So around a year ago I started dating this guy and we're now living together.

 

I've known he was friends with one of his ex situationships which I was okay with but months later I found out he didn't tell him he was dating, which I was slightly weirded out about.

 

in February we went to a concert and his ex situationship tagged along and we had to pretend we weren't dating because I found out he still didn't know about this – I was slightly ticked off by this but I was okay with my boyfriend needing more time to tell a guy he once had feelings for that he was dating. 
 

now he found out my boyfriend is dating via a third party that I still am not aware of (it's July and my boyfriend never told him) and they're going for an afternoon in the lake tomorrow, which I don't know if I'm comfortable with honestly.

 

Is it ok that I feel like this? am I being unreasonable? it's nice that he know knows we're dating but the fact it wasn't my boyfriend telling him after almost a year is really making me unsettled 

Edited July 1, 20251 yr by taemin

We're you keeping your relationship secret or just secret from that specific friend? 

1 minute ago, Mikeymoonshine said:

We're you keeping your relationship secret or just secret from that specific friend? 

He was just not mentioning it to that one friend, all his / our other friends know about us 

Yes tbh. Just stream Virgin and chill.

 

 

The red flags are bad… telling you to not mention you're dating him to his ex that yall are hanging with. That's weird behavior. 

Edited July 1, 20251 yr by TedLasso

I think that's a bit strange that your boyfriend still hasn't told this man that he's in a relationship. I think you need to set some boundaries

i feel like we need more info

why did they break up? is the ex currently single?

is your bf showing signs he still in love with the ex

is the ex cuter than you?

why he afraid to let people know you guys are dating? insecurity?

 

so many questions but let's cover the basics first

 

5 minutes ago, taemin said:

He was just not mentioning it to that one friend, all his / our other friends know about us 

Yeah that's weird. 

That is a serious red flag 

3 minutes ago, Harry_ said:

i feel like we need more info

why did they break up? is the ex currently single?

is your bf showing signs he still in love with the ex

is the ex cuter than you?

why he afraid to let people know you guys are dating? insecurity?

 

so many questions but let's cover the basics first

 

ok sorry for the lack of info ffffffff

 

they were always a situationship but my boyfriend wanted something more and the other guy didn't so they decided to just be friends ever since 

he shows no signs he still likes the other guy but I don't know until what point I can trust my own judgement 

and he lets everybody know we're dating - just not that one guy, which is why this is weird 

Edited July 1, 20251 yr by taemin

Why would you come to ATRL with such a boring ass thread. 

Pretty much every gay guy I've ever had that kind of casual fling relationship has stopped talking to me entirely when they got a bf. Some of them blocked me lol. 

I'm not saying you can't be friends with your exes/ex fwbs I didn't go as far as to block people or never talk to them again but I told all of them when I've been in relationships and stopped talking to them if they were still trying it on knowing that. Going on a trip alone with that guy after all this is also very questionable and kinda disrespectful to you. I'd probably leave him because guys who've treated me like that have always ended up being bad news but I guess only you can decide what to do. 

No you're right to feel that way and it's actually so weird that ur bf didn't tell his ex abt ur relationship 

You live together and he's hiding it from an ex? BABE RUN

4 minutes ago, taemin said:

he shows no signs he still likes the other guy

Hiding your relationship from him is exactly that. BABE RUN

4 minutes ago, taemin said:

ok sorry for the lack of info ffffffff

 

they were always a situationship but my boyfriend wanted something more and the other guy didn't so they decided to just be friends ever since 

he shows no signs he still likes the other guy but I don't know until what point I can trust my own judgement 

and he lets everybody know we're dating - just not that one guy, which is why this is weird 

you skipped the 3rd question which is the most important one

but so far it seems to me your bf still like the other person. you're in a dangerous territory bffr

5 minutes ago, jezebelvictoria said:

Why would you come to ATRL with such a boring ass thread. 

there are threads made for albums way more boring tbf!

1 minute ago, Harry_ said:

you skipped the 3rd question which is the most important one

but so far it seems to me your bf still like the other person. you're in a dangerous territory bffr

i feel like i can't answer the other question because the other guy is like 10 years older than me and im not really into that ffff only my boyfriend could answer that i guess 

Obvious question but have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

 

Yes it's weird and it would make me feel VERY uncomfortable. If you haven't, you need to let your boyfriend know how it makes you feel.

 

I think quite pessimistic, and would assume your boyfriend hasn't told him because a part of him still has hopes for that situationship to materialise into something more in the future 

Not at all 

10 minutes ago, taemin said:

ok sorry for the lack of info ffffffff

 

they were always a situationship but my boyfriend wanted something more and the other guy didn't so they decided to just be friends ever since 

he shows no signs he still likes the other guy but I don't know until what point I can trust my own judgement 

and he lets everybody know we're dating - just not that one guy, which is why this is weird 

he 100% still has feelings for the guy which is why he hasn't told him.

1 minute ago, visions said:

Obvious question but have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

 

Yes it's weird and it would make me feel VERY uncomfortable. If you haven't, you need to let your boyfriend know how it makes you feel.

 

I think quite pessimistic, and would assume your boyfriend hasn't told him because a part of him still has hopes for that situationship to materialise into something more in the future 

Yes, we have talked about it a few times and i always got the "I'll tell him soon" reply 

I did this when I was still in love with my ex. Run.

the fact that your man wasn't comfortable telling his ex that he's dating you now is a serious red flag. 

in February we went to a concert and his ex situationship tagged along and we had to pretend we weren't dating - there's no good reason for this behavior. It's disrespectful to you. If it happened to me, I'd either end it or ask him directly why he's behaving like this. There seems to be a lack of communication in your relationship - he's not telling you everything and you're not asking.

Edited July 1, 20251 yr by LeoLindermans