tournament Golden Hit: Season 1 📀 Congrats to 8thPrince and Jackson!! 🏆🏆

[Prisoner]

17 minutes ago, fountain said:

@Prisoner - Drift Away

 

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure of how this relates to Pink Floyd specifically, but then again I’m not super knowledgeable on them. It just feels like you went for a very particular artist choice, and I’m not entirely sure why that was, and I thought I'd be able to tell more when reading the song. But what I do know is that on a lyrical level I really enjoyed what you submitted again. What I particularly liked was that you paired more traditional flowery lyrics such as the chorus, but then also had that second verse which was my favourite part of the song. The gritty and edgy lyrics there really highlighted the song for me and to be honest, it would have been interesting to see the whole entry reflect that style, or to see you delve into something like that again in the future. Overall, I think you’ve delivered a great entry again, even if I’m uncertain about its relation to the challenge I think you’ve shown again how capable you are as a writer which leaves me very interested to see how you will continue to tackle these challenges, and specifically to see more of your own unique style and perspective.

Thank you for the feedback  and tbh the entry isn't really about Pink Floyd themselves but more about their lyrical style/musicality/mood if that makes sense 

[Prisoner]

2 hours ago, ughgabriel said:

Work has been really tough this week, I’m sorry, I’ll still write for this round even if it doesn’t count but I’ll (hopefully) be back next challenge

You HAVE to be back 

[JoeAg]

15 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

@JoeAg - Woman in the Charmed Garden

 

I was actually a big fan of your entry last round and thought it ended up being quite underrated, so I’ve been looking forward to seeing what you would submit this round. And honestly? You’ve impressed me again. This song is very poetic, but I think you pulled it off and it works for Kate, and the writing is lovely. You’ve also absolutely taken on my feedback about expanding your song this round, this song is longer but not just that, it feels more complete and rounded and I’m glad to see this. It feels like a lot of effort has been put into this song and the lyrics feel very meticulous and thought out. Overall, I liked your first entry and thought it deserved better, but I like your second one even more. Hopefully we will see your efforts pay off this week in the rankings, because I think you deserve it!

thank you so much! yeah i definitely went more unfiltered and ambitious this time around, i want to stand out with my imagery 

[DevonRoars]

She is the rain ?‍?

[Legend E]

Thank you for the feedback, fountain!  Yeah, I think I definitely went a bit overboard with the metaphors, I will try to keep it a bit more simple next time I think, so it's also more clear

[Augmented]

My heart nearly stopped when I read the first few words of that review @fountain I literally thought I had subconsciously copied one of her songs for a second  Anyway thank you so so so much for the lovely review I genuinely thought I had bombed this so I think I really need to get out of my head a bit.

[GentleDance]

9 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

@GentleDance - They Just Had to Tell Me

 

 

Interesting, interesting, interesting… I feel like you went full out on this song. I’m not the most familiar with Fiona Apple, but I think you really embodied her energy… or at least the energy I get from her. The way I felt reading this song is similar to how I feel reading her songs; which is like I’m slightly losing my mind. Right off the bat, the use of the word “potty” in “she was potty” was very confusing to me because where I’m from “potty” is used to refer to toilet that a children learns to defecate in… of course google tells me that “potty” can also mean “mad”, and that honestly just further heightened the madness that I felt when reading this song. I’m gonna be honest I don’t really know what this song is about. This song grabbed my face and slapped me and called me stupid. But, so did Fiona Apple, so if this was on purpose then you’re a genius! I don’t know what a “willy nape” is either. But aside from these things what I will say is that I love your writing, I just love it. Even if I don’t know what you are writing about, I still love to read it because it’s so unique and just totally your own. And you can tell that it does have a lot of meaning, it’s just that it honestly went over my head. Nobody else has submitted anything like this and I’m certain that they won’t. Even if it’s not my favourite, this song is one of a kind, so I still think you should be very proud of it. And like I said, you can really tell the amount of effort that was put into this, you went all out, so good job.

 

The song

 

They Just Had to Tell Me

 

 

[Chorus 1]

Three months a wait, a hitch on your Merry

Go round the town say she was potty

Three months on your ring-around-a-rosy

“Fucker at therapy don’t know the full story”

 

[Verse 1]

You pop back, dropped the crack,

Changed, aged, better

But you’re a smoldering sun

And I’m hot-wire barretter

A fight at night,

The vittae highway lights,

Not a week on the counter

Your fury, a wheel left to flurry

And a corpse made to enjoy scenery

Your claws, well they were busy

Steering a willy nape into tranquility

 

[Chorus 2]

Well, I Just took my sorrows to sightsee

A fine, fine day on the periphery

They just had to tell me

Some friends won’t let the hole heal

They just had to tell me

He’s found another canary

 

[Verse 3]

It’s the looks you love to pop off the hooks

And if I could, I would

Tell her about the chessboard

The price she thought she could afford

Another girl for your half friends to mascot

Placing all her limbs in one casket

You’ll give her the honey, the plank and the knee

And enough reasons to leave this city

 

[Verse 4]

Come back love bite on your left cheek

To check on her call brick

Throw her that foul peek

It says ‘you’ve wept longer than you need’

Not a drip must escape your judgeship

 

[Chorus 3]

Well, soon she’ll to learn to curtsy

You’ll accessorize your accessory

“Babe, abstain from commentary”

“No, you’re just a little cranky”

Throw her a fit, she just bought sushi.

 

First of all, thank you for the amazing feedback!

 

What I wanted to write about was song about a narcissistic, very controlling and abusive ex-lover.

 

Lines about lover's controlling nature :

• Three months on your ring-around-a-rosy
• You’ll accessorize your accessory
• “Babe, abstain from commentary”
• To check on her call brick
• Throw her a fit, she just bought sushi.
• It says ‘you’ve wept longer than you need’ / Not a drip must escape your judgeship
• Well, soon she’ll to learn to curtsy (to the narcissistic king)

 

Gaslighting :

• “Fucker at therapy don’t know the full story”
• “No, you’re just a little cranky”

 

After a 3 months dancing to his tune, 3 months of being gaslit, the relationship comes to and end, the ex-lover goes saying that the singer is deranged and crazy.

This lover comes back, seems changed, is given a new shot, big fight erupts while they're driving on the highway, the abusive lover's hand leave the wheel and choke the narrator's neck (Steering a willy nape into tranquility)

 

A while later, singer is told by friends (and she did not want to know) that the ex-lover got himself a new girl, singer feels for her and for the hardships she will probably have to endure too. She's exactly his type, the type he like to abuse (It’s the looks you love to pop off the hooks), Singer would like to inform her of his character but she will not be believed (Go round the town say she was potty/And if I could, I would/Tell her about the chessboard/The price she thought she could afford).

He will give the kisses and the sweetness and then she'll get the pain (You’ll give her the honey, the plank and the knee/And enough reasons to leave this city)

 

I may have failed to tell the story properly , it's probably way too unclear and lacks to much detail and context 

[Remmy]

My song if anyone wants to read  No sexy stuff this time sorry!

 

 

"Don't Let a Man Tell You What to Do"

[verse 1]
Leave the house to have someone choose my direction
All this extra attention, for just being myself
Lay a hand, lay a trap, gotta make my own map
And always hope, for the best

I get down, I get out, when I look at the news
Why does it all feel so hopeless?
Do I shout? Do I sing? Does it mean anything?
When I'm just a puppet on a string

[pre-chorus]
No matter what they say, stay on your own way
And always remember...
(Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo!)

[chorus]
Don’t let a man tell you what to do! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
You've got the power inside of you! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
They'll try to shrink, leave permanent ink
But you can think, for yourself (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
Don’t let a man tell you what to do! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
You've got the power inside of you! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
They'll fight to win, then try to forgive
But you can live, for yourself... live for yourself

[verse 2]
Took a break, took a breather, down at the harbour (gotta get this off my mind)
Reminds me that this is my world, and this is my body (and nobody's gonna stop me)

I've had some rough days, people shout in my face
But what I've learned is, gotta go my own pace
It's my right to decide, pushing the lies aside
All the tears I've cried have dried by now...

[pre-chorus]
So I pick myself up, say that enough is enough
And try to remember...
(Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo!)

[chorus]
Don’t let a man tell you what to do! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
You've got the power inside of you! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
They'll try to shrink, leave permanent ink
But you can think, for yourself (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
Don’t let a man tell you what to do! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
You've got the power inside of you! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
They'll fight to win, then try to forgive
But you can live for yourself, live for yourself

[bridge]
Always pretend that everything's fine
Pro-life, but you won't let me live mine
Life's too short to spend years crying
Throw him behind, put yourself on top!
Always pretend that everything's fine
Pro-life, but you won't let me live mine
Life's too short to spend years crying
Throw him behind, put yourself on top!

I'm not giving up on myself because that's what you want me to do
I can't keep my feelings underground... anymore
Twenty-twenty-two, and no type of excuse, could ever make me change my mind
No you won't, change, my, mind...
(Ooh oh-oh-ohhhhh!)

[chorus]
Don’t let a man tell you what to do! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
You've got the power inside of you! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
They'll try to shrink, leave permanent ink
But you can think, for yourself (Just think for yourself!)
Don’t let a man tell you what to do! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
You've got the power inside of you! (Ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo)
They'll fight to win, then try to forgive
But you can live for yourself, live for yourself

[outro]
Don’t let hiiim... (Always pretend that everything's fine. Pro-life, but you won't let me live mine)
Don't let hiiim... (Life's too short to spend years crying. Throw him behind, put yourself on top!)
Tell yooou... (Always pretend that everything's fine. Pro-life, but you won't let me live mine)
Tell yooou... (Life's too short to spend years crying. Throw him behind, put yourself on top!)
Throw him behind, put yourself. On. Top.

[diamondsky]

@fountain thanks again for the reviews and feedback! 
 

totally hear ya on my song. i was just trying to emulate her style and lyricism, I didn’t really put much of my own voice in there nnn. Too caught up in the vibe! 
 

can’t wait to see who releases their lyrics

[fountain]

1 hour ago, Prisoner said:

Thank you for the feedback  and tbh the entry isn't really about Pink Floyd themselves but more about their lyrical style/musicality/mood if that makes sense 

To be honest that was more an advice for the future, this round was very open to interpretation and we can’t really say “this doesn’t sound like your artist” because it’s YOUR interpretation of it of course, but for the future rounds they may be less interpretative so when it comes to tackling them it’s worth bearing in mind. You did a good job regardless. 
 

24 minutes ago, ☆lex said:

@fountain thanks again for the reviews and feedback! 
 

totally hear ya on my song. i was just trying to emulate her style and lyricism, I didn’t really put much of my own voice in there nnn. Too caught up in the vibe! 
 

can’t wait to see who releases their lyrics

The thing is we love your own voice, so I’m looking forward to hearing more of that in the future! Your take on the challenge makes sense for this round but I’m intrigued more by the player’s unique styles as opposed to their artists. 
 

41 minutes ago, GentleDance said:

The song

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

They Just Had to Tell Me

 

 

[Chorus 1]

Three months a wait, a hitch on your Merry

Go round the town say she was potty

Three months on your ring-around-a-rosy

“Fucker at therapy don’t know the full story”

 

[Verse 1]

You pop back, dropped the crack,

Changed, aged, better

But you’re a smoldering sun

And I’m hot-wire barretter

A fight at night,

The vittae highway lights,

Not a week on the counter

Your fury, a wheel left to flurry

And a corpse made to enjoy scenery

Your claws, well they were busy

Steering a willy nape into tranquility

 

[Chorus 2]

Well, I Just took my sorrows to sightsee

A fine, fine day on the periphery

They just had to tell me

Some friends won’t let the hole heal

They just had to tell me

He’s found another canary

 

[Verse 3]

It’s the looks you love to pop off the hooks

And if I could, I would

Tell her about the chessboard

The price she thought she could afford

Another girl for your half friends to mascot

Placing all her limbs in one casket

You’ll give her the honey, the plank and the knee

And enough reasons to leave this city

 

[Verse 4]

Come back love bite on your left cheek

To check on her call brick

Throw her that foul peek

It says ‘you’ve wept longer than you need’

Not a drip must escape your judgeship

 

[Chorus 3]

Well, soon she’ll to learn to curtsy

You’ll accessorize your accessory

“Babe, abstain from commentary”

“No, you’re just a little cranky”

Throw her a fit, she just bought sushi.
 

 

 

 

First of all, thank you for the amazing feedback!

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

What I wanted to write about was song about a narcissistic, very controlling and abusive ex-lover.

 

Lines about lover's controlling nature :

 

• Three months on your ring-around-a-rosy
• You’ll accessorize your accessory
• “Babe, abstain from commentary”
• To check on her call brick
• Throw her a fit, she just bought sushi.
• It says ‘you’ve wept longer than you need’ / Not a drip must escape your judgeship
• Well, soon she’ll to learn to curtsy (to the narcissistic king)

 

Gaslighting :

• “Fucker at therapy don’t know the full story”
• “No, you’re just a little cranky”

 

After a 3 months dancing to his tune, 3 months of being gaslit, the relationship comes to and end, the ex-lover goes saying that the singer is deranged and crazy.

This lover comes back, seems changed, is given a new shot, big fight erupts while they're driving on the highway, the abusive lover's hand leave the wheel and choke the narrator's neck (Steering a willy nape into tranquility)

 

A while later, singer is told by friends (and she did not want to know) that the ex-lover got himself a new girl, singer feels for her and for the hardships she will probably have to endure too. She's exactly his type, the type he like to abuse (It’s the looks you love to pop off the hooks), Singer would like to inform her of his character but she will not be believed (Go round the town say she was potty/And if I could, I would/Tell her about the chessboard/The price she thought she could afford).

He will give the kisses and the sweetness and then she'll get the pain (You’ll give her the honey, the plank and the knee/And enough reasons to leave this city)

 

I may have failed to tell the story properly , it's probably way too unclear and lacks to much detail and context 
 

 

Honestly you did a good job so I hope my review doesn’t seem like you didn’t. It was just a very left of field song and I appreciate that, your writing style is actually very much to my personal taste, in just in this particular case it was harder to connect with than last round, but you still created a spectacular song. It’s going to be very hard to score because of the various feelings about it 

[GentleDance]

3 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

 

Honestly you did a good job so I hope my review doesn’t seem like you didn’t. It was just a very left of field song and I appreciate that, your writing style is actually very much to my personal taste, in just in this particular case it was harder to connect with than last round, but you still created a spectacular song. It’s going to be very hard to score because of the various feelings about it 

 

Thank you again, I really appreciate your comments 

[fountain]

1 hour ago, Prisoner said:

Thank you for the feedback  and tbh the entry isn't really about Pink Floyd themselves but more about their lyrical style/musicality/mood if that makes sense 

To be honest that was more an advice for the future, this round was very open to interpretation and we can’t really say “this doesn’t sound like your artist” because it’s YOUR interpretation of it of course, but for the future rounds they may be less interpretative so when it comes to tackling them it’s worth bearing in mind. You did a good job regardless. 
 

24 minutes ago, ☆lex said:

@fountain thanks again for the reviews and feedback! 
 

totally hear ya on my song. i was just trying to emulate her style and lyricism, I didn’t really put much of my own voice in there nnn. Too caught up in the vibe! 
 

can’t wait to see who releases their lyrics

The thing is we love your own voice, so I’m looking forward to hearing more of that in the future! Your take on the challenge makes sense for this round but I’m intrigued more by the player’s unique styles as opposed to their artists. 
 

41 minutes ago, GentleDance said:

The song

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

They Just Had to Tell Me

 

 

[Chorus 1]

Three months a wait, a hitch on your Merry

Go round the town say she was potty

Three months on your ring-around-a-rosy

“Fucker at therapy don’t know the full story”

 

[Verse 1]

You pop back, dropped the crack,

Changed, aged, better

But you’re a smoldering sun

And I’m hot-wire barretter

A fight at night,

The vittae highway lights,

Not a week on the counter

Your fury, a wheel left to flurry

And a corpse made to enjoy scenery

Your claws, well they were busy

Steering a willy nape into tranquility

 

[Chorus 2]

Well, I Just took my sorrows to sightsee

A fine, fine day on the periphery

They just had to tell me

Some friends won’t let the hole heal

They just had to tell me

He’s found another canary

 

[Verse 3]

It’s the looks you love to pop off the hooks

And if I could, I would

Tell her about the chessboard

The price she thought she could afford

Another girl for your half friends to mascot

Placing all her limbs in one casket

You’ll give her the honey, the plank and the knee

And enough reasons to leave this city

 

[Verse 4]

Come back love bite on your left cheek

To check on her call brick

Throw her that foul peek

It says ‘you’ve wept longer than you need’

Not a drip must escape your judgeship

 

[Chorus 3]

Well, soon she’ll to learn to curtsy

You’ll accessorize your accessory

“Babe, abstain from commentary”

“No, you’re just a little cranky”

Throw her a fit, she just bought sushi.
 

 

 

 

First of all, thank you for the amazing feedback!

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

What I wanted to write about was song about a narcissistic, very controlling and abusive ex-lover.

 

Lines about lover's controlling nature :

 

• Three months on your ring-around-a-rosy
• You’ll accessorize your accessory
• “Babe, abstain from commentary”
• To check on her call brick
• Throw her a fit, she just bought sushi.
• It says ‘you’ve wept longer than you need’ / Not a drip must escape your judgeship
• Well, soon she’ll to learn to curtsy (to the narcissistic king)

 

Gaslighting :

• “Fucker at therapy don’t know the full story”
• “No, you’re just a little cranky”

 

After a 3 months dancing to his tune, 3 months of being gaslit, the relationship comes to and end, the ex-lover goes saying that the singer is deranged and crazy.

This lover comes back, seems changed, is given a new shot, big fight erupts while they're driving on the highway, the abusive lover's hand leave the wheel and choke the narrator's neck (Steering a willy nape into tranquility)

 

A while later, singer is told by friends (and she did not want to know) that the ex-lover got himself a new girl, singer feels for her and for the hardships she will probably have to endure too. She's exactly his type, the type he like to abuse (It’s the looks you love to pop off the hooks), Singer would like to inform her of his character but she will not be believed (Go round the town say she was potty/And if I could, I would/Tell her about the chessboard/The price she thought she could afford).

He will give the kisses and the sweetness and then she'll get the pain (You’ll give her the honey, the plank and the knee/And enough reasons to leave this city)

 

I may have failed to tell the story properly , it's probably way too unclear and lacks to much detail and context 
 

 

Honestly you did a good job so I hope my review doesn’t seem like you didn’t. It was just a very left of field song and I appreciate that, your writing style is actually very much to my personal taste, in just in this particular case it was harder to connect with than last round, but you still created a spectacular song. It’s going to be very hard to score because of the various feelings about it 

[Julia Fox]

Thank you for your reviews 

[fountain]

5 minutes ago, Julia Fox said:

Thank you for your reviews 

A masterpiece if I do say so myself x

[Lorenzo22]

thank you for the reviews @fountain it's true i didn't really focus on the actual relationship and more on the downfall of it, maybe a longer first verse or a pre-chorus would help expand more on that 

[DatChickDoe]

3 hours ago, fountain said:

 

Round 2: The Studio Session Challenge

 

Thank you for another great round everybody! We really hope you are enjoying the game so far. Here’s my reviews for this round, sorry if some are a little shorter or concise, today is my only opportunity to write them, if you want anything expanded on or explained you can tag me or reply to your review and I will answer as soon as I can, but honestly I am quite busy this weekend so I can't say when that will be. Anyway, here's the reviews:

 

@DatChickDoe - Blue is How I Live Without You

 

Honestly I am very much impressed by this entry! I thought your first song was good, but overall could’ve used some editing and polishing to it, and I think this round you’ve done exactly those things and made a huge improvement! You’ve incorporated your chosen artist very well, I can totally hear this existing as a country song, and the choice to reference her classics works very well. Lyrically I think the song is strong too, you incorporate both imagery and storytelling elements into the song well and the whole thing flows greatly as a piece. Overall I think this is a great entry and a wonderful ode to your chosen artist.

 

@Hug - Hug

 

I know you posted in the thread saying that you think you misinterpreted the challenge, but I think you’ve done it okay. While the inspiration isn’t super specific I don’t think it necessarily needs to be, could it be taken further yes, but I definitely see the elements that you were going for and I think the resemblance is there, so I wouldn’t fault you. Now for the actual song, I think it is spectacularly cute. I mean the cuteness and the bliss just pours out of the lyrics. There’s a fine line with things like this, but I think you never fell into the cheesy territory, so good job with that. The overall natural imagery and the more specific mentions of bugs, particularly the butterfly itself, are very well executed. It’s a totally different style to your last entry too, and I definitely appreciate you showing your diversity like this. I think overall I prefer this entry, but both have been strong and I’d encourage you to channel either side you feel is appropriate again in the future rounds.

 

@Better Mistakes - Dancing With My Tears 

 

I think that you perfectly embodied the mood of a Tove Lo song, that half drunk and half ****** up on love vibe is greatly executed and very fitting. I like your lyrics here and I think they work well, but it’s also not the most original stuff in the world either; dancing with tears, raising a glass, these are very commonplace tropes in songs and while I think this is a round where you can kind of get away with that because I can definitely envision Tove singing about those things, I would encourage you to try and steer away from that direction in the future. As an overall comment, your song is pretty repetitive and short, too. You essentially have one verse, one pre chorus, and one chorus only. The second pre chorus is only two changed lines, and the bridge is basically nothing. Again, I think you can get away with this to a degree due to this round’s nature because I think a Tove song could definitely have a structure like that, but when you’re reading it, it’s not super impressive. This is a lyric based game first and foremost and by having a song so short and so repetitive, you are doing yourself a disservice because it gives much less opportunity for your writing to shine. So my advice in the future would be to take every chance in your song to write new and interesting and unique lines.

 

@hurricane326 - Into the Blue

 

This is a very interesting entry. It’s definitely very metaphorical and open to interpretation, I feel like I could return to this and every time have a different idea of what it may represent and take away something different, and I love that in writing. I will say at first I was a little taken aback by it, with the mentions of dragons and oracles, it was very otherworldly and I wasn’t entirely sure of what to expect, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I found your word choices and lyricism very interesting in that way, I can’t exactly say or guess why you chose these specific things but they certainly made for an intriguing read either way. Since this round was about your interpretation of the artist you picked, it’s very interesting as a reader to see this, and I can’t say I’m the most familiar with Joni Mitchell so perhaps there are elements that I am missing or overlooking, but it was very fantastical in a way I didn’t expect. What I liked was that despite this fantastical nature it always remained pretty rooted and came back down to reality, and overall I absolutely adored the structure of your song. The lack of a traditional chorus only aided and heightened the intrigue of your song I believe. I would love to hear more specifically about what this song represents directly to you, because it’s hard for me to infer, but the fact that I want to know shows that it is a very well written and very cleverly written song. As was the case with your last entry, your lyricism is smooth and poetic, and the song read like a very nice glimpse into a world.

 

@Julia Fox - No Woman is No Art

 

I am kind of in love with this feminist anthem. The Lana verse kind of scalped me to be honest… I mean I thought it was so poetic, “a heart made of paper, my blood is my pencil” like what the ****? And then the Julia verse came and… okay it was less poetic, but the references to memoir, masterpiece, being a muse were hilarious. I’m not sure if traditionally I would’ve paired these two sides because they felt very different, but the fact that this is supposed to be a Julia Fox and Lana Del Rey collab makes it make sense… like if they were to collab, this is probably what it would be like, for better or worse, and you’re kinda genius for just going with it and submitting this The chorus is a banger. The song is like this weird mix between being absurd and being poetic and I….. I’m stanning I don’t know what else to say. Like, nobody else could’ve submitted this, and props to you for that. 

 

@Euterpe - Candlelight

 

Oh I love this. I can totally hear Amy Lee singing this, and the idea to make the song about her sister’s death is very touching. It’s a beautiful song and you’ve perfectly mixed both the artist’s style and their personal life into one. It couldn’t be better. Like, we need to get this sent to Amy Lee right now. It’s perfect. Sorry for a short review but, it’s just fantastic! Sure I could quote specific lines, but I liked them all. Sure I could rain down more praise, but isn’t it clear already? You destroyed this as far as I’m concerned. Amazing job.

 

@OreGuy - Ways to Bring You Down

 

I think this is an interesting take on Celine because she definitely sings about love and relationships a lot, but this has more of a darker and toxic twist to it which is interesting. I would say lyrically you’ve done a pretty good job but there is something which slightly confuses me about the song, and that is the story. I couldn’t fully understand some parts because certain lyrics seem to slightly contradict others? For example a key line in the chorus is “my love was real, I thought so was yours”, but then there is also a line where the writer is singing “can you love me again? love me again” so it leaves me questioning, if this person was unsure if they were truly loved in the first place, then why are they pleading to be loved again by this person? It just struck me as slightly odd and maybe could use some editing to be a little clearer, or maybe even some context to the relationship could help. But I think overall from a lyrical standpoint you’ve done a solid job, there are some very nice lines, it is just the actual background story to the song that was partially confusing for me. 

 

@boubour - Lonely

 

Okay so right off the bat, Jaden Smith is kinda an odd choice for this challenge, not gonna lie. I mean you are free to pick anybody you want, but this was definitely one I didn’t expect. So when it came to your song I was intrigued to see how it relates to Jaden, but… if it does, I’m not sure how, just to be totally honest; nothing about this jumped out to me as specifically referencing or relating to Jaden Smith. In terms of the actual song itself, I like the first verse. I think it starts off nicely and is a good starting point for a song. But when it comes to the second verse, and the chorus… honestly I just did not like them. The allusions to pens and writing and stories honestly went into the realm of being cheesy in these sections, as opposed to eloquent, and I definitely think it’s an idea that could have come across as eloquent. It’s not fundamentally a bad idea. I just think the execution here wasn’t at the highest level it could’ve been, I don’t know if you rushed this or if it was unfinished but in my opinion it could use some work to refine it. 

 

@GentleDance - They Just Had to Tell Me

 

Interesting, interesting, interesting… I feel like you went full out on this song. I’m not the most familiar with Fiona Apple, but I think you really embodied her energy… or at least the energy I get from her. The way I felt reading this song is similar to how I feel reading her songs; which is like I’m slightly losing my mind. Right off the bat, the use of the word “potty” in “she was potty” was very confusing to me because where I’m from “potty” is used to refer to toilet that a children learns to defecate in… of course google tells me that “potty” can also mean “mad”, and that honestly just further heightened the madness that I felt when reading this song. I’m gonna be honest I don’t really know what this song is about. This song grabbed my face and slapped me and called me stupid. But, so did Fiona Apple, so if this was on purpose then you’re a genius! I don’t know what a “willy nape” is either. But aside from these things what I will say is that I love your writing, I just love it. Even if I don’t know what you are writing about, I still love to read it because it’s so unique and just totally your own. And you can tell that it does have a lot of meaning, it’s just that it honestly went over my head. Nobody else has submitted anything like this and I’m certain that they won’t. Even if it’s not my favourite, this song is one of a kind, so I still think you should be very proud of it. And like I said, you can really tell the amount of effort that was put into this, you went all out, so good job.

 

@EpicSongFan - Feeling You

 

I really, really enjoyed reading this song. It is so sweet and has this pure euphoric vibe to it, that really emanates and I felt it when I was reading this. It’s a really pretty and beautiful song. The concept is simple, but many great songs do have simple concepts. I think you met the challenge very well because I do hear Mariah singing this, and it’s very in her style to have such a devoted and pure love song. Overall I think you’ve done a really great job, it’s such a lovely song that really transports you and I think that's a testament to your writing ability, because you took me there!

 

@Arrows - Out of the Blue

 

I think this song is so cute! I can definitely hear Carly singing this. It’s interesting because it feels like a nice intersection between her old pop heavy material and the new sound that she is going for, so I think you’ve made a very smart choice picking her. I would say, the concept is not particularly mind blowing or anything but the song is super enjoyable, I mean sometimes you want to just listen to a nice simplistic song and I think this fills that void, it’s very polished and solid in that regard. I will say, the part about going into space and wanting to go to Pluto was kind of random not going to lie, because there wasn’t really any other space imagery in the song before that so it seemed… well, out of the blue, but other than that I loved the rest of the song. One piece of advice, this song was very rhyme scheme heavy, in that pretty much every line rhymed with the next one and it was very reliant on that. I think in this case it worked and I actually really liked the rhymes, they flowed very nicely, but it’s quite a thin line sometimes between such tight rhyme schemes sounding pleasant or feeling forced, so in the future I would just be mindful of that and consider the possibility that not every line actually has to have a rhyme. Overall, very nice job.

 

@Remmy - Don’t Let a Man Tell You What to Do

 

Why does the title kind of remind me of Pooja? Yewwww deww not tell me whattuuuu doooo! Queen. Anyway, your song. I can really hear it, and it sounds a lot like High Five to me! Actually I just read all the way to the bottom and you specifically mentioned other songs, slay! Okay, lyrically, I think this is similar to how you described Sigrid’s lyrics, decently basic. Like, not in a bad way, but accessible. I’m not gonna lie, some lines were kind of giving Rachel Platten teas. But then I thought you had some really impressive ones too, like “pro-life but you won’t let me live mine” which was really thoughtful and might be one of the stand out lyrics of the round. It’s a balancing act in that regard and it can be kind of hard to always get it with song’s on this nature, but I would say that as a whole you achieved it. It’s nice to hear a different side of your writing, too. Overall I think you did a good job and it leaves me wondering again what you might do for the next round.

 

@RobDeWittBukater - Password

 

Okay first of all we STAN Kyungri, a queen. 

I think your song is interesting. It definitely serves old school Britney with the playfulness, the allure and the toying that she does in many of her lyrics. This was probably very fun to write I imagine, and to envision her singing it. There are some really interesting lines, particularly “for now, I may be a woman of mystery, but sooner or later, you’ll get the gist of me” which was very excellently done, but I think as a whole songs of this nature are kind of products of their time. Like I think in the later 2000’s I could really picture Britney singing this and it being a smash, but all these years on songs like this have kind of aged badly. What I mean is songs that take a central theme like this one of a “Password”  and then go all in on this theme, whereas these days we are kind of in the era of more subtlety and personal lyrics, so this definitely feels like a throwback. That’s not to say that it is bad, but that it feels like a product of a time past and a concept that is hard to pull off, if that makes sense. In terms of the challenge at hand, I think you did a good job, but I think that other entries from you will end up being more memorable than this.

 

@Legend E - Talk of the Town

 

I think your song definitely sounds like something Kelly would record, to be honest, it definitely seems in her style. With the amount of references that you have put in both to her personal life and to her pre-existing music, it’s clear that you put a lot of effort into this, and those references do pay off. I think overall I like the song and there are some great ideas, but it could use a little refinement. The big thing for me is, when you use a metaphorical theme, and you use it so heavily, it can sometimes actually have the opposite effect, where instead of sounding metaphorical it actually sounds like the lines are meant to mean specifically what they say. What I mean by this is that you have hammered the garden and tree imagery and metaphors so heavily into this song that instead of being a song that exists with its own story alongside these metaphors, it has actually become a song about these things. Of course, you know that it represents something and that it does have a meaning behind all of these metaphors, but when you read line after line of these metaphors, it reads instead as a song about those things as opposed to the metaphor you are aiming for, if that makes sense. The thing is, when it comes to metaphors sometimes less is more, and not every line needs to have a reference to some gardening theme, the song also needs more straightforward lines to help be a foundation for these metaphors, and I think this is what your song is missing. Now, the good thing is that you have a great idea here with all of these metaphors and everything you’ve put into the song; it just needs a little editing and refinement. I would say in the future when you feel like writing something that is very metaphorical again, you can make a list of all the potential uses that come to mind, and instead of throwing them all in the song I think you should pick and choose the best of the bunch and use them as a recurring theme throughout the song, as opposed to pretty much every line. Hopefully this doesn’t sound too scathing as I don’t think you’ve done a bad job at all, it’s just that the metaphors were a heavy handed misstep, but this is something that can easily be edited and learnt for the future!

 

@Jackson - DEEPFAKE

 

Again you surprised me with your entry. This song is so tongue in cheek, sarcastic and quotable, and I absolutely love it for this. There are so many standout lines, so I’m going to have to select a few in case you don’t post your song- “you’re the Non-Fuckable Type, call it an NFT”, “i’d rather interact with an AI, than ever have to talk to you again in real life”, “like a crypto coin you waste my energy”. I mean, these are so fun but also don’t just exist as soundbites, they also aid the song and further the point of the writer. I think overall you’ve done a great job here and again have shown your strength as a writer who can - and is willing to - try many different concepts. 

 

@Augmented - Keeps You Talkin

 

Okay, this is literally a Lizzo song, like she is all over it, so you’ve done a stellar job with the challenge. I think the observations you’ve made about the entry are things that I mostly would agree with, tbh. Are they the most eloquent and poetic lyrics ever? No. But you chose an artist who doesn’t go for that style, and instead you chose to appeal to her style (and did it perfectly), and you can’t be faulted for that. As an overall entry you perfectly embodied those elements you went for with Lizzo’s style, her humour and her carefree nature and the overall fun of her songs, and I totally felt that while reading yours, so I think you’ve done a pretty good job. Ultimately this was not the poetry round, so even if your lyrics are a little less profound than other entries, I still think you should be proud of the song that you have created because you absolutely aced the challenge. And in terms of the future, while this might not have shown your lyricism off to its highest degree, there’s always future rounds for that; but in the end I was happy reading your entry so I don’t think you should doubt it.

 

@Jessie - Ecstasy All Night

 

I think your song is really fun. It has that smooth yet cheeky essence of Prince in it, so I think you’ve done really well with the challenge since I can really hear his influence in this. And while it has that cheeky charm to the song, underneath it also has some depth to back it up also which is great. While in the song he’s being a little questionable, underneath it he actually touches on themes that are deeper and it reveals that there’s actually a good reason behind him pursuing this person, to try and take them away from the despair of the current world, which I think is well done and an interesting approach. Because, you could certainly look at this as a surface level song and it works in that regard, but you can also choose to look deeper if you want and find those messages underneath, and I don’t know if you were specifically aiming for that, but it’s very well executed regardless. Overall I think you’ve done a great job, both in meeting the needs of the challenge and also in creating something lyrically intriguing, so good job!

 

@Tylerbv - Reason to Stay

 

I really enjoyed reading your song. I thought it was a very sweet and touching story, and definitely the kind of song that I could hear Carrie singing, so you did a good job with the challenge. I really enjoyed the storytelling elements and how it developed over the song, it felt like it moved at a good pace where nothing was too rushed but also there was enough happening for it not to be pointless or without meaning. I will say, when it came to the bridge and what followed, that was definitely where it got a little too dramatic for me personally… but honestly songs of this nature do kind of tend to go in that direction so I can’t really blame you for doing it too. It definitely is a little too melodramatic though, like I felt that the earlier and more subtle parts of the song were very touching, but then when it suddenly goes from 0-100 like that at the bridge and this crazy stuff starts happening, it’s jarring and takes away from the more emotional aspect of the song which I thought was the highlight of your entry. But overall, a good job again. 

 

@Insanity - Just Try

 

So I know you struggled this round but I am really glad you ended up submitting. Reading your song, you can definitely hear those struggles in the lyrics, and it’s quite touching to read even if it isn’t the most unique theme ever. I think your song really speaks to your situation and exactly what I was trying to tell you in the thread, which is to just try. So I don’t know if this song was like a message to yourself, but it was very sweet to read, and I hope that by writing it you got something out of it. I don’t know how much it relates to David Archuleta, or if it was coming from more of a personal space, but mostly I am just glad that you decided to submit, so thank you for trying regardless of whatever struggles you were having and I hope that maybe the next round will be a little smoother of an experience for you. If you ever need any help again you can certainly reach out in the thread and we’ll always be there!

 

@mxtthewdelrey - you cheat, you lose

 

I thought overall this was a very fun entry. I mean, yes it’s about potentially wanting to kill somebody, but that’s pretty fun right! While I’m not familiar with your chosen artist I can see the influence with her personal life, and from the songs you listed she certainly has a fixation on death, so overall I think you embodied her very well. What I liked about the entry is that I think your style and her style actually mixed quite well, her angst and your absurdity came to this nice mix where it was a song about revenge and wanting to kill somebody, without coming across as a joke but also being somewhat lighthearted. I don’t know if that even makes sense, but I liked the mix of approaches here. The song felt very natural, I suppose is another way of saying it. With a theme like this a lot of people could try to write this song and it would be a mess, but I think you executed it very well and managed to come across quite polished despite the anger of the song. Overall, another great round for you!

 

@Achilles. - A Long Time Coming

 

Okay reading your song I can understand the switch from Taylor to Faith since it’s coming from a first person perspective. I think the story of your song is very sad, but also touching. I think the reality is that honestly, a lot of people in relationships feel like this, and it’s such a sad thing. I think putting it into a song like this worked very well and the story was moving; it’s not exactly untouched ground but you executed it in a very polished way so good job. Like a lot of the storytelling songs this round it could have ended up falling into cheesy or over dramatic territory, but your entry is among the most balanced where you didn’t feel the need to do that, and I appreciate it because it allowed the story to feel a lot more natural and from the heart. While I’m not the most familiar with Faith Hill’s music, I can definitely see the influence and think you worked with the challenge well, and the choice to switch artists ultimately makes sense, so good job. Overall, another impressive entry from you. Don’t worry, you’ve definitely still got it! 

 

@TruGemini - Zone

 

It’s hard to not appreciate your entry again because honestly there is nobody else who writes like you in this game. I’m not the most familiar with Jeremih, but it was an interesting choice, and I liked how you specifically mentioned the “studio session” in your entry. I will say, I think this entry lacked wordplay in comparison to your last entry, and in terms of the overall theme there wasn’t too much going for it on a unique level, but that said I still found your entry quite refreshing in comparison to other entries which can have elements which are same-y, whereas yours so far have been in your own lane. I’m interested to see where you continue down this lane as the game progresses. I would love next round if you were to pick a concept or theme for your entry that had a little more depth to it, because I would love to see your unique style paired with concepts that were just as unique. 

 

@☆lex - Nights on the Run

 

I can definitely hear Gaga in this, some of the more specific word choices are taken straight from her dictionary and it’s clear to see the influence. It actually feels interestingly like a mix between the Born This Way Gaga that you mentioned, and also the new Gaga with songs like Hold My Hand. On a lyrical level I would say that overall this felt fun, but in terms of the concept it could have been pushed further because this more or less was just a love song. I am interested to see where you go in the future though because your first round entry had much more of a concept going for it and in terms of this round you definitely succeeded in matching Gaga’s style, but I’m more specifically interested in seeing yours shine more, to be honest. 

 

@Lorenzo22- Teenage Love Story

 

I think you very much succeeded in writing a song fitting for Taylor, I can definitely hear her in parts of this and the overall theme and story is similar to her older style of music. I liked the story element to the song overall, but I thought it could have been expanded on a little, particularly on an emotional level. While you told the story well, I think it could have benefitted from some more emotional language to really connect and drive home the love story that you were trying to tell. The beginning sections were my favourite to be honest, they were very nice, but I felt it went a little melodramatic with the whole rumours development, and I think even though it was a teenage love story the story still could have had a little more poignancy to it, to be honest. But overall I thought you took on the challenge very well, I just would have liked the storytelling elements to be a little more mature I think, but on a writing level you did a good job. 

 

@D e v o n - Session 32

 

Honestly this entry needs working on more. This doesn’t feel complete. There’s no context to what you are trying to put across here - who is “she”, what exactly is the relationship supposed to be here? It’s kind of like you’ve taken the middle section of a song, deleted the beginning and the end, and sent that in, because there’s no background here at all and also it ends abruptly to a point where I’m confused as to what I’m supposed to take away from this song. I would look at it again and reassess. 

 

@JoeAg - Woman in the Charmed Garden

 

I was actually a big fan of your entry last round and thought it ended up being quite underrated, so I’ve been looking forward to seeing what you would submit this round. And honestly? You’ve impressed me again. This song is very poetic, but I think you pulled it off and it works for Kate, and the writing is lovely. You’ve also absolutely taken on my feedback about expanding your song this round, this song is longer but not just that, it feels more complete and rounded and I’m glad to see this. It feels like a lot of effort has been put into this song and the lyrics feel very meticulous and thought out. Overall, I liked your first entry and thought it deserved better, but I like your second one even more. Hopefully we will see your efforts pay off this week in the rankings, because I think you deserve it!

 

@Prisoner - Drift Away

 

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure of how this relates to Pink Floyd specifically, but then again I’m not super knowledgeable on them. It just feels like you went for a very particular artist choice, and I’m not entirely sure why that was, and I thought I'd be able to tell more when reading the song. But what I do know is that on a lyrical level I really enjoyed what you submitted again. What I particularly liked was that you paired more traditional flowery lyrics such as the chorus, but then also had that second verse which was my favourite part of the song. The gritty and edgy lyrics there really highlighted the song for me and to be honest, it would have been interesting to see the whole entry reflect that style, or to see you delve into something like that again in the future. Overall, I think you’ve delivered a great entry again, even if I’m uncertain about its relation to the challenge I think you’ve shown again how capable you are as a writer which leaves me very interested to see how you will continue to tackle these challenges, and specifically to see more of your own unique style and perspective. 

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate your time! 

[DatChickDoe]

6 hours ago, RobDeWittBukater said:

Tysm  Can't wait to check out your song!

Super Nervous. This has taken me very much out of my comfort zone. 
 

Here is Blue Is How I Live Without You by Leann Rimes 

 

Spoiler

August rain fell warm

with a heart breaking storm

you whispering goodbye 

Lightning illuminating empty eyes

Your cold kiss stained with lies

A moment that brought to life 

 

Chorus

 

Songs on the radio

One way tickets to nowhere at all

Moonlight loses the fight

some people fade into the night

No commitment no big deal

Love goes on it’s true it’s all I can do

‘Cause Blue is how I live without you 

 

Illusions of our love fell

as you put my heart through hell 

All the gossip you’d sell

you always had a story to tell

 

insincerity lines my grave

the rumors you claimed

I am unfaithful and insane 

Now all that remains are

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Through the struggles I survived 

Even with your words you tried

 like the sun in the sky

This Phoenix went on to rise 

Fate was always by my side like

 

Bridge 

 

There will come a day

When all the lies that you say

On all the people you preyed

All the vows you break 

The deception you partake 

Will be part of your own judgment day

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

[fountain]

@GentleDance also I really hope the reviews don’t discourage you at all from writing songs like this in the future because it really was quite brilliant! I think it’s just the nature with songs like this, that sometimes they can be hard to connect with and may not always completely resonate, but I really hope you continue serving such thoughtful and unique writing. I’m without a doubt always going to be looking forward to your writing, even after only seeing these two songs 

[fountain]

31 minutes ago, DatChickDoe said:

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate your time! 

 

25 minutes ago, DatChickDoe said:

Super Nervous. This has taken me very much out of my comfort zone. 
 

Here is Blue Is How I Live Without You by Leann Rimes 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

August rain fell warm

with a heart breaking storm

you whispering goodbye 

Lightning illuminating empty eyes

Your cold kiss stained with lies

A moment that brought to life 

 

Chorus

 

Songs on the radio

One way tickets to nowhere at all

Moonlight loses the fight

some people fade into the night

No commitment no big deal

Love goes on it’s true it’s all I can do

‘Cause Blue is how I live without you 

 

Illusions of our love fell

as you put my heart through hell 

All the gossip you’d sell

you always had a story to tell

 

insincerity lines my grave

the rumors you claimed

I am unfaithful and insane 

Now all that remains are

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Through the struggles I survived 

Even with your words you tried

 like the sun in the sky

This Phoenix went on to rise 

Fate was always by my side like

 

Bridge 

 

There will come a day

When all the lies that you say

On all the people you preyed

All the vows you break 

The deception you partake 

Will be part of your own judgment day

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Your song showed a huge improvement over your first entry, not that your first entry was bad but I was impressed to see the growth already. You should definitely be proud of yourself, looking forward to seeing more from you. If this was out of your comfort zone then hopefully with more experience we can make it more comfortable! 

[GentleDance]

Just now, fountain said:

@GentleDance also I really hope the reviews don’t discourage you at all from writing songs like this in the future because it really was quite brilliant! I think it’s just the nature with songs like this, that sometimes they can be hard to connect with and may not always completely resonate, but I really hope you continue serving such thoughtful and unique writing. I’m without a doubt always going to be looking forward to your writing, even after only seeing these two songs 

This is incredibly thoughtful of you, I'm really not discouraged, please don't worry about that 

[Jessie]

Thank you @fountainfor the review  

 

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I was trying to do with the song, so I’m glad it came across. Prince is my ultimate fave so it was fun trying to dip into that persona even just a bit.

Edited May 27, 2022 by Jessie

[DatChickDoe]

7 minutes ago, fountain said:

 

Your song showed a huge improvement over your first entry, not that your first entry was bad but I was impressed to see the growth already. You should definitely be proud of yourself, looking forward to seeing more from you. If this was out of your comfort zone then hopefully with more experience we can make it more comfortable! 

That would be incredible  You guys are really awesome for hosting this. It is a lot of work. 

[Euterpe]

@fountain Wow, thank you so much! I don’t know what to say. 

[Aurora]

Time to pick up my pen again, I fear.

[fountain]

1 hour ago, hurricane326 said:

The dragons reference snapdragons, which grew in the garden at my old house. The forest outside my room was the backyard, which was overrun with weeds. The oracle is my mom, who has helped me through my personal struggles.

 

Joni has similar imagery on "Amelia" - six white vapor trails; hexagram of the heavens, etc

Thank you for explaining, I enjoy hearing the behind the scenes into making a song so it’s honestly great to hear these things. With context this makes a lot of sense and they are some really great personal references, but it’s hard to get that same experience as an outsider reader without the context. I did enjoy the song but I guess my constructive criticism in that regard would be to try and stray away from that need for context in the future, if you want. Of course you can choose not to because ultimately your writing is for you first and foremost, and hearing about these things makes it obvious why you’ve chose them, but I’m just speaking from an outsider’s perspective is all. I couldn’t get these things at first but I’m glad to know them now.