Hi people of ATRL.

 

This week I (20M) have been active on many dating apps (mainly Hinge and Tinder), and I have been talking to a lot of guys. I met one such guy on Hinge on Tuesday. I thought he was cute, very twinky but very cute to me nonetheless. We sent a few messages over Wednesday and Thursday, and last night around midnight I randomly asked him if he would like to meet. I meant for it to be me asking him out on a date, but he replied with 'Right now?' and suddenly I was drawn to that idea. I clarified the situation but asked him what he'd prefer, and he said he'd prefer to see me then to destress after uni work. He walked 15 minutes over to my place, I met him outside a bar, and then we came over to my place. I haven't really had guys over before (repressed sexuality things due to religious upbringing) so this was a new experience for me. On the way to my place we both asked each other what the other would like to do, but as soon as we were in my room it was obvious to us. We made out and cuddled for well over an hour, and I asked him if he would like to go further too. 

 

After the first hour, he asked me what time it was and I told him it was around 1:00 am. He said he needed to confirm and got out of bed to check his phone, and then he said he saw a message saying he needed to let his flatmate back into their flat because she had forgotten her keys. I knew in that instant he was making an excuse and that he didn't want to see me again, but I acted nonchalant and for a little I was truly unbothered. When I asked him if he'd like to see me again, he said he was going home on Saturday and wouldn't be back till August (we're both uni students). I saw him out, gave him a goodnight kiss, and then I couldn't sleep the whole night. Maybe it was the magic of the intimacy or the fact that he rejected me, but I couldn't get him off my mind. 

 

This whole day has been a long, torturous one with me thinking about his bushy eyebrows and cherry-scented lips constantly. It doesn't reflect well on me, but I can't help it. I shot him a message on Hinge, asking if he didn't have to go home and if he had only said that to avoid seeing me again. I told him it would be fine if he felt so, I would just appreciate the closure. I haven't gotten a response from him and I don't think I ever will. I've talked to a lot of other guys today and made more plans, but I'm still fixated on him. Is it because I'm inexperienced? Am I too overtly emotionally attached?

 

Gay culture seems built on easy one-off sex, so how do all the other gays do it? Do you guys not develop any attachment for the people you're intimate with?

FadingRihanna.mp3

GhostKatyPerry.mp3

DisappearBeyonce.mp3

 
move on 

 

RainingMenRihanna.Mp3

oh sweetie 

I once got ghosted but I didn't even get to actually see the guy in real life. We talked for a bit on Tinder and then he invited me to his place to have a drink and see where it goes. I got to his place and messaged him that I was already there and then he blocked me

 

Somehow I managed to find the guy's Twitter and saw he was actually straight and a right-wing lunatic 

 

I took my revenge by creating a fake Tinder profile of a girl, inviting him to a place and then when he got there I blocked him

That's app culture for you baby 

I read that you were 20 and stopped reading.

 

Baby gay, there is nothing to get over. I know that it might be sitting a little heavy on your heart right now but you'll be over it before you even know it. And you don't have to do anything specific for that. Just let time do its thing.

It's a right of passage, welcome to gay life! You'll be fine I promise you and eventually you won't give a damn. 

You either kill yourself or get on with it. This happens all the time. And tbh I've done it to people too!

28 minutes ago, ithinkheknowsoutsold said:

 

This whole day has been a long, torturous one with me thinking about his bushy eyebrows and cherry-scented lips constantly

i'm sorry but

 

bestie there are plenty of good men out there. go on some dates and see how u feel. u will get over this man very quickly if you put yourself back out there and find other nice guys

I get how you feel and it sucks being ghosted. You feel really worthless and dont even have any answers. Honestly, time is the only way to get over him. It might take a while but you will eventually forget about him.

you'll get over it and hopefully this experience will teach you to be more pragmatic and realistic about dating. we were all 20 once and these are formative experiences, but don't let them get you down. if he were such a perfect match for you as you describe he wouldn't have ghosted. 

 

messaging someone who ghosted you is pointless, the only person who can give you closure is yourself. 

You got to remember that this guy is not even all that. The reason why people keep obsessing over people who ghosted them, people they maybe even didn't like that much, is due to the excitement and intimacy you have early on in a relation. It gets ripped away without warning, now it seems like the worst thing ever, because you were high on it, like a crackhead going told turkey. Or you lose a jacket you didn't care about, now it's suddenly the best jacket you owned. That's just how our mind work, it's natural. It'll become better after a while and soon you'll forget about it.

It may be hard but you have to accept the fact that he isn't worth for anything more than what you had. If he was, he would reciprocate the effort and not make B.S. excuses to avoid you. If he could have been more up front, it would have showed a maturity level you deserved and not one you only wanted from someone you will not receive it from.

This is the first of many future ghostings to come and its not even personal or about anything you lack

 

Welcome to being gay

Well you only care cos he was the first guy u took home then he ghosted or whatever you'll get over it 

In the meantime don't think too much abt it and don't let it bring u down just put urself out there and have fun and believe me over time u won't ever flinch if someone did this to u again

Sadly all you can do is move on. I have a crush well had a crush on this guy we spoke for a good week got along then the sudden ghosting. You think for a 32 year old he be more mature but nope.

Spoiler

(I didn't just know him for a week btw known him for years since he went to high school with my ex and he said go for it but I'm starting to feel he was the reason since my ex is wants me as a backup, hook up and if I dated one of his best friends he won't be able to guilt me for that.) 

 

But man I hope it isn't the case 

 

But It does suck  

All you can do is wait and eventually move on. It’s going to suck. But a lot of this comes down to experience. I (now in my 30s), more often than not, go on dates and hope never to hear from the guy again because I’m usually so disinterested and if guys are too clingy I am immediately turned off. But, younger me would not have felt like that at all. When you’re younger and it’s newer, every interaction with a guy is so exciting. Enjoy it for what’s worth, even when it sucks, because those feelings do change with time.

The first mistake you made was letting him come to your home so easily. This should be earned along with cuddling with a complete stranger!

 

Guys will go with the flow yet will be judging you the entire time probably said this guys is desperate & easy! 
 

You gotta set boundaries & show people you have standards. 
 

Like this one guy this guy farted & i said haha it's fine but the truth is i blocked him the second we parted ways farting & leaving ass juice on my silk sheets! 

Edited May 10, 20251 yr by Appletree

24 minutes ago, Appletree said:

Like this one guy this guy farted & i said haha it's fine but the truth is i blocked him the second we parted ways farting & leaving ass juice on my silk sheets! 

25 minutes ago, Appletree said:

farting & leaving ass juice on my silk sheets! 

This is a canon event, we cannot interfere.

 

You're new to being intimate with people so everything that goes wrong is going to feel like you got stabbed in the heart. 

 

Over time you'll understand that it's not that deep, and that you'll sometimes be on the opposite side of this scenario. 

 

31 minutes ago, Appletree said:

Like this one guy this guy farted & i said haha it's fine but the truth is i blocked him the second we parted ways farting & leaving ass juice on my silk sheets! 

the sound my ass made when I read this, I need to check 

2 hours ago, ithinkheknowsoutsold said:

Gay culture seems built on easy one-off sex, so how do all the other gays do it? Do you guys not develop any attachment for the people you're intimate with?

Answering this part separately - it depends.

 

With some guys we both know going in that it's just for fun and never acquire feelings. With some guys, the lines are blurry. And with others, there's never not emotion attached. 

 

If someone's a stranger, normally you just shouldn't set high expectations. Sparks could fly, but they usually won't. And someone liking doing things with you is different from them liking you as a person. 

 

I think we've all been through something like that, you'll eventually move on. He tried to turn you down nicely, and since you picked up on it immediately I think that's all the closure you are going to get.

 

You'll find someone better for you, and you will probably find yourself in his shoes one day thinking of how to turn someone down without hurting their feelings. In the meanwhile try to have some emotional boundaries so you wouldn't just immediately develop a crush on everyone you meet.

Edited May 10, 20251 yr by Illuminati