I thought that I didn't have any regrets in life. Not that my life is great. Quite the opposite. Pretty much nothing seems to be in my way and trying to fix everything and having to deal with PTSD and autism and depression and OCD and anxiety etc and the guilt of not knowing how to get out of this mess is beyond exhausting. When you see so many people say "next year will be my year," you just can't relate to it at all because you just can't see an end to your suffering since you've been suffering for pretty much your entire life.

But I still wouldn't say I regret any of my decisions. I tried my best and I couldn't have possibly known what would've come next, or controlled what can't be controlled. Abuse, rejections, failures, vilification, exhaustion. They've been driving me crazy but there was truly nothing else I could've done differently I thought.

Just now I called my mom (I live in the US and she lives in China and I haven't called her in days because every time I call her it'll just be her telling me how I need to do this and this and this and reminding me of my guilt and how I'm not enough and how nothing seems to work no matter what I do). Of course she said why I haven't been answering. And then she told me to make my Facebook profile (which has me presenting as female as the profile pic and I pretty much only use it for Facebook Dating) private and not set my location to where I'm living in right now (which I set it a long time ago because Dating was glitching for me and I thought that would fix it), because apparently my profile (which is already in a different name) popped up for her. I panicked and got so irritated and hung up and changed my Facebook settings. I have no idea how she even found the account. I hate that this topic of me being queer has come back up again. I've never said "I'm trans" to anyone I know in real life, but I have semi-come out to certain friends and my mom by usually implying (but never explicitly saying) that I'm queer basically. I regret coming out to her so much (I did it when I first arrived in the US for college at 18, because I thought she was a source of safety). I hate it. The year (or years I forgot when exactly) after I came out to her, I went back to China for the summer. I had a duffle bag with me and I explicitly told her not to touch it. But she opened it and found my queer related stuff and that's how she knew specifically what I am. I feel like inside of me this caused a crack and I can't ever see her or our relationship the same ever again. Now this Facebook incident is the second major trigger. I am so f*cking angry. I am so ashamed of myself. The logical side of me knows that I shouldn't mind what anyone else thinks anymore. Not even my abusive and conservative paternal family of 40+ people who love to gossip. But so much about my identity is not in the norm and it's hard to have your sh*t together when that's part of you and no one understands you or cares for you or truly loves you. And you still have to face your family because you're not financially independent yet.

The fact that I went through so, so, so much and it never really stopped since I was a baby has made me so obsessed with doing the right thing so I won't be in pain anymore, but the pain just continues nonstop and I burned out. Everything is always my fault. I'm always blamed for everything. I always have to explain myself and I'm so sick of it.

edit: i appreciate all your replies in advance.

Edited January 21Jan 21 by acidbb

Never regret being true to yourself 💕

As a fellow asian, my first question is whether you are financially independent. Unfortunately, the majority of Asian parents are not supportive of LGBTQ, even if they say that they are 'neutral'.

The fact that you had come out to her basically as soon as you arrived in the US to study is crazy to me, but that was almost 5 years ago and hopefully you have graduated from the degree that you did and have a stable job.

Stop caring about people's opinions and live your life as you want because it's yours. Facebook can recommend your profile to them if you're connected on WhatsApp as far as I know but in the settings you can change that.

Donatella VERSACE 💜

17 minutes ago, Meev said:

As a fellow asian, my first question is whether you are financially independent. Unfortunately, the majority of Asian parents are not supportive of LGBTQ, even if they say that they are 'neutral'.

The fact that you had come out to her basically as soon as you arrived in the US to study is crazy to me, but that was almost 5 years ago and hopefully you have graduated from the degree that you did and have a stable job.

sis no. i wish, but im still in job application hell, which is my autistic a**'s worst nightmare from just filling in the application to the interview process. i've been struggling since freshman year.

i graduated in may and throughout college and even until recently i kept changing fields. i think this year was a turning point for me in many ways, one including rebelling the "ditch your passion for being a finance slave" arc. if i am financially independent i will move to california from nj where i am now immediately so no one can find me. but from what i know quite a bit of graduates have been struggling these two years so i try not to hold it much against myself.

Edited December 31, 2025Dec 31 by acidbb

Sending you love sweetie

all jokes aside, i'm sorry you're feeling this way. i'll give a more in depth response when i get off work. sending you love bb 🖤

When you are navigating between PTSD, autism, and the search for your true identity, it is important to recognize this: your regret over trusting your mother was not a mistake. It was a brave, human attempt to seek fir safety and connection, one that your mother was unfortunately unable to meet

Your mother shows strong narcissistic traits, violating your boundaries, constantly telling you that you are not doing enough , and showing a comoletely lack of empathy. You are not the problem!! If someone has these traits, no amount of "doing the right thing" will ever be enough because the goalposts will always move

My advice: Either cut contact entirely (if you're financially stable) or at least withdraw emotionally. Treat her the way you would treat a boss you dislike: be polite, be brief, and keep your private life private. Do not offer vulnerability to someone who uses it against you.

Use the guilt you feel as a signal that she is trying to control you rather than a sign that you have done something wrong.

Btw this is something you should talk through with a therapist, not with strangers on the internet

be cordial, but maybe stop seeking validation and comfort from her if she refuses to give that to u. you didn't do anything wrong by being who you are. this is why having a chosen family of people outside of your blood relatives is so important for lgbt people. i'm sending you love sister

That's awful, I'm sorry for you :( Things will get better in time ❤️‍🩹

I understand your upset and I think you need to remember her generation had a different mentality, perhaps opening the bag was because she was worried that you were hiding something, and the Facebook was because she came from a culture of protecting your reputation/honour/image. I say this as someone from immigrant background too. It's not a justification but perhaps it will feel less personal if you see it this way. Sending love x

Edited December 31, 2025Dec 31 by BowWow

Oh darling im so sorry youre goin through that.
Coming out can be so tricky and hard. To this day im 33 and im not coming out yet cause im just terrified of it
Youre really brave for coming out. Freedom is everything. It looks like the worst decision but is your life and your road and livin in a prison is not easy
im from Latino parents. Not as tough tough as asian parents with old traditions but still can be really hard
Dont feel guilty about it. Old families can be so backwards. Their fault. If they dont wanna give you love they dont deserve you then
You been trying your best. Hope a miracle happen and with time theyre able to reflect and be better with you

Parents in countries like us.....want to have long term ownership of their kids lives
and the truth is kids are borrowed. Kids should be able to dictate their own lives. Thats the right thing as a parent.
America in this way is better. They push their kids to be their best and independent

When people say next year will be the best is a lie cause the truth is life is all about walking in the fire.
Darkness is always in the corner haunting even in the best years
Everyone is showin their best in social media but inside-behind closed doors they hide deep secrets-scandals and drama and family drama too


Hope life gives you a redemption and things get better. Resiliance and freedom and stability
Never feel bad about yourself. You rock dahling.
Some people are too good for this cruel world but lets keep fighting for tomorrow
Hugs to you hennie

Edited December 31, 2025Dec 31 by AvadaKedavra

When you become financially stable and independent, ghost your toxic self-interested family and form a new life Maybe your mom will come crawling back with humility when she sees you've moved on and don't need her, but put yourself first

57 minutes ago, Space Cowboy said:

When you are navigating between PTSD, autism, and the search for your true identity, it is important to recognize this: your regret over trusting your mother was not a mistake. It was a brave, human attempt to seek fir safety and connection, one that your mother was unfortunately unable to meet

Your mother shows strong narcissistic traits, violating your boundaries, constantly telling you that you are not doing enough , and showing a comoletely lack of empathy. You are not the problem!! If someone has these traits, no amount of "doing the right thing" will ever be enough because the goalposts will always move

My advice: Either cut contact entirely (if you're financially stable) or at least withdraw emotionally. Treat her the way you would treat a boss you dislike: be polite, be brief, and keep your private life private. Do not offer vulnerability to someone who uses it against you.

Use the guilt you feel as a signal that she is trying to control you rather than a sign that you have done something wrong.

Btw this is something you should talk through with a therapist, not with strangers on the internet

I think she loves me, and I understand not everyone is perfect, but I feel like her flaws do significantly affect me. I feel like as she got older she started to scold me way more often for even very little things and sometimes wrong me. And she would compare her struggles with her boyfriend (who's not a good person at all dek why she's with her) with my struggles (I never told her specifically the many things that I've been dealing with but I'd assume she knows or at least can feel that I'm suffering or at least not content, but she recently told me that she thought that I'm like a 7-8/10 in terms of how happy I am when it's more like a 1-2/10 so). and she doesn't understand why I seem to always emphasize my autism when it's not that I want to make it a big thing, it's that it's relevant to my struggles and they just don't get it.

I appreciate you reassuring me that I'm not the problem because I've been made to think I am throughout my entire life by pretty much everyone around me. They emphasize that I'm underweight. They keep saying how I look unattractive. They fired my therapist for siding with me over my abusive aunt. They forced me to go to church and pray. It's always me needing to be fixed, not the people around me.

I have talked to therapists before about my queerness and traumas, but they'd just sweep them under the rug, either because they just maybe thought they were unimportant when I thought otherwise or because they were influenced by my family to talk about other things instead that I thought was a waste of time.

Edited December 31, 2025Dec 31 by acidbb

1 hour ago, Dolce Vita said:

be cordial, but maybe stop seeking validation and comfort from her if she refuses to give that to u. you didn't do anything wrong by being who you are. this is why having a chosen family of people outside of your blood relatives is so important for lgbt people. i'm sending you love sister

I honestly haven't in a long time. She kept encouraging me to speak to her but I don't think she has any idea why I just don't. Like she's not aware that everytime I speak to her the end result is always her saying it's my problem.

I cut off pretty much everyone in my life this year at least emotionally. I no longer force myself to text people that I don't want to text (except my dad because I'm afraid of him). I realized that no one has ever cherished me despite what I've done for them. I've revolved much of my life and my decisions around them (like moving to the US, choosing what to do as my career) because I thought I'd please them, but in the end I'm just abandoned and it's never enough and I get hurt.

55 minutes ago, BowWow said:

I understand your upset and I think you need to remember her generation had a different mentality, perhaps opening the bag was because she was worried that you were hiding something, and the Facebook was because she came from a culture of protecting your reputation/honour/image. I say this as someone from immigrant background too. It's not a justification but perhaps it will feel less personal if you see it this way. Sending love x

regarding the bag, i think she knows that im generally a good kid. i dont smoke or drink or whatever. i just think she was trying to be intrusive. regarding facebook, i agree, but even though it was a reminder i think it just reinforces my guilt. like she never told me that what im going through is ok. i can tell she tolerates it but doesn't like it.

53 minutes ago, AvadaKedavra said:

Oh darling im so sorry youre goin through that.
Coming out can be so tricky and hard. To this day im 33 and im not coming out yet cause im just terrified of it
Youre really brave for coming out. Freedom is everything. It looks like the worst decision but is your life and your road and livin in a prison is not easy
im from Latino parents. Not as tough tough as asian parents with old traditions but still can be really hard
Dont feel guilty about it. Old families can be so backwards. Their fault. If they dont wanna give you love they dont deserve you then
You been trying your best. Hope a miracle happen and with time theyre able to reflect and be better with you

Parents in countries like us.....want to have long term ownership of their kids lives
and the truth is kids are borrowed. Kids should be able to dictate their own lives. Thats the right thing as a parent.
America in this way is better. They push their kids to be their best and independent

When people say next year will be the best is a lie cause the truth is life is all about walking in the fire.
Darkness is always in the corner haunting even in the best years
Everyone is showin their best in social media but inside-behind closed doors they hide deep secrets-scandals and drama and family drama too


Hope life gives you a redemption and things get better. Resiliance and freedom and stability
Never feel bad about yourself. You rock dahling.
Some people are too good for this cruel world but lets keep fighting for tomorrow
Hugs to you hennie

thank u for ur message. definitely ur not obligated to come out to anyone and that's not a bad thing at all. prioritize your own comfort.

i don't think a miracle will happen. it's harder than winning the lottery. i fully have detaching myself from my family physically as part of my to-do's.

i think my family wants me to be independent definitely but it's just all talk. they don't want to put in the effort on actually caring for me and helping me as an autistic person. most autistic people and college graduates are unemployed i think or at least many are. and they'd always compare my sh*t with like starving children or something. like what im going through is acceptable or normal or even a positive compared to "worse" scenarios when neither scenarios are f*cking normal. and the irony is they keep emphasizing how I should be normal. it's disgusting.

i wish i'll find freedom eventually, which means moving, cutting out people, voting blue, getting a boyfriend, getting a job on my own finally after all these years, getting to then ditch my job to be a full time artist.

Edited December 31, 2025Dec 31 by acidbb

56 minutes ago, PrettyHurts said:

When you become financially stable and independent, ghost your toxic self-interested family and form a new life Maybe your mom will come crawling back with humility when she sees you've moved on and don't need her, but put yourself first

yes that's what i'm planning to do.

she does try to call me often. the point is she doesn't know that she often hurts me. she always thinks she's correct and understands me when she's lightyears far from ever actually experiencing what I went and am going through. and she can't control her temper and gets annoyed at everything which makes me go crazy as well. that's the scary part.

My Mum wasn't cool with me being gay and she said something along the lines of "How do you know if you've never been with a woman?", which just caused an argument. She became friends with a gay client of hers, she used to work for Hermes (French lux brand) and got invited to their wedding. I think that helped her to soften up to me being gay.

I would say take her to a gay bar or a Gaga concert, whoever your fave is, maybe that'll help her to come around.

It's crazy cause the opposite happened for me when I came out. I made being gay look "cool" … my mom started going to gay pride, my family stopped gay bashing. My straight friends in high school and even coworkers now tell me all the time "you make me like gay people"

Idky my experience was so easy.

sending you love and happiness from today, 2026 and forever @acidbb