I've been working at a gay bar for a month now.

On my first day I met one of my new colleagues. He wasn't working but just came to visit the place. When we first looked at each other I felt a special energy, we locked eyes. He came towards me and hugged me and asked me a few questions about myself. Let's call him Sam for now.

 

Then, two weeks ago we had to work together for the first time. During the week leading up to Saturday, the day that we would work together, Sam was messaging me on Instagram. He was responding to my stories "When do I get a taste of your spaghetti? Looks delicious", "Do you have a group of friends at the bar already or not?", "I look forward to work with you, not gonna lie", "With you it'll be a great evening I'm sure"... He was recommending me restaurants and wines to try out.

 

I felt excited. On Saturday I started working with another colleague from 9pm, Sam would start at 11pm. Before Sam arrived my other colleague told me "you'll get to know him, he's a bit weird". I asked him why he thinks that he's weird. He responded "one moment he's very fun but then suddenly he can switch and ignore you for like an hour". Sam then arrived and gave me a hug and told me he was excited to work. We did a shot together and talked. Then, after an hour or two, he suddenly didn't look at me anymore and just walked past me. He didn't speak to me for an hour. But after that, Sam came to me and told me to dance. We even flirted a little bit.

 

The night was over. Sam just left without saying anything which was strange to me.

 

A week later I had to work again and we were looking for an extra helping hand. I messaged Sam "you should come work on Saturday, it'll be the second time we work together". He told me "I'll be in Austria skiing so I'm unavailable". I responded "Ooh you can ski?". He told me "No I'll probably fall multiple times". I texted him "Well enjoy your vacation and goodluck" on which he responded "thanks".

 

Then, on Monday, I messaged him "Did you fall already?". He responded "No thankfully not hahaha". I texted "wow I am so proud". Then, the new workroster got posted. I messaged Sam "Ooh we have to work together again on Saturday. Multiple people have quit during the past week though, you better not do the same". He replied "No, as long as it's fun I'll keep working there" to which I responded "Same, so let's make sure it's a nice night on Saturday" on which he just responded "Right".

 

Since then I haven't heard him. I just don't understand how he could go from texting me daily in an exciting way to these dry conversations?

Am I overthinking?

What if he arrives on Saturday and doesn't hug me to greet me like he usually does?

 

Edited February 5, 20251 yr by Whis

Honestly, it sounds like he may be lightly flirting, but he could be just overly friendly. I don't know if Sam is neurodivergent or not, but he may be, and as a result, not great with social cues and socialization, hence why he is in his own zone/withdrawn at times.

 

If you continue to get mix signals, simply ask: "I'm sorry and I don't mean to be rude, but is there any specific reason why you act hot and cold with me sometimes?". If he is unsure, communicate clearly how you feel and reassure him that you are not trying to make him feel bad, just telling him your truth and experience.

 

If he understands and attempts to change his behavior and/or you know why his behavior pattern is the way it is, great! If not and instead he is passive-aggressive, and/or outward projects a negative response and emotions, limit your relationship to just co-workers with a possible light friendship. Anyone you are meant to be with romantically you will not have to second guess.

 

So far though, things sounds pretty good between you two. Good luck!

Looks like he's just super friendly, i don't think he has any romantic or sexual feelings for you

"As long as it's FUN"  kind of tells me all i need to know. Im sorry but it really sounds like he likes to keep it "fun" at work, but then would think of you as a colleague " Turning into professional mode". ( but then again it is work, and we all HAVE to be professional at some point, right?). 

 

But then again, we're not there or are in charge of your feelings nor his. I say keep texting, or getting him closer to you and befriend him first. But dont let the whole "friends" thing go for too long.... especially if you're still having strong feelings for him. 

 

Also, are you attracted to him sexually or is it stronger than that? It really sounds like you have strong feelings for him at the start. If thats the case get in touch with him more often or even invite him to your place / out and look good. There might be a chance he's like me lol, overly friendly but extremely introverted and isolated when professional hours are done. Those types of people will NEVER be able to tell you their feelings first / arent good with communicating their feelings verbally. 

 

At the end of the day he enjoys your company. Which is a great sign.

Edited February 5, 20251 yr by TouchinFree

this sounds like a headache keep him as eye candy or go and scout him on grindr girl.

 

 

 

do you people not chronically flirt

1 hour ago, Whis said:

one moment he's very fun but then suddenly he can switch and ignore you for like an hour

sis, RUN

16 minutes ago, getBusy said:

sis, RUN

Why??

55 minutes ago, TouchinFree said:

Also, are you attracted to him sexually or is it stronger than that? It really sounds like you have strong feelings for him at the start. 

My feelings are more than just sexual

Honestly just have fun with him and don't read too much into it

1 hour ago, skwonderfactory said:

I don't know if Sam is neurodivergent or not, but he may be, and as a result, not great with social cues and socialization, hence why he is in his own zone/withdrawn at times.

 

1 hour ago, Airelinn said:

Looks like he's just super friendly, i don't think he has any romantic or sexual feelings for you

Sounds like these to me.

 

he seems very inconsistent ... i think it's better to distance yourself before you catch feelings

2 hours ago, Whis said:

Before Sam arrived my other colleague told me "you'll get to know him, he's a bit weird". I asked him why he thinks that he's weird. He responded "one moment he's very fun but then suddenly he can switch and ignore you for like an hour".

Sounds like you are not the only one to experience that at your workplace. That seems to be his personality with everyone perhaps?

53 minutes ago, Whis said:

My feelings are more than just sexual

Girl you barely know him

29 minutes ago, TaggedGalaxy said:

Girl you barely know him

Ikr  don't know why I'm reacting so intense towards him

17 hours ago, Whis said:

Why??

I think acting like that is a huge red flag.  It shows a lack of emotional maturity if they cannot regulate their emotions and go from besties to ignoring someone in the span of an hour. 

Girl aren't you always having relationship problems? What is going on? 

Ask him if he owns a bakery and if you can sleep there

4 hours ago, Adam's Eve said:

Girl aren't you always having relationship problems? What is going on? 

Childhood traumas