I have a friend who has repeatedly rescheduled plans I've made and I can't help but notice the pattern. The only time they initiate hangouts now are when they can't make it to mine, and it feels kinda like a pity invite / reschedule. For example I asked them if they could hang out yesterday, it turned into a big group thing, everyone else bailed, and they basically told me they didn't want to go anymore and would only go if I really wanted them to. I said don't worry about it and then they invited me to hang next week. It just feels icky when the only time they put in effort is when they feel guilty. Not sure if I'm thinking too much into it (and I should just be happy they cared) or if this is a friendship red flag.

Edited December 20, 2025Dec 20 by TedLasso

Whis would never leave you hanging like that, he would be there even when you don't want him to be

You're 100% right to feel that way because it is exactly what they're doing. I would call them out on it if it's a friendship worth saving. If not, I would just slowly start distancing myself.

it's not nice to play with people like this.

If someone constantly reschedules or cancels on you, it's just because they don't really see the point in spending time with you, but probably feel obligated to do so, for some reason. Make plans with someone that loves being in your company instead.

what would taylor do if selena kept flaking?

That's not your friend.

They're only staying in contact with you because of mutuals.

They don't deserve your time, honestly.

That means they think you're not their priority and if i were you, i would have found a new friend circle

What I've learned is that it doesn't matter what people do or why. All that really matters is how their actions make you feel. A lot of people want the "why" so that they might feel justified in walking away or to come to some kind of understanding. But it really doesn't matter why they're not hanging out with you and doing this. The end result is that they're not making the time for you and it's making you feel bad. If you want to try salvaging the relationship, you could talk to them and explain how their actions make you feel. They'll likely offer some kind of explanation/excuse, apologize, and promise to do better. And perhaps they will, for a while. Because the thing is, as long as a person has a tiny drop of wanting to maintain a relationship, they'll put in effort to salvage it. Then the behavior goes back to how it was before, because they genuinely don't have that desire.

I've just recently ended a long friendship (8+ years) because while he told me he valued our friendship and all that, there was never any real effort made by him. I'd offer suggestions to visit, as he lives out of state, and the answers would be noncommittal. I'd press harder over the following weeks ("Hey is your schedule better?") before finally getting the concrete rejection. No FaceTime calls or things like that to maintain the personal connection. Just excuses and reasons why "now is not a good time". And we're talking over a period of like 2-3 years. There's not a single block of time that's good for you? I'd offer compromises like getting a hotel room (not an issue at all) and be met with "No! I want to host you well!" And it just wore me down emotionally and mentally until I couldn't take anymore. I realized that he liked the idea of having me as a friend and as somebody that was always there to listen to him. Sometimes you gotta know when to do the right thing by you

2 hours ago, Soul Grabber said:

If someone constantly reschedules or cancels on you, it's just because they don't really see the point in spending time with you, but probably feel obligated to do so, for some reason. Make plans with someone that loves being in your company instead.

Yeah, this. I've been on both ends of this issue and it just sounds like these people aren't really compatible with you but don't have the courage to just be straight up about it, move on and find your tribe sweatie

I'm sorry you're dealing with this sistren, play these songs to feel better