ATRL Moderator Legend E Posted May 27, 2022 ATRL Moderator Posted May 27, 2022 1 minute ago, Legend E said: Panned To me Kelly was kind of interchanging roles, both with the shrub and the narrator btw. But the shrub could also be her children
OreGuy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 just wanna say that hopefully we don't get a Pokemon or a Celestial challenge
Euterpe Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 @Aurora Okay, I didn’t expect such a good review, thank you. It’s all down hill from here, but whew, I should take inspiration from that band more often.
DatChickDoe Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 5 hours ago, Aurora said: Hey, Hitmakers! The deadline has passed, and I've been working on my reviews for a decent portion of today to share some early opinions! Reviews for the remaining songs will be written up tomorrow and posted in Batch 2 (possibly a Batch 3 depending on submission count). If you have not yet submitted, I will review any entry that is submitted between now and noon tomorrow, my time (approx. 20.5 hours from now). If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request. Batch 1 Reveal hidden contents 1. @DatChickDoe - “Blue Is How I Live Without You” My first impression is that I think it’s a clever idea to use some of your artist’s song titles in the lyrics—it reinforces the connection, and would make a fun “greatest hits” song. The imagery in the first verse was really nice, and I like the way the verses lead into the chorus. I commented on your rhyming last time, and there was less unnatural wording in this submission, so great work. Next submission, I would suggest labelling all of your sections—the chorus and bridge were great, but clarifying everything would help as the first section has six lines, the next has two quatrains, and the third has five lines. Uniformity with the verses would also be another piece of advice. Overall, I do think this was an improvement, and I anticipate your continual rise! 2. @Hug - “Hug” It’s cute having a self-titled song! There were many lovely moments, though a few puzzled me. The pre-choruses were both stunning, particularly the second, which I hoped was coming following the prior verse. I enjoyed your bridge, the references to your other song were nice and didn’t feel out of place or like required reading. Other gems were the titular couplet in the chorus and most of the second verse. “I feel the old me died,” reads strangely since you have a present tense (feel) and a past tense (died). “You gave me wings so gorgeous that allowed me to fly,” was redundant, and the bugs-making-noise lyric felt like a forced rhyme. The overall concept is solid, but I feel there was more polishing, tightening, and trimming that could have been done. 3. @Better Mistakes - “Dancing With My Tears” This had a cute commercial vibe, and I could see Tove Lo being involved. The pronouns being “him” took me out of the Tove immersion a bit, although I guess her ex might not be straight. The first verse was a great start. “As we made out with drinks ‘til your mind blinked?” felt a little clunky as if it were written just to rhyme. The chorus serves its purpose, but I would have loved to see more punch; instead of repeating the quatrain, perhaps the fifth and sixth lines could have been something new to give it more body. Did you purposely omit a second verse? The second pre is much better! On a strictly lyrical level, the bridge did feel like a missed opportunity to showcase a range of emotions. Keep submitting and I look forward to your continual growth! 4. @hurricane326 - “Into the Blue” I think you channelled Joni well with the three periods of growth, which felt like a nod to “Both Sides Now”. I enjoyed the imagery in the first verse, I got strong lush green vibes and a sense of optimism, and I really liked the callback to this verse in the fifth section. Your use of repetitions aided to their respective sections rather than reading like filler, so good balance there. This song took me on a journey, and I can relate to the themes of waning optimism, settling for less fantastical goals, growing apart from childhood friends and so forth. Life is wonderful but it can also be cruel and wear us down. As a whole it works well, and the only thing I would have liked is one or two killer couplets that stood out from the rest. Great work! 5. @Julia Fox - “No Woman Is No Art” Ooh a duet, that’s an interesting take on the challenge. There’s definitely a sense of melancholy which is giving Lana vibes, so that’s a good start. I liked the “Atlantis” lyric, and the section that followed from “ink,” to “it seems,” was very conceptually intriguing. I think the duetted chorus could have been strengthened with a few more of these artistic metaphors rather than focusing more on the literal dissolution of the relationship. The muse/book metaphors in the second verse were again a good direction to steer this song, and would have loved to see more of that in the chorus, and a bridge would have helped flesh out the concept even further. 6. @Euterpe - “Candlelight” What a unique artist inspiration! I really enjoyed this submission. The comments I made last round about providing more content for context definitely didn’t apply here, there was plenty of great lyricism here. The alliteration in the chorus was a nice touch, and it created some dark and mystical imagery which I could definitely see Evanescence incorporating into their music. “Melting a part of myself, to be a part of you,” was a standout lyric—loved this! The bridge was fantastic also, a beautifully constructed section. It definitely seems like you’ve taken the feedback you received last week on board, because this showed tremendous growth to me. 7. @OreGuy - “Ways to Bring You Down” There were many surprising moments in this song—just when I thought I’d found the standout lyric, you surprised me with another one, which is definitely a good thing! Your continual growth as a writer is evident. “When we said forever, I guess this is what we meant,” “Fire of desire, now burned down all the bridges,” and “Your eyes to win me over / But I guess you're determined to win,” were all great. These comparisons of something positive with something negative worked well in this song’s context. Conceptually, I think reinforcing the pain you have caused each other by using some more specific examples of the back-and-forth would have aided this piece. 8. @boubour - “Lonely” Interesting artist choice and submission overall. I want to keep my review concise in case I was unclear in my review of your last submission. While writing to an instrumental is fine, unnecessarily confining yourself to certain section lengths and flows determined by a beat might not be the best approach moving forward in this tournament. If you wish to continue writing to instrumentals, perhaps finding something a little longer would serve you well. For this submission, there was a lot of repetition and only thirteen unique lyrics, and of those thirteen, some unique angle or twist on a common theme would have gone a long way. 9. @GentleDance - “They Just Had to Tell Me” Let me start off by admitting I had to search up definitions for a lot of the words in this song, and coming from the formerly-dubbed “Thesaurus King,” that’s saying something! This is where I can offer some unique first-hand advice: fancy and formal isn’t always best for writing. I am not going to be too critical given, a) Your artistic inspiration was Fiona Apple, and b) English isn’t your mother tongue, but I would love to see you experiment with more emotive, accessible language that doesn’t require an immense vocabulary knowledge or take one out of the immersion by researching some of the more advanced lyricism—lyrics like “You’ll accessorize your accessory,” are wonderfully powerful with simpler language. I can’t wait to see what else you have in store. 10. @EpicSongFan - “Feeling You” Another gorgeous cover! I love that this tournament has helped you complete a song you’ve had in your pocket for years. I actually like the new parts you’ve written for this tournament best. The hook is nice, inconsequential and simple, but the verses in particular do a much better job of showing the level of adoration. The “a precious treasures” lyric appears to have a grammatical error—small qualm. The bridge is lovely, especially the “paradigm” lyric. I often find when writing that the sections I form early in the process need to be reworked later on, and I would have loved to see this with a reworked hook to provide a little more texture. Otherwise, nice work! 11. @Arrows - “Out Of The Blue” Hmm, definitely not the Carly era I would have imagined you channelling. I couldn’t play your performance either. That said, that’s where most of my criticisms end. This was very cute, I could definitely see Carly being involved with this one. It appears you’ve put more focus on each of the sections having stronger lyricism rather than being carried by interesting melodies, so that’s definitely noted and appreciated. The additions in parentheses I could see being fun backing vocal moments, too. The second verse was definitely my favourite, the entire verse was perfect honestly. The bridge was a touch basic and it would have been lovely to see something a little more honest and vulnerable here to really convey their passion. 12. @Remmy - “Don't Let a Man Tell You What to Do” Not the ooo’s—we-are-going-to-pretend-we-didn’t-see-that.mp4 (seriously, cute in moderation, but never a great idea in a lyric-focused tournament). Not Sigrid being British now, we— this is certainly a welcome change of pace all things considered. You display a great understanding of rhyming, particularly internal rhyming in the verses which is enjoyable to read and helps shape the metre and flow of the piece nicely. The chorus could have been stronger admittedly—as you have mentioned it’s “decently basic” and perhaps selecting Sigrid to match this level of lyricism isn’t a suitable crutch given this is still a lyric-focused tournament. Taking your impressive internal rhyming skill and applying that to a more eloquent piece would be appreciated! 13. @RobDeWittBukater - “Password” I think Britney Spears is an interesting choice because she’s not necessarily known as an acclaimed, renowned lyricist. That’s not to say every selection had to be, and I love plenty of Britney’s bops. The “piece of me” reference was cute, and the “mystery/gist of me” rhyme was chaotically good. While short, I really liked the bridge (although it’s not a middle eight by definition, which is literally eight bars in the middle of a song). Conceptually, I think the password idea was solid for a pop song format, yet the lyrics themselves could have done with some more refinement—references to cracking codes, “keystrokes”, or what might happen if they try to “hack”/guess incorrectly. There’s a lot more you could have done with this fun concept! 14. @Legend E - “Talk of the Town” This is probably one of the most distinct approaches to the challenge thus far. While most have attempted to model their songs after specific musical stylings, song titles, or eras of their respective artists, you’ve fully focused on the personal life aspect and brought your own songwriting style to the forefront. I think you have an interesting concept here, but it is admittedly a little hard to grasp. I won’t make direct references to lyrics out of respect, but I wasn’t sure if Kelly was supposed to be the shrub or growing it? I’m also not entirely sure if hearing about a breakup is a suitable comparative to being poisoned? In short, I feel like you got caught up in the metaphors a bit with this one. That said, the outro was a lovely end to this piece. Thank you for your feedback I appreciate you are your time!
DatChickDoe Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 4 hours ago, RobDeWittBukater said: Since the reviews are coming out, I thought I'd share the song I submitted for this round! Here it is: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AC_sC9gCoWcyKIm0PmAKSfIpxTeokd6WCUFHyAQDqaY/edit?usp=sharing (/And here's my song from the first round, 'Stranded in Your Arms': https://docs.google.com/document/d/19zWVJ7Qc7iL2sS4gA-CqA-MONt39YmvaHnfSYuL5YS4/edit?usp=sharing I would actually love to hear Britney sing password. It is really cool!
GentleDance Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 6 hours ago, Aurora said: Hey, Hitmakers! The deadline has passed, and I've been working on my reviews for a decent portion of today to share some early opinions! Reviews for the remaining songs will be written up tomorrow and posted in Batch 2 (possibly a Batch 3 depending on submission count). If you have not yet submitted, I will review any entry that is submitted between now and noon tomorrow, my time (approx. 20.5 hours from now). If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request. Batch 1 Hide contents 9. @GentleDance - “They Just Had to Tell Me” Let me start off by admitting I had to search up definitions for a lot of the words in this song, and coming from the formerly-dubbed “Thesaurus King,” that’s saying something! This is where I can offer some unique first-hand advice: fancy and formal isn’t always best for writing. I am not going to be too critical given, a) Your artistic inspiration was Fiona Apple, and b) English isn’t your mother tongue, but I would love to see you experiment with more emotive, accessible language that doesn’t require an immense vocabulary knowledge or take one out of the immersion by researching some of the more advanced lyricism—lyrics like “You’ll accessorize your accessory,” are wonderfully powerful with simpler language. I can’t wait to see what else you have in store. That's absolutely fair, I might have overdone it Quote In the iTunes originals track “Finding The Key” Fiona says that when she wrote this song, someone read the lyrics and criticized her for writing impersonal lyrics. However, she blames that on the fact that her songs are difficult to understand, because she uses obscure words she looks up on dictionaries and books of words and phrases as figures of speech and she likes the listener to look up the phrases as well and interpret them on his own.
EpicSongFan Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 7 hours ago, Aurora said: Hey, Hitmakers! The deadline has passed, and I've been working on my reviews for a decent portion of today to share some early opinions! Reviews for the remaining songs will be written up tomorrow and posted in Batch 2 (possibly a Batch 3 depending on submission count). If you have not yet submitted, I will review any entry that is submitted between now and noon tomorrow, my time (approx. 20.5 hours from now). If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request. Batch 1 Hide contents 10. @EpicSongFan - “Feeling You” Another gorgeous cover! I love that this tournament has helped you complete a song you’ve had in your pocket for years. I actually like the new parts you’ve written for this tournament best. The hook is nice, inconsequential and simple, but the verses in particular do a much better job of showing the level of adoration. The “a precious treasures” lyric appears to have a grammatical error—small qualm. The bridge is lovely, especially the “paradigm” lyric. I often find when writing that the sections I form early in the process need to be reworked later on, and I would have loved to see this with a reworked hook to provide a little more texture. Otherwise, nice work! Thank you so much! The reason why I decided to keep the hook was because I had a good melody playing in my mind, so I figured I'd keep it since I really love how it sounded in my head. But also, I wanted something simple to contrast the intricacies I had in my verses. But I definitely understand what you mean by maybe reworking it too. Maybe it would've elevated the song even more I'll be honest though, initially I thought about including "The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl" folklore (Check it out here) into the mix for my lyrics but that was a bit of a challenge Maybe could've worked out I think since it fits the theme of the lyrics. But I decided not to in the end because it might have come out a bit confusing I'm screaming at the grammatical error though, I didn't even notice it
EpicSongFan Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) Btw this was my submission! Ngl it was a lot of fun working on the lyrics and the graphics aspect of things Though do ignore that grammatical error, didn't even notice it until @Aurora mentioned it --- LYRICS V1 It's so true that absence makes the heart grow fonder But the torment that comes with it makes it harder Sometimes I hallucinate and see your mirage I guess my mind’s decided to play self-sabotage But still, I will not relinquish my devotion My trust in our love shall remain unbroken We’ve been through so many different obstacles Just enough to make it sound really magical Pre Chorus Now that we’re meeting again I start feeling the flow of serotonin Rushing and flowing all over my skin Because… Hook Nothing compares to the rush I get When I’m feeling you by my side When I'm feeling you by my side V2 Clearly emblazoned within an artistic frame Our love deserves to be in the hall of fame We sure know how to make a lasting impression Even the heavens are now paying attention All this distance brought us both closer together But now we’ll be opening this brand new chapter Let’s both take a risk and go on an adventure And gather memories like they’re a precious treasures Pre Chorus Now that we’re meeting again I start feeling the flow of serotonin Rushing and flowing all over my skin Because… Hook Nothing compares to the rush I get When I'm feeling you by my side When I’m feeling you by my side Bridge So now that we've knocked down every hurdle It’s time for us to ascend to the next level Let’s both transcend the realms of space and time It's time to fly like the birds in the sky And slowly form a brand new paradigm Because… Hook Nothing compares to the rush I get When I'm feeling you by my side When I’m feeling you by my side x2 INSTRUMENTAL Edited May 27, 2022 by EpicSongFan
JoeAg Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 ok submitting now I'll write the melody later today I think, I'll record the song by sunday and post it in here
Jackson Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 5 hours ago, OreGuy said: just wanna say that hopefully we don't get a Pokemon or a Celestial challenge i think the elements challenge is very similar to the pokémon types challenge, so i doubt they’ll do both
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 8 hours ago, Arrows said: Thanks for the review! That’s weird though, can’t really seem to figure out why. Here it is though, it’s a bit rough but the song itself is there Thanks, I already have your review written but I will take a listen too because I’d like to hear the song as well
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 28 minutes ago, Jackson said: i think the elements challenge is very similar to the pokémon types challenge, so i doubt they’ll do both Actually next round is the Pokémon types challenge, and then the round after that we are going to redo the Elements challenge again since it was so fun
Prisoner Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 Submitted. So sorry for the late submission @fountain I had to sleep early last night and also had work all day today.
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 9 minutes ago, Prisoner said: Submitted. So sorry for the late submission @fountain I had to sleep early last night and also had work all day today. It’s okay! Thank you for submitting regardless.
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) The songs of Round 2: 1. DatChickDoe - Blue is How I Live Without You (LeAnn Rimes) 2. Hug - Hug (Xydo) 3. Better Mistakes - Dancing With My Tears (Tove Lo) 4. hurricane326 - Into the Blue (Joni Mitchell) 5. Julia Fox - No Woman is No Art (Lana Del Rey) 6. Euterpe - Candlelight (Evanescence) 7. OreGuy - Ways to Bring You Down (Celine Dion) 8. boubour - Lonely (Jaden Smith) 9. GentleDance - They Just Had to Tell Me (Fiona Apple) 10. EpicSongFan - Feeling You (Mariah Carey) 11. Arrows - Out of the Blue (Carly Rae Jepsen) 12. Remmy - Don't Let a Man Tell You What to Do (Sigrid) 13. RobDeWittBukater - Password (Britney Spears) 14. Legend E - Talk of the Town (Kelly Clarkson) 15. Jackson - DEEPFAKE (Elio) 16. Augmented - Keeps You Talkin (Lizzo) 17. Jessie - Ecstasy All Night (Prince) 18. Tylerbv - Reason to Stay (Carrie Underwood) 19. Insanity - Just Try (David Archuleta) 20. mxtthewdelrey - you cheat, you lose (Nessa Barrett) 21. Achilles. - A Long Time Coming (Faith Hill) 22. TruGemini - Zone (Jeremih) 23. ☆lex - Night on the Run (Lady Gaga) 24. Lorenzo22 - Teenage Love Story (Taylor Swift) 25. D e v o n - Session 32 (Remi Wolf) 26. JoeAg - Woman in the Charmed Garden (Kate Bush) 27. Prisoner - Drift Away (Pink Floyd) 28. 8thPrince - Fraternite (Yoasobi) Edited May 28, 2022 by fountain
RobDeWittBukater Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 4 hours ago, DatChickDoe said: I would actually love to hear Britney sing password. It is really cool! Tysm Can't wait to check out your song!
Better Mistakes Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) 3. @Better Mistakes - “Dancing With My Tears” This had a cute commercial vibe, and I could see Tove Lo being involved. The pronouns being “him” took me out of the Tove immersion a bit, although I guess her ex might not be straight. The first verse was a great start. “As we made out with drinks ‘til your mind blinked?” felt a little clunky as if it were written just to rhyme. The chorus serves its purpose, but I would have loved to see more punch; instead of repeating the quatrain, perhaps the fifth and sixth lines could have been something new to give it more body. Did you purposely omit a second verse? The second pre is much better! On a strictly lyrical level, the bridge did feel like a missed opportunity to showcase a range of emotions. Keep submitting and I look forward to your continual growth! Thanks for the feedback @Aurora. I did actually choose to omit a second verse - mainly because I actually write all my songs over existing songs and follow their melodies etc. Just because it helps me to write and create something. Here's the song Dancing With My Tears was written over: And here's my song for anyone who cares: (Verse 1) You don’t have to use someone to see sense To make the choice that was mulling over in your head You don’t have to dry my eyes now they’re wet ‘Cause it’s all your fault now I feel a mess (Pre Chorus) The lights stay low as I’m falling apart In a bittersweet moment it seems now All this time were you thinking of him As we made out with drinks ‘til your mind blinked? (Chorus) If you’re gonna choose him then make it quick Let me down here to cry a bit Dancing with my tears when the feelings hit I’ll be raising a glass to you, raising a glass to you If you’re gonna choose him then make it quick Let me down here to cry a bit Dancing with my tears when the feelings hit I’ll be raising a glass to you, raising a glass to you (Pre Chorus 2) The lights stay low as I’m falling apart It’s the worst kind of feeling, you made it All this time were you thinking of him As you swayed with my hips to find him? (Chorus) (Bridge) I’m dancing with tears in my eyes I’m dancing with tears in my eyes Raise a glass to all the heartbreak Raise a glass to, raise a… (Chorus) (Outro) I’ll be raising a glass to you, raising a glass to you I’ll be raising a glass to you, raising a glass to you I’ll be raising a glass to you, raising a glass to you I’ll be raising a glass to you, raising a glass Edited May 27, 2022 by Better Mistakes
ughgabriel Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 Work has been really tough this week, I’m sorry, I’ll still write for this round even if it doesn’t count but I’ll (hopefully) be back next challenge
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) Round 2: The Studio Session Challenge Thank you for another great round everybody! We really hope you are enjoying the game so far. Here’s my reviews for this round, sorry if some are a little shorter or concise, today is my only opportunity to write them, if you want anything expanded on or explained you can tag me or reply to your review and I will answer as soon as I can, but honestly I am quite busy this weekend so I can't say when that will be. Anyway, here's the reviews: @DatChickDoe - Blue is How I Live Without You Honestly I am very much impressed by this entry! I thought your first song was good, but overall could’ve used some editing and polishing to it, and I think this round you’ve done exactly those things and made a huge improvement! You’ve incorporated your chosen artist very well, I can totally hear this existing as a country song, and the choice to reference her classics works very well. Lyrically I think the song is strong too, you incorporate both imagery and storytelling elements into the song well and the whole thing flows greatly as a piece. Overall I think this is a great entry and a wonderful ode to your chosen artist. @Hug - Hug I know you posted in the thread saying that you think you misinterpreted the challenge, but I think you’ve done it okay. While the inspiration isn’t super specific I don’t think it necessarily needs to be, could it be taken further yes, but I definitely see the elements that you were going for and I think the resemblance is there, so I wouldn’t fault you. Now for the actual song, I think it is spectacularly cute. I mean the cuteness and the bliss just pours out of the lyrics. There’s a fine line with things like this, but I think you never fell into the cheesy territory, so good job with that. The overall natural imagery and the more specific mentions of bugs, particularly the butterfly itself, are very well executed. It’s a totally different style to your last entry too, and I definitely appreciate you showing your diversity like this. I think overall I prefer this entry, but both have been strong and I’d encourage you to channel either side you feel is appropriate again in the future rounds. @Better Mistakes - Dancing With My Tears I think that you perfectly embodied the mood of a Tove Lo song, that half drunk and half ****** up on love vibe is greatly executed and very fitting. I like your lyrics here and I think they work well, but it’s also not the most original stuff in the world either; dancing with tears, raising a glass, these are very commonplace tropes in songs and while I think this is a round where you can kind of get away with that because I can definitely envision Tove singing about those things, I would encourage you to try and steer away from that direction in the future. As an overall comment, your song is pretty repetitive and short, too. You essentially have one verse, one pre chorus, and one chorus only. The second pre chorus is only two changed lines, and the bridge is basically nothing. Again, I think you can get away with this to a degree due to this round’s nature because I think a Tove song could definitely have a structure like that, but when you’re reading it, it’s not super impressive. This is a lyric based game first and foremost and by having a song so short and so repetitive, you are doing yourself a disservice because it gives much less opportunity for your writing to shine. So my advice in the future would be to take every chance in your song to write new and interesting and unique lines. @hurricane326 - Into the Blue This is a very interesting entry. It’s definitely very metaphorical and open to interpretation, I feel like I could return to this and every time have a different idea of what it may represent and take away something different, and I love that in writing. I will say at first I was a little taken aback by it, with the mentions of dragons and oracles, it was very otherworldly and I wasn’t entirely sure of what to expect, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I found your word choices and lyricism very interesting in that way, I can’t exactly say or guess why you chose these specific things but they certainly made for an intriguing read either way. Since this round was about your interpretation of the artist you picked, it’s very interesting as a reader to see this, and I can’t say I’m the most familiar with Joni Mitchell so perhaps there are elements that I am missing or overlooking, but it was very fantastical in a way I didn’t expect. What I liked was that despite this fantastical nature it always remained pretty rooted and came back down to reality, and overall I absolutely adored the structure of your song. The lack of a traditional chorus only aided and heightened the intrigue of your song I believe. I would love to hear more specifically about what this song represents directly to you, because it’s hard for me to infer, but the fact that I want to know shows that it is a very well written and very cleverly written song. As was the case with your last entry, your lyricism is smooth and poetic, and the song read like a very nice glimpse into a world. @Julia Fox - No Woman is No Art I am kind of in love with this feminist anthem. The Lana verse kind of scalped me to be honest… I mean I thought it was so poetic, “a heart made of paper, my blood is my pencil” like what the ****? And then the Julia verse came and… okay it was less poetic, but the references to memoir, masterpiece, being a muse were hilarious. I’m not sure if traditionally I would’ve paired these two sides because they felt very different, but the fact that this is supposed to be a Julia Fox and Lana Del Rey collab makes it make sense… like if they were to collab, this is probably what it would be like, for better or worse, and you’re kinda genius for just going with it and submitting this The chorus is a banger. The song is like this weird mix between being absurd and being poetic and I….. I’m stanning I don’t know what else to say. Like, nobody else could’ve submitted this, and props to you for that. @Euterpe - Candlelight Oh I love this. I can totally hear Amy Lee singing this, and the idea to make the song about her sister’s death is very touching. It’s a beautiful song and you’ve perfectly mixed both the artist’s style and their personal life into one. It couldn’t be better. Like, we need to get this sent to Amy Lee right now. It’s perfect. Sorry for a short review but, it’s just fantastic! Sure I could quote specific lines, but I liked them all. Sure I could rain down more praise, but isn’t it clear already? You destroyed this as far as I’m concerned. Amazing job. @OreGuy - Ways to Bring You Down I think this is an interesting take on Celine because she definitely sings about love and relationships a lot, but this has more of a darker and toxic twist to it which is interesting. I would say lyrically you’ve done a pretty good job but there is something which slightly confuses me about the song, and that is the story. I couldn’t fully understand some parts because certain lyrics seem to slightly contradict others? For example a key line in the chorus is “my love was real, I thought so was yours”, but then there is also a line where the writer is singing “can you love me again? love me again” so it leaves me questioning, if this person was unsure if they were truly loved in the first place, then why are they pleading to be loved again by this person? It just struck me as slightly odd and maybe could use some editing to be a little clearer, or maybe even some context to the relationship could help. But I think overall from a lyrical standpoint you’ve done a solid job, there are some very nice lines, it is just the actual background story to the song that was partially confusing for me. @boubour - Lonely Okay so right off the bat, Jaden Smith is kinda an odd choice for this challenge, not gonna lie. I mean you are free to pick anybody you want, but this was definitely one I didn’t expect. So when it came to your song I was intrigued to see how it relates to Jaden, but… if it does, I’m not sure how, just to be totally honest; nothing about this jumped out to me as specifically referencing or relating to Jaden Smith. In terms of the actual song itself, I like the first verse. I think it starts off nicely and is a good starting point for a song. But when it comes to the second verse, and the chorus… honestly I just did not like them. The allusions to pens and writing and stories honestly went into the realm of being cheesy in these sections, as opposed to eloquent, and I definitely think it’s an idea that could have come across as eloquent. It’s not fundamentally a bad idea. I just think the execution here wasn’t at the highest level it could’ve been, I don’t know if you rushed this or if it was unfinished but in my opinion it could use some work to refine it. @GentleDance - They Just Had to Tell Me Interesting, interesting, interesting… I feel like you went full out on this song. I’m not the most familiar with Fiona Apple, but I think you really embodied her energy… or at least the energy I get from her. The way I felt reading this song is similar to how I feel reading her songs; which is like I’m slightly losing my mind. Right off the bat, the use of the word “potty” in “she was potty” was very confusing to me because where I’m from “potty” is used to refer to toilet that a children learns to defecate in… of course google tells me that “potty” can also mean “mad”, and that honestly just further heightened the madness that I felt when reading this song. I’m gonna be honest I don’t really know what this song is about. This song grabbed my face and slapped me and called me stupid. But, so did Fiona Apple, so if this was on purpose then you’re a genius! I don’t know what a “willy nape” is either. But aside from these things what I will say is that I love your writing, I just love it. Even if I don’t know what you are writing about, I still love to read it because it’s so unique and just totally your own. And you can tell that it does have a lot of meaning, it’s just that it honestly went over my head. Nobody else has submitted anything like this and I’m certain that they won’t. Even if it’s not my favourite, this song is one of a kind, so I still think you should be very proud of it. And like I said, you can really tell the amount of effort that was put into this, you went all out, so good job. @EpicSongFan - Feeling You I really, really enjoyed reading this song. It is so sweet and has this pure euphoric vibe to it, that really emanates and I felt it when I was reading this. It’s a really pretty and beautiful song. The concept is simple, but many great songs do have simple concepts. I think you met the challenge very well because I do hear Mariah singing this, and it’s very in her style to have such a devoted and pure love song. Overall I think you’ve done a really great job, it’s such a lovely song that really transports you and I think that's a testament to your writing ability, because you took me there! @Arrows - Out of the Blue I think this song is so cute! I can definitely hear Carly singing this. It’s interesting because it feels like a nice intersection between her old pop heavy material and the new sound that she is going for, so I think you’ve made a very smart choice picking her. I would say, the concept is not particularly mind blowing or anything but the song is super enjoyable, I mean sometimes you want to just listen to a nice simplistic song and I think this fills that void, it’s very polished and solid in that regard. I will say, the part about going into space and wanting to go to Pluto was kind of random not going to lie, because there wasn’t really any other space imagery in the song before that so it seemed… well, out of the blue, but other than that I loved the rest of the song. One piece of advice, this song was very rhyme scheme heavy, in that pretty much every line rhymed with the next one and it was very reliant on that. I think in this case it worked and I actually really liked the rhymes, they flowed very nicely, but it’s quite a thin line sometimes between such tight rhyme schemes sounding pleasant or feeling forced, so in the future I would just be mindful of that and consider the possibility that not every line actually has to have a rhyme. Overall, very nice job. @Remmy - Don’t Let a Man Tell You What to Do Why does the title kind of remind me of Pooja? Yewwww deww not tell me whattuuuu doooo! Queen. Anyway, your song. I can really hear it, and it sounds a lot like High Five to me! Actually I just read all the way to the bottom and you specifically mentioned other songs, slay! Okay, lyrically, I think this is similar to how you described Sigrid’s lyrics, decently basic. Like, not in a bad way, but accessible. I’m not gonna lie, some lines were kind of giving Rachel Platten teas. But then I thought you had some really impressive ones too, like “pro-life but you won’t let me live mine” which was really thoughtful and might be one of the stand out lyrics of the round. It’s a balancing act in that regard and it can be kind of hard to always get it with song’s on this nature, but I would say that as a whole you achieved it. It’s nice to hear a different side of your writing, too. Overall I think you did a good job and it leaves me wondering again what you might do for the next round. @RobDeWittBukater - Password Okay first of all we STAN Kyungri, a queen. I think your song is interesting. It definitely serves old school Britney with the playfulness, the allure and the toying that she does in many of her lyrics. This was probably very fun to write I imagine, and to envision her singing it. There are some really interesting lines, particularly “for now, I may be a woman of mystery, but sooner or later, you’ll get the gist of me” which was very excellently done, but I think as a whole songs of this nature are kind of products of their time. Like I think in the later 2000’s I could really picture Britney singing this and it being a smash, but all these years on songs like this have kind of aged badly. What I mean is songs that take a central theme like this one of a “Password” and then go all in on this theme, whereas these days we are kind of in the era of more subtlety and personal lyrics, so this definitely feels like a throwback. That’s not to say that it is bad, but that it feels like a product of a time past and a concept that is hard to pull off, if that makes sense. In terms of the challenge at hand, I think you did a good job, but I think that other entries from you will end up being more memorable than this. @Legend E - Talk of the Town I think your song definitely sounds like something Kelly would record, to be honest, it definitely seems in her style. With the amount of references that you have put in both to her personal life and to her pre-existing music, it’s clear that you put a lot of effort into this, and those references do pay off. I think overall I like the song and there are some great ideas, but it could use a little refinement. The big thing for me is, when you use a metaphorical theme, and you use it so heavily, it can sometimes actually have the opposite effect, where instead of sounding metaphorical it actually sounds like the lines are meant to mean specifically what they say. What I mean by this is that you have hammered the garden and tree imagery and metaphors so heavily into this song that instead of being a song that exists with its own story alongside these metaphors, it has actually become a song about these things. Of course, you know that it represents something and that it does have a meaning behind all of these metaphors, but when you read line after line of these metaphors, it reads instead as a song about those things as opposed to the metaphor you are aiming for, if that makes sense. The thing is, when it comes to metaphors sometimes less is more, and not every line needs to have a reference to some gardening theme, the song also needs more straightforward lines to help be a foundation for these metaphors, and I think this is what your song is missing. Now, the good thing is that you have a great idea here with all of these metaphors and everything you’ve put into the song; it just needs a little editing and refinement. I would say in the future when you feel like writing something that is very metaphorical again, you can make a list of all the potential uses that come to mind, and instead of throwing them all in the song I think you should pick and choose the best of the bunch and use them as a recurring theme throughout the song, as opposed to pretty much every line. Hopefully this doesn’t sound too scathing as I don’t think you’ve done a bad job at all, it’s just that the metaphors were a heavy handed misstep, but this is something that can easily be edited and learnt for the future! @Jackson - DEEPFAKE Again you surprised me with your entry. This song is so tongue in cheek, sarcastic and quotable, and I absolutely love it for this. There are so many standout lines, so I’m going to have to select a few in case you don’t post your song- “you’re the Non-Fuckable Type, call it an NFT”, “i’d rather interact with an AI, than ever have to talk to you again in real life”, “like a crypto coin you waste my energy”. I mean, these are so fun but also don’t just exist as soundbites, they also aid the song and further the point of the writer. I think overall you’ve done a great job here and again have shown your strength as a writer who can - and is willing to - try many different concepts. @Augmented - Keeps You Talkin Okay, this is literally a Lizzo song, like she is all over it, so you’ve done a stellar job with the challenge. I think the observations you’ve made about the entry are things that I mostly would agree with, tbh. Are they the most eloquent and poetic lyrics ever? No. But you chose an artist who doesn’t go for that style, and instead you chose to appeal to her style (and did it perfectly), and you can’t be faulted for that. As an overall entry you perfectly embodied those elements you went for with Lizzo’s style, her humour and her carefree nature and the overall fun of her songs, and I totally felt that while reading yours, so I think you’ve done a pretty good job. Ultimately this was not the poetry round, so even if your lyrics are a little less profound than other entries, I still think you should be proud of the song that you have created because you absolutely aced the challenge. And in terms of the future, while this might not have shown your lyricism off to its highest degree, there’s always future rounds for that; but in the end I was happy reading your entry so I don’t think you should doubt it. @Jessie - Ecstasy All Night I think your song is really fun. It has that smooth yet cheeky essence of Prince in it, so I think you’ve done really well with the challenge since I can really hear his influence in this. And while it has that cheeky charm to the song, underneath it also has some depth to back it up also which is great. While in the song he’s being a little questionable, underneath it he actually touches on themes that are deeper and it reveals that there’s actually a good reason behind him pursuing this person, to try and take them away from the despair of the current world, which I think is well done and an interesting approach. Because, you could certainly look at this as a surface level song and it works in that regard, but you can also choose to look deeper if you want and find those messages underneath, and I don’t know if you were specifically aiming for that, but it’s very well executed regardless. Overall I think you’ve done a great job, both in meeting the needs of the challenge and also in creating something lyrically intriguing, so good job! @Tylerbv - Reason to Stay I really enjoyed reading your song. I thought it was a very sweet and touching story, and definitely the kind of song that I could hear Carrie singing, so you did a good job with the challenge. I really enjoyed the storytelling elements and how it developed over the song, it felt like it moved at a good pace where nothing was too rushed but also there was enough happening for it not to be pointless or without meaning. I will say, when it came to the bridge and what followed, that was definitely where it got a little too dramatic for me personally… but honestly songs of this nature do kind of tend to go in that direction so I can’t really blame you for doing it too. It definitely is a little too melodramatic though, like I felt that the earlier and more subtle parts of the song were very touching, but then when it suddenly goes from 0-100 like that at the bridge and this crazy stuff starts happening, it’s jarring and takes away from the more emotional aspect of the song which I thought was the highlight of your entry. But overall, a good job again. @Insanity - Just Try So I know you struggled this round but I am really glad you ended up submitting. Reading your song, you can definitely hear those struggles in the lyrics, and it’s quite touching to read even if it isn’t the most unique theme ever. I think your song really speaks to your situation and exactly what I was trying to tell you in the thread, which is to just try. So I don’t know if this song was like a message to yourself, but it was very sweet to read, and I hope that by writing it you got something out of it. I don’t know how much it relates to David Archuleta, or if it was coming from more of a personal space, but mostly I am just glad that you decided to submit, so thank you for trying regardless of whatever struggles you were having and I hope that maybe the next round will be a little smoother of an experience for you. If you ever need any help again you can certainly reach out in the thread and we’ll always be there! @mxtthewdelrey - you cheat, you lose I thought overall this was a very fun entry. I mean, yes it’s about potentially wanting to kill somebody, but that’s pretty fun right! While I’m not familiar with your chosen artist I can see the influence with her personal life, and from the songs you listed she certainly has a fixation on death, so overall I think you embodied her very well. What I liked about the entry is that I think your style and her style actually mixed quite well, her angst and your absurdity came to this nice mix where it was a song about revenge and wanting to kill somebody, without coming across as a joke but also being somewhat lighthearted. I don’t know if that even makes sense, but I liked the mix of approaches here. The song felt very natural, I suppose is another way of saying it. With a theme like this a lot of people could try to write this song and it would be a mess, but I think you executed it very well and managed to come across quite polished despite the anger of the song. Overall, another great round for you! @Achilles. - A Long Time Coming Okay reading your song I can understand the switch from Taylor to Faith since it’s coming from a first person perspective. I think the story of your song is very sad, but also touching. I think the reality is that honestly, a lot of people in relationships feel like this, and it’s such a sad thing. I think putting it into a song like this worked very well and the story was moving; it’s not exactly untouched ground but you executed it in a very polished way so good job. Like a lot of the storytelling songs this round it could have ended up falling into cheesy or over dramatic territory, but your entry is among the most balanced where you didn’t feel the need to do that, and I appreciate it because it allowed the story to feel a lot more natural and from the heart. While I’m not the most familiar with Faith Hill’s music, I can definitely see the influence and think you worked with the challenge well, and the choice to switch artists ultimately makes sense, so good job. Overall, another impressive entry from you. Don’t worry, you’ve definitely still got it! @TruGemini - Zone It’s hard to not appreciate your entry again because honestly there is nobody else who writes like you in this game. I’m not the most familiar with Jeremih, but it was an interesting choice, and I liked how you specifically mentioned the “studio session” in your entry. I will say, I think this entry lacked wordplay in comparison to your last entry, and in terms of the overall theme there wasn’t too much going for it on a unique level, but that said I still found your entry quite refreshing in comparison to other entries which can have elements which are same-y, whereas yours so far have been in your own lane. I’m interested to see where you continue down this lane as the game progresses. I would love next round if you were to pick a concept or theme for your entry that had a little more depth to it, because I would love to see your unique style paired with concepts that were just as unique. @☆lex - Nights on the Run I can definitely hear Gaga in this, some of the more specific word choices are taken straight from her dictionary and it’s clear to see the influence. It actually feels interestingly like a mix between the Born This Way Gaga that you mentioned, and also the new Gaga with songs like Hold My Hand. On a lyrical level I would say that overall this felt fun, but in terms of the concept it could have been pushed further because this more or less was just a love song. I am interested to see where you go in the future though because your first round entry had much more of a concept going for it and in terms of this round you definitely succeeded in matching Gaga’s style, but I’m more specifically interested in seeing yours shine more, to be honest. @Lorenzo22- Teenage Love Story I think you very much succeeded in writing a song fitting for Taylor, I can definitely hear her in parts of this and the overall theme and story is similar to her older style of music. I liked the story element to the song overall, but I thought it could have been expanded on a little, particularly on an emotional level. While you told the story well, I think it could have benefitted from some more emotional language to really connect and drive home the love story that you were trying to tell. The beginning sections were my favourite to be honest, they were very nice, but I felt it went a little melodramatic with the whole rumours development, and I think even though it was a teenage love story the story still could have had a little more poignancy to it, to be honest. But overall I thought you took on the challenge very well, I just would have liked the storytelling elements to be a little more mature I think, but on a writing level you did a good job. @D e v o n - Session 32 Honestly this entry needs working on more. This doesn’t feel complete. There’s no context to what you are trying to put across here - who is “she”, what exactly is the relationship supposed to be here? It’s kind of like you’ve taken the middle section of a song, deleted the beginning and the end, and sent that in, because there’s no background here at all and also it ends abruptly to a point where I’m confused as to what I’m supposed to take away from this song. I would look at it again and reassess. @JoeAg - Woman in the Charmed Garden I was actually a big fan of your entry last round and thought it ended up being quite underrated, so I’ve been looking forward to seeing what you would submit this round. And honestly? You’ve impressed me again. This song is very poetic, but I think you pulled it off and it works for Kate, and the writing is lovely. You’ve also absolutely taken on my feedback about expanding your song this round, this song is longer but not just that, it feels more complete and rounded and I’m glad to see this. It feels like a lot of effort has been put into this song and the lyrics feel very meticulous and thought out. Overall, I liked your first entry and thought it deserved better, but I like your second one even more. Hopefully we will see your efforts pay off this week in the rankings, because I think you deserve it! @Prisoner - Drift Away To be honest, I’m not entirely sure of how this relates to Pink Floyd specifically, but then again I’m not super knowledgeable on them. It just feels like you went for a very particular artist choice, and I’m not entirely sure why that was, and I thought I'd be able to tell more when reading the song. But what I do know is that on a lyrical level I really enjoyed what you submitted again. What I particularly liked was that you paired more traditional flowery lyrics such as the chorus, but then also had that second verse which was my favourite part of the song. The gritty and edgy lyrics there really highlighted the song for me and to be honest, it would have been interesting to see the whole entry reflect that style, or to see you delve into something like that again in the future. Overall, I think you’ve delivered a great entry again, even if I’m uncertain about its relation to the challenge I think you’ve shown again how capable you are as a writer which leaves me very interested to see how you will continue to tackle these challenges, and specifically to see more of your own unique style and perspective. @8thPrince - Fraternite This concept, I am here for it. Is it technically what we asked for, I’m not sure, but I love the inspiration. As a reader I would love to do a whole round about writing songs based on stories… but then I know most of these heffas probably don’t read, so it wouldn’t work! So personally I’m very happy to see this concept, although I don’t have the time to read the story right now I may return to it in the future… because I loved your song. The imagery is rich, the story is intriguing and it leaves me wanting to know more and wanting to read where the inspiration came from. Lovely job. Sorry this is not the best review ever since I don’t have as much time right now but rest assured, the effort to still submit this round has paid off! Edited May 28, 2022 by fountain
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 Slay Quote Why does the title kind of remind me of Pooja? Yewwww deww not tell me whattuuuu doooo! Queen. Wait yesss she's gonna be my round 3 inspiration I don't fear!! Quote Anyway, your song. I can really hear it, and it sounds a lot like High Five to me! Actually I just read all the way to the bottom and you specifically mentioned other songs, slay! I guess there's pieces of High Five as well. I crammed her whole discography in there, sounds like some bonus points are needed for that!
Tylerbv Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 The review’s honestly really accurate. I originally had a different ending where the small town acted like a new family to the three (with mentions of the town in the second verse), and everyone lived happily ever after… but then I realized that’s not a Carrie Underwood ending and decided to Two Black Cadillacs it instead.
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