gods sake. grow the goddamn f*ck up, move on with your life! stop spending this energy on me!

On 4/7/2026 at 1:03 AM, popmusicisdead said:

i feel so uninterested in anything lately. like i just quit a mobile games that i've been playing for 4 years and i don't even post here as much as i used to. those are like my top 2 time-killers. the weird thing is i feel completely fine and i'm not as suicidal as i usually am. i'm just bored of everything.

I feel exactly the same way.

Sometimes I feel like there's nothing to live for tbh, and being trans doesn't make things easier. Sometimes I feel it's too late to try and change my life around, and it's my own f*cking fault that I spent too much time in a place where I don't belong. I have no friends, no support system whatsoever. I had a wonderful therapist until, like, 3 years ago, but I had to stop seeing him because I couldn't afford the sessions anymore. If it weren't for my cat, whom I love very much, and for all the things I dream of doing/achieving, I'd probably be gone by now.

2 hours ago, Supervixen said:

Sometimes I feel like there's nothing to live for tbh, and being trans doesn't make things easier. Sometimes I feel it's too late to try and change my life around, and it's my own f*cking fault that I spent too much time in a place where I don't belong. I have no friends, no support system whatsoever. I had a wonderful therapist until, like, 3 years ago, but I had to stop seeing him because I couldn't afford the sessions anymore. If it weren't for my cat, whom I love very much, and for all the things I dream of doing/achieving, I'd probably be gone by now.

On 4/7/2026 at 1:03 AM, popmusicisdead said:

i feel so uninterested in anything lately. like i just quit a mobile games that i've been playing for 4 years and i don't even post here as much as i used to. those are like my top 2 time-killers. the weird thing is i feel completely fine and i'm not as suicidal as i usually am. i'm just bored of everything.

i'm on my second week of Mounjaro so i wonder if that has anything to do with it.

these two posts express how i've been feeling for quite some time. i keep finding new distractions to avoid my reality and leave behind things that i used to enjoy. there are days when i kinda just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

and it's odd that i never look up stuff about depression (and much less sooee side) coz i don't wanna get a bunch of ads for meds or advice that i don't care to hear, and yet, when i opened tik tok today, i got this video from something called stay one more day or something like that. it was like a sign.

Omg HE hates me asjjdjfjf why have I let HIM affect me so much

I'm drinking!

I kind of feel helpless and useless. Part of it's from my job and being overwhelmed. Part of it's my personal life or lack of. Part of its the fact I just don't think I've achieved anything at all. Part of its that I'm 28 and still trying to forge relationships. The ones I do have I feel like I'm the one whose always investing in.

Everyone just seem so much happier around me. I smile but it always feels like an effort to keep up appearances. I try to socialise but never seem to be interesting enough to engage with. I don't know if it's depression. I don't even think I have it bad at all. But I just feel hollow all the time. Any attempt to feel more positive ends up with me retreating back to my empty ways. I'm just lost.

Edited May 21May 21 by Cottonmouth

I can't even use alcohol as an escape because it makes me physically ill when I drink

Feeling so alone and deserted, with people standing all around me

do I trust someone

Do I stay off to myself

Alone

Is it normal that "ridiculous" things are what keep me going and fighting?
Because honestly, one of the things motivating me to hold on right now is literally the return of a reality TV show at the end of June…

I feel ridiculous for not having more "meaningful" motivations, like my brother or my friends.

1 hour ago, TheOrangeTree said:

Is it normal that "ridiculous" things are what keep me going and fighting?
Because honestly, one of the things motivating me to hold on right now is literally the return of a reality TV show at the end of June…

I feel ridiculous for not having more "meaningful" motivations, like my brother or my friends.

That's totally normal. I wanted to take my life back in 2019 and one of the things that stopped me was that I wanted to see how my favourite show would end.

It was amazing and I'm glad I stuck around for it. Since then I've had some amazing happy times with the people that love me and even though I'm feeling suicidal again now, I'm happy I didn't go through with it back then because I've had so much joy.

This time around I'm hanging on so I can watch Dune Part 3

The point of me telling you all this is that it doesn't matter what 'ridiculous' reason you have for keeping going, it will lead you to those meaningful moments. Imagine all the times you'll get to hang out with your brother and laugh with your friends all because you stuck around to watch a silly reality show

I love y'all! Thank you for making ATRL what it is. I hope to see you all continue engaging here.

it's funny, I had no idea there's such thread, at least I can vent here... I had a 'date' ... we've been texting weeks, arranged a date, no answer... then he resurfaced, told me to go and as I was sitting in a car, he said tomorrow, but again, no answer after... yesterday we finally met (he said he'd take uber but I picked him up) and he told me he went to a mental institution for his break up... I told him I only **** if we switch, during sex he says he's not clean, tomorrow we will stop by his christian parents bc he needs papers for his psychiatrist so then we can (as you might suspect, it didn't follow through).

He spent the night at my place, we had a bath, great sex, next day (today) we met his friend-patients from the asylum, I took him to the doctor, we went to a sandpit, actually spent some nice quality time together. One thing that made me laugh was, when he refused to apply sunscreen on my back and told "don't rush these things" ... bro, we literally ****** for hours, i'd do that for a friend lol (he eventually did it but I was perplexed). he bought me ice cream, fries, paddleboard session, drinks, also, can't complain...

All that rambling just to say that, in my life, I've been through so much **** with **** that already during the moments, the dates, I get sad. What mostly happens afterwards is, only one reply when i get home, ghosted, blocked, no follow-up, follow-up with getting blindsided by them finding someone else...

Shouldn't I be happy, we've finally met, overall, had a pretty great time, he said he'd opened to meet up more (which I don't believe)... why I'm sad, my expectations are the death of me

side note: he wanted to force me watch Twilight for the first time, shouldn't have overseen that red flag.

Edited May 25May 25 by Frozen99

Been really good friends with this guy for the past year. It was the first time I bonded with someone as friends in a while, where I felt safe to be fully open about anything and vice versa. Last year, on the anniversary of my best friend's death, he took transit to my work to make sure I was okay. We messaged daily and usually saw each other 2-3 times a week. The longest we had gone apart was 3 weeks previously.

However, over the last two months, it seems we've been drifting. Something happened in March, and it doesn't seem like we've been able to recover from it. He also went through a rough time in April, and so I gave him space. But now it seems like it's even worse.

He says he still wants to hang out, but disappears when I try to play things. Now he leaves me on read for like 24 hours at a time.

Anyways I finally asked him how he really feels, and I feel were drifting apart, and we ended up fighting. I kinda regret even bringing it up because I feel like I just killed our friendship, but at the same time, it probably needed to be done.

Well its possible things could cool off and we could overcome it, I have a feeling that it just might be time to move on. It sucks cause I'll miss him a lot. I haven't seen him in person since the end of March.