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Edited August 1Aug 1 by Souvenir

My advice is always ruin the friendship.  Better that than regret it for all time.

Girl we're synced bc I just made a similar thread 

he sounds extremely manipulative, theres no friendship or something more here he is just using you

You should talk to him about it, being sincere is all we have in this world, we should always be true to ourselves and speak our minds. It's hard make a move and shake things up when you're afraid to lose somebody but it's not like it will become less painful as time goes by, if anything it's the opposite!

 

Spoiler

Also these threads are making me realize how different heterosexual relationships are, there's always a lot of sex involved here  we're boring I guess.

 

Edited November 14, 2025Nov 14 by ariananext

I think y'all should stick to just being cousins 

 

The most relatable song of all time

 

 

Okay I just read this and girl you gotta channel this:

 

 

Sounds like you're giving him time, space, and energy that would be better spent on someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you. I'd cut down on the time you spend together to make space for someone else who actually likes you back. Just tell him how you're feeling - if he's a real friend he'll understand and won't make it about him.

10 minutes ago, Souvenir said:

When we first met, he told me he didn't want a relationship, couldn't be in one, and that if anything ever happened, it would have to be an open relationship. He also said he had attachment issues.

If a man tells you this, you just take his word for it. 

 

I'd say you should try to move on and find someone that actually appreciates you and what you got to give. It might feel like he's the one and only right now, but when you go out, talk to other people and find someone else, you're going to wonder why you were so stressed out about him.

 

Good luck 

20 minutes ago, YourFavoriteWeapon said:

Girl we're synced bc I just made a similar thread 

us rn

a man calling you baby and saying he LOVES you and wants to be your bf but pulling away when you reciprocate is either:

 

a) using you for companionship

or

b) scared to explore things because he was hurt in the past so hes avoidant

 

neither of these scenarios are great. call him out on his BS if you feel so inclined. otherwise id distance myself and try to move on, or keep things either strictly sexual or strictly platonic, no more gym dates and the like.

 

ive been in this exact scenario and it wrecked me. avoid at all costs.

Edited November 14, 2025Nov 14 by yonsé

18 minutes ago, Bloodflowers. said:

 

The most relatable song of all time

 

 

oh this is a bop!

 

14 minutes ago, toast said:

Sounds like you're giving him time, space, and energy that would be better spent on someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you. I'd cut down on the time you spend together to make space for someone else who actually likes you back. Just tell him how you're feeling - if he's a real friend he'll understand and won't make it about him.

yeah i'll try to focus on myself and wontt give any attention to him 

1 minute ago, yonsé said:

a man calling you baby and saying he LOVES you and wants to be your bf but pulling away when you reciprocate is either:

 

a) using you for companionship

or

b) scared to explore things because he was hurt in the past so hes avoidant

 

neither of these scenarios are great. call him out on his BS if you feel so inclined. otherwise id distance myself and try to move on, or keep things either strictly sexual or strictly platonic, no more gym dates and the like.

When he realized that I was slowly starting to like him, he pulled himself back and then said he doesn't feel the same way anymore. He said we should just stay friends. Such drastic emotional shifts seem way too sudden for just one week, so weird.

If he wanted to, he would.

 

You need to distance yourself, not necessarily completely, but the more the better. If you continue this way, you'll just continue thinking something could happen while not letting someone who is open to an actual healthy relationship have a chance.

6 minutes ago, Souvenir said:

When he realized that I was slowly starting to like him, he pulled himself back and then said he doesn't feel the same way anymore. He said we should just stay friends. Such drastic emotional shifts seem way too sudden for just one week, so weird.

He said he got attachment issues, so he probably realized it was getting too serious and became cold, but he do like the attention and validation that comes with keeping you around. It has nothing to do with you or something you did. If he comes crawling back after you ditch him, just ignore it because the likehood of him having changed his mind is very small  When you become more experienced at dating you'll find that this behavior is fairly common, and it's always a waste of time and energy. 

my advice is always ruin the friendship cuz better that than ask it all your life

but he was only a top with me. With everyone else he was always bottoming
 

this explains everything. He's a true bottom. You were just an experiment. He realized he's a submissive piggy bottom and doesn't want to continue being in a relationship with you where he's the top.

 

here's what you gotta do. Next time you hang out, be dominant. When you bend his back you also bend his will. gl sis 

7 minutes ago, Mythical said:

but he was only a top with me. With everyone else he was always bottoming
 

this explains everything. He's a true bottom. You were just an experiment. He realized he's a submissive piggy bottom and doesn't want to continue being in a relationship with you where he's the top.

 

here's what you gotta do. Next time you hang out, be dominant. When you bend his back you also bend his will. gl sis 

I had thought this too, and a few of my friends had said it might be like that as well. The sad part is, I don't meet the criteria for the people he could be a bottom with. I'm not sure if it made sense, but it's the truth. Yet, I had thought that all the time we spent together, our compatibility, and the fact that I valued him more than anyone else could change that. I guess I was wrong.

 

 

17 minutes ago, Soul Grabber said:

He said he got attachment issues, so he probably realized it was getting too serious and became cold, but he do like the attention and validation that comes with keeping you around. It has nothing to do with you or something you did. If he comes crawling back after you ditch him, just ignore it because the likehood of him having changed his mind is very small  When you become more experienced at dating you'll find that this behavior is fairly common, and it's always a waste of time and energy. 

Thank you, I think I agree with you. Since it will be hard for me to suddenly remove him from my life, I'm thinking of slowly stopping our conversations and not giving him that attention.

1 hour ago, Souvenir said:

When he realized that I was slowly starting to like him, he pulled himself back and then said he doesn't feel the same way anymore. He said we should just stay friends. Such drastic emotional shifts seem way too sudden for just one week, so weird.

that's so toxic! i'm sorry u have to deal with that diva. stay strong!

Although I haven't been in a situation like this yet, i can definitely relate to the pain of losing someone or something that lights you up. However I've recently learnt that it's never worth keeping anything that hurts you in the long run — it's just way too draining, risky and impractical. 

Throughout our lives we meet thousands of people and we can't really get to know them if we still hold onto the increasing weight of the people of the past.

Unfortunately cutting people off is SO difficult and stressful, especially for the more emotional and sensitive (like me), it's really important to constantly acknowledge that it's not embarassing to feel upset or weak — that's literally how a regular person works.

 

Stay strong and good luck !! Make sure to always check in with yourself and your emotions