Okay, on to the next TTPD track

 

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

 

Average score: 5.64

High score: 10 (@a_d_22, @makeawish, @MusicLoverDude)

Low score: 1 (@kandicha, @Quicksand)

 

 

With a blissful lack of any self-reflection, Taylor petulantly swipes at the vipers, the wine moms and everyone else whose very public expressions of concern about Matty Healy’s, um, less savory side effectively ended their relationship before it could it really begin. And you know what? Let this bitch out more! Is “But Daddy I Love Him” a good song? No, not particularly. But it’s kinda great to hear Taylor popping off like this. She's so crazzzzzzzy! Love her!!!

 

Best bit: “If all you want is gray for me/Then it's just white noise, and it's just my choice”

 

ATRL says…: This may have gotten better reviews from the Taylor haters than the Swifties. “Not her dragging her insufferable fans with this one. Get them again for me, sis!” @Graves yelped. @glitch was struggling with his own enjoyment of the song. “I could never give you that 10, because I don't like you,” he wrote. “So I've always gotta keep something negative in reference towards you. But I'll give you an 8... actually a 7.5.” @MusicLoverDude may have been the exception. He praised “THIS SONG!!!!!!!!! Such a banger.”

 

For many, it generated more questions than answers. @Curaga was “liking this for shitting on self-righteous Christians, but who tf refers to their hair as ‘tendrils’?” @Ewan Chaos thought it was a “cute ‘eff my fans’ kinda song, but why is she stumbling over her own phrases?” @makeawish called it a “banger. Matty Healey is a terrible person but he also inspired the best song on this album and another to come so who's to say if that's bad or not?”

 

@Hyune was getting bored. “It’s not bad but it’s all starting to sound the same nnn,” he moaned. So was @Ace Reject “If you're going to do Ethel Cain, go all out,” he offered. “Why does this drag? A 7 when it could have been a 9.”

 

And then poor @Achilles. was down bad crying at the gym. “Taylor ‘I can excuse my edgelord boyfriend being casually racist and sexist but I draw the line at people calling out my willingness to overlook it’ Swift was at her lowest…” he fumed. “I'm not fond of the ‘dress unbuttoned’ lyric and hate the fourth wall break in the chorus. In theory I agree that some people develop far too unhealthy of an attachment to their pop culture idols (pop gays may be crazy but we'll never be Club Chalamet), but it's just embarrassing that she chose to die on this hill over Matthew Healy. The fact that her fans have stood by all of her messes and it literally took ‘Ghetto Gaggers’ for Swifties to draw a line and she took it so well that she wrote the most hateful song of her career about it… Nasty work.”

5 minutes ago, supaspaz said:

If it is, then GIRL MOVE ON

taylor reading this:

 

 

2 minutes ago, K$Ellie said:

smallest man is actually her most cringe and ridiculous song i can't believe swifties like it  

I mean, she ate him up!

 

5 minutes ago, supaspaz said:

I haven't even listened to The Anthology yet, but now I'm scared...

Well me neither tbh, I just saw an opening for a nasty dig at her.

 

if the best ones are going at 5.6 we may as well just get this out of the way smdh

The Anthology isn't very good either but if it was here I would have at least given The Prophecy a sympathy 10 for sounding vaguely like a Sufjan Stevens Carrie & Lowell outtake.  

 

4 minutes ago, supaspaz said:

@Curaga was "liking this for shitting on self-righteous Christians, but who tf refers to their hair as 'tendrils'?"

 

Her Björk serve.

Wtf not top 3 on Tortured Putas in the 60s…. 

Love seeing these TTPD tracks getting panned 

 

 

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

 

Average score: 5.64

High score: 9 (@supaspaz, @K$Ellie, @Achilles.)

Low score: 1 (@wish, @Mark Rih, @MusicLoverDude)

 

 

Step aside, Cowboy Carter, there’s a new sheriff in town. This spare and sultry sketch from The Tortured Poets Department packs all of the tobacco-stained imagery, tragic hubris and pedal steel guitar of a great Western into less than three minutes, as Taylor throws caution to the wind and falls for a bad boy. It’s striking and feels genuinely fresh within her catalog. So naturally “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)” is one of only four tracks in the rate not to receive a single 10.

 

Best bit: “He had a halo of the highest gradе/He just hadn't met me yеt”

 

ATRL says…: “They'll try to tell you that it's filler because it's short or they don't like its Western aesthetic, but they are very, very wrong!” @Achilles. warned, and unfortunately, he was so right. “This has grown on me a bit over time,” @makeawish acknowledged. “I like the subtlety of it now, but it’s not really a top tier song.” @Suilen, doing promo for Akina Nakamori, called it a “cute song, but it's high time she realized that men are unfixable.” Curaga compared it to this GIF. “Its short length is the song's biggest strength,” @Helix joked, though he added that “it's actually a highlight on the album.” @Graves agreed it’s “a surprise highlight.” @glitch dragged the “boring melody combined with cringe, pick me subject matter. Lethal combo.” @MusicLoverDude concluded simply, “Nope. It's bad.”

I thought that Taylor was perhaps clinically incapable of serving cunt until I heard this banger

Sjjskwkwkaka that was a good one, but I'll never be mad at her getting whacked (talking about But Daddy I Love Him).

 

I can fix him...bin. What the hell is this gif though plsss

 

Edited May 31, 20251 yr by glitch

ykw I didn't hate this one

 

1 minute ago, Curaga said:

This is absolutely frying my brain

i've been generous to TTPD and even i find anthology a bit exhausting, very samey, it's a shame we don't still have b-sides for her to dump this stuff on rather than it coming out as something that you might expect her to have made more of an effort with

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to appreciate I Can Fix Him. (No Really, You Do)...

Wait, another album gets a whack next!

3 minutes ago, Graves said:

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to appreciate I Can Fix Him. (No Really, You Do)...

Exactly. It's for cultured people.

Inshallah it's some of that yeehaw album's filler

 

ORDINARY THINGS

ft. Nonna

 

Average score: 5.64

High score: 10 (@Doogle)

Low score: 1 (@Europe)

 

 

Perhaps in need of a nap, the oldest artist on any of these albums makes an early exit on our countdown. The first elimination from Eternal Sunshine is this intergenerational collab, which ends with Ariana’s nearly 100-year-old Nonna offering relationship advice to her besotted granddaughter.

 

Best bit: “And as I told her, never go to bed without kissin' goodnight/That's the worst thing to do, don't ever, ever do that/And if you can't, and if you don't feel comfortable doing it/You're in the wrong place, get out”

 

ATRL says…: “Ordinary Things” may have gotten a mixed reception, but you love Nonna! “There's a warmth and a sense that everything is going to be alright at the end of a tough journey, plus the wisdom of Nonna,” @makeawish effused. “Ngl that's the good shit.” @Doogle shared that “a couple months ago I got home drunk and laid on the sofa listening to this song for hours until I passed out… Nonna was my therapist in that moment.” @Suilen thought “featuring your grandma on a song is a cute gesture, I'll say that.” @Helix noted that “Nonna got a Hot 100 entry for this, which is cute. And that's the only reason why I tolerate it.” Well, most of you love her. “Grandma added nothing to this, sorry,” @MusicLoverDude said. “Still decent.”

8 minutes ago, glitch said:

What the hell is this gif though plsss

 

Me plotting how "Just For Fun" can still win this rate

 

Cutting Nonna before Twinke is some messy business, girls. The ageism.

I love Nonna's little contributions to her discography "Because I'm trying to do the best I can and they can't find something to satisfy me" 

That said, she did kind of reheat SZA's old nachos with this one tho...