To start this off, I want to say that I've gone to a therapist three times the beginning of the year, but I've stopped since I felt therapy wasn't doing anything to make me feel better.

 

 

I'm very fortunate and grateful to have a loving family who accepts me unconditionally and an overall good environment(good colleagues and some friends). I can be my biggest cheerleader and supporter to others, but I can't seem to hold the same regard for myself. Some days are better than others, but today and last night especially felt difficult where I began to feel worthless and hopeless about my whole life. 
 

I have no relationship or partner, and my social life outside of work is practically nonexistent. My only best friend is my newly hired colleague, but I just have no one in my life to love me. 
 

While I love my family, I also have really deep resentments.

 

Spoiler

I resent my mom for inflicting her hate of my dad and generalizing men as horrible partners onto me and i resent myself even more for carrying on that. 
 

I resent my sister, despite not being the academic/smarter sibling of the house, she gets so much more attention, care, love and financial support from me and my mom. I hate her for having successful relationships despite me being a more loving and gentle person than her. 

I resent my younger cousin for growing up with a calmer, kinder and loving household with both of her parents in her life supporting her and being able to go to school full time when I had to find my own place to rent and be on my own in the last year of high school.

 

I resent my dad for not being present in my life and for causing my mom so much pain and her taking that pain out on me and my sister. I resent him for being a drug addicted homeless man that couldn't take care of himself or get his **** together. 
 

Spoiler

I really want a painless way out of this life. Does anyone have any recommendations? 

 

 

Edited May 9, 20251 yr by fememeist

It's because you stanned Roar over Applause back in 2013 and now the nuns are punishing you. The bad karma is set to end once Katy Perry announces her retirement. Then you will find yourself with an abundance of friends and bussy buddies.

 

Hang in there, it's gonna be a wild journey but a fruitful one

While I commend you for this, going to therapy "three times" isn't really going to help you. I suggest going back and giving it an honest shot. And it's going to feel like work; it's not immediately going to make you "feel better"; that's not really how therapy works. But it will get better with time if you work on yourself. It seems like you've got some insight, so I have no doubt that you'll get there.

just find what gives u that serotonin confidence boost wherever u can . i literally live in a valley w a population of like 15 and work from home, i have no social life. i set my tinder to 40 miles with age range up to 95 and watch all the older men go feral for me. it helps a lot

 

u need to get used to enjoying ur own physical company tho bc unfortunately those adults u see who r always out with big groups of friends multiple times per week are either collectively unemployed or an anomaly . most adults have a severely lacking social life . . if u live in a more populated place than me then just go to a cafe for breakfast a couple times per week . people will talk to u eventually. old people love yapping in cafes . become a regular at certain places & come across as approachable , smile and wear cute clothes etc .

 

heck if ur truly desperate just download Bumble BFF however be wary bc some of them have zero friends for a reason .. 

I would simply say not all therapists are made equal and I would definitely look for another. That being said, therapists help to guide your life and decisions, you still have to do all of the work yourself.

 

I genuinely think it's quite normal to have these moments of despair and to feel worthless and unimportant to others, however it's rarely the case. Look at that thread about @Joyride, basically none of us know him from a bar of soap but alas we all felt hurt and pained that someone so likeminded to us, who logs onto this silly website and talks about pop culture because it's the levity we need in our lives, felt so low and like he didn't matter. He, and you, both do. There is similarly a huge network of people who surround you who do care about you, but perhaps aren't aware of how you're feeling and it's important to be open to those you love.

 

Friends aren't made easily but I could only say - what things do you like doing, and to then find a group of like-minded people to do them with. It's the corniest advice but it's true. For example I like to play social sports, and when you join a team of course you at first probably can't really play well but you will soon find out there will be others who aren't as confident, and with these repeated interactions there's time to build trust and friendship. Think of what you can do for the world and what positives you can bring to it, becasue there will be many. 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's such a **** feeling. I know because I've been there myself. The way you're able to uplift others shows that you have a kind heart so it's unfair that you're struggling to extend that same kind of love to yourself. Those waves of worthlessness and hopelessness are tough af but I promise they don't define you. You're so much more than those moments. I know you said that therapy hasn't worked out for you but maybe a different therapist might actually be able to help you. Sometimes you find one that you're not able to click with and then find one who really helps you process your feelings. Maybe you could find a local group with shared interests or Hobbies? Something that lets you connect with others. Just hang in there. You're not alone, your people are out there I promise. 

13 minutes ago, Genie in a Bottle said:

It's because you stanned Roar over Applause back in 2013 and now the nuns are punishing you. The bad karma is set to end once Katy Perry announces her retirement. Then you will find yourself with an abundance of friends and bussy buddies.

 

Hang in there, it's gonna be a wild journey but a fruitful one

Is there something wrong with you?

Don't ever feel like you're less. You're more than enough, we all appreciate you

 

 

What do you think it's missing for you? Meaningful and real connections? Specifically a partner? Is that really it and what you think it's dragging you down?

 

I empathize and feel for you sis. I'm a lone wolf for sure but in the lowest points of my life I felt really lonely and underappreciated and like I needed a shoulder to cry on. And really dependent on that external validation. After so much introspection and loss I realized what makes my life the absolute worst is the lack of a goal or a plan or just something to stick to or look forward to (short term and/or long term). 

We all been there but maybe going outside from your comfort zone will help a little like hit the gym, go to a local cafe, join some clubs that shares the same hobbies that you are etc, you'll going to meet people eventually. Sounds cliche and can be too hard but life is just way too short to be sad about 

It sounds like the root of your issue is that you have a deep discomfort being by yourself and seek validation from others. And to an extent that's normal but validation from outsiders should never be placed above validating yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting friends or a partner but you're not gonna attract quality people into your life with your current mindset. You have to get comfortable with being alone and most importantly learn to actually like yourself, and that's gonna require you to kinda rewire your brain a bit. Therapy really isn't my thing either so I'd suggest writing down things you like and dislike about yourself, then you can focus on the stuff you do like which will give you more confidence and then work to change the things you dislike. When you set some sort of goal for yourself you become less aimless and way more focused, which I think will help your self-confidence.

 

You should lean into what you like and dislike about yourself. Lean into your interests/hobbies more and enjoy those things during your free time, maybe even find clubs for them depending on what it is. On the flip side, lean into your discomfort and challenge yourself to be more social by putting yourself out there more to build friendships. The more you get rejected the less scary it becomes. Unfortunately you only have yourself in this life you can 100% rely on so being happy with yourself is kinda the ultimate superpower. 

Edited May 9, 20251 yr by bad guy

yeah i get. sometimes you have to burn first to come out stronger and that's unfortunate but you'll feel better on the other side if you put the work in now. keep up with the therapy (it will take more time than you think) and this thread has good advice so far i think. DM if want

i used to be in that same mindset not too long ago. it wasn't until i took the time to really learned about myself and the things i genuinely like to do, also invested in a hobby. it wasn't until then that i could say i love myself and my little life

It's not uncommon in the culture/society we live in to feel like you're not enough, even those who set the standards of idealism feel they aren't enough. It's just sad 

39 minutes ago, Capris Groove said:

Is there something wrong with you?

Obviously?

I relate sis

 

 

Go back to therapy. Three sessions is not enough to even start uncovering the tip of the iceberg.

 

Honestly sometimes life can feel like that, especially at your early 20's. If you have difficulty going out/socializing/making new friends I'd recommend getting a hobby (and no, discussing pop divas on atrl is not a hobby). Just get your brain/body moving, it will help you to get out of your own head.

 

I used to have a similar line of thought a couple years ago but something shifted and I decided to just try to be more positive, experiment new things, go to new places, be more open. Dealing with depression since my teen years has always been difficult but for things to get better you need to be open for that. Trying to see things in a more positive light will help a lot. Also, there are lots of people who love you and care for you, if you don't realize it. Be open to receive that kind of feeling, that kind of love. Romantic love is overrated, anyway. 

 

 

I've heard similar stories like yours and I've personally been there myself for a while and most of the time it comes down to being extremely introverted and scared to break out of your comfort zone. I don't know how therapy could help bc technically there's nothing wrong with being like that but it does affect you eventually.

 

Fortunately for me, I managed to escape the hell that I created for myself by graduating uni and starting my life as an independent adult. If you're already in that phase and experiencing these thoughts then yeah maybe you should consider going back to therapy bc it'll at least provide you with an outlet to express how you feel without judgment. But that should be your last resort tbh. Try some basics first like going for a walk at midnight in an isolated area or a cemetery, drive your car at night with no headlights on or rob your local bakery.

I've heard similar stories like yours and I've personally been there myself for a while and most of the time it comes down to being extremely introverted and scared to break out of your comfort zone. I don't know how therapy could help bc technically there's nothing wrong with being like that but it does affect you eventually.

 

Fortunately for me, I managed to escape the hell that I created for myself by graduating uni and starting my life as an independent adult. If you're already in that phase and experiencing these thoughts then yeah maybe you should consider going back to therapy bc it'll at least provide you with an outlet to express how you feel without judgment. But that should be your last resort tbh. Try some basics first like going for a walk at midnight in an isolated area or a cemetery, drive your car at night with no headlights on or rob your local bakery.

38 minutes ago, ChooseyLover said:

What do you think it's missing for you? Meaningful and real connections? Specifically a partner? Is that really it and what you think it's dragging you down?

I don't think I have an issue with creating and maintaining these connections with female companionships and co-ed work relationships, but I can't maintain a platonic M2M friendships(never been in a romantic relationship). I have internal monologue in my head telling me that I'm not worthy enough to be love because of my appearance, financial status, whatever reason I internalize whenever I try to date and talk to guys. 
 

 

I believe that we only live once, and all of these insecurities disappear. I also believe these insecurities are part of our inner growth and happen at different stages of our lives.

Edited May 9, 20251 yr by Princess Aurora

6 hours ago, fememeist said:

I don't think I have an issue with creating and maintaining these connections with female companionships and co-ed work relationships, but I can't maintain a platonic M2M friendships(never been in a romantic relationship). I have internal monologue in my head telling me that I'm not worthy enough to be love because of my appearance, financial status, whatever reason I internalize whenever I try to date and talk to guys.

Oh sis, I see... I can totally relate even though I haven't actually tried. I feel like these days people are really superficial and lazy and demand a lot from others while also lacking responsibility for their own behaviour in relationships. I prefer to just focus on myself instead of getting hurt/judged/rejected by others, I'm very naive and insecure rn. And dating apps are like a no no for me. They feel like a human window display, it's so uncomfortable idk.

 

 

Edited May 9, 20251 yr by ChooseyLover

Oh hun I feel the exact same the past 5 years at the point I can't even love myself, make friends or go on dates or have relationships because of it

doesn't help that everyone treats me differently online and in real life

 

so I relate 100% big hugs and I hope it does get better for you

9 hours ago, fememeist said:

I don't think I have an issue with creating and maintaining these connections with female companionships and co-ed work relationships, but I can't maintain a platonic M2M friendships(never been in a romantic relationship). I have internal monologue in my head telling me that I'm not worthy enough to be love because of my appearance, financial status, whatever reason I internalize whenever I try to date and talk to guys. 
 

 

Wait so growing up even while in primary school you've never had a male friend?