2 minutes ago, Graves said:

Cutting Nonna before Twinke is some messy business, girls. The ageism.

His time is coming...

4 minutes ago, Graves said:

That said, she did kind of reheat SZA's old nachos with this one tho...

 

 

A shame Mommy and Granny didn't get even get credited

 

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

 

Average score: 5.67

High score: 10 (@a_d_22, @Europe, @Ken Lee, @Born to Run)

Low score: 1 (@Truth Teller, @Doogle)

 

 

Ooh, the girls are fighting! The title for The Tortured Poets Department allegedly derives from a group chat that Joe Alwyn has with Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal called The Tortured Man Club – a reference that Taylor’s ex very much did not appreciate. Yet this titular track actually seems to be about the early days of her fling with Matty Healy, when Taylor was charmed by his every pretentious and weird behavior. After an intro that sounds like she’s about to rip off Sky Ferreira’s “Everything Is Embarrassing” (she totally should!), it’s decidedly less interesting than the metatextual drama.

 

Best bit: “But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave/And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen” is quite the confession. Damn, the girl was dickmatized!

 

ATRL says…: “The lyrics are actually quite profound in a post-post-post-reverse-Warholian-ironic sense,” @Ken Lee raved. (Nod like you understand.) The song is also a highlight for @makeawish. “I remember the morning this came out and thinking, no I don't care what anyone says, this is going to be alright,” he wrote. “Has a real momentum and sparkle about it, I love this one.”

 

@Graves thought it “sounds like the intro song to a '90s sitcom,” while @MusicLoverDude shrugged, “the quotable lyrics are more interesting than the actual song but it's still cute.” Two members called out the infamous Charlie Puth line: @Truth Teller (“Charlie Puth should absolutely not be a bigger artist”) and @Doogle (“I just immediately gave this a 1 for that one line about Charlie Puth. I rated fairly but I'm not even sorry about this”).

@Suilen scoffed at Taylor’s designation as “songwriter of the millennium!!!” @Ewan Chaos split the difference: “Stupid lyrics (semi-complementary), the production is fine, she sounds kinda bad in the parts where she hits the ‘high’ notes.” @glitch’s assessment was far more withering. “Scary combination of heavy-handed metaphors, forced references, poor breath control and shaky high notes,” he ticked off. “My Taylor Swift bingo card has a full house.”

 

Even major Swiftie @Achilles. didn’t really defend it. “This is the title track of my favorite artist's most recent album and I haven't played it in the last 10 months, which really says it all,” he reflected.” I really believe the Metacritic score would be like 10 points higher if this song/album title did not exist. That said, it's not utterly irredeemable. The first 65 seconds are just fine, and she does throw in some wonderful harmonies later on. It goes without saying that the second verse is a mess, but I hate the bridge so much more. The sheer secondhand embarrassment of it all makes it unlistenable. She should never name drop a person who became famous in the 21st century ever again (unless it's herself).” He, of course, finished by fighting the real enemy. “Having said all of that, one of the worst songs of Taylor's discography does still exemplify greater artistry than anything I heard on that Ariana Grande album.”

nonna out as she should

Actually not that bad if you ignore #that lyric.

2 minutes ago, supaspaz said:

My Taylor Swift bingo card has a full house."

@glitch  clever

"-and who's gonna hold you like me?"

 

 

"...we declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist."

 

2 minutes ago, KatyPrismSpirit said:

@glitch  clever

That made me laugh, too

I'm not a Charlie Puther, but I'm surprised his gaybaiting isn't working more for ATRL

 

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVORITE TOYS

 

Average score: 5.76

High score: 10 (@a_d_22, @Europe)

Low score: 1 (@MP2K, @Ken Lee)

 

 

“Oh, here we go again,” Taylor sighs at the start of this breakup anthem about…come on, you don’t need me to explain the central metaphor to you. It’s hard not to feel a similar indifference for yet another soufflé of Jack Antonoff maxi-pop and victimhood. “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” isn’t even bad, it’s just Swift on autopilot.

 

Best bit: “He saw forever, so he smashed it up”

 

ATRL says…: “For some reason Swifties have collectively decided to pretend that this is a good song,” @Ken Lee observed. “Well, it is not.” Most of you took issue with the production. “Another song that had potential but was let down by the lackluster production,” @glitch wrote. “Taylor devoured the concept and lyrics but the RANCID Jack production is an immediate 3 point deduction,” @KatyPrismSpirit fumed. @Graves said, “It's not like...bad or anything, just feels kind of stale. Feels like a song I've heard from her several times over.” @Suilen found it “surprisingly listenable,” while @MusicLoverDude “likely won't be revisiting this as much as the years pass. But still decent.”

 

For @makeawish, the song “has been a grower. I can still sort of hear what I wasn't keen on before. There's a slight flatness to the production, should have a bit more going on in the chorus (this will be a bit of a theme in general), it doesn't go off quite in the way that the coda does. But it's so damn catchy! Say what you like about Taylor but I can remember how all of these songs go (hi Billie! hi Bey!).”

 

@Achilles. called it “one of the biggest pieces of filler in Taylor's entire catalog. It's basically a law that every woman in pop music must have a song that uses the Barbie doll metaphor, and we've particularly gotten a lot in the last few years between Chromatica and Plastic Hearts and the whole Barbie soundtrack. So it's been done to death and I don't think she really has anything particularly new or insightful to add to the mix. On top of all of that, this is like the fifth time she and Jack have tried to recreate ‘Out of the Woods’/’Getaway Car’ and the diminishing returns just get weaker with each attempt.”

1 minute ago, supaspaz said:

I'm not a Charlie Puther, but I'm surprised his gaybaiting isn't working more for ATRL

He doesn't even have that market anymore. The girls have moved on to Benson Boone!

 

I've said everything I need to say about this song

 

 

Charlie Puth would be a bigger artist if his music wasn't him just trying to recreate Voicenotes over and over again. Time to retire the falsetto too sis

Your "best bit" in PTSD being one of my least favorite lines in her entire discography and the part that makes what could have been a decent track utterly unlistenable. Okay. 

Just now, Achilles. said:

Your "best bit" in PTSD being one of my least favorite lines in her entire discography and the part that makes what could have been a decent track utterly unlistenable. Okay. 

You kind of spilled because namedropping Lucy Dacus is lowkey worse than the Charlie Puth shoutout

 

1 minute ago, Achilles. said:

Your "best bit" in PTSD being one of my least favorite lines in her entire discography and the part that makes what could have been a decent track utterly unlistenable. Okay. 

Yeah, that one was admittedly sarcastic

I'm shocked that Florida!!! hasn't been unjustly included in this massacre but I have to assume that it will be coming soon. 
 

The first Cowboy Carter elimination is up next. I'm going to kill you all for this.

Jack Antonoff is such a boring musician. Every now and then he strikes gold but most of the time he just sticks to really samey safe beats. I wanna break into his studio and add in random loud noises throughout his songs

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys is probably one of Jack Antonoff's worst offenses to music production ever. Literally everything about it sounds flacid, dull, dead, uninspired. Taylor's voice is evaporating on that track.

Just now, Eeveelution said:

You kind of spilled because namedropping Lucy Dacus is lowkey worse than the Charlie Puth shoutout

 

The whole thing being about mediocre white people is kind of a scream now that you mention it.

 

Just now, Achilles. said:

I'm shocked that Florida!!! hasn't been unjustly included in this massacre but I have to assume that it will be coming soon. 
 

My 10 putting in overtime

 

and NOBODY quote my post to say "including the singer herself".

 

3 minutes ago, Eeveelution said:

You kind of spilled because namedropping Lucy Dacus is lowkey worse than the Charlie Puth shoutout

 

I hate those Boygenius individuals. Just hearing their names makes me shudder

 

2 minutes ago, Graves said:

and NOBODY quote my post to say "including the singer herself".

 

I can't even tell whether you like Taylor or not

 

1 minute ago, glitch said:

I hate those Boygenius individuals. Just hearing their names makes me shudder

 

Ntm on Phoebe but yes I won't fall for the propaganda around that 'supergroup'