Hi everyone, I'm back again with another installment of me getting my life ruined by a man.

I (21M) decided to have a guy (31M) from Grindr come over on Sunday night. He had texted me a day prior, but I hadn't responded despite thinking he was cute. That night however he texted me again and told me he was going back to London (I live in Glasgow at the moment for my Master's), and knowing that, I would've felt bad about not getting with him. He was at my student accomodation in 20 minutes, and I could tell he was exactly my type. Quite geeky with glasses and an adorable smile; he was also half-Arab and I've always fancied Middle Eastern men. We made some small talk before getting it on (I told him I don't do penetration and he was okay with that), and let's just say this man was a freak in bed. I've never been with someone who had this much passion and hunger, and even though it took me a little bit to get on his sexual wavelength, once I did I had a great time. After we were both done, we laid in bed and cuddled for quite a while.

He told me he was only in Glasgow to see his mom, and that he's a big finance guy who works with this investment firm with him focusing on the climate side of things. He travels the world constantly for work (he was going to Rwanda this week and then Japan the week after), and he showed me pictures of him with every relevant person ever, from Xi Jinping to Tim Cook to Joe Biden to Keir Starmer and whatnot (he even met Taylor Swift at a UN event!). His dad's side of the family is also like some big Saudi political/financial family (his uncle has had people like my country's PM visit them at their homes). So this guy is very very accomplished, and he has done so much with his life already. He also gets around a lot, and he has hooked up with guys from everywhere he goes to for work. He tried to gauge my taste by asking who I'd sleep with from his hook-ups, which I found odd and I also told him he was more my type than anyone else he showed. He talked about family plans and maybe getting married someday, and asked me if I thought he'd ever find a South Asian husband (I'm Pakistani btw); I was offended because I (semi-jokingly) told him I was right here if he needed one and he laughed it off.

He wanted to stay the night but eventually left because I wouldn't stop twitching in bed and he apologised for not letting me sleep; he insisted I text him the next morning on Instagram. I did exactly that, but I was expecting no response, and that's exactly what I've gotten a day later. Lately I've been getting very good with not getting attached to people I hook up with, but this guy was so much my type that I can't help thinking about him; I stalked his Linkedin and magazine interviews for a good while yesterday. I love nerdy, slightly older guys, and I sadly love men who don't see me as more than a hook up; him being so worldly and accomplished also helps. It's also that I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what to do with my future at all. I am doing an MSc in Financial Economics, and I want to break into finance like him too, but I have no relevant work experience or internships and I'm on a ticking time bomb because of my visa, and then in comes this Saudi millionaire guy with multiple master's and who goes to all the COP conferences whilst banging handsome men everywhere, and needless to say I feel like I have done nothing with myself at all. I feel quite helpless, and I'm also trying to process my feelings for him. He clearly saw me as just a hook up, and I know I should've seen him as that too, but he told me he really liked me and wanted to meet again when he's next in Glasgow for his mum's birthday in a few weeks. Of course he didn't like me enough to text me back or acknowledge me after he left, so that's a bummer. I feel sad that I'm probably never gonna see him again (I hate the feeling of waiting for a text that will never come), and that I will also probably never be like him. Still, I feel a tug towards him and I can't help it.

TL;DR I hooked up with this super accomplished guy who I really like and now I feel like **** because I can't be with him and because I have done nothing with my life thus far and I don't know how to turn it around. Very Carrie Bradshaw and Big-coded except even more one-sided.

I'm coming to ATRL with this because every single time I feel like this I post something here, and people always give great advice and even if the situation doesn't improve right away, I do end up feeling much better just reading other people's experiences and input.

Edited May 13May 13 by ithinkheknowsoutsold

you're literally only 21 years old calm down.

also stop comparing yourself to others. it'll make your life sooo much easier

Why are you (21) comparing your achievements with a 30 yo

dont do hookups

dont get involved with older men

DATE dont hook up with DATE people your age, you have no business comparing your life to a 30 year old

I'm so sorry he didn't text back.

He may look like the kind of guy you want, but I think you deserve better! He very much enjoys his routine and hooking up with someone new wherever he travels, and it sounds like you're wanting a boyfriend.

Girl you're a baby.

It's normal, we've all been there, but you'll back at this and cringe in 5 years, I promise you. It's a gay canon event

girl tbh it sounds like he has his own insecurities going on …

showing a current hookup photos of previous hookups and getting them to give opinions on whether his previous hookups were hot or not ?

showing photos of him meeting important people around the world to someone he's there to hook up with ?

i doubt this man is anywhere near as seasoned and accomplished as you think , you just got duped by a very insecure guy who is also working through his **** and trying to present a bravado

He could really be crazy and photoshopped himself with those celebrities

According to Google, the only UN event Taylor was remotely linked to, happened in 2010. That would have made him 14 yo at the release of Speak Now party?

my fear chii

Now I dont di hookups a lot because back in the days I always felt the need to and every single time I hooked upI felt EMPTY.

Long Version: I think this hit you so hard because this man became more than a hookup in your head almost immediately. He represented everything you currently feel you're lacking: success, direction, confidence, status, worldliness, stability, experience. So being desired by him felt emotionally validating in a much deeper way than just "he's hot."

I don't think you're grieving him as much as you're grieving what being chosen by him would've meant about you.

A lot of this reads like projection and idealization. You barely know this guy. You know his résumé, his aesthetic, his charisma, and the fantasy he activated in you. But a 30-year-old man who travels constantly, hooks up everywhere, talks about famous connections and marriage during pillow talk, asks you to text him, then disappears… is probably not some deep romantic tragedy. He sounds emotionally performative and very practiced at creating intense temporary intimacy.

You also admitted something very revealing: "I sadly love men who don't see me as more than a hookup." That's the real issue here. I think you confuse emotional unavailability with depth. Part of you is attracted to men you have to emotionally chase because finally being chosen by them would feel like proof that you're worthy.

And stop talking about yourself like your life is over. You're 21 doing a Master's abroad. You are not "behind." You're just comparing your unfinished life to a highly curated older man with another decade of experience and connections. Right now you're romanticizing a man whose main concrete action toward you was not replying to your message.

---

TL;DR version: stop being dramatic, bish.

If you're in Glasgow, drop your address, and I'll show you what real drama looks like, h*e.

Edited May 12May 12 by Night Howler

20 minutes ago, May said:

girl tbh it sounds like he has his own insecurities going on …

This

Date someone who lifts you up and wants to see you shine in the same way. Why entertain him?

I lowkey feel that. I was hooking up with my ex (maybe twice) first time was kinda fun so I did it a second time but this time went to his and idk I didn't enjoy it at all .. I think it's because he is in an open relationship and I just felt like a side chick and It made me feel even more **** on myself and I myself don't have any self esteem left to begin with. He then said Oh I forgot what we talked about when I ask how his job went clearly hook ups are meant for not be respected and really is just a temp enjoyment for the night and be forgotten the next

So I can totally relate and I really can't do hook ups anymore. But like I'm so single its just nice to pretend Im not lonely for one night but at what cost really

Take this as a learning experience and try to find out more about what you truly want

Also from Glasgow, I hope you're enjoying the city!

You are 21. This will pass. But the main is thing is how it made you feel. If you're looking to be chosen by a random dl hook-up you will remain in the trap. You need to cut off feelings for these type of things and if you can't handle it, don't do it.

Sometimes you need to hear the harsh truth. He sounds like he has quite a few issues himself. You need to do the inner work to realise your worth. Do it to stop that depleting feeling.

Speak to yourself as though you would speak to a friend.

Edited May 12May 12 by babycomeround

Girl I've been there, believe me he keeps on ******* and you should too. Also youre still very young and still have your whole life in front of you. Accomplishment comes with happiness and as long as you find happiness without depending on others youre doing everything right

He will probably text you when he is back.

Refreshing to read an actual real-life dating experience that isn't from

Girl if you're getting attached this fast stop the hook ups and look for something deeper on a different app.

ummm it all sounds fake like usually high flutent people are very humble and don't tell you their life story during a hook up

1 hour ago, May said:

girl tbh it sounds like he has his own insecurities going on …

showing a current hookup photos of previous hookups and getting them to give opinions on whether his previous hookups were hot or not ?

showing photos of him meeting important people around the world to someone he's there to hook up with ?

i doubt this man is anywhere near as seasoned and accomplished as you think , you just got duped by a very insecure guy who is also working through his **** and trying to present a bravado

Nepo babies are usually like this, always under the shadow of knowing they wouldn't be anything without their parents money and connections so they over compensate

Read a book or dance to slayyyter instead of hooking up and you'll be happy

Girl you're younger than Tate McRae!!! Relax and date your age. That man probably wasn't even that successful.

Edited May 12May 12 by Cheers

yes, as i read your testimony, i thought this guy was a liar, someone who is trying to impress his hookup. Don't let him play mind tricks with you, he is not all that ****, but he wants people to believe he is