I'm thinking about cutting off a friend, so now I'm curious… what are some subtle friendship red flags people ignore at first?

Any time they make plans, it's only to drink or involving substances.

Being a gay in NYC has kept me from building so many friendships because of this.

If you're getting a vibe then that's your sign... trust your gut

When they don't put effort into sustaining the friendship. There should be a give and take

Passive aggressiveness instead of directly communicating and tackling a problem

Walking on eggshells for them constantly

Edited May 29May 29 by BBathHausOfGaga

Subtle digs at your appearance or the other person never initiating conversations are two big red flags for me

When they want to hang out to talk mostly about their problems.

When they only engage to share their life updates, and conveniently need to leave when the conversation is about you

When you open up to them about something and they start to downplay you and make it about them

When they only contact you or interact with you to ask for help on anything

When they expect you to listen to them and their problems during a crisis and support them, then you go through similar issues and they blame you.

just had to cut a friend off and something I should've immediately responded to was the time they "forgot" to decline plans. "I'll let you know if I can hang tomorrow" turned into a 24 hours of silence only to get a text about a school related question. Called them out and got "I'll be better" spoiler alert, it happened again. People who don't value your time and are perfectly content with keeping you on hold are not your friends

For it to feel like pulling teeth to make any plans

When it feels like you're putting in all the effort, constantly having to start conversations, never get replies or left on read.

You are never "too busy" for people you care about.

4 minutes ago, Veckatimest said:

For it to feel like pulling teeth to make any plans

7 minutes ago, TedLasso said:

just had to cut a friend off and something I should've immediately responded to was the time they "forgot" to decline plans. "I'll let you know if I can hang tomorrow" turned into a 24 hours of silence only to get a text about a school related question. Called them out and got "I'll be better" spoiler alert, it happened again. People who don't value your time and are perfectly content with keeping you on hold are not your friends

this are the reasons i'm cutting this friend off

When you can tell they're jealous of you instead of genuinely happy.

26 minutes ago, Strawberry Bubble said:

this are the reasons i'm cutting this friend off

Then definitely justified. I made sure to try to correct it multiple times but after this recent time I was just over it…

Edited May 29May 29 by TedLasso

I had a weird feeling about a friend for quite some time until I learned they were secretly trying to get with someone I used to date. I ended it then. I agree with trusting your gut

friends who constantly talk **** behind people's back for no reason, i just know that they're not good people and are probably talking about me behind my back to other people

When you're always helping your friends with stuff, but they never help you with anything.

On 5/28/2026 at 8:20 PM, Strawberry Bubble said:

I'm thinking about cutting off a friend, so now I'm curious… what are some subtle friendship red flags people ignore at first?

Friends who only value you as much as your last “yes.”

I’ve had friendships where everything was great as long as I was available, helping, listening, showing up, giving advice, doing favors, or otherwise making their life easier.

What started to bother me was realizing how little effort came back the other way. They’d call when they needed something, vent for an hour, ask for help, ask for another favor, ask for another favor after that. But if I needed support, suddenly that was unavailable.

I don’t think most people even do it intentionally. Some people just get so used to taking that they never stop to ask whether they’re giving anything back.

The older I get, the more I pay attention to who checks in when they don’t need anything. Those friendships tend to be the ones that actually last.