so i met this guy in early may on grindr, and we started following each other on ig, we messaged each other every day for almost a month before we met, it took kinda long cause something always came up and we had to reschedule but in the end of the month we met, it was great, but I felt like he didn't like me that much, and I thought it would be our only meeting.

but we kept messaging, and we met again a week later. It was my birthday, and he gave me a cake, i thought it was super cute and kept and eye that maybe things could go further

then, we met for like two or three more times, we did hooked up for a whole month

he was very cute, and at least i thought he showed that he liked being with me like kissing for hours, cuddling and sh, i know that this could mean nothing but idk

the last time, we booked an Airbnb and spent the night together and had sex ofc

it was a great time, as expected, but then, we only talked for three days after that, and then he disappeared, never responded my messages

he's still following me, didn't block me and is still watching my IG stories.

i know that this happens often with people but like why is it so difficult to say that you maybe just want sex, why do all that to just ghost someone

just letting this out

If you're looking for serious relationship, maybe you should be honest with him and just say it that you want something more. 

Based on what you wrote, he was just treating you like friend with benefit. Nothing more.

 

I also tend to ghost people who I treat as my friend with benefit and only text when I want sex or someone to accompany me to restaurant/movie.

 

I get the vibe that during the period he was in your life environment, he spotted something he wants and he's maintaining the connection to observe whatever the thing is and bring it closer to him, at your expense.

15 minutes ago, Donquizote said:

Based on what you wrote, he was just treating you like friend with benefit. Nothing more.

 

I also tend to ghost people who I treat as my friend with benefit and only text when I want sex or someone to accompany me to restaurant/movie.

 

yes but the thing is, we never spoke again

and when you just casually meet someone, both of you already know what you want and what to expect

but when you share routine and talk to someone like that knowing that you're not just friends is different

He's rude and self-absorbed

19 minutes ago, Dante Silva said:

I get the vibe that during the period he was in your life environment, he spotted something he wants and he's maintaining the connection to observe whatever the thing is and bring it closer to him, at your expense.

yeah, maybe

but at this point the connection is already lost i think

and i don't feel like messaging after the ghosting

time to move on, yes he should've been honest about not wanting to spend more time with you but his issues in this regard are his own. if he were a potential long-term partner he wouldn't act like this

 

at the end of the day, all you can do for yourself is move on. block him if you need to

5 minutes ago, cyberpunkgoth said:

yes but the thing is, we never spoke again

and when you just casually meet someone, both of you already know what you want and what to expect

but when you share routine and talk to someone like that knowing that you're not just friends is different

Seems like he's not into you.

Like Wendy said, he's busy. You're busy. Just leave him alone

 

 

He's taking the easy way out, like a rat. He's an a-hole and he should have been upfront about his feelings towards you. You didn't do anything wrong, but I would advise against messaging or trying to contact him in any way. 

it sounds maybe like you aren't his first choice/option. instead of telling you he's not interested anymore, he might want to keep you around in case he needs you later. i would avoid developing feelings further because he doesn't seem emotionally available to you

kinda sounds like the typical case of keeping options available and not outright expressing a lack of interest. these things happen unfortunately, just don't disrespect yourself by trying to follow up with them. 

The thing about ghosting is that you'll spend months replaying things in your head, but you probably won't get any answers. It's best to try to move on and forget about him 

1 hour ago, Goaty said:

The thing about ghosting is that you'll spend months replaying things in your head, but you probably won't get any answers. It's best to try to move on and forget about him 

exactly

i'm about to bury this and move on

I lose all respect for people who ghost. If someone can't be direct and upfront with me, and instead become immaturely cowardly, they're someone I wouldn't want in my life, honestly. It's not a good sign for any potential moments to come if they reappear out of nowhere next May. And that's if we've actually been talking and communicating for a healthy amount of time. If someone disappears after a day, or two, it's whatever; but to randomly "ghost" after months of talking, hanging out and going on dates—yeah, they can stay wherever they are.

Seems like both of you were not honest with one another tbh

he obv wanted you for fun and sex and you probably wanted something more to develop between you two 

anyways it happens a lot sadly so just move on and don't overthink it 

Rookie mistake in dating, but now you know better.

 

A lot of the ghosting happens because people don't know what they're looking for and are affection starved, so they just throw themselves into some kind of intense relationship dynamic after a date or two, realize that it's getting too serious with this person, even if they facilitated this dynamic, wants out, but also would like to keep the person as an option.

 

It's hard and confusing to navigate dating today, but the only way to know if someone want to be serious is that you ask them. If you get anything else than a clear "I'd love to", take that as a no, and then you move on.

 

Find someone else and remember don't make excuses for anybody. If they're relationship material, they're not going to leave you guessing like this.

18 minutes ago, Soul Grabber said:

Rookie mistake in dating, but now you know better.

 

A lot of the ghosting happens because people don't know what they're looking for and are affection starved, so they just throw themselves into some kind of intense relationship dynamic after a date or two, realize that it's getting too serious with this person, even if they facilitated this dynamic, wants out, but also would like to keep the person as an option.

 

It's hard and confusing to navigate dating today, but the only way to know if someone want to be serious is that you ask them. If you get anything else than a clear "I'd love to", take that as a no, and then you move on.

 

Find someone else and remember don't make excuses for anybody. If they're relationship material, they're not going to leave you guessing like this.

thank you for this

I expected classic unserious comments entering this thread but I'm very happy that all of you have been insightful

You deserve better than him, and you'll get it!