I'm going through a really difficult time right now because of some things that happened to me (TW: SA).
I had to file a police report, go through medical examinations, and honestly the whole process was really traumatic. People suggested that I should see a therapist to talk about it and try to process everything.

The thing is, I already tried therapy years ago for another issue, and it didn't really work for me. I felt extremely uncomfortable opening up about my life to a complete stranger. Most of the time I either stayed silent or straight up invented things because I was too scared and embarrassed to be honest. I stopped after four sessions.

Part of me knows therapy could probably help, especially now, but I still have this huge fear of being judged, misunderstood, or just feeling exposed and vulnerable in front of someone I barely know.

How do you manage to let go and actually speak freely with a therapist?
Does it get easier with time?

Sorry to hear you've gone through that. I think therapy is worth giving it another go considering your current situation. You don't need to tell them everything in the first session, you can slowly work up to it until you're a bit more familiar with the therapist. You can also try out a few different people and see who you prefer.

I did it once a couple of years ago and have just started it on a short term basis again. I find it useful as a sort of sounding board where I can get thoughts out of my head and in a more rational order.

I don't think it's for everyone or every situation, it's just one method you can try to help. Maybe speak to your GP too, they should be able to recommend mental health services you can access.

First of all, I'm sorry for what happened to you. Hopefully you feel safer asap.

For me, therapy was life-saving and life-changing in a lot of ways. It's not for everyone at any time of their lives, and it really has a positive effect only when you are open yourself to it.

I have not experience SA but I believe therapy with someone who is specialised in cases like this should relieve you from a lot of the burden. And it helps with guilt as well (not talking about you ofc but it's usually textbook for SA survivors to feel guilt and blaming themselves for not being able to stop the abuse etc.)

You should definitely give it a shot. There are a lot of ways where you can find specialised therapists, especially if you're in Europe.

Find one that gives you a good gut feeling. Perhaps that first one you tried just wasn't the right fit. You don't have to tell them everything the first day, or even within the first four sessions. Sometimes it takes time to build trust, and you are able to respond to that on your timetable.

Therapy? Which one of the 10+ instances I've had? I've come to the conclusion that cheap therapists suck. If you want good therapy you need good insurance or good money.

I've gone through therapy twice in my life, once during college and another in my first job post-grad. I am really grateful for both experiences, and I still apply a lot of what I learned during those two periods of therapy to things that I still go through in life.

The first time I went in college, it actually didn't really click for me at first. In fact, I remember telling my therapist on our second session that I actually felt worse about my anxieties since we first spoke, but eventually over time, I've felt much better and was able to open up more and be honest with him.

It might take a while to get settled in with a therapist, and if it feels like it's not working for you, I advise trying to look for another therapist. It might also be useful to see if there are other options available for you.

I just started therapy because there’s something from my family life that, I’ve realized in time, has affected me more deeply than I could ever anticipate. And I just needed a space to talk through it with someone who can give me an alternative perspective and develop tools to navigate that hurt. I have found it very helpful, even if it’s just to have a space where I can genuinely be selfish and speak about my issues and feelings without needing to maintain social norms and not dominate conversations with my friends and family

Of course, if you’re completely resistant to opening up, therapy is not going to help. You need to be open to it. I think it’s helpful when you find a therapist who is specialized in the area that you’re wanting to address. My therapist specializes in relational stresses, men’s issues, and LGBTQ+ issues so it’s a perfect match for me. He does a great job of steering the conversation and keeping the thread clear. It’s been very easy.

If you look into finding a new therapist, I’d recommend shopping around until you find someone that’s a good match for you. Finding a therapist that actually fits you is nontrivial. Feel free to be up front about your concerns with therapy and how you struggled with it in the past. It’ll help prospective therapists help you determine if they might be a good match or not if you’re up front. Ultimately, a therapist is supposed to be someone you can open up to with no impact in your personal life. They’re there for you to speak through things and what is said in therapy, stays in therapy. I know it can be intimidating, but it’s worth opening up.

First off, I'm so incredibly sorry that happened to you

Therapy not only saved my life but changed it for the better and inspired me to enter the mental health field.

Having said that, finding the right therapist is a lot like finding the right medication. It involves a lot of trial and error and shopping around until you find the right fit for you.

It's understandable that you're uncomfortable with opening up to a stranger, but a good therapist will move at your speed and won't pressure you into revealing something you're not ready for. When you start seeing a new therapist, the first few sessions are usually an introductory period anyways and it'll give you the chance to decide if they're a good fit for you.

Best of luck on your mental health journey, sending you lots of love and good vibes ❤️

I was a complete locked in, borderline nonverbal shell of a human being before I went into analysis by a psychoanalyst. The right therapy with the right therapist can do wonders. But I'd also want to warn you for therapists that are very quick to diagnose and come with a treatment plan after having spoken to you once or twice. I've met many a hack too; people who have the right degrees but not an ounce of critical thought who assume checking off boxes is the same as treating someone (psychiatrists especially are often incompetent). So seek help, but maybe ask around a bit and if you feel like someone is there to define you rather than set you free, move on to the next! If there's a therapist that judges you, they're very bad at their job. It should be a place where anything can be said. (but you also have to give them the benefit of the doubt, in a way...)

Psychoanalysis was the right move for me because if you're not speaking, your session will remain silent. It gave whatever I said the proper weight and in the end you have to find your own language to help you deal with the things that happened to you. You say you made up stuff ... I don't think that's a problem. If you keep going little kernels of truth will slip out anyway. I think the unconscious is also much more present when we let go of saying the right things and just lean in into whatever comes to mind, even if that is invented! I talked a lot about my dreams, and the content of them didn't even matter much -- it's the process of finding out where your mind goes when you try to tell and explain them that reveals things. I talked a lot about my favourite books, about artists I like, and in discovering what draws me to them, I often found ways to talk about the things that were hurting me, even if indirectly at first.

I have no experience with SA, I'm so sorry you had to be put through that. But I do think that finding the words for the traumatic things that happen is essential for them to be able to be given a place. Your own words, not a diagnosis which is a borrowed concept that rarely holds a key for better living. It's laborious work, and it's also work that doesn't immediately delivers its reward but it is worth it.

On 5/24/2026 at 10:30 PM, TheOrangeTree said:

Part of me knows therapy could probably help, especially now, but I still have this huge fear of being judged, misunderstood, or just feeling exposed and vulnerable in front of someone I barely know.

That vulnerability is the key to any therapeutic relationship. But if you have spent years building up walls, you can also not expect them to come down in five or ten sessions. Almost nobody allows them to be vulnerable from the get go with a stranger, as you say, so also don't expect that from yourself. Allow yourself time to get there.

i went through some traumatic stuff at the end of 2021 and was a shell of a human being.

I got a really good therapist early '22 and by the fall I was I had reframed everything. he helped me neutralize that event and its effects.

He used EMDR which seemed unconventional it seemed but it worked. also, i'm black/gay and he's a straight white man and I was initially skeptical if he would understand my experience bc we were so different on paper, but I was wrong. he's been my best therapist to date.

these being virtual therapy sessions also helped bc it felt anonymous and and i could be super open.

please do it. and shop around until you find someone 1) you feel comfortable with 2) competent.

21 hours ago, Damien M said:

i went through some traumatic stuff at the end of 2021 and was a shell of a human being.

I got a really good therapist early '22 and by the fall I was I had reframed everything. he helped me neutralize that event and its effects.

He used EMDR which seemed unconventional it seemed but it worked. also, i'm black/gay and he's a straight white man and I was initially skeptical if he would understand my experience bc we were so different on paper, but I was wrong. he's been my best therapist to date.

these being virtual therapy sessions also helped bc it felt anonymous and and i could be super open.

please do it. and shop around until you find someone 1) you feel comfortable with 2) competent.

How was it like doing EMDR virtually? I would have thought thats something you do in person

I've thought about taking advantage of it, being that it's offered by my job and insurance. I go through bouts of temporary depression that just lasts for an hour or so every now and then. Though I wouldn't consider myself to be depressed, there's a lot I'm missing in life. And it does often get to me, as recently as last night; I've been fine today, though. I struggle with interpersonal relationships. And I need to just talk through it with someone and be told that I'm not as crazy as I think I am in believing that the problem isn't me.

One thing I do need to work on, personally, is breaking further out of my shell. I'd like to believe that I'm confident and full of self-assurance, but I'm really not. Even if I'm good at pretending in certain scenarios.

Thank you so much for all your messages and for sharing your experiences. I'm also sending strength to everyone who felt the need to go through therapy

I made an appointment, my first session is on Monday. We'll see how it goes.

I'm French, so the healthcare system covers 70% of the sessions, and my health insurance covers another 15%.