So my mom is 58 and I moved out of home when I turned 19 a few years back (I stayed a little later than most to save up on money so I can pay off my first year of uni without taking too much loans). 

We had a VERY tumultuous relationship with lots of negativity and actually some really bad things but ever since I moved out I've been working on my relationship with her, she's been medicated, she does therapy and she's a wonderful person now which is great and we both love each other lots BUT because I had such a bad childhood and teenhood with her I genuinely dont know what she likes and she kinda doesnt know what I like and so when we make the effort to hang out we kinda just awkward chat, eat somewhere and then go our separate ways lol. I feel like we got so used to fighting that we dont know how to function in any other state. Recently, I noticed she has aged...quickly and it worries me and I know 58 isnt THAT old but people pass away quickly and stuff and I sincerely want to catch up on the years wasted with her and make her final decade(s) pleasant and fun and stuff and I was wondering if any of you had similar dynamics with your parents and what you do to have fun and have a good time with them. 

 

Thanks to everyone who comments in advance   

Travelling and attending musicals/plays

Cooking & art classes!

Gardening and yoga 

Attending church (if you are catholics)

Morning walks

 

Drinking

Bingo 

The Great British Bake Off show

Quote

 I feel like we got so used to fighting that we dont know how to function in any other state. 

 

...It's kinda sad I feel this in my soul

girl i’m not sure that 58 is ~ageing~ but idk i hate spending organised time with my mum.

 

definitely not travelling as someone suggested. in my experience, it oversteps boundaries and gets too full on.. especially the ones that it sounds like you have just created

Shopping, museums/art galleries, guided tours of historic landmarks.

 

My parents love going to state and national parks. They can’t walk much but the drives are often scenic and there are usually viewpoints/tourist centers that you can drive to so you don’t have to do a lot of hiking if it’s to tiring.

3 minutes ago, Yawn said:

girl i’m not sure that 58 is ~ageing~ but idk i hate spending organised time with my mum.

 

definitely not travelling as someone suggested. in my experience, it oversteps boundaries and gets too full on.. especially the ones that it sounds like you have just created

Oh yeah travel is way too much. 

Go on holiday together somewhere cute and go wine tasting

Think about things you’ve gotten to experience that helped you grow on a mental and emotional level, and try to share that with your parents who might not have had the same experience growing up.

 

Museums, theater, or even a drag show in some cases. Open their eyes to worlds they haven’t seen before and create dialogue that would have been uncomfortable to have when you didn’t have independence from them.

Travelling as an adult with your parents really is transformative to relationships if you're both actually ready to respect each other, speaking as somebody who had a similar relationship with their mother at one point. It's definitely worth making a priority.

 

Other than I'd suggest planning things that involve active involvement/participation like classes or anything that involves a game, it can keep the conversation moving if you're in an awkward place with her but is still a form of quality time that can lead to better conversations if you're both feeling up to it. 

Edited September 29, 20232 yr by Century

Museum/cinema/exhibition/theatre.

You won’t be worried about lack of topics to talk about since y’all will discuss about things y’all saw

Afternoon tea is always a good one with my mum.

 

Or honestly having something as simple as having a show you can watch together when you see each other. Kinda encourages you to do it more frequently too.

My dad (68) has Tuesdays off work, and I always go to his and my mothers (also 68) in the morning, we have coffee, catch up on work and life, and we usually go to brunch/lunch, and sometimes go shopping or do things that interest one or all of us (go to book stores, go look for new furniture, pick up snacks and sides for meals through out the week), or my dad will grill out and I’ll get he and I a couple cases of beer to split and my mom some wine and I’ll help him grill and my mom prepare sides. 
 

During the summer they would come over and we’d be out by the pool, and afterwards I’d make dinner for them, or I’d show them around to new and different restaurants. 

We’re planning a long weekend trip to Chicago so my dad can see his brother and be back in the city. So I mean there’s a lot of fun stuff to do with elderly parents

 

Traveling is not for everyone with their parents, if they are respectful of your time, space and have great flexibility, then yeah it’s a great time for both parties

 

But if there is overstepping and control yeah not recommended 

 

But other than that, going out with them to eat, watching games and bbqs are amazing way to spend time