So, I dated this guy back in 2020. He was very sweet, very thoughtful, kind and was very into me. He's the I'm straight but I like you type of guy. Back then, I got scared (because most of the "I'm experimenting" guys I had dealt with turned out to be assholes) and I ghosted him. For years he would like a few photos off Instagram profile every now and then but I never gave him attention back.

Fast forward this past December (2025), I liked one of his stories and he texted me saying he missed me. We agreed to meet but it felt through, but 2 days after that we bumped into each other at a club he was DJing at. We started talking, he bought me a drink and he ended up kissing me twice in front of everybody (his friends, everyone at the club, etc) and told me "Do you think I give a **** about what any of these people think? Because I don't" and that kind of solidified for me that he was indeed into me and didn't give a **** about straight men optics. We met at that club a few times, he introduced me to his brother, his cousins, several friends of his and they all knew we were seeing each other. Even at the after parties (which took place at his apartment) he had no problem with showing me affection in front of his people, which felt very nice and comforting. I started to reeeeally like this guy.

After the first time I stayed in his apartment, he told me he wanted to plan a date for us. I said I was interested but that never happened (mind you, it's been about 3 weeks, I know it's not thaaaat much time), but we kept seeing each other and he kept on telling me all these nice things about me and how much he liked me and how special I was to him, but then in a conversation we had, he told me that he had just broken up his last relationship with a girl a month ago, and that he in fact was seeing other people (girls). He was very honest and upfront about it and made it clear that he couldn't provide any emotional security for me at this time, he apologized if anything he did or said had made me have these expectations and we moved past that conversation.

When he tells me how special I am to him and how attractive I am to him and how much he appreciates my company and all of those things, I know he means it. There's things you just cannot fake and we've shared some very intimate moments together, so I know he's not lying in that regard. But it's also true that he's recently single and he's looking for a distraction. He told me in one conversation that if this dynamic stops working for me, I could tell him.

And the truth is I've never operated this way. I don't do hookups, I never have. It's just not in me, I get attached very easily, it's unknown territory. Knowing that he's telling me all of these nice, romantic things and then we meet up and act like a couple and then 2 days later he's potentially doing to same thing with another person kinda sucks for me. So I called him today, and I told him I don't think this dynamic works. I expressed to him that I don't want to ignore my feelings and just brush them off, because I know in the long run it's going to create feelings of resentment towards him and I don't want that (apart from the fact that it will eat me up). He took it nicely and we agreed to meet one last time. I also expressed to him that I don't want this to be a situation where we'll bump into each other and not say hi or talk a little bit because I think it's ridiculous and dumb. He agreed to that as well, we almost agreed to keep seeing each other as just buddies (no kissing, no physical contact) but then we kinda figured it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. So we are meeting one last time in a few days.

Did I do the right thing? I know in a sense I did, but I'm scared this is going to be that last chapter in our story, I really really like this guy, and I know he likes me too but I also know he's in a complicated position right now.

You did right. Don´t be somebodys option. You need to put yourself first and his behavior was little bit toxic. I am proud of you and the way you acted in this situation.

25 minutes ago, bync said:

So, I dated this guy back in 2020. He was very sweet, very thoughtful, kind and was very into me. He's the I'm straight but I like you type of guy. Back then, I got scared (because most of the "I'm experimenting" guys I had dealt with turned out to be assholes) and I ghosted him. For years he would like a few photos off Instagram profile every now and then but I never gave him attention back.

Fast forward this past December (2025), I liked one of his stories and he texted me saying he missed me. We agreed to meet but it felt through, but 2 days after that we bumped into each other at a club he was DJing at. We started talking, he bought me a drink and he ended up kissing me twice in front of everybody (his friends, everyone at the club, etc) and told me "Do you think I give a **** about what any of these people think? Because I don't" and that kind of solidified for me that he was indeed into me and didn't give a **** about straight men optics. We met at that club a few times, he introduced me to his brother, his cousins, several friends of his and they all knew we were seeing each other. Even at the after parties (which took place at his apartment) he had no problem with showing me affection in front of his people, which felt very nice and comforting. I started to reeeeally like this guy.

After the first time I stayed in his apartment, he told me he wanted to plan a date for us. I said I was interested but that never happened (mind you, it's been about 3 weeks, I know it's not thaaaat much time), but we kept seeing each other and he kept on telling me all these nice things about me and how much he liked me and how special I was to him, but then in a conversation we had, he told me that he had just broken up his last relationship with a girl a month ago, and that he in fact was seeing other people (girls). He was very honest and upfront about it and made it clear that he couldn't provide any emotional security for me at this time, he apologized if anything he did or said had made me have these expectations and we moved past that conversation.

When he tells me how special I am to him and how attractive I am to him and how much he appreciates my company and all of those things, I know he means it. There's things you just cannot fake and we've shared some very intimate moments together, so I know he's not lying in that regard. But it's also true that he's recently single and he's looking for a distraction. He told me in one conversation that if this dynamic stops working for me, I could tell him.

And the truth is I've never operated this way. I don't do hookups, I never have. It's just not in me, I get attached very easily, it's unknown territory. Knowing that he's telling me all of these nice, romantic things and then we meet up and act like a couple and then 2 days later he's potentially doing to same thing with another person kinda sucks for me. So I called him today, and I told him I don't think this dynamic works. I expressed to him that I don't want to ignore my feelings and just brush them off, because I know in the long run it's going to create feelings of resentment towards him and I don't want that (apart from the fact that it will eat me up). He took it nicely and we agreed to meet one last time. I also expressed to him that I don't want this to be a situation where we'll bump into each other and not say hi or talk a little bit because I think it's ridiculous and dumb. He agreed to that as well, we almost agreed to keep seeing each other as just buddies (no kissing, no physical contact) but then we kinda figured it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. So we are meeting one last time in a few days.

Did I do the right thing? I know in a sense I did, but I'm scared this is going to be that last chapter in our story, I really really like this guy, and I know he likes me too but I also know he's in a complicated position right now.

Your future self will thank you

Shoulda shot him

Yes u did right he sounds like he's complicating ur life

I actually think you handled this really well. You explored the possibility of a relationship but when he made it clear that that wasn't going to happen you explained your feelings and ended things. You sound very emotionally mature, which is refreshing for these types of threads

Also on your final point, you can still look back on this time fondly and if you felt like the feelings were real then it's not really anyone else's place to tell you otherwise. It's just that your time with this person was short lived - not all relationships/connections are meant to last for a long time. Some people can be in our lives very briefly but still make an impact. You'll come to terms with it in time.

Edited January 12Jan 12 by glitch

You respect yourself and it shows. Good decision. Anyway maybe later your paths will cross again and you'll be in different places in life. Bi guys are more subject to stick with the easiest love aspect which is staying with girls and sometimes getting with boys for a more fun aspect, this situation would only mess with your head. You seem a really good person, I'm sure you'll find someone at the same level of emotional intelligence than you 🙏🏻

2 minutes ago, MP3 said:

You respect yourself and it shows. Good decision. Anyway maybe later your paths will cross again and you'll be in different places in life. Bi guys are more subject to stick with the easiest love aspect which is staying with girls and sometimes getting with boys for a more fun aspect, this situation would only mess with your head. You seem a really good person, I'm sure you'll find someone at the same level of emotional intelligence than you 🙏🏻

Yeah, this. The dude sounds like a manwh*re that cosplays as a "nice guy".

You did the right thing, that thing that you both had wasn't going anywhere and would've only led you to dispair, heartbreak and probably theraphy lol so yeah, letting him go is the only way.