discussion The Depression Lounge

[Cesar]

had a completely terrible year last year. and using social media wasn't helping me. i was constantly being exposed to everyone living better lives than me, while i completely suffer in silence. so i found it best to just deactivate it for now, until i'm in a better space emotionally, mentally and once i have my life back on track again.

[monologueNacafe]

On 1/2/2024 at 2:46 PM, JoeAg said:

it’s my 27th birthday and I’m trying not to freak out/feel stressed/have an existential crisis  my bday has, historically, been an extremely emotionally taxing day for me. it kinda just reminds me of how little sh*t I’ve done in my 20s other than graduate uni. it’s like… why can so many other musicians have so much success and yet i’m stuck here in unsuccessville. I hate comparing myself, and i’ve gotten better about it in general this decade, but my birthday is always a big day for me doing that again 

I'm almost 32 and I've accomplished nothing but getting into debt. So many people from undergrad are doing great things and I've been working dead end jobs for 9 years.

[monologueNacafe]

19 hours ago, Joyride said:

two days into this year and I'm already falling apart, I always ask myself if I did something to deserve all the **** that happens to me but this is just terrible. I have cancer, I can't find a job (probably because I'm neurodivergent) and I am lonely as hell. I feel like it's too much and I truly hate this situation, wish this damn illness would take me away and just be freed from the pain. I can't get a rest.

 

everything is so blue right now.

Im so sorry

[poki]

I'm feeling it creep back on me. I think I need to get away for a while. 

[EnigmaticAndroid]

I'm a dishwasher and recently started training for kitchen prep. And one of the managers told me that after I'm comfortable with that, he personally wants to train me on line/grill. I've always found him to be a bit intimidating- he's a very "guy's guy" gen X conservative type- and it's been weird getting support from him. I initially thought he didn't like me (idk why probs just projection ) but now he's like... kinda invested in my future there and regularly shares his appreciation for my work. 

 

It's weird and nerve-racking to take on more responsibility, especially since virtually everyone who works in the back has spent their entire lives in restaurants, but I feel proud of myself. They all respect me and acknowledge how hard I work, my potential, and my willingness. And as someone who has always struggled with my masculinity, finding success in such a masculine environment has honestly been validating and refreshing.

 

I'm also set to go to rehab in right around a month. Once again, very nerve-racking, but it's the right thing.  And my manager is letting me take a long LOA during season with basically no pushback. Hopefully I learn how to handle life and my existence better. I think it'll be the start of something great though. I feel like I'm finally starting to regain control over my life path bit by bit.

Edited January 6 by EnigmaticAndroid

[KFC]

I didn't get the job which means I need to apply to more jobs and do more interviews which means more anxiety  I'm so over this. Just wondering now what the ******* point is

[Aethereal]

On 1/3/2024 at 3:12 AM, Joyride said:

two days into this year and I'm already falling apart, I always ask myself if I did something to deserve all the **** that happens to me but this is just terrible. I have cancer, I can't find a job (probably because I'm neurodivergent) and I am lonely as hell. I feel like it's too much and I truly hate this situation, wish this damn illness would take me away and just be freed from the pain. I can't get a rest.

 

everything is so blue right now.

I am very sorry for what you're going through. Is cancer getting better? 

[monologueNacafe]

I have a job interview next week and I’m not excited about it. I think the reason Ive been stuck in my current job is that I’ve never been excited about any of the jobs I get interviews for. I feel like I’m mostly just applying for stuff that might be ok and won’t make me miserable instead of things I’m actually passionate about. But I’d actually have to be passionate about something for me to apply to those jobs. I’m most passionate about writing fiction…which doesn’t lead to a job…but even my depression gets in the way of that. I go several months at a time without writing anything.

 

i swear if I didn’t have a mental illness and low self esteem I would be famous right now 

[Darkgalord]

 I feel like my life is crumbling down. My mom might have bone cancer, nothing is 100% confirmed yet but things are not looking good. 

If I lose my mom, I'll have nothing left in this world. She's the only reason I haven't KMS. 

I've never felt this pain before. 

[monologueNacafe]

So…I went on a Facebook binge and perused the profiles of old friends and acquaintances from childhood. Not only do I feel old but I also couldn’t pinpoint one happy memory. There’s a certain nostalgia that comes with hindsight but thinking back to how I felt and interacted with the world around me during that time…I’ve pretty much have always been unhappy.

 

You know how people say you’re going to wake up one day and your life will have passed you by? I’ve been feeling like I’m at that moment lately. In my 20s there always seemed like there would be a lot more time for things to happen for me. But now I feel like the best years of my life have gone by without me having enjoyed most of them.

[monologueNacafe]

9 hours ago, Darkgalord said:

 I feel like my life is crumbling down. My mom might have bone cancer, nothing is 100% confirmed yet but things are not looking good. 

If I lose my mom, I'll have nothing left in this world. She's the only reason I haven't KMS. 

I've never felt this pain before. 

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully she gets the care that she needs

[monologueNacafe]

Not me having like the most posts in here 🫠

[unino]

On 1/20/2024 at 3:11 AM, Darkgalord said:

 I feel like my life is crumbling down. My mom might have bone cancer, nothing is 100% confirmed yet but things are not looking good. 

If I lose my mom, I'll have nothing left in this world. She's the only reason I haven't KMS. 

I've never felt this pain before. 

i feel u. i used to think that way too like i was just waiting for my mom to die so that i could go as well and the thought had always been deep inside me for who knows how many years.

but after facing so many things and issues in my life, i'm in a better place. now, i just want to take care of myself, get myself all the good things, love my self to the fullest. Because i cherish all the love my mom, my family has for me and i cherish myself who has been through so many things and still keep trying. like i deserve to much more and i will get it all for me. 

but the thought of losing my mom still makes me afraid of being back to that state again. it's seriously hard when you simply don't care about yourself anymore and is being hold by the bond that you have with your mom. 

i hope you and your mom the best.

[unino]

On 1/20/2024 at 12:58 PM, monologueNacafe said:

So…I went on a Facebook binge and perused the profiles of old friends and acquaintances from childhood. Not only do I feel old but I also couldn’t pinpoint one happy memory. There’s a certain nostalgia that comes with hindsight but thinking back to how I felt and interacted with the world around me during that time…I’ve pretty much have always been unhappy.

 

You know how people say you’re going to wake up one day and your life will have passed you by? I’ve been feeling like I’m at that moment lately. In my 20s there always seemed like there would be a lot more time for things to happen for me. But now I feel like the best years of my life have gone by without me having enjoyed most of them.

i get it. i wouldn't like to revisit my childhood/teenage time at all because it seems so empty and every lil bits will remind me of some of my miseries. it was sure real shitty 
but i have to come to term with it, i was trying my best and there's nothing i can do to fix that part of my life.

i'm focusing on having the 30s and 40s or maybe even more to be the best time of my life (while i'm still in my 20s). i feel like older and mature people with wisdom and complexity are such a goal in life. that sounds really cool to me. 

i wanted to be and do so many things in my younger years and i still want to try them, want to learn, want to experience what's ahead of me. and i won't let my past determine my present and my future.

[shinyshimmery]

I'm feeling lonely today... it's a Saturday and I don't have any plans. My bf is working, my family lives an hour away... and im just in my house, kinda bored, kinda okay, and also thinking I should wash my car. I'll probably wash my car, just need to post it here so I can motivate myself lol 

[monologueNacafe]

Been on Lithium for 15 days. I'm tired of everything

[needs]

I was in a really serious relationship (thought we'd get married) and got broken up with like 6 months ago and it still hurts now as badly as it did the first day. I'm on meds but they don't seem to do anything for my depression, I still sleep an exorbitant amount of hours and only really go out to work. I'm a server and I feel like I'll never get out of this industry and start doing something that makes me genuinely happy. I'm pushing 30 and it's terrifying. Trying to remain hopeful though! 

[poki]

I feel like the best improvement to my life atm is to move out on my own. I wake up and within 5 minutes there's some sort of drama.

[Aethereal]

Another day and a new layer of difficulty and stress passes by. I wish it could just stop. 

[Jotham]

On 2/3/2024 at 11:31 AM, Hey Dude said:

I feel like the best improvement to my life atm is to move out on my own. I wake up and within 5 minutes there's some sort of drama.

Same. It's just way too difficult for me to do this though, as cost of living is high in the areas I want to move to and it's difficult to find a job.

[monologueNacafe]

On 2/2/2024 at 1:25 PM, monologueNacafe said:

Been on Lithium for 15 days. I'm tired of everything

25 days. Shouldn't there be SOME indication that this might work at this point?

[EnigmaticAndroid]

Just wanted to pop in and let yall know that I've completed my first week of rehab! 

 

I've been doing really well here and am starting to really want to stay sober from alcohol and hard drugs. Lots of legit healing and confronting emotions and aspects of myself that I've been hiding from for years. I've been dealing with polysubstance abuse for 3 years and went from soaring in my life to slowly letting go of everything I worked to attain since high school. I've been robbing myself but I'm starting to feel ready to live again. 

[Joyride]

something switched between last week and this week, I can say that... I'm feeling a bit less hopeless? I've gotten a bunch of news. good news if you will and apparently my meds are finally kicking in...

[KFC]

I can't concentrate, can't even bring myself to do the most simple tasks, I'm tired after every meal, I keep forgetting simple things. I'm really worried that something is seriously wrong with my brain  not sure who I can talk to about this since the NHS is beyond useless 

[Aethereal]

Now even a bigger and very STRESSFUL problem came by. I am praying for it to stop.