So I finally clicked with a therapist. She's genuinely kind and can confidently say that after bouncing from one to another, this therapist's been helpful so far. I feel seen, safe, optimistic about this journey, and it doesn't feel like I'm in an interview. However, last session made me feel some kind of way.

 

We were talking about how awful my coming out was- a very sensitive subject from my past. Before diving deeper I wanted to make sure again that this was a safe space and that she felt comfortable with a gay patient. She said she was, that she has gay patients... and she didn't mind what ever sexual condition anyone had. "Condition"... like homosexuality's an issue? This rubbed me the wrong way. Could it be that talking about trauma around my homosexuality made me see what she said in a negative light, or that she meant no harm and it was an uneducated comment... or a bit of both?

 

I was too numb to bring it up at that moment because- again- a very sensitive subject. I made a mental note to talk about it on our next session, but I thought it was interesting to see your takes on this.

You are massively overthinking it.

 

 

Kinda weird tbh you should probably see someone more LGBTQ oriented 

Well from the outside perspective it seems like she just wanted to use a neutral term to include various forms of trauma that can be related to one's sexuality.

 

If you've had good sessions so far, I'd say just see how it goes next time

I would be open with her about how that term made you feel because it should strengthen your therapeutic rapport and could help her grow as a clinician.

56 minutes ago, Lithium said:

Well from the outside perspective it seems like she just wanted to use a neutral term to include various forms of trauma that can be related to one's sexuality.

 

If you've had good sessions so far, I'd say just see how it goes next time

 

6 minutes ago, suburbannature said:

I would be open with her about how that term made you feel because it should strengthen your therapeutic rapport and could help her grow as a clinician.

I agree with both of these posts. It’s important that you communicate how it made you feel. 
 

I switched to a new therapist earlier this year and specifically requested one that was LGBTQ. They’ve been so helpful and easy to talk to especially after my breakup and re-entrance into the dating world. I can talk to them about the hookup apps and everything without feeling misunderstood or shamed or afraid to. 

condition is a crazy word. maybe she misspoke, but why would that be the first word you think to use

10 minutes ago, Bussea said:

condition is a crazy word. maybe she misspoke, but why would that be the first word you think to use

Right she might as well have finished the convo with "I hope they find a cure soon"

Edited November 12, 2025Nov 12 by Raphy

She thinks you're mentally ill with homosexuality

 

 

--

 

In all seriousness, you can discuss this next time and just correct her on how you want her to call homosexuality

2 hours ago, Europe said:

You are massively overthinking it.

 

 

Omg it's been years since I saw this gif

it probably came out wrong but the take home point is you felt safe with them and she was trying to also make it a safe space with that comment - in hindsight, she probably could've worded it differently but I wouldn't use it as a strike imo

i would have asked, that's not a casual misspeak for a therapist, therapy is the time to tell someone how you feel. 

I don't know, but Robyn's new song cured me

 

maybe she was just using medical jargon or in a more professional context. keep in mind condition for health care professionals doesn't have the negative connotations it has with the rest of us. 

Psycotherapy is a scam and that was 100% a red flag. "Healing" from trauma isn't really a thing - there's nothing "broken" inside you that you need a therapist to magically "fix". The most she will do is help you adapt to your current situation better. But given her homophobic tendencies it will probably not end up pretty. 

 

Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to find some mystical "perfect" psycologist. You're just wasting your money and energy for something that won't even help you anyway. No therapist will ever tell you the truth about how the world works because that means they will stop getting paid. 

 

Your coming out was awful for many reasons and one of them is that the system needs you to feel like **** about yourself so that you fall in line and buy **** you don't need to feel better and fill a void they tell you you have when that's simply not true at all. It's just part of how it functions. 

29 minutes ago, AMIT said:

Psycotherapy is a scam and that was 100% a red flag. "Healing" from trauma isn't really a thing - there's nothing "broken" inside you that you need a therapist to magically "fix". The most she will do is help you adapt to your current situation better. But given her homophobic tendencies it will probably not end up pretty. 

 

Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to find some mystical "perfect" psycologist. You're just wasting your money and energy for something that won't even help you anyway. No therapist will ever tell you the truth about how the world works because that means they will stop getting paid. 

 

Your coming out was awful for many reasons and one of them is that the system needs you to feel like **** about yourself so that you fall in line and buy **** you don't need to feel better and fill a void they tell you you have when that's simply not true at all. It's just part of how it functions. 

Basically this.  Therapy is not a cure-all for mental illness, and finding good community is wayyyy more important than finding a good therapist.  For millions of years, humans have survived and thrived in small communities where everyone in the community supported each other emotionally and physically, while taking part in social-bonding rituals and sharing necessary resources with each other.  It's not natural, from an evolutionary perspective, to give your hard-earned resources to one single individual from another tribe who barely knows you, expecting this individual to magically fix all your problems.  I have dealt with a lot of the same issues as OP has, and have been in therapy collectively for over 3 years throughout my life, and it never did squat for me.  The only thing that helped me was to find gay friends who truly got me on a cellular level.  Once I found my people, everything else in my life seemed way less overwhelming and manageable.  However, I will say that, with the world the way it is today, finding community can be extremely difficult, so I do empathize with people who seek out therapy, as it may feel like their only option for being seen in the modern world, which seems set up by design to enforce our own isolation from one another.

 

OT: Yes, OP, your therapist's verbiage was weird and off-putting.  Try to find some cool gay friends to commiserate with, as good community is way more important than a good therapist.

On 11/12/2025 at 11:12 PM, AMIT said:

The most she will do is help you adapt to your current situation better.

Which is a big W for me if I'm able to achieve this at all. The weight I'm carrying is crippling me in many aspects of my life so I need better tools for my day to day, not a magical healing/fixing.

 

I also get what you and @Bitter Aging Twink say. I'm very isolated from the gay community where I live now so I'm never not finding one. So far therapy has been helping me. Maybe better things are coming, but this is where I'm at right now and I'm trying to make the most of my current situation.

 

 

 

 

I appreciate all of your replies so thank you all. I'm taking the advice many here have said and let her know how I feel, and take it from there. Will probably update after our next session.

Update: I brought up what she said. She apologized and felt bad and recognized it was a wrong/weird thing to say. Said she tried to be eloquent and formal, like many of you thought. It's all good. I believe her explanations and still feel comfortable with her.

Thank you for your support