tournament Golden Hit: Season 1 📀 Congrats to 8thPrince and Jackson!! 🏆🏆

[mxtthewdelrey]

@fountain I will be scoring all of your reviews on a scale from one to Three

[Hanami-Blossom]

It makes sense why people would pick an element that is not representative of their own sign. I am compatible with other Air signs (Libra, Aquarius, Gemini) but I am drawn in by the other elements more. Air energy feels comfortable for me but I'm most excited by Fire energy, most captivated by Water energy and most grounded with Earth energy. Talking with other Air signs feels like I'm talking to myself it's like the most relatable conversations

 

Whew! It's been a while since I delved back into astrology. I don't follow it as closely as I used to but I cannot deny the accuracy and the effect that it has on me, everyone and everything else.

 

Fun tip: A lot of companies release things around full moons. It's so funny when I notice there is a drought of music, video games etc being released and then suddenly they are all releasing around a full moon. Sometimes a new moon, but usually a full one.

[fountain]

Perhaps about another hour or so? Getting through these as quickly as I can for you all, but without wanting to take away from the reviews themselves! (Although, perhaps some of you may wish that I did, and that I had said less )

 

Shout out to all the night owls who will still be up!

 

6 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

@fountain I will be scoring all of your reviews on a scale from one to Three

Good, and if you don’t do it for every round, you will be Golden Hit’s only elimination 

[mxtthewdelrey]

7 minutes ago, fountain said:

Good, and if you don’t do it for every round, you will be Golden Hit’s only elimination 

I will accept this on the condition that if I am eliminated, I get to haunt Golden Hit as a ghost competitor. That formula has worked in previous ATRL games

[Hanami-Blossom]

Is anyone else experiencing this? I will literally type the correct spelling of words in my ATRL posts, but then when I look away or after I post... The spelling is incorrect. Like two letters in the word have switched places, I think usually the two letters are beside each other. It's so freaky But it could just be the forum glitching out.

[Hanami-Blossom]

8 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

I will accept this on the condition that if I am eliminated, I get to haunt Golden Hit as a ghost competitor. That formula has worked in previous ATRL games

Not all this freaky talk at 4am Thankfully the sun rises early right now, but even in the dark I'm not scared of any creatures. I literally defeat them in my dreams I feel like a bad ***** when I wake up!

[mxtthewdelrey]

8 minutes ago, Hanami-Blossom said:

Not all this freaky talk at 4am Thankfully the sun rises early right now, but even in the dark I'm not scared of any creatures. I literally defeat them in my dreams I feel like a bad ***** when I wake up!

Sometimes when I am in the dark I will see random objects in my room and mistake them for people! But right now I have my bedroom lights switched on so I can study without falling asleep

 

also, a fellow MOA

[Galah]

My second batch of reviews may or may not be coming imminently!

[ughgabriel]

Just now, Aurora said:

My second batch of reviews may or may not be coming imminently!

AAAHHHH

[Hanami-Blossom]

5 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

Sometimes when I am in the dark I will see random objects in my room and mistake them for people! But right now I have my bedroom lights switched on so I can study without falling asleep

 

also, a fellow MOA

I don't always wear my glasses/contacts so everything looks blurry to me. If a creature pops up, I won't even see ha! I'll defeat ha anyway

 

For me I see more "shadows" when the lights are turned on tbh.

 

Yes! TXT's fanbase is lowkey the nicest fanbase I've been a part of. They are like the ASMR community They remind me a little bit of ARMYs before BTS became so popular too.

[Galah]

 

 

Hey, Hitmakers! Today is review day for me, and I'm going to be working hard to get all of my reviews out within the next couple of hours.

Next up is my second batch of reviews (i.e. submissions 13-24). You can view this post if you're unsure what your submission number is.

I've been really impressed with the calibre of entries in this tournament thus far! You can view my reviews for batch one (1-12) in this post.

If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

Batch 2

 

13. @boubour - “Need To Know”
I enjoyed this submission, it had a strong commercial edge to it that was reinforced by the repetitions and familiar subject matter. In some ways it reminded me of some of the material I wrote during my earlier Hit seasons, and I will pass on some advice that I was given then that served me well: While melody writing is integral to actual songwriting, it can only benefit you so much with lyrics on a page (or in this case, screen). You have a great understanding of metre and rhyming, and if you apply those skills to ensuring each individual lyric has an important place within the piece rather than repeating for intended sonic effect or ear candy, that will serve you better in this specific tournament style. That said, nice work!

14. @Legend E - “White Flag”
I loved this. I really loved this. It’s such a delicate subject matter but you have handled it with the utmost care. The nature of the song unfolded naturally to me, and I had gathered a lot of what you mentioned in the other information section organically. The red sea reference was a little lost on me, but in retrospect it shouldn’t have been, and I interpreted the wedding lyric as a funeral juxtaposition of sorts, which works in my mind. On a technical level, I enjoyed your use of internal rhyming and found many of the lyrics poignant and clever. Your element was utilised well and accompanied the main theme of your submission perfectly. A stellar first outing from you!

15. @Insanity - “Temporary Fix”
Firstly, thank you for submitting even if it’s incomplete to you. I love a good song with an upbeat, commercial vibe. Conceptually, I like what you have here a lot. Describing a fun, exhilarating experience in the verse, acknowledging it’s just a distraction in the prechorus, and then expanding upon the issue in the chorus is a great, natural progression for a song like this. Were you to complete it, focusing on some specific examples of how you’ve tried (and failed) to find a more permanent fix would be a possible next step, perhaps integrating some more of that air imagery and a metaphor or two as well. The outro section felt a little too jarring in comparison to the rest, but perhaps that was your intent?

16. @Augmented - “Navy Mind”
Nerves are a natural part of this process, and submitting something for people on the internet to read and critique can always be daunting—everyone has their own voice though, so thank you for having the bravery to submit! I loved the imagery of being trapped underwater, longing to reach the surface in the prechorus, this was the highlight of your submission for me. The way the first verse was split was a little confusing, but I understood your intention and it’s only a minor qualm. I’m a huge bridge ambassador, and I feel your song could have benefited from an elaborate bridge. You’ve represented your element well, and this was a good first submission.

17. @Prisoner - “Wind Chimes”
Truly beautiful writing, Prisoner. The entire piece has an elegance to it which is simply stunning. Your unique descriptors of these natural events are marvellous, and the seasonal imagery ties in with your choice of element perfectly. You’ve managed to evoke senses of hearing, touch, even smell and taste in addition to your vivid imagery which is truly an achievement by its very nature. Nitpicks since that’s really all I can do: “starts” should be “start” in all instances, and the “puddles” lyric feels like it’s missing a word “[with] all their might”? The context of the narrator being whisked away to war and missing these special moments with their family (if I am interpreting it correctly) was touching.

18. @Arrows - “careful, boy”
Oh wow, the talent! Your voice and acoustic style remind me a little of fellow Golden Hitmaker Jackson. It was a wonderful listen, but I will now direct all further commentary to the lyrics alone, which are the main focus of this tournament. Your second verse was really great here, your sense of metre and rhyming skill is excellent, and your focus on the natural imagery is perfectly suited to the elemental challenge. While I loved the melody of your chorus in the recording, the lyrics in a vacuum are fine, but aren’t extraordinary. I liked your bridge too, but your verses are definitely where this song shines the most. Ensuring all of your individual lyrics are just as strong as your melodies would be my best advice, otherwise fantastic first offering!

19. @GentleDance - “Rupture”
If you hadn’t mentioned that this was your first time writing a song or poetry in English, I never would have known, because your submission displays some very advanced vocabulary, used in fascinating ways! The narrative you have crafted for this piece is particularly intriguing, and the juxtaposition of the fanciful lyrics of the astronomer partner with the grounded lyrics of the realist works brilliantly throughout. I particularly loved the couplet, “You’ll look to the constellations for consolation / And I’ll just be barefoot in the yard”. I found the chorus a touch ostentatious, but I suppose that’s essentially the point. I also found the rhyming in the fifth verse a little excessive. These are nitpicks though, on the whole I thoroughly enjoyed this!

20. @Remmy - “Flowerbloom”
GURL the opening line alone, we- I’m so glad someone took the plunge and submitted a shameless thot anthem, Golden Hit is welcome to one and all with open arms… and legs! Your choruses were actually fantastic, the shifting seasonal imagery worked for the challenge yet didn’t feel out of place within the context of your song either. You have many great one liners (pronouns, Grande reference, garden/hoe, the entire first quatrains of verse 2 and 3 tbh), but also some that fell a bit flat or felt a little forced (wilter—gurl this ain’t even a word in this context, Sigourney—great idea, messy execution, porta potty—a mess). In a way all of the “issues” I took with the song are strangely endearing, though. Love this vibe for you, please come again.

21. @D e v o n - “in de woods”
Thank you for submitting to avoid a zero, and apologies if this is an incorrect assumption. Had this been a fully-fleshed out song, I definitely would have reviewed it fairly (see Hug and Remmy’s reviews). I anticipate your next submission, good luck!

22. @Jessie - “Ex-Flame”
This song had a nice commercial vibe, and the small repetitions throughout were a good balance and didn’t detract from the main content and just provided an interesting flare. The thermostat motif in the verses was a nice touch. I really loved the outro too, and felt this was the highlight of your song. Some of the rhyming throughout, particularly in the verses and chorus, occasionally felt like the lyrics were built around the rhyme rather than coming completely naturally. The bridge was nice and the additional elemental imagery worked here. I believe the best way to elevate this submission would be to ensure all of the individual lyrics make sense and sound great standalone, rather than having them written a certain way to fall on a rhyme.

23. @Achilles. - “Persephone (Another World)”

While I’m not all too familiar with Greek mythology, I know a little about Persephone, and this source of inspiration was a perfect accompaniment to the other elemental and seasonal imagery. While your verses are great, it was your refrains that were the highlight of this song for me—the subtle changes from child to girl to woman, the need for reassurance, and how they connect everything seamlessly. I also loved the bridge section, particularly the lyric, “May sweet fruit be borne of my misery”. Similarly to the refrains, I like the shift in your verses from world to life to home, which shows great detail to your narrative progression. The entire piece is very poetic in nature and feels fully realised as a whole.

 

24. @Jackson - “Bike Lane”

This was pretty neat. It felt equal parts poetic and conversational, almost like slam poetry. I picked up on the social commentary, and the layers of earth representation here such as its grounded delivery, surface subject matter, and deeper environmental implications aided the piece well. Your metre and technical proficiency is good, I enjoyed the use of internal rhymes, and the seasonal shifts worked nicely with your elemental imagery. The close proximity of “ride/ride” and “drivers/drive” in the shorter sections took me out of the immersion a bit, and while I do enjoy what you have here, I would have loved a central element between the shorter and longer sections to tie everything together and steer it even further toward song territory.

[Galah]

10 minutes ago, ughgabriel said:

AAAHHHH

Sorry king, you're first of batch three.

[ughgabriel]

2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Sorry king, you're first of batch three.

NOT THE EDGING

[Legend E]

WAIT NOT ME BEING ACCLAIMED?!  thank you, Aurora, king

[fountain]

5 minutes ago, ughgabriel said:

NOT THE EDGING

4 more…. 

[Jessie]

Honestly breathing a sigh of relieve at that @Aurora review, will definitely be trying to push myself with the next round 

[Tylerbv]

Just saw the movie Men. Getting all kinds of disgusting ideas for new songs

[fountain]

[Prisoner]

24 minutes ago, Aurora said:

17. @Prisoner - “Wind Chimes”
Truly beautiful writing, Prisoner. The entire piece has an elegance to it which is simply stunning. Your unique descriptors of these natural events are marvellous, and the seasonal imagery ties in with your choice of element perfectly. You’ve managed to evoke senses of hearing, touch, even smell and taste in addition to your vivid imagery which is truly an achievement by its very nature. Nitpicks since that’s really all I can do: “starts” should be “start” in all instances, and the “puddles” lyric feels like it’s missing a word “[with] all their might”? The context of the narrator being whisked away to war and missing these special moments with their family (if I am interpreting it correctly) was touching.

Thanks for the review  

 

And for the '-s' mistake, thanks for pointing it out. idk how I missed that after repeatedly teaching my students about the verb forms  really appreciate it ❤️

[ughgabriel]

[fountain]

 

Round 1: The Element Challenge

 

First of all I have to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you for submitting! 32 entries is amazing and more than I could have anticipated, it’s amazing to see so many people come together to write, whether it’s for the first time or something you have been doing for years. I have to say, as a general message to you all, this was a very solid and strong round, especially considering it is only the first round of the season! We are in for a great season if the submissions are this good, and it’s overall a pleasure to get to read them and offer feedback. If there is anything I've said that doesn't make sense or isn't clear, please just reply to it and I will do my best to clarify what I meant!

 

@hurricane326 - On a Sea of Glass

 

It’s been 84 years…

I have to say, when I first read your song it didn’t immediately resonate that this was about the Titanic due to how poetic it is, but now that you have mentioned that it is, it makes total sense. I like that you chose to go about it this way, taking a subject that is so iconic as the Titanic and choosing to write a song about it, it could have been done in a very on the nose way, but what you have done has this subtlety and poetic nature to it that comes off as something much better than I think your average writer could have pulled off, so that is a testament to your writing in itself. Lyrically, your song is beautiful and you have excelled in the challenge and totally embodied water throughout the entry, both through your lyrics and also in the overall cold mood of the song. I will say, if I were to offer any criticism, the chorus (or what I am assuming to be the chorus, as it is the repeating section) is probably what I would consider the weaker part of the song, a piece of advice I would give you is that just because much of the music we hear follows a standard structure in which we know a chorus is going to come, doesn’t mean you necessarily have to write that way yourself; what I mean by this specifically is that I think what you have written as your chorus here may actually have worked better as an outro to the song instead, and that instead of having any chorus I could have happily kept reading more of your poetic verses, as I felt they were where your writing came off stronger and could have offered more of this person’s story. 

 

@DatChickDoe - Mud

 

Right off the bat, taking the two elements of earth and water and deciding to write a song called Mud is pretty genius to be honest, and conceptually choosing to refer to love itself like mud is very clever too. You’ve done a good job of taking on the elemental challenge and working it into your song in that way, and I think as a whole on the lyrical side your writing in this song is good, the lines work very well (except the outro because that was written a little awkwardly) and definitely portray the mood you are going for. The criticism that I do have though, is that I think the overall message of the song is a little basic - as a whole, it is more or less just a love song; it’s definitely elevated by the imagery that you have used, but I think it could have been pushed a little further. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with writing a love song, it lacks some things that I think could have made it feel a little more unique, such as some personal details in the lyrics, or even a slight story to the overall song - as it is right now it is mostly just generally about desire and it would’ve been good to have a little more than just this. I would say your first verse is the part that is the strongest, and perhaps if you were to edit the song I would try to use that as the basis, there you have some very lovely writing that also could lead on to something more specific: you speak of them taking each other’s hands, perhaps they could then be heading somewhere which you could detail along with their dreams you mention, as opposed to just their embrace? I think that would show off your writing ability more, because you definitely have it!

 

@Tylerbv - Set Sail

 

You’ve written a lovely song here and have absolutely succeeded in the challenge of embodying an element through your song. I think overall what you have written comes across very polished, I have very little criticism to point out and that shows the strength of your songwriting ability - I don’t know how long you have been writing for, but it reads as if it’s something from somebody who has quite a bit of experience doing so. The overall concept and message of the song is very relatable and I think it would resonate with a lot of people, you say it’s a little cheesy and I do think it had the potential to come across that way, but you’ve worked with it well and I think succeeded in not falling in the cheesy area. If there was one point of weakness it would be the bridge, which is definitely a little underbaked, of course it depends on the song but typically you would find that a bridge is the momentum peak of a song, and here it kind of falls flat; an example is you could’ve worked more in to the story here, possibly even detailing the actual moment of set sailing or what not, rather than just saying it is something that will one day be done. But, as a whole, a very solid entry.

 

@Julia Fox - Holy Ground

 

I really enjoyed your lyricism here, your writing here feels very unique and well thought out, considering your song itself is mostly just about love/desire it still feels fresh despite this because of how you have written the song, and I don’t know if that was a deliberate thing or not but it is very well done. I do think you could have incorporated your element a little more into the song, you definitely feel it more in the second half of the song but the first half does not have much of an elemental impact on it, I feel. But as a whole I do think this is a very solid entry and you’ve done a great job, it could have came across more on the basic side given it’s message but in the way that you have actually went about writing it it comes across so interesting that it really takes multiple reads, and as a style I really appreciate that. It will be interesting to see if this is a recurring thing, or if it is just this song. 

 

@Hug - RAVAGED

 

It’s hard to deny the elemental impact on your song since you’ve used it so well, and what I think I like most is that you didn’t just incorporate the element as imagery, but also in the mood and of course also the overall context of the song; perhaps I didn’t think hard enough, or don’t need to be ravaged enough, but I had not even considered using a fire song in this way. I like that you basically said, if I’m going to go for this type of concept, I’m going to completely take it there; and you did; when reading the song it puts you slightly on edge waiting to see what perverted things are going to be said next, in a fun way. And I think, overall, that’s what this is and I assume what you were going for: something fun and slightly off the rails, but still having some polish to it. If I’m going to be picky, while I think you had some great wordplay there was also some that I think on closer inspection doesn’t totally make sense (“then put the O in the GOAT” - now of course this is used to rhyme with throat and spell out DO it and imply you are the GOAT, so I understand it’s use, but the O in GOAT in the literal sense is just ‘of’ so if we are to look at it in that way with a more judgemental eye, something else could have worked better possibly), but to be that picky would just be silly. Of course, I think the thing that is most interesting about you and your writing is that you can never know what type of song we are going to get from you; this week we got RAVAGED and next week we could get some super introspective and beautiful, and that brings me back to that key word again: FUN!

 

@Better Mistakes - Plastic Heart

 

To be honest, I wish I got more element out of this song than I did; I think taking the idea of fire and using it to write a angsty jealousy song makes sense, but you could also have taken it further and elevated your song with particular fire imagery - the song title itself even, “Plastic Heart”, is a very common phrase and instead I think you could have taken it in a more interesting route by making it more fire themed. What I liked about your song is that this jealous emotion that it does have it very present throughout the whole song and you can absolutely feel it, but I also think it could have had a little more personal context to it and more of a pace by pace story - you mention various things which have happened, but to see the whole story play out over the song may have been more impactful I feel, getting to see all of the backstory and understand where this jealousy specifically is coming from. Possibly, if you were to edit the song and add more in the future, perhaps you could include a verse that has a little bit of a resolution to it, as it is right now the song ends pretty much at the same place where it begins with this jealousy, and it might make it more interesting if there is a more tender moment of reflection or healing at the end. This might could like a lot of criticism but I’m saying it more as feedback as to what about the song could be improved, as opposed to what about the song is bad, as I think as a whole you have a great foundation for a song here, but it could use a little more work, which is perfectly fine.

 

@Astro - Hypochondriac 

 

I really appreciate the overall self empowerment theme of the song, it’s done in a more nuanced way as opposed to how cheesy they often can come across, and I liked the inclusion of the question “How dare I?” also, as it really does leave you questioning and is quite relatable in terms of being treated by people in poorer ways than you deserve, and them feeling entitled to you. I really like the idea of being a Hypochondriac as a metaphor and how it could relate to being in a relationship, and I just wish it could’ve been used more in the song as opposed to just the first line; I think if the whole song referred back to this and had more mentions and metaphors of this, it could be very interesting. One thing I would definitely say is that I find it very hard to get an element from this, I am assuming that you picked earth since you mention the woods at one point but it needed a lot more use than just this, to be honest. But I think, overall this is a very interesting idea for a song and serves as a solid basis of something that you could edit and turn into an amazing song; I think right now it is good, but I believe you could make it even better, and hopefully this feedback can assist in that!

 

@EpicSongFan - Scorching Memory

 

I’m impressed by your song but at the same time also a little mixed on some aspects, so I am slightly torn! I appreciated the twist to the story that you used, and that you tried going for something like that, but to be totally honest I don’t think the song necessarily needed it! Up until the third verse I thought the song was a very poignant look at how people can overlook things in life and not appreciate as much as they should, and a woman accidentally burning down her home is an amazing metaphor for this, so when it turns out that it wasn’t actually her, it takes a little away from that message that was building! So when I say I was impressed but also a little mixed; I was very impressed by the first half prior to the twist, and then a little mixed on the twist, for me it just didn’t pay off but that’s not to say that others might not enjoy the twist. I think an alternative idea you could have went for is that instead of having the twist in verse 3, you instead could have begun writing from the perspective of the house itself, the feeling of betrayal or being overlooked that it has experienced, to continue building up and playing on the poignancy that the first half of the song excels in. But overall, I really enjoyed reading your entry, and you definitely used the element prompt in an interesting way, which makes me look forward to how you may tackle the future challenges also!

 

@Hanami-Blossom - Skydiving Raindrops of Honey

 

The first thing I have to say about this song is that your writing is so absolutely pretty, you can take literally any line of this song and even without the context of the song it will be so pretty. But, unfortunately I think this can also be a slight criticism to the song; there isn’t much of an overall context or story to it, not that it necessarily needs that. The positive is that you’ve built up this incredibly vivid honey world excellently, and in terms of imagery this is some of the most unique usage of imagery out of the whole round; taking honey itself as to represent water is you taking the prompt and not following it in the obvious way, but putting your own spin on it and that can be very hard to do, so I commend you on that. Overall, I loved reading your song and your inspiration behind it, the imagery in your song is beautiful and jumps off the page into your mind, and you’ve shown yourself to be incredibly excelling in imagery with this song alone, but what I would say could use some slight working on is taking all of this imagery and then crafting more of a narrative in your song too, together, as the two can definitely coexist and strengthen each other! 

 

@RobDeWittBukater - Stranded in Your Arms

 

I love your writing here, you’ve packed many punches into this song, literally every section of the song ends with a punch and I love it I think in general you have used the power of emotion very well in this song, it’s definitely an emotional piece but it doesn’t go overboard to the point of melodrama and actually instead feels like you are even holding back that emotion a little at times, which is then when you close a section with one of those hitting lines and it is super effective! Where you have used your element I think you have used it well, though I do think it could have been incorporated a little more into the verses too to give the song an overall impression of your element. But as a whole I have really enjoyed this first entry from you and it leaves me only with that slight criticism, I’m excited to see what you can come up with in the future after this, great job!

 

@Euterpe - Ley Lines

 

I absolutely love your writing in this song. It’s so poetic, but also so subtle and understated, if that makes sense? This is like the perfect mix and the fact that you have already found this place is very impressive and makes me highly anticipate what you may submit in the future. I don’t honestly have too many notes on your song overall, because honestly I don’t think I would change it at all, I love it exactly as you have submitted it; but what I would say is that in terms of the element challenge, I do feel like your chosen element could have been a part of the song a little more, but this is a minor thing. As a whole, I loved reading this - it’s interesting, atmospheric and a little enigmatic, too.

 

@OreGuy - Forever Young

 

It’s been years since I have read or judged your writing now, and I have to say I think you’ve come amazingly far! I can absolutely see the growth you must have achieved throughout the past few years in this song, and it is wonderful to see. I really enjoy your song overall, you’ve used your element excellently throughout the song and I also love the vibe of the song and the message that you have presented. In general it is a very pretty song, the imagery is strong and all comes together to paint this very pretty picture. If there was anything to add, maybe you could’ve had another section of the song where the writer achieves the things that they talk about, as that would have been lovely to see and given the song some closure, but overall I was impressed by your entry and I’m really proud to see how your writing has grown!

 

@boubour - Need To Know

 

The first thing that jumps out to me when reading your entry is that I enjoy how long your lines are, and that despite how long they are I can still hear your song, for example the chorus totally jumps off the page and I can hear it, which is a sign of how catchy it is, so good job with that! I think as an overall note, you definitely could have incorporated your element more, as it is not really present outside of that one line in the chorus; the bridge itself too is also a little lacking, especially in comparison to the rest of the song, and I think you could have used this section to really complete the story that you are telling in the song. However, besides these points I think this is a very solid entry for this first round and makes me intrigued to see what you may deliver next!

 

@Legend E - White Flag

 

Damn, this is a powerful song. It’s very touching that you would write about such a topic, and the act of taking such a thing and creating a stunning song out of it is beautiful. I really want to praise you for many of these stellar lines, but then my review would all just be a quote of your song, so instead I’ll just highlight this specific one: “The brain’s already settled on the idea, so why won’t the heart loosen up?” I mean… wow, that’s incredibly hard hitting and relatable. Amazing job with this entry, you should be very proud of it. 

 

@Insanity - Temporary Fix

 

So, you already said this is unfinished, so I won’t view what you submitted as if it was intended to be a full what. What I’ll say of what you have submitted is that you have a pretty good beginning to a song here, I definitely think you could work it into something great and something to be proud of, it just needs a little more time and effort. The topic is obviously personal and could be taken into quite emotional territory, I think if you were just to flesh this out it could be very impressive. Hopefully for the next round you will be able to submit an entry that is finished, so we can have a better impression of your writing and offer some more feedback. But overall for this one, I would say keep working on it because what you have so far definitely has potential. 

 

@Augmented - Navy Mind

 

I definitely feel the vibe that you intended for your song which made it really enjoyable to read, and as a whole you’ve really succeeded in taking the element prompt and building an entire song around it. I think the verses are my favourite parts of your song, they are short but poetic and I think they build up very well to then lead into your pre chorus and chorus sections. The theme itself is familiar and relatable, it may be hard to do so with how you have written the song quite poetic and metaphorically but it maybe could have been elevated and only increased its emotional impact by maybe making it have a little more personal detail, but honestly this is a nitpick. My main piece of advice would be that the bridge was a little short and lacking, but maybe you just wanted to have a subtle bridge, and that’s totally up to you! But in terms of being judged and in a competitive environment, it never hurts to really make use of every opportunity to show off more of your great writing! Overall, I think you delivered a very solid entry, which especially for the first round was really well done. I’m excited to see what you come up with next, and to see if you keep this same style or use others!

 

@Prisoner - Wind Chimes

 

So, I believe this is my first time getting the pleasure to read your writing… and yes, it has lived up to the hype. This review is probably going to end up pretty short, because of how great the song is, there isn’t anything that I think I would change about it! You’ve hit many emotions here in just one song (and a short one, at that!); you have this beautiful imagery, these bittersweet and nostalgic scenes, and then moments of harsh reality which all combine into a really impressive entry, all tied together with the wind chimes. Such a lovely job, a fantastic entry, thank you!

 

@Arrows - careful, boy

 

First off, amazing job not just writing this song but also working it out on your guitar and performing it! It sounds lovely, your voice is so nice and that chorus is going to be stuck in my head now for sure Now, more specifically on to the lyrical content: in general, your entry is a little on the shorter side, but I think you make up for it by having overall a very polished song. I would say that my favourite parts of your entry are the verses, and I think that is just because those are the longest parts and where you show your writing off a little more! I wouldn’t change anything about your writing itself in this song, I just wish that there was a little more of it! But of course, this isn’t a bad problem to have; for people to want more of your writing, because it is good, it’s actually a blessing in a way! For your first entry I think you should definitely be proud, I really enjoyed it, and I don’t really have any criticisms but more so hopes that we could possibly see something a little longer next time. 

 

@GentleDance - Rupture

 

I kinda can’t believe that this is your first time writing a song, or even poetry in English. I’m really shocked, because of how impressive this is. If this is what you are capable of on your first attempt, who knows what you will be writing at the end of this game, or even in years time? This is seriously, seriously good. I’ll be totally honest, this is my favourite entry of the round. You’ve done a fantastic job, and I don’t have any criticisms or any notes of things that I would change. You’ve done an excellent and intriguing job of crafting a song which is poetic and beautiful and alluring, and you’ve totally pulled me in with it. There are many lines I could single out and praise you for, but I’ll pick this one specifically: “you’ll look to the constellations for consolation”, it just rolls off the tongue so beautifully. Wow, I cannot wait to see what you are going to do next!

 

@Remmy - Flowerbloom

 

My biggest issue with your entry, is trying to decide which of the lyrics I want to appear on my gravestone. Honestly, rhyming poppys with Abu Dhabi? I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as this, you have truly made my flowerbloom too! On a serious note, the word play is just insane and genius, a really good job. I mean I have no idea how long this took you to write, but if I was given ten times as long I know I couldn’t come up with anything even half as funny or punchy. This was pure entertainment. I don’t know if your entries will always look like this or if we are going to see a switch up, but this was so fun that I don’t care, do whatever you want. Great job.

 

@D e v o n - “in de woods”

 

I mean not to state the obvious but this is incredibly short. Hopefully, whatever went down in those woods, was not short. 

 

@Jessie - Ex-Flame

 

This is kinda giving Carrie Underwood revenge song, and I’m pretty here for it! In terms of incorporating your element, you’ve done a very good job of it, some of the mentions are a little basic (for example rising like a phoenix, or literally just orange flame fire), but the idea of the thermostat being turned up throughout the song, and it working in conjunction with how the protagonist’s revenge and rage was building, was an cool parallel. I think this was overall a pretty good entry for the first round, and a fun one thanks to the storytelling aspect, but in the future it would be interesting to also see other sides of your writing too, for example perhaps something more subtle or introspective and personal, to see how you tackle that too.

 

@Achilles. - Persephone (Another World)

 

Now, if you hadn't mentioned that it’s been so long since you have written, I would have had absolutely no idea. Clearly you have a gift and a skill for writing if you can jump back into it this well, which is really great to see, and I hope that this exercise has helped build up your writing confidence again and proven that you can still do it! Overall this is a very solid entry, I think it possibly could have had a little bit more incorporation of elements, but I understand that it was more about the story and the metaphors here which were executed very well. I definitely think you should be proud of this, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you can deliver in the future and seeing you continue to write again!

 

@Jackson - Bike Lane

 

This feels very different for a Jackson song, but I like it! I think this song shows your versatility as a writer, as I definitely wasn’t expecting anything like this! Are we in your environmental era? Here for it. I honestly don’t have very much to critique or to comment on because it was a pretty straightforward storytelling song, but I liked how in a sense it wasn’t your typical storytelling song, in that the focus wasn’t on something big or dramatic but rather something small, and how it snowballed in a really interesting way. This definitely highlights how in Golden Hit you can write songs that maybe you typically wouldn’t have, and it’s great to see. Overall, I thought this was a very refreshing and unique entry, it might not be one that perhaps has the most quotable lyrics or fluffy imagery, but I definitely think it will be memorable. It’s a one of a kind song, tbh.

 

@ughgabriel - sequoias on fire

 

This is honestly lovely, I mean this is pretty much the perfect example of an “element challenge” song as you have so totally embodied your song with fire and earth. I wouldn’t change a thing about it really, because you’ve so perfectly executed the challenge! It feels very Gabe of you to take a concept like this and be able to craft a song around it, and I think that is really a testament to your creativity. If I was going to offer one piece of my perspective, which isn’t really a criticism or even a thing that you should change, but rather just something that I noticed or felt, it’s that the song in a way seems like it is coming from an outsider, detached perspective; by which I mean, the song isn’t coming from an emotional place, but rather from a more distanced one. It isn't until the last section where it goes to this more emotionally resonant place, specifically with the last two lines, and I suppose I am mostly just wondering if this is intended or not. I don’t think you need to change that if it is a purposeful thing at all, because the song is great regardless and it’s actually kind of refreshing to see writing from a different perspective or style, but if you did want to write from a more directly emotional angle then I think that is something that could be worked on.

 

@mxtthewdelrey - If I Leave This Earth

 

My phone network is Three! Now, tell me why Horsey Barbara is going to be your album title, because it has to be, right? Honestly, the song literally made me burst out laughing at that point, but I have to say on a more serious note there were also a lot of moments in the song that were very impactful on an emotional level, and I actually love this mix of absurdity and emotion. I think that it is everything that I could ever want from a mxtthewdelrey entry, to be honest. 

 

@TruGemini - Dive

 

I have to say, out of everybody who has submitted, your writing style is the one that jumps off the page the most. I mean it is just impossible to read your song and not be able to hear it, and that is really a sign of some good writing so well done! The song itself is also incredibly catchy as well, I picked up on the chorus immediately and honestly when is somebody going to record this! I do think it could probably have had an element incorporated in a little more, but overall your lyricism and style is so fresh that it only feels like a minor issue. I think it will be very, very interesting to see what you submit in the future and from this first taste, I am excited to see; I suppose you could say, that I want to take that dive. Good job!

 

@JoeAg - you in those depths

 

I loved listening to your song, it was beautiful again just as the other songs of yours that I have listened to, brilliant job. Lyrically, I think that this is a little on the short side, but the good thing is that regardless it is strong. You have incorporated your element really well, and the main thing that I just want is more, to be honest! I’ve said this to others this round too but luckily, wanting more of your writing is not that big of an issue and actually just an indication that you are doing a good job. Excited to see what you will deliver in the future!

 

@☆lex - Warm Winter Winds

 

This is such an intriguing song! I really loved reading it, it’s a very interesting look at the way in which humans have a strange fascination with destruction and loss, and I think you portrayed that intricate thing wonderfully. It’s also very mood and atmospheric with the “can you feel it yet” moments. Overall, a very unique and creative way of incorporating an element, telling a story, and portraying complex emotions all in one song! I’m impressed. Great job, looking forward to seeing what you do next.

 

@Lorenzo22 - Keep Me Warm

 

To be honest, I don’t really get much of an element from this unfortunately, the only real mention of anything related to that is the “keep me warm” hook, so I definitely think more could have been incorporated. I suppose you might have intended for it to come across mostly in the mood of the song, but I feel like it still should have been a bit more present in the lyrics also. The story that you are telling feels a little bit disjointed, I think it could have been really intriguing but probably needs a bit of an edit and to really focus on telling a story of specifically what happened, as opposed to how things felt, and that may have been able to resonate more. I think though, for a first entry, this has potential but could just use a little more work on it, because overall you do have the mood of the song down and a story to tell, but it just needs some editing and focus to it I think.

 

@8thPrince - Wind Rather Than Sun

 

This is a really powerful and stunning song. I think one of the things that I like the most is that it feels very adaptable and relatable to many different points of view… I have my theory as to what it is supposed to be about, but it feels like there are many things which it could all be about, and that is a sign of a great song when it has all that potential. I don’t even know if this was something that you intended, or something which just naturally happened, but it’s remarkable either way. Overall, I wouldn't criticise or say anything about the song; you’ve done a fantastic job and you’ve incorporated your element in a creative and unique way. Really looking forward to seeing what else you deliver!

 

@luckystrike - picking petals

 

I’m pretty impressed considering you said this is rushed, if this is what you are writing in a rush then I’m very excited to see what you write when you have time! You incorporated your element very well throughout the entire song so you absolutely succeeded in the challenge, and I think this is a song ultimately that you can be proud of having written. Of course, I did pick up on the Colours of You “every single hue” nod, which was very cute too. I do think it probably could have used a bridge highlighting more of the story you were telling, and perhaps this is what you meant by it being rushed, but I think overall you’ve done a solid job!

[Legend E]

not another one wtf wtf wtf  thank you, fountain

[Tylerbv]

All the songs sounding amazing

[Jessie]

Thank you fountain, so rusty trying to write again but looking forward to trying to stretch myself more in coming weeks 

[Prisoner]

Thank you for the review fountain