Psychology Today

Why We Ignore Our Own Advice

Ever notice how it's easy to give advice but impossible to follow your own? Denial and avoidance might be the reasons.

I've been reflecting recently and realized that I struggle with this.

It's quite easy for me to identify when something isn't right for my friends, but incredibly difficult to apply that same energy to my own patterns and people who fly red flags high for me to see.

Do you have the same issue and if you don't, what centers you to trust your instincts and move the way you'd want a friend to move?

I think the advice we give is usually something we've heard from (and saw to work on) others. We don't always feel like we're strong enough to apply it to ourselves, and neither do the people who receive our advice.

No, I like to practice what I preach

Edit: I meant yes

Edited July 23Jul 23 by Venice B

This is my favorite Kehlani song

I never give advice.

I love that Khelani song, it's time to take my own advice, take my own advice, take my own advice

Either way, I'm really good at advicing but terrible to follow what I preach lol, working on it tho.

That's exactly how our brains work. It's exactly like you said in the OP. I'm experiencing it right now with all the threads targeting Argentina. I keep telling myself, don't get involved, don't reply to people who aren't going to listen. But then I end up spiraling and feel like I have to respond, even though I'm not really a nationalist in my everyday life, and even though I know I'm just going to get mass downvoted.

17 minutes ago, Esteban[·MCR·] said:

That's exactly how our brains work. It's exactly like you said in the OP. I'm experiencing it right now with all the threads targeting Argentina. I keep telling myself, don't get involved, don't reply to people who aren't going to listen. But then I end up spiraling and feel like I have to respond, even though I'm not really a nationalist in my everyday life, and even though I know I'm just going to get mass downvoted.

You're no victim. Take those spankings.

52 minutes ago, Lithium said:

I think the advice we give is usually something we've heard from (and saw to work on) others. We don't always feel like we're strong enough to apply it to ourselves, and neither do the people who receive our advice.

It's difficult in practice, too. I just literally feel a physical compulsion to open that message thread or do that thing out of like a muscle memory and because my brain anticipates dopamine or something. I know I'm strong enough and ready to move on, but it doesn't feel like my nervous system recognizes that.

It's both mental and physical commitment to get out of your own way, which is why I have a lot of empathy for people that can't kick things that aren't good for them.

no, its really bad advice