okay i flame bait for a living but this is my truth

im a 27 year old m, gay, virgin

i'm not ugly, im average i guess - i feel guys checking me out sometimes. basically i can get dihhh if i wanted to but im scared, the older i get the more pressure there is to perform which makes me want to pursue it less.

im extremely depressed, sewer side-al, live alone, no friends, textbook definition of a lonely 20 something, struggle to keep jobs, no goals or aspirations, debt like a mf, deep rooted trauma from my childhood, etc etc.

i'm a romantic and i genuinely believe i was put on this earth to love, there's nothing i want more in life to be loved romantically. but as years go on i get more and more jaded.mp3 and the idea of being in a relationship at this point feels beyond impossible.. i live in a gay city but gays are animals and only want to f***, nobody wants a bar of me on dating apps. my self esteem can't take any more rejection. corny but i truly believe there is a whole other side of me that's been locked away my entire life, and only my future partner has the key.

my sexual experience: **explicit

oh i'm a btm too - i've never done it but i only get off when i picture myself being sub

i've had a handful of "hookups", they were all horrible. the first time i was 18 and it was with a 40 something pervert, i felt disgusting and only s*** him off. i actually felt violated after and i remember sitting on the curb waiting for my uber, not being able to get the taste of his rotted dihhh out my mouth.

second was with another grindr guy a few years after my first, he didn't want to penetrate me as it wasn't his thing so he just humped on me i don't think i finished myself but i don't remember honestly

the most recent hook up was with a guy who pursued me at my gym, he's was a lawyer and quite attractive. i was too scared to flirt back at the gym bc he obviously wanted to f*** in the showers which is too much for me. the way he came off was so intense it was giving sexual harassment down. but i was so touch deprived i was kinda into it so i messaged him on grindr and we went on a movie date and back to his place after. we started hooking up and i felt nothing, he wanted me to eat his a** but it smelt like doo doo so i refused he said sit on my face but i said no we're not clean (we just got home from the movies), he insisted we shower but i said no so i just s*cked him off , i felt 0 chemistry even though i found him somewhat attractive, the whole time it felt out of body and when he tried to s*** my dih i literally felt nothing. i slept the night and left the next day and it really turned me off pursuing hookups all together. this was a year ago and i haven't done anything with anyone since.

i also never feel anything when i kiss someone, i've probably kissed about 5 strangers in my life and they all felt soo awkward and weird

is it because im inexperienced, is it because the guys ive hooked up with are bad in bed? should i continue to try hooking up with different guys because maybe good sex is what i need???? or is hooking up with strangers not for me?

i'm making this thread bc i need advice.. should i just go and hoe like every other gay out there? would good sex actually make me happier? i live my life celibate, but im still depressed and miserable. im waiting and waiting for a future long-term partner to be sexual with but nobodies knocking.. HELPMEEEE

Just go grindr put a picture of your face & in 5 min you'll find someone to f***

It's over for you and that's okay.

12 minutes ago, ThousandMiles said:

but im scared, the older i get the more pressure there is to perform which makes me want to pursue it less.

Baby, there are 30-something year olds out there painting the streets like they're Banksy. You don't have to worry about anything.

First, you're not a virgin. You automatically lost your virginity when you performed oral sex. Second, hoeing around might benefit you because you'll feel free, and sometimes people find themselves when they let loose with other people. I don't know how to describe it, but sometimes breaking out of your shell and being a bit bold helps you learn more about yourself, as if you broke the chains.

8 minutes ago, ThousandMiles said:

oh i'm a btm too - i've never done it but i only get off when i picture myself being sub

I used to think this too but then I tried to be a bottom and I hated it. I still get off with some sub fantasies but what you're imagining and then the actual thing can end up being very different, I'll say that

Don't go into it thinking everything will be perfect. First times are always messy, but the most important thing is to build experience, form your own opinion, and keep it moving. The more you learn what you don't like, the more you'll find what actually fits you.

19 minutes ago, Jonver said:

Just go grindr put a picture of your face & in 5 min you'll find someone to f***

chile i said i don't have an issue finding people to f*ck , i am asking if it's worth facing my fear of pursuing random hook ups

Maybe ATRL should start paying thread makers because what's the point of this kind of thread

36 minutes ago, ThousandMiles said:

im a 27 year old m, gay, virgin

A @Graffiti tea, except he's 42

so go have sex

Wait till you're 30 and you'll have cherry cherry magic 🪄 A witch is born

maybe hooking up just isnt for you and you should put yourself out there in other ways

2 minutes ago, Hyolee said:

A @Graffiti tea, except he's 42

*****! I would respond to this but you know my cataracts have me seeing stars, I don't know what the hell you posted here. Love you too!!!

Are you into fisting?

And wearing cock cages?

I didn't read it but you should have sex tonight

You could always get some toys, to get a feel for what bottoming might be like — and get used to the sensation, without having to actually hookup with anyone. You can go at your own pace.

And there is no shame in still being a virgin. None whatsoever. Don't let any of the gays tell you otherwise.

Honestly girl it sounds like hookups aren't for you. Maybe download Hinge and try to get to know somebody, go on some dates, let the chemistry build. Trust me, this hookup life isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway.

how are you a virgin if you've had hookups before? it dont make no damn sense.

anyways, im in the same boat except the virgin part

i guess you should make some new friends first. real friends this time, not acquaintances. i know it's hard but i guess you just have to open up, let them in, and let them stay.

Good luck, babe!

This virgin thing with gay men is a rare thing cause imo once you give or receive oral you are no longer one

Not every gay men wants anal so, the gay universe of sex is a lot bigger

And also if it makes you feel better, most of Gen Z hasn't had or is having sex, if you are 27 is are Gen Z so is a lot more common than you think. Most people don't talk about it tho.

Edited May 18May 18 by Trent W

waiT

Hold on! You're using a Britney Spears avi...

*****, you're 37 years old!

Join church, seek Jesus and pray to God

Edited May 18May 18 by Bloodflowers.

I don't mean to be rude but you're a grown man, only you can know what you want and need. You're not a virgin and there are clearly people who have found you attractive based on past experiences. If you want to hook up with people then do it, if you want to be celibate, then don't have sex. The amount of sex you do or don't have is not going to have any impact on your mental health.

hmm...

my 3 pieces of advice:

1. "and only my future partner has the key" - to be totally blunt: only future you has the key. and that'll take time, experience, trial and error, exploring things until you find what fits your happiness. the thing is, present you is all that matters. one building block after another of learning about who you are, connecting to your inner child, and honoring your self is what leads to that idyllic "future me" vision we all have. but external validation/answers/approval isn't sustainable bc it perpetuates ignoring your inner self and your needs which makes it harder to take full agency over the kind of life you want. again, that takes time

2. being depressed makes it really hard to feel free and open enough to feel turned on, i feel you on that. that's prob why the stuff you did had no effect on you. i've also felt that out of body experience on many occasions in my 20s with sexual encounters. i just didn't know what i liked/wanted so just went along with sh*t. all that to say, maybe check out talk therapy + antidepressant + subtle lifestyle changes like finding community in volunteering, a job you like, etc.

3. 27 is a really pivotal time/turning point in your 20s. i'm sure you've heard of saturn's return. your whole life doesn't change or anything, and it's not drastic in an obvious cliche way, but you begin to question things more deeply which it sounds like you're doing now. keep doing that. questioning allows you to wonder, to try, to fail, to apply the info you get from all that to behaviors that work for you. that ultimately leads to...change

4. ok i had to tack this on, since we are talking about sex. i personally always hated traditional gay hook-up culture. "host/travel" ewww. like F that sh*t it's sooo lame, who made that bs the blueprint? maybe you like a little bit of risk. you're into being sub, ok. i personally would suggest cruising. that opened a lot of doors for me sexually, feeling confident, in control, and excited. with anything in life, there's obvi downsides and things to be careful about such as safety, sti's, having an exit plan, etc. but it could be the platform that allows you to experiment in a non-committal way. surprisingly, you meet other like minded ppl in that world. i've made job connections thru it and even romantic connections as well :)

anyway good luck babes you got this

Edited May 19May 19 by gorgeouss