Woke up feeling good, got to work and my best friend / coworker said something to me and it really set me off  Not to go too deep into it but I'm a very insecure person (when it comes to my intelligence, I think I have imposter syndrome), and even though I know he didn't mean it to be offensive I just shut down and decided not to talk with him… anyway I forgot I agreed to plans after work (included him) and the whole time he was trying to get me to talk with him and it was super awkward. He also kept asking why I wouldn't go out with him and another buddy tonight (something I decided not to do yesterday) and he was lowkey kinda guilt tripping me into going. Even said he would cancel his plans with the other guy to do something different with me. I said no. We left and it felt super weird. I texted him saying I was sorry and it was an off day and he apologized too and then nothing since. A few hours later I'm talking with my mom and then she also makes a similar comment about my intelligence (over something completely stupid) and now I've just completely shut down. I feel so mentally worthless and on top of that I'm worried my relationship with my friend won't be the same. Does anyone have any similar thoughts or know how to get out of this mess 

What did you friend say/do that struck a nerve about your intelligence?

 

 

Be grateful you have that friend

I think you should talk to your mum and let out all of your feelings, it sounds like you've been keeping them in too long. Mine told me I'm being too hard on myself and that's what you seem to be doing especially since you're taking comments to heart. For me, I feel like I'm in my flop era and I need to get a life but I have no job and no real friends. It's hard but I'm sure I'll bounce back. 
 

When it comes to comments other people make, you need to decide whether you're gonna let them dictate how you feel about yourself. It seems like you have low self-worth to start with anyway, which isn't great. You could always wake up in the morning and decide to think positive things about yourself.

 

I like to remind myself I might be a mess, but at least I'm hot. A hot mes, if you will.

3 minutes ago, YUNGKALIMXEL said:

I think you should talk to your mum and let out all of your feelings, it sounds like you've been keeping them in too long. Mine told me I'm being too hard on myself and that's what you seem to be doing especially since you're taking comments to heart. For me, I feel like I'm in my flop era and I need to get a life but I have no job and no real friends. It's hard but I'm sure I'll bounce back. 
 

When it comes to comments other people make, you need to decide whether you're gonna let them dictate how you feel about yourself. It seems like you have low self-worth to start with anyway, which isn't great. You could always wake up in the morning and decide to think positive things about yourself.

 

I like to remind myself I might be a mess, but at least I'm hot. A hot mes, if you will.

To be fair, I think my insecurities come from my mom. She's always been very hard on me and I think she takes out her own feelings on me. I have a lot of trauma attached to the things she's told me about myself. 

4 minutes ago, magazine said:

Be grateful you have that friend

I am, I regret giving him the cold shoulder and honestly I'm surprised he offered to ditch his plans for me. Now I don't know how to pick things up again 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNq0qJJJwbv/ 

 

In short, your energy is expensive. Don't put it for sale in the clearance section. What you spend your energy on, that will be your day. 

 

 

 

 

 

16 minutes ago, TedLasso said:

To be fair, I think my insecurities come from my mom. She's always been very hard on me and I think she takes out her own feelings on me. I have a lot of trauma attached to the things she's told me about myself. 

Tell your friend instead then

sounds like a bunch of people who dont truly deeply care about your feelings to me.

edit - or at the very least a narcissistic or in general a neglectful mother :( 

Edited August 22, 20251 yr by Vixen Eyes

5 minutes ago, Vixen Eyes said:

sounds like a bunch of people who dont truly deeply care about your feelings to me.

edit - or at the very least a narcissistic or in general a neglectful mother :( 

I just don't really know how to fix myself tbh

It was clearly an off day. Keep referring to that if your friend brings it up again. Make it seem like that wasn't a regular day for you and that should fix things. If you overexplain and place blame on something he said and probably didn't mean to hurt you with than the friendship won't be the same. Trust me. I've been upset at friends in the past and the more complicated we made the reconciliation process the less likely the friendship will be the same but the more simpler u make it the easier it bounced back. 
 

always remember this rule: friends are choices and optional. They are there to make your life better and funner. They enhance what's there. Nothing more nothing less. If you put too much stock in it then you'll ALWAYS be disappointed and if you push things too far you'll have none either which also isn't good. Ppl like to romanticize what friendships are but at the core they REALLY are contractual and transactional relationships. Nothing about them is unconditional. But they are necessary for a healthy and happy life so try to keep the ones you have by always remembering that your friends aren't your family who you are stuck with whether you or they like it or not. Friends can just disappear over night. 
 

so yeah don't beat yourself over this too much. Focus on it being a bad day and work on keeping your friendships a lot healthier and simpler that way you won't be hurt by something a friend will say again and you'll be better able to keep them since they are a good thing to have. Hope this helps and good luck babe! Don't be too hard on yourself

 

oh I almost forgot! You can trulyyyy unpack the intelligence issue with your mom tho! Keep the reconciliation simple with your friend but with your mom? Go for it lol!!! Really take her to task over it (with respect) and see why she said it and make her understand not to do it again if she is receptive to change

Edited August 22, 20251 yr by IBeMe

1 hour ago, TedLasso said:

I just don't really know how to fix myself tbh

this isnt something you can fix. its them, not you

I think you should communicate how they made you feel so they can at least be more mindful and considerate of you going forward. Giving someone the cold shoulder sends mixed signals and obscures the real issue. You can potentially hurt the other people's feelings too by acting that way. Be honest and direct in your communication. That will give everyone the opportunity to really process what happened and make things right.

I don't really know what was said that made you shut down but HONESTY is always the key for everything 

try to be honest with them and tell them exactly how you feel

I was expecting to give blowjob tips 

 

Edited August 23, 20251 yr by HASHTAGPOW

6 hours ago, TedLasso said:

I just don't really know how to fix myself tbh

Go to therapy, you obviously have some unresolved issues you need to take care of. You need to definitely work on your insecurities and confidence and it's hard to do that on your own when you don't feel good about yourself.