Now it's my turn for ATRL relationship advice

I've been with this guy for around almost a year. Everything is good, but I don't know how to handle jealousy. I'm pretty open about that I can be a jealous person, but as many other people with that tendency, it can be hard to navigate what's right and wrong.

He has good friends that are women, which I think is good, but there's one of them where I don't know what to feel.

At the start of seeing each other, he said he considered moving in with her as a roommate in a city pretty far away and said that "he promised her to do that". I didn't say anything because it had barely been a month, so I just waited to see what will happen. Some time passes and we're serious, he brings it up again. I tell him if he goes through with it, we're not going to be together and he hasn't brought it up since and she moved in somewhere else.

They have been friends for many years, and they don't talk everyday or anything, but the way he talks about her and the comments he make makes me suspicious. We also have kinda similar features. He introduced us to each other and she seems nice and we have mutual friends, he says that we would get along great and all of that. I don't have any ill feelings towards her and I don't think she's inappropriate towards him. He goes above and beyond for me and I don't doubt that he loves me, but I'm afraid that he has some kind of unresolved crush towards her and don't want to let go.

Yesterday they chatted over the phone together and he was in a weird off mood and weirdly irritated at me when he returned, and my brain just ran with all kind of thoughts. My dreams was literally all the worst case scenarios That could have been completely unrelated to me, but my brain have a hard time NOT listening to all of those thoughts.

I told him in the beginning that I have a low tolerance for weird friendships with women. In my former relationship, my ex had a girl friend that was obviously into him and he did a extraordinarily amount of emotional support for her that was disrespectful towards me, but I was already thinking getting rid of him by the time that happened, so that was a pretty easy fix Many of my girl friends have had the experience of being with a man that obviously was into his friend, but didn't want to let go when being with someone else. It's normal to find someone else if the one you like doesn't feel the same, but I'm personally not in contact with former flings/crushes when I'm with somebody because I don't want anybody else. I just move on from that and forget about it.

As I'm typing this out, I realize I should just straight up ask him if he has a crush on her, but I'm afraid if I do so and if turns out to be the case, then I wouldn't be able to move past it. But maybe that's just for the best, idk idk.

Any tips ?

If it bothers you that much then you should ask him if he has a crush on her. And if he tells you he does then you should tell him he needs to get over her or else you're gonna have to break up with him. I don't think it's unreasonable to not want your boyfriend having a crush on his best friend

@Whis get your ass in here

Maybe I'm biased but a man moving in with a girl friend is either gay adjacent or trying to sleep with them. At least from the guys I've known who've had female roommates. So I would have also found it weird if he had moved in with her and I don't think I'm a very jealous person.

I don't know about asking straight up if he has a crush, but I do think you should express all of what you feel about their relationship to him. How he reacts and moves forward will tell you everything.

Jealousy always comes from a place of feeling insecure, which is a valid feeling. The situations you're concerned about sound very valid too, so my gut tells me not to trust this guy. My advice is clear communication. Sit down with him, talk about everything that's on your mind, and see how you feel afterwards. That's the basis of a healthy relationship. See how the conversation makes you feel and whether you still want to move forward with him.

Another advice from my own experience: I used to be very jealous too, especially when I wasn't in the best place mentally or physically. I was constantly afraid of losing the person I was with because my self-worth was basically nonexistent. I thought every conversation they had with someone else could somehow lead to them leaving me. After years of therapy, I healed that part of myself mostly, and now I realize that I feel secure and barely experience jealousy anymore. That's partly because I know my worth now, but also because I choose people who genuinely make me feel appreciated. That feeling, together with the trust you build over time, takes away so much of the fear and insecurity that can turn into jealousy.

I think you need to just talk to him more when you're feeling calm and collected but you must, I repeat you MUST, relate it to your own feelings. "It makes me feel..." "I feel like..." because if you make accusations he'll feel compelled to dispel them and thus an argument will begin

Thank you for all the advice Luckily I feel like I can talk to him about it, so I think I'll do that, but it's hard knowing how to go about it. I think I'll ask him if there's any feelings so we can figure out what to do, and if he says no, I'll just let him know that IF there's feelings he better be thinking about moving on from that, instead of me finding out later and we have to split.

1 hour ago, bad guy said:

So I would have also found it weird if he had moved in with her and I don't think I'm a very jealous person

Ngl it's also just the embarrassment of having to tell my friends and family that my boyfriend would be moving in with a girl two hours away, because I know what I would think if someone else told me that

At least he seemed to have moved on from that and suggests that we should move in together at some point instead.

avoid it .. well try too

I don't get jealous with real people tho more like dating rumors of my celebrity crushes my first one was when I was 11 when my crush had a girl in MV. so I avoided listening to the song. But honestly when it comes to real jealously I don't let it get to me.

This is weird. Why is a straight guy wanting to move in with a female friend so much? If shes attractive/decent looking then you should definitely be concerned.