So me and my lover always talk about how we share everything, nothing is 'taboo'.

Earlier this week he told me about his experiences with drugs and that he tried 3MMC three times last year, but not anymore since then. I told him 'thats okay as long as you dont do it anymore'.

Last night he was with me and we were laying in bed talking about everything, it was amazing. I've told him many times before that the one thing that would truly hurt me is if he wouldn't be honest and would lie to me.

 

Then, last night, the drugs become the topic of the talk again. I don't clearly remember how, but he all of a sudden spoke too much which led to me discovering he had done that harddrug five times last year. He did it twice while having intercourse with a gay from the bar. 

 

I felt betrayed. We talked about it, he told me he was scared how I would react and that he's ashamed of his past which is why he didn't tell the whole truth.

 

He told me he absolutely regrets not being totally honest right from the start, but that he was scared I would look at him in a different light. He doesn't want me to think he does drugs and all that anymore, he's ashamed of his past but he was dealing with depression back then he told me later.

 

How would y'all handle this? I'm severely against drugs.

 

This was before the relationship, we've been together for 2 months now.

Edited May 10, 20251 yr by Whis

Force him to listen this

 

 

was that before your relationship? his body, his choice! i would examine why you're "severely" against drugs, yes i know there is a difference between soft/hard drugs... but you cannot be judging his past when you're like "we share everything and value honesty!", as long as you establish boundaries in your current relationship and don't cross those boundaries, it's none of your business!

 

do you drink alcohol? 

….what exactly attracted you to this man may i ask?

Three times was fine but five was a bridge too far? Am I missing something?

Your partner had a life before he was with you. And since he knows you're anti drugs he probably didn't tell you because he didn't want to cause the reaction you're having

Edited May 10, 20251 yr by Mr. Peanutbutter

I get both sides here.

 

Him not telling you could be due to him feeling ashamed or not wanting to worry you. You stating you're "severely against drugs" might've made him step back when it comes to telling you the truth right in the spot - understandable. Nonetheless, I'd feel betrayed in this situation too honestly.

 

Try understanding why he didn't tell you and see if he might need help.

 

 

15 minutes ago, Whis said:

How would y'all handle this? I'm severely against drugs.

I would be absolutely disgusted as I'm severely against drugs too. I don't know how I would handle this but I know I wouldn't trust that person anymore 

? So it happened before y'all were together

 

what's the big deal?

He told me he absolutely regrets not being totally honest right from the start, but that he was scared I would look at him in a different light. He doesn't want me to think he does drugs and all that anymore, he's ashamed of his past but he was dealing with depression he told me later.

'Severely against drugs' 

all of a sudden spoke too much which led to me discovering he had done that harddrug five times last year. He did it twice while having intercourse with a gay from the bar.

 

And the other 3 times? Ooh girl

Mcat, I haven't heard her name is years 

4 minutes ago, Cheers said:

 

 

 

And the other 3 times? Ooh girl

Just at a party with a group of gays he told me

People who have bad experiences with drugs/drug addicts and want to stay as far away as possible should be treated seriously and not as if they are the problem. Really weird responses in this thread 

you cant call yourself severely against drugs unless you call the police on this addict

 

Just now, EtherealCat said:

you cant call yourself severely against drugs unless you call the police on this addict

It's not a crime to take drugs  

 

 

It is more productive to be as open as possible when you're discussing this topic with them. You have every right to share that you were uncomfortable with the white lies but ensure that you're not shaming them into hiding more from you

i thought the issue was that he had sex with the gay from the bar while you two were in a relationship 

If he had done it before you were together then you're overreacting

You can't fault him for anything that happened before you were together. I'd only be angry if he promised he'd stop drugs and then did it behind my back while together. 

7 minutes ago, Kern said:

People who have bad experiences with drugs/drug addicts and want to stay as far away as possible should be treated seriously and not as if they are the problem. Really weird responses in this thread 

As someone who's been in that situation, OP has all the rights to be mad about his so lying to him and is free to break up with them over drug use

 

However why should someone be judged over past behavior, especially if it occurred before their current relationship. Doing drugs doesn't define you as a person

I think it's hard, my best advice would be to weigh up exactly how betrayed you feel and weigh up how much you trust he's telling the truth now about his drug usage being no more. I share the sentiment with a few other people in here that if it was in his past, it's not really my business. I've also casually used drugs in the past so I don't share the same sentiment of being totally against drugs. If he's an addict and he's admitting to being an addict then that's different. But I wouldn't necessarily say taking drugs five times in a year makes you an addict, but that's for you and him to interpret and work out together.

 

The simple answer is - if it's 100% a red line for you, and you can't trust that he won't use drugs again for that reason, then you need to leave him.

It's not like he's doing it now.

If one of my friends is anything to go by, he'll eventually cheat on you to go do chemsex with someone else and then blame it on his depression and unworthiness while begging you for forgiveness and that you're the best thing that's ever happened to him.

 

In short,