So, two days ago I relapsed and had a whole meth binge by myself. I've been sober for two years and it all happened so quick and randomly that it felt like I've went on auto mode with the sole reason of finding drugs, like my brain shut down. I've now slept for 8 hours but unsure how to process this, and I'm feeling depressed/lonely/devastated. Advice or thoughts? 

just know that you are NOT alone and that things like this happen every day, and that you have to forgive yourself to put yourself back on the path to recovery. try to remember this feeling of disappointment and disgust and use it as motivation to never make this mistake again (which is easier said than done). detach yourself from every situation which puts you at risk of abusing again and if you really cannot manage yourself, you HAVE to seek help. life is too important and short to waste it hun

don't be too hard on yourself and try to distract your mind with something else. watch a movie, a show, long videos on YouTube. maybe talk to a friend or a loved one.

you will get better 

Well, I haven't been addicted to any substance. But from what I've learned, relapsing comes due to emotional imbalance.

Is there any particular reason you went back to it? Have you told your therapist? 

 

Edited August 2, 2025Aug 2 by alexrex

Don't hide, and ask for help. Addiction is a life-long journey, and no one should handle it alone. 
 

It's time to pick up the pieces and get back to doing the good work you've been doing for so long.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Have you seeked professional help? Both psychologist and psychiatrists. I found that I could not possibly overcome my own drug abuse problems without professional help. 

 

I still have relapses but they are much more controlled, and I don't have as much regrets. 

 

It's a very very very long journey, some times it's even an endless journey; but that's ok. 
 

Personally I would have never gotten out of the hole I was in without my psychologist and my daily activan/lorazepam pill 

Just remember.

Relapsing for one day does not mean that the 2 years of sobriety has been for nothing. Don't let this episode knock your resolve.

If you were to spill some orange juice on the floor would you wipe it up and carry on with your day or would you spill the whole bottle because you spilled a little? 

 

My struggle is with food and this analogy has stopped my diet from going off the rails just because I stumbled for a day

don't fall into the shame trap and think you've lost all progress, if you go to the gym every week for 2 years then stop for a week that doesn't mean you lost all your progress. you feel like crap cause meth is draining af, in a few days you'll be feeling much better when your body recovers. go get a massage, sweat it out in the sauna, go for a swim/road trip/sun bathe, make sure you eat well, use melatonin if you can't sleep (it's also neuroprotective) and think about what triggered you, what was the stressful situation, something one off or has it been building up for a while? get professional help if you have life stressors to talk about, get a blood test to see if you have any major vitamin deficiencies to correct and know that you are not alone  good luck

If you're driving from point A to point B and the car breaks down halfway through, you don't go back to point A and start again. You fix the car and keep driving from where you left off. 
 

The work you've done so far still counts. 
 

Have you told people close to you that you trust? Friends or family? I've had my own problems and having people hold me accountable helped.

5 minutes ago, RideOrDie said:

don't fall into the shame trap and think you've lost all progress, if you go to the gym every week for 2 years then stop for a week that doesn't mean you lost all your progress. you feel like crap cause meth is draining af, in a few days you'll be feeling much better when your body recovers. go get a massage, sweat it out in the sauna, go for a swim/road trip/sun bathe, make sure you eat well, use melatonin if you can't sleep (it's also neuroprotective) and think about what triggered you, what was the stressful situation, something one off or has it been building up for a while? get professional help if you have life stressors to talk about, get a blood test to see if you have any major vitamin deficiencies to correct and know that you are not alone  good luck

My parents came to my city to visit me for a couple of days, and after they left I felt this intense loneliness and I wasn't even looking forward to them visiting me

Always remember the low will go away

1 minute ago, Baby Dancer said:

Have you told people close to you that you trust? Friends or family? I've had my own problems and having people hold me accountable helped.

I'm honestly too ashamed to do so, because everyone is so proud of me for being sober 

Getting rid of an addiction is rarely a straight progress, don't throw 2 years away because you went on one binge, just get on your feet again if you can. Also seek professional help, there's nothing wrong with being honest that overcoming this alone isn't possible. I know there's a lot of shame, but there truly isn't anything shameful in wanting your life to be better. Good luck.

We're all human, we're gonna have slip ups. What's important is what you do going forward. It's important to try and find your anchor, "I don't need to do this because it'll take away my ability to be responsible for X, Y, Z if I get back into it hard"

Edited August 2, 2025Aug 2 by Redstreak

1 minute ago, Claymore said:

I'm honestly too ashamed to do so, because everyone is so proud of me for being sober 

Very understandable, I'm sure most people in your position would hesitate.

 

Of course they will be worried. But they would be relived that you told them, because now it is out there and they are aware. They know you're struggling and that you want to get back on the right track 

This is just the universe throwing a curve ball, another mini test in the bigger picture that will make you even more grateful and empowered once you find your momentum. Try to believe the bad can actually turn into something beautiful in the long run. Wouldn't be a journey if it was just a straight line! 

I feel you. I've relapsed too but oddly enough this quote from Jennette McCurdy's book has been really helping me when things look particularly bleak: "I'm trying every day to face myself. The results vary, but the attempts are consistent." So basically remember that not every day will be perfect, but if you try or at least have the intention to try every day, then thats amazing. 

36 minutes ago, Claymore said:

My parents came to my city to visit me for a couple of days, and after they left I felt this intense loneliness and I wasn't even looking forward to them visiting me

i don't wanna presume anything about your relationship with your parents but there might be something deeper and underlying there, i have two theories which you'll know for yourself which one is right:

 

1. you feel misunderstood or can't fully connect with your parents so you end up feeling empty/lonely after spending time with them

2. you already have underlying loneliness and so after you had them staying over and went back to living alone(?) when they left it just came flooding

 

both of which you should examine with a good therapist 

This could actually turn out to be a positive experience for you, if you approach it with the right mindset.

Having a relapse after 2 years is pretty illogical, when you really think about it - you're the furthest you've ever been from the physical addiction, and you're well established with the routines of your new life without using. So why would you go back to it now, when you were strong enough to stay away for two years when it arguably should've been much harder?

In some cases it can be as simple as things are going well for you now and getting enough distance from the addiction lets you lose sight of how bad it was, lowering your defences against using again. If that's all it is, this experience will be a good refresh and the sobriety can start again tomorrow.

In most cases though, if you reach this kind of time frame and then relapse? It's usually a sign of something going on underneath that you haven't yet dealt with. When you're a user, drugs often become a way to cope with something in your life that you are unable to cope with otherwise. They don't solve or address the underlying problem, but they are a great distraction from it and provide an easy way to temporarily alleviate you from the weight of the unhappy emotions.

The problem itself can be anything - underlying emotional issues, dissatisfaction with your life, failure to achieve goals you've set for yourself, past trauma, unprocessed malignant shame, childhood issues, the list goes on. A lot of the time it can be something you struggle to even articulate into words, and just ends up feeling like this pervasive sense of unhappiness or conviction that something in your life isn't right, or things are not unfolding for you as they should be.

The point is, drugs were your escape from that, and drugs were the only way you've ever been able to deal with it. But by going sober for 2 years, you've taken away from yourself the one thing that made it easier to deal with, your one coping strategy. And that? That really f*cking sucks. You've forced yourself into a state of withdrawal where you don't have anything to let you look away from your issues or distract you from the deeper underlying problems. And the longer you stay away from the drugs, the heavier and heavier the weight of dealing with them without relief or interruption becomes. That's often why a relapse can happen after a year or two of staying off - the underlying problems go unaddressed, and eventually your body reaches a breaking point and seeks out the help you've been depriving it of for 2 years.

There's a chance this doesn't really apply to your situation, but I'm guessing it's the culprit because you sound confused and unsure of why you even went back to meth in the first place, like your body was doing it on autopilot. And to me that's a hallmark of actions that are motivated by underlying emotional states - the logical brain is unable to explain it, because the action was driven by subconscious emotions that you are probably not even fully aware of because you've buried them or refused to process them. 

So where does that leave you now? When it comes to staying off meth, the key factor that will determine your success in the long term is your ability to identify and understand what's going on underneath and pushing you to use. You need to find an actual solution for those problems, one that works and doesn't just give you a temporary break the way meth does. That means a lot of soul searching, a lot of sifting through painful emotions, a lot of living in a state of withdrawal and feeling crappy about yourself to let you observe all of the emotions that unearths and analyse everything that comes up, every urge your body has learned, every facet of your life that pushes you towards using, everything unpleasant you're using the drugs to look away from. And then you deal with those problems, one by one.

The point being, you likely have something going unaddressed that you need to deal with, and without the relapse you might have stayed blissfully unaware of that for a lot longer, which could have hampered and delayed your recovery by many years in the long run. But now you have a clear sign that something needs to be done, and a tremendous font of evidence about what that something might be - because you've just used again and the memories are fresh, so now you can spend the next few weeks picking apart and dissecting everything that might have contributed to your decision to use, every emotion that was involved and every life event that might have been a contributing factor. And that's what will ultimately help you diagnose and fix what's really going on underneath. 

Good luck.

The fact that you made this thread at all is a sign that you're headed in the right direction to recovery. Take it from someone coming out of a drug addiction themselves, it's very easy to relapse without any remorse. But the fact that you felt guilty enough to be vulnerable and share your feelings is a sign that you internally realized something was wrong, and that's a good thing. Your body in a way was testing the strength of your mind's will. Be kind to yourself. You got this.

I haven't experienced addiction issue, but please know that you should never be ashamed on relapsing because I knew recovery is always hard and never a straight line experience.
 

Reach out to professionals to help your issue and the possible cause of your relapse, maybe use ATRL as distraction / escapism during this time. Stay strong babe you are loved 

Wish i had an advice to give you, unfortunately i dont. Just wanted to wish you well and send love. 

 

As someone who was addicted to other things, talking with others helped. 

 

If you ever need someone to talk to when times are rough, feel free to dm me  stay strong 

You got this queen 

 

Ten months sober, I must admit

Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it

Ten months older, I won't give in

Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it

Don't forget that sobriety isn't linear, there's not one right way to it. 

 

If you wanna talk privately, feel free to drop a PM.

Edited August 2, 2025Aug 2 by Hurem