2 minutes ago, KFC said:

The job searching process is SOUL CRUSHING. Truly. For all the reasons you said! But keep at it, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel 

 

I'm sorry if my post came across like I was bragging, believe me I've suffered so much during the job hunt, and like I said, being succesful is triggering a whole new set of emotions and I don't know how I'm going to deal with them

Oh it didn't come off like that at all! I'm happy for you sis. I just thought I'd be making the same post here this week as well and had no expectations it being the opposite

 

All the best in your new role and congrats!

goddamn it's creeping in again. i'm starting to lose control of my sleep again.

god i hate falling back to my old habit again. like it has been really good progress for like a year and now this 

I really thought jamming my schedule to the brim with work and social life would make me forget about him but now I'm just heartbroken and also completely burnt out lol. The truth is he broke me and I don't know if I'll ever be the same again. All I know is I'm tired of trying and just tired of doing this I don't wanna be here anymore

On 5/1/2024 at 7:46 AM, Filthy Pop said:

I really thought jamming my schedule to the brim with work and social life would make me forget about him but now I'm just heartbroken and also completely burnt out lol. The truth is he broke me and I don't know if I'll ever be the same again. All I know is I'm tired of trying and just tired of doing this I don't wanna be here anymore

I don't know your situation but I know where there is a HIM involved, time will be the best healer

Hi guys

I need a friend. I realized I've been lying to myself. That I'm not depressed. That I'm not anxious or scared all the time. But I am so anguished all the time and just need a friend. I see a therapist and have my whole life, but there's a wall there (likely for good reason) but I find I can't connect knowing I'm paying someone. I just want a friend.

For some reason there are NO happy hormones in my body at all the last two days, I've been so tired, struggling to even get out of bed and very moody. I really don't want to go on medication but I cannot live my life like this

Blah

It's never ending. Hell

It's been almost 6 years since my little brother committed suicide and sometimes I feel it's worse now than it was 5 years ago. I've never laughed the same, I've never had any real deep, intellectual conversations that can begin to compare to the ones I had with him. None of my relationships end well become I'm such a mess. It's like my whole childhood is gone knowing he was right there with me the entire time. We also moved a lot and went to 12 different schools growing up, so because of the instability, we were each others only best friend through it all. It really sucks and I low key wish I beat him to the punch because tbh, he was a lot more responsible than I ever was. I was and still am a chaotic mess who impulsively rage quit jobs, curses out/terrifies management and goes directly to the bars to get blackout drunk to the point of almost death. I just hate how fake you have to be to work any job, granted I never truly found my passion. I just lie on my resume and suffer in the service/sales industry.
Both of my negligent, drug addicted parents are to blame, but I can't really dwell on that because they had ****** up lives too. Also, I know my potential but it's just that I don't even have the energy to tap into it. I'm a very good dancer with a lot of charm and charisma, but I just feel so exhausted, angry and sad all of the damn time. I'm convinced that my talents aren't enough or worthy. Like I've become so "humble" without actually showing anything off. 

Edited May 11, 20242 yr by BGKC

On 5/8/2024 at 8:11 PM, KFC said:

For some reason there are NO happy hormones in my body at all the last two days, I've been so tired, struggling to even get out of bed and very moody. I really don't want to go on medication but I cannot live my life like this

This has been me the last few days, help!

On 5/8/2024 at 9:11 PM, KFC said:

For some reason there are NO happy hormones in my body at all the last two days, I've been so tired, struggling to even get out of bed and very moody. I really don't want to go on medication but I cannot live my life like this

I've been struggling with this for 2 years now. I've always been kind of like this but now it's gotten out of hand completely to the point where I can't function basically. I finally broke and asked doctor to give me some medication even though taking pills literally triggers me.

This year has not been great for me at all. At this point, I feel like I'm alive just to please others. I've tried so hard to find new hobbies and change bad habits but I fail each time. It's a struggle. I've been so out of it these past few weeks and people are starting to notice. Yesterday at work- I kept dissociating, I literally looked like this: 

I'm just...so tired. I just want to be happy. Wishing the best for all of us.

i'm at a gay bar alone for the first time in probably years? all my friends are too sleepy tonight so i'm just doing nothing here and it's makes me a bit insecure and realizing that i don't know how to socialize alone  I usually have my best friend by my side but sundays are the nights he livestreams with his brother. anyway, Trade is poppin but i'm alone and the only two ppl i've talked to are 1. someone i hooked up with from sniffies and 2. someone i've talked to extensively from sniffies. so yeah i'm alone and sh*t and it sucks because i'll always feel a bit outsiderish in the community it seems. even though i'm more muscular and masculine looking than i used to be, it always feels like something about me freaks ppl out? i feel like i'm in high school again 💀

i think i've forgotten how to make new friends! like I love my small group of friends but all the people i hook up with… i just wish i knew how to be friends with them behind my horniness? it just feels like i'm not as good at befriending my FWBs as i used to be like what do i even say?

Yeah, I need to go touch some grass. I'm starting to lose my mind over made-up scenarios and that's not normal.

 

Edited June 2, 20242 yr by Virgos Groove

I pretty much think my depression is incurable at this point.

Had my first in office day of the new job today and my anxiety was through the roof  I literally had to convince myself not to have a drink at 8am to calm my nerves

 

I barely spoke with my colleagues all day while they were laughing and joking, contributed 0 to the group discussions and I left to go home as soon as we finished because I couldn't bear to be just hanging around them awkwardly.

 

I really want to be the fun and outgoing person I was two years ago but I'm finding it harder and harder to even make basic conversation

i find incredible how i made every wrong choice since i turned 18 and i'm so tired of everything

 

the only good thing that i have on my life is my boyfriend and i'm truly tired of not being the best person possible for him

 

my family is the most unstable and hateful thing ever and i hate what i'm studying on uni but if i change to what i truly want i'm going to be dependant on my family for at least more 6 years

 

god i'm just so tired

8 minutes ago, KFC said:

Had my first in office day of the new job today and my anxiety was through the roof  I literally had to convince myself not to have a drink at 8am to calm my nerves

 

I barely spoke with my colleagues all day while they were laughing and joking, contributed 0 to the group discussions and I left to go home as soon as we finished because I couldn't bear to be just hanging around them awkwardly.

 

I really want to be the fun and outgoing person I was two years ago but I'm finding it harder and harder to even make basic conversation

Are you like this with every job or is it just this one?

me and my friend were trying to get free entry to a random club in my homophobic city and i said don't be homophobic it's pride month to the door man, and he goes "im gay".. long story short i gave him my instagram and we chatted that night.. but now days later im on delivered and basically been rejected (standard for me). now im obsessed bc i stay projecting the perfect boyfriend idea on any man who comes my way… 

but he pursued me kinda, i gave his coworker my instagram because i couldn't find him when leaving.. he then added me and asked where i was. maybe he was trying to get some dick after his shift, because when i messaged the day after he didn't seem as interested to talk or plan a date. i also always check grindr (using an inactive blank account)  to see if he's online and of course he was.. gay men are so predicatble

20 hours ago, monologueNacafe said:

Are you like this with every job or is it just this one?

Just this one  I haven't met all my colleagues yet but I don't gel with the ones I have met at all. Thinking of going back to being unemployed and just rotting in bed

3 hours ago, KFC said:

Just this one  I haven't met all my colleagues yet but I don't gel with the ones I have met at all. Thinking of going back to being unemployed and just rotting in bed

Oh yeah that sucks. But I think you'd feel worse if you did quit.

Does your boss seem cool at least?

The people at my workplace are pure poison and I want to leave that place, but I have no other option than to stay there at least for the time being 

 

 

Edited June 12, 20242 yr by G.U.Y_Del_Rey