So last weekend I tried to get one of my friend groups (2 other people) to hang out. Long story short, they ended up ghosting me after saying they'd let me know and I kinda brushed it off. Today, I decided I'd give it a go again. Same thing happened (they pretend like they're down or there's a chance and then say they'll let me know, and then nothing). I called them out and one of them decided to message me personally and say he wasn't feeling good and that we should hang tomorrow since he "has nothing to do." Am I wrong to be mad / feel gross? It seems like a pity invite, because I know he wouldn't have initiated anything if I didn't say anything. Or should I just be happy he reached out?
 

Like I get people can be busy but it's just wild to lead me on like that twice in a row. It feel like they don't respect my time

Edited October 11, 2025Oct 11 by TedLasso

5 minutes ago, TedLasso said:

It feel like they don't respect my time

They don't and, respectfully, neither do you:

5 minutes ago, TedLasso said:

Today, I decided I'd give it a go again.

My advice, I'm sitting in a treatment center rn so take it or leave it, would be to always push for and fight for your relationships. If you want to hang out, try and try and try until it happens. If someone is valuable to you, never give up.

21 minutes ago, Spicy Pisces said:

They don't and, respectfully, neither do you:

 

7 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said:

My advice, I'm sitting in a treatment center rn so take it or leave it, would be to always push for and fight for your relationships. If you want to hang out, try and try and try until it happens. If someone is valuable to you, never give up.

The devil and the Angel on my shoulder 

I don't know how old you and your friends are, and I guess it doesn't really matter either, but what I've learnt as I've gotten older is (and by the way I mean this will all respect to you - not disrespect) that chasing someone else's time who isn't willing to give it you isn't really worth your time and sometimes it's okay to accept the grievance of that and move on. If this is just a one off instance with your friends then just ignore what I'm saying. People have busy lives and people are entitled to their own down time in solace too if they don't feel like hanging out. But if you feel that these friends in particular always seem difficult to arrange getting together with then it's okay to stop trying. Over the years I've shaved off a few relationships for this reason, even if at the time I felt sad about it. But it's better to have friends you feel you can rely on even if it makes your circle feel smaller.

1 minute ago, Jack! said:

I don't know how old you and your friends are, and I guess it doesn't really matter either, but what I've learnt as I've gotten older is (and by the way I mean this will all respect to you - not disrespect) that chasing someone else's time who isn't willing to give it you isn't really worth your time and sometimes it's okay to accept the grievance of that and move on. If this is just a one off instance with your friends then just ignore what I'm saying. People have busy lives and people are entitled to their own down time in solace too if they don't feel like hanging out. But if you feel that these friends in particular always seem difficult to arrange getting together with then it's okay to stop trying. Over the years I've shaved off a few relationships for this reason, even if at the time I felt sad about it. But it's better to have friends you feel you can rely on even if it makes your circle feel smaller.

I disagree. I'm sure you've heard the plethora of husbands saying that their wives would not give them the time of day for a very long time and they end up in long lasting marriages.

My pettiness can be off the charts, sometimes, for better and for worse; I'd find a whole new person/group to hang out with, in good faith, genuinely. It's that time of year where something is always going on and there's a lot to see and do. Like, you have to have "nothing to do" to want to spend time with me? Okay, I got you... and you're going to stay with "nothing to do."

 

5 minutes ago, VibraniumHarmony said:

My pettiness can be off the charts, sometimes, for better and for worse; I'd find a whole new person/group to hang out with, in good faith, genuinely. It's that time of year where something is always going on and there's a lot to see and do. Like, you have to have "nothing to do" to want to spend time with me? Okay, I got you... and you're going to stay with "nothing to do."

 

Yeah that part really got me. Like I'm glad my company is desirable when there's literally nothing else for you to do. 

4 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said:

I disagree. I'm sure you've heard the plethora of husbands saying that their wives would not give them the time of day for a very long time and they end up in long lasting marriages.

I don't necessarily look at my friendships the same way I do romantic relationships, so respectfully, I don't fully see how the comparison works. Obviously I understand what you're saying, I'm sure many have persevered for romantic and platonic relationships and if OP and you feel that's what's best for you to do then that's fine too. I just mean that I value my time and I don't want to waste my time chasing relationships that are unevenly reciprocated. I prefer having a smaller but reliant circle.

5 minutes ago, Jack! said:

I don't necessarily look at my friendships the same way I do romantic relationships, so respectfully, I don't fully see how the comparison works. Obviously I understand what you're saying, I'm sure many have persevered for romantic and platonic relationships and if OP and you feel that's what's best for you to do then that's fine too. I just mean that I value my time and I don't want to waste my time chasing relationships that are unevenly reciprocated. I prefer having a smaller but reliant circle.

Again i have to disagree with you. I've had friends inviting me to do stuff over and over again and calling me over and over again and eventually we became besties.

   genuinely all of the friends i have had - beside one or two - have stopped messaging me once we didnt have any means of in-person contact. so i can understand how you feel on feeling like "my time isnt worth enough for other people to reach out first"

 

extra info not really important to what you're asking but thought id share anyway lol

Spoiler

   i do still follow a lot of the friends i had from high school on instagram and we do once in a blue moon message about whatever post on instagram we share on IG stories or repost or send each other or if something that happened in real life that we both are historically connected to. (spoiler for sensitive info)

Spoiler

like that one time my high school BEST friend messaged me out of the blue about finding out that one of the guys in our friend group turned out to be a predator while working in a youth center, was caught and arrested.

 

   and the "beside one or two" friends i mentioned before, one i met at work and we message back and forth sometimes about either Taylor swift or about whatever is going on with respective work since he left the place i still work at. but we both go back and forth on whos reaching out first.

   the other has always lived in South America. i never met him in person, but we first talked on instagram (funny enough it was about Kesha/Kim Petras around the time Rainbow came out i think) and we always send instagram reels/memes to each other if we're not talking about Kesha, Gaga, pop girls/music in general, gay porn, religion, literally everything. hes one that even though hes had a few times where he doesnt reach out for several months, he has very valid reasons regarding family life and the relationships that really fall apart. plus he is on the autism spectrum so theres times where he hyper focuses on certain things and forgets about other things not in his focus. hes been the one to reach out first many times, so i know he'll kinda always be there.

 

They don't seem to respect you and frankly why would they when you don't seem to respect yourself 

 

never force people to hang with you. Trust your gut. You're not a case to be plead. U don't have to convince people to like you. Because then you're stuck having to perform and having to continue showing them why picking you was the right decision 

 

sound exhausting doesn't it. 
 

that being said. I'm sorry that happened to you. 

it's kinda why I never ask people to hang out because I always get this!   only got one friend and she knows I'm not really the type to plan because she knows I been treated like that by everyone so she kinda plans ahead for us! because we both hate being ****** around like that 

If this happens once or twice, that doesn't mean anything. Life happens and sometimes you're busy, tired, or simply not in the mood. 
 

If this happens like 5 times in a row, then move on. Friendships are a two-way street and both parts should be invested. 

Update I declined 

Leave them alone and wait for them to reach out. If they care about you, they will eventually.

Meanwhile, get some new friends. 

I throw the ball to people, and if they never throw it back, I leave the court.

 

If it happens once-ish, alright, but if it's a pattern, I'm not going to reach out again. They're welcome to reach out to me, and we can hang out, but if that never happens, it is what it is. Friends come and go.