discussion Post Pride Depression & Life Choices

[Whis]

Yesterday I came home from Amsterdam Pride, and I've truly been hit by a 'Post Pride Depression'.

I feel so empty and just want to go back. I experienced the same feelings in 2018 after going to my first pride ever, which was also in Amsterdam, but this years it's even worse.

 

I live in a small town where there barely are any gays. People are conservative here, you'll never see things like prideflags or dragqueens. There are NO gay bars or places here.

 

Amsterdam pride feels like I'm in a different world, a world where I want to stay forever. People of the same sex walking hand in hand, no one giving dirty looks when a man is wearing pink or a flamboyant outfit, my favorite music is played everywhere, the atmosphere of love and freedom... 

 

This pride has also made me think about where I currently am in my life. I live in a small conservative town, I'm a teacher, I've repressed myself so much during the past few years while I know there is a flaming fvg inside me that needs to be released. My dream would be to live in Amsterdam working as a fulltime dragqueen, but in reality I'm an elementary school teacher in a small conservative town. I'm only 22 years old, so a lot can still change in my life. But right now I feel lost and empty.

 

Anyone who understands these feelings? What would you recommend? How do I make a 'switch' in a better gayer direction in life?

[Cain]

Wow I wish I could have your feelings during Pride  I mean it’s fun I guess but I’ve never felt ecstatic about it (also because Amsterdam is basically a huge pinkwashing fest)

[Bicassie]

1 minute ago, Cain said:

Wow I wish I could have your feelings during Pride  I mean it’s fun I guess but I’ve never felt ecstatic about it (also because Amsterdam is basically a huge pinkwashing fest)

That user is obviously not used to gay culture irl

 

My opinion is that @Whis should move to Amsterdam and be a drag queen.

[Whis]

1 minute ago, Bicassie said:

My opinion is that @Whis should move to Amsterdam and be a drag queen.

Amsterdam is so expensive though. And what about my career as a teacher? What about the appartment I'm currently renting? It's all so difficult right now.

[toy soldier.]

It sucks to be gay and constantly have to make a choice of whether to live a chilled normal life with no gay people, or having to move to a big city where quality of life is definitely poorer 

[Bicassie]

3 minutes ago, Whis said:

Amsterdam is so expensive though. And what about my career as a teacher? What about the appartment I'm currently renting? It's all so difficult right now.

Figure it out 

but i’m just saying that you should do what makes YOU happy

[DreamGlow]

lol i wish i had the same feeling since i also went there. but maybe i'm just a poc gay and i find the community in Amsterdam so toxic 

[Arthoe]

I feel the same. I went to pride in Nuremberg and after coming back to my countryside home, I just feel sad. And honestly, it's not like the gay scene in Nuremberg is really big, but like... there's somewhere to go where you can be fully limpwristed and no one threatens to kill you. 

[Cain]

26 minutes ago, toy soldier. said:

It sucks to be gay and constantly have to make a choice of whether to live a chilled normal life with no gay people, or having to move to a big city where quality of life is definitely poorer 

[pigeon]

10 minutes ago, Arthoe said:

I feel the same. I went to pride in Nuremberg and after coming back to my countryside home, I just feel sad. And honestly, it's not like the gay scene in Nuremberg is really big, but like... there's somewhere to go where you can be fully limpwristed and no one threatens to kill you. 

I thought gay scene was in pits in Munich but if you thought Nürnberg was fun, I cannot imagine what you are going through in the countryside  

[toy soldier.]

8 minutes ago, Cain said:

Costs of living are extortionate compared to smaller places, if you're not rich is really hard to have a good quality of life. Also work/life balance is usually worse in big cities 

[Arthoe]

3 minutes ago, pigeon said:

I thought gay scene was in pits in Munich but if you thought Nürnberg was fun, I cannot imagine what you are going through in the countryside  

I mean the gay scene in Bavaria sucks alltogether because of the chokehold Tina has on the gays here  After travelling around Germany... Berlin & Bavaria definitely the T hotspots.

[Whis]

23 minutes ago, DreamGlow said:

lol i wish i had the same feeling since i also went there. but maybe i'm just a poc gay and i find the community in Amsterdam so toxic 

Why? What makes you feel that way?

[Cain]

6 minutes ago, toy soldier. said:

Costs of living are extortionate compared to smaller places, if you're not rich is really hard to have a good quality of life. Also work/life balance is usually worse in big cities 

Maybe in the US, I’d argue that in the Netherlands the quality of life is definitely better in big cities than in small towns. The only places where the quality of life is even better is in rich towns just outside of the big cities, but again you’d also need to be rich for that

[getBusy]

Make a plan and stick to it. Create a spreadsheet with a budget - how much money do you need to live in Amsterdam, all the stuff you need to buy if you're going to be a drag queen, etc. That'll tell you how much money you need to save before moving and then how much you'll have to make in a new job in Amsterdam. If it's doable, start looking for jobs.

 

I get the feeling, it happens to me every time I am back home after a long vacation with my closest friends (whom I don't get to see as much as I'd like because we live in different countries). It's normal, you've had an amazing time and now you have to go back to your regular life. 

[toy soldier.]

1 minute ago, Cain said:

Maybe in the US, I’d argue that in the Netherlands the quality of life is definitely better in big cities than in small towns. The only places where the quality of life is even better is in rich towns just outside of the big cities, but again you’d also need to be rich for that

Not sure about Netherlands specifically, but UK is the same and so are Italy and Spain 

[brazil]

Isn't there a mid size town you can move where at least there are some gay bars? 

[pigeon]

51 minutes ago, Whis said:

Amsterdam is so expensive though. And what about my career as a teacher? What about the appartment I'm currently renting? It's all so difficult right now.

Damn, you are 22. Get flatmates, get a job in Amsterdam or work as a tutor, get your mug done and perform at the clubs at the weekend. The Netherlands is so tiny anyway, you can visit the village anytime you want.

[Whis]

I have to pay a lot of rent each month for my appartment which makes it difficult for me to save money. I did work two jobs once though and earned more than 3000 euros a month, but that lead to my mental health CRASHING. Not sure if I want to experience that again...

[Mrnoniee]

can you move out?
let me know if you need someone to talk to.
You can always reach out to me.

[Аshanti]

I mean if you're from the Nederlands then I don't see the issue.

[Whis]

I’m from Belgium, not the Netherlands

17 minutes ago, Mrnoniee said:

can you move out?
let me know if you need someone to talk to.
You can always reach out to me.

I have to live atleast 3 more years in my current appartment  I absolutely love my current appartment though. I could use these 3 years to save as much money as possible maybe?

 

Thank you so much by the way, I really could use some people to talk to.
I LOVE my friends in real life but I don’t want to bother them with my gaydrama.

[arceus]

Why don't u move to Brussels? I was there like 3 years ago for the pride. And the men there were so hot and the city is beautiful. I even scored some sexy Arabs in the bathhouse. 

Amsterdam is so expensive, and it is filled with tacky tourists. You only enjoy live there living as a tourist, I doubt you will enjoy it anymore once you live and work there for 6 months+. 

[Jai]

Awe hang in there! I used to live in a really conservative place and it can be very restricting. It sounds like you genuinely want to embrace your full queerness which is great! It may not be realistic right now but I'm manifesting that you find a way to move to Amsterdam full time! Job, Housing,will figure it self out in time. 

 

Hang in there. 

 

Side Note; Have any friends you could maybe split an apartment with in Amsterdam? 

[Solaria]

This is really a struggle for me as well because as much as I love my friend group, it’s really hard sometimes to not have friends in real life with the same interests, same music taste etc. 
 

On the other hand though, I could NEVER move to Amsterdam. I’m way too insecure to handle the gay scene there I would probably cry all the time and never go out in fear of being judged