My bf & I dated in 2017/2018, then we split & got back together in late 2021. Things have been going well but he’s been talking about marriage lately, like heavily.

 

I love him but… man I’m 20 & he’s 21. Ask me in 7yrs ?

He’s been getting me gifts (I hate getting those lol) & I’m nervous, I know I’ll say no if he does ask me but I don’t wanna ruin us.

 

If I say no, are we doomed?

If you say no, you are doomed I fear

Yes 

 

I said I need to think first about it. 

 

And it kinda ruined it but I didn't want to say yes

1 minute ago, Lana Banana said:

If you say no, you are doomed I fear

I hate this but yes kinda correct

Yes, say that you can’t imagine getting married until your late 20s before he proposes

If both are considerably emotionally mature, no. But relationships like those tend to be uncommon.

 

You're only 20? Wow, he seems irrationally far ahead of himself. Next time he brings it up, like @Dephirasaid, say you can't see yourself getting married until late 20s.

 

If he takes offense to that then he's an absolute airhead and you're probably better off without him. 

Please don’t marry him, not right now. It’s way too early 

Before you say yes you have too meet the inlaws and that makes it A No usually. 

 

It also helps if the person that asked you to marry them was not currently married. 

 

I went through that nightmare. 

 

Edited April 30, 20224 yr by Shaner69

12 minutes ago, Buddy said:

If both are considerably emotionally mature, no. But relationships like those tend to be uncommon.

 

You're only 20? Wow, he seems irrationally far ahead of himself. Next time he brings it up, like @Dephirasaid, say you can't see yourself getting married until late 20s.

 

If he takes offense to that then he's an absolute airhead and you're probably better off without him. 

I am emotionally mature, I thought he was too but I’m second guessing and I reallyyyyy don’t wanna be a “divorcee” before I even hit my 30s ? That feels so wrong 

Say yes but not until 2032 and he can’t mention it for the next 8 years 

Try to make him clear that you are not ready BEFORE he proposes.

9 minutes ago, moonlitdick said:

I am emotionally mature, I thought he was too but I’m second guessing and I reallyyyyy don’t wanna be a “divorcee” before I even hit my 30s ? That feels so wrong 

You are at least emotionally mature enough to know that engagement at 20 is ridiculous. Everyone's situation is different but in most cases engagement that early is due to emotional immaturity. Really, the only excuse for marrying that young is pregnancy. 

tell him before he proposes

DO NOT RUSH YOURSELF INTO MARRIAGE. If your gut says no, you should say no, and if your man truly loves you, he will accept it.

What's the big deal of getting married? You can still divorce if it doesn't work lol.

1) If you want to marry him eventually but not right now: say something before he proposes. Give him a time frame though. It is up to him if he wants to wait. 

 

2) If you don't even want to marry him: do you guys both a favor and break up.

Yes it’ll ruin any relationship because it just shows that you’re both at different places emotionally. I believe a solution is being engaged forever. Say yes to the proposal and tell him you don’t intend to tie the knot soon. It’s easier to break of an engagement than divorcing. 

Yes you are both dead! 

 

 

 

jk.. for real tho, you can open up a conversation about the future and tell him how you wanna get married someday and have a family, and as the conversation flows casually drop that you envision that happening probably after 5 years and that you think you are not ready for it yet

When he brings it up again tell him you don't see yourself getting married in your early twenties. You should have an honest conversations about your expectations from this relationship and if he keeps pushing it, it'd be better to break up I fear. Don't get pressured into marriage, listen to your intuition. 

 

Everyone's life is different but in my opinion, getting married in your early twenties after one year of dating is a huge risk and I would advise against it. If it's really meant to be, you can stay together for a few years and see where it goes from there. 

Yes. No one is going to get married in their 20s

1 hour ago, Buddy said:

If both are considerably emotionally mature, no. But relationships like those tend to be uncommon.

 

You're only 20? Wow, he seems irrationally far ahead of himself. Next time he brings it up, like @Dephirasaid, say you can't see yourself getting married until late 20s.

 

If he takes offense to that then he's an absolute airhead and you're probably better off without him. 

All of this…

 

20 is SO young… you’ve got so much ahead. I would make it very, very clear you don’t want to get married for quite some time.
 

Me and my partner try and chat about things like marriage/kids/buying a house together as honestly as possible… kids are the only thing that’s caused us some upset!

27 minutes ago, Jude said:

What's the big deal of getting married? You can still divorce if it doesn't work lol.

Divorce is a hugely expensive, messy ordeal that can take years… assets needs to be divided up, and people can play dirty if there’s a lot of emotion involved.… and God help them if they have kids.

 

Sometimes it’s better to save yourself the headache.

I think you should talk about this with your BF because if you would to accept his marriage proposal so your relationship won't end is such a bad bad idea

who even thinks of marriage at 20/21?

 

to answer your question, maybe. But at such a young age, if you refuse to marry I think he'll understand (or he should)

A severe majority of young marriages end in divorce by the mid 20s. I think you should sit him down and talk heavily about waiting because it's essentially a death knell post proposal if you say no. One side will feel they aren't being loved enough when that's probably not the case, while the other may end up feeling they don't believe they love them at all for rejecting. There's no perfect time, but just from marriages around me that happened at 17/18 and were done by 20, I think you should play it safe