fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 2 minutes ago, 8thPrince said: I'm going to be submitting something I just need a bitΒ Β 1 minute ago, JoeAg said: hi sorry can i please get an extension for sometime tomorrow? i broke my guitar yesterday which sent me spiraling a bit (iβm gonna see if i can get it repaired tomorrow) and i had my math final exam this morning, which i pulled an all nighter to study for/make sure i wouldnβt miss it. i just woke up from an all day nap so iβm extremely out of it and not quite in the mindset to finish a song ??ββοΈ iβm so sorry yβallΒ That's okay! Just submit when you are able to
diamondsky Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, TruGemini said: Okay cool, just came up with a completely different concept and Jeremih doesn't fit at allΒ Β 1.Β Achilles. - Faith Hill 2. luckystrike - Troye Sivan 3. Astro - Nicki Minaj 4. Legend E - Kelly Clarkson 5. Hanami-Blossom - SISTAR 6. GentleDance - Fiona Apple 7. Jessie - Prince 8. Augmented - Lizzo 9. JoeAg - Kate Bush 10. ughgabriel - Zola Jesus 11. Hug - Xydo 12. OreGuy -Β Celine Dion 13. EpicSongFan - Mariah Carey 14. TruGemini - City Girls 15. βlex - Bruce Springsteen 16. Arrows - Carly Rae Jepsen 17. Better Mistakes - Tove Lo 18. RobDeWittBukater - Britney Spears 19.Β boubour - Jaden Smith 20. DatChickDoe - LeAnnΒ Rimes 21. Julia Fox - Lana Del Rey 22. hurricane326 - Joni Mitchell 23. Euterpe - Evanescence 24. Obsession - Miley Cyrus 25. Remmy - Sigrid 26. Lorenzo22 - Taylor Swift 27. 8thPrince - Yoasobi 28. Insanity - David Archuleta 29. D e v o n - Remi Wolf 30. Prisoner - Pink Floyd 31. mxtthewdelrey - Nessa Barrett 32. Tylerbv - Carrie Underwood 33. Jackson - Elio CITY GIRLS! Β come thru sisΒ Edited May 27, 2022 by βlex
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 3 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said: hmmm 24 hour asda cause my cravings are varied (also my closest asda back in wales has a built in mcdonalds so kinda cheating x) an asda with a built in mcdonalds, now that is luxuryΒ
diamondsky Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Julia Fox said: Here is my song xxΒ Β NO WOMAN IS NO ART BY JULIA FOX AND LANA DEL REYΒ written by Julia Fox and Elizabeth Grant Β Lana: Β all the melodies that i made on your blue yacht get lost in the wind the day you break my heart cause you canβt resist the sound of my soul in it left me alone, abandoned like Atlantis the girls were watching they know what you did they are singing with meΒ Β ink running through my veins a heart made of paper my blood is my pencil Iβm the same woman who set you free i called you a masterpiece but I was wrong, it seemsΒ Β lana and julia: Β you donβt know what you just didΒ you break a heart of a woman like me the one that can turn you into a painting donβt you know when i open my heart and my mind means that itβs over for you now Β thereβs no way you could fix the **** that you just did so you now know that you canβt be like thatΒ with a woman of heart and mind forever you will be haunted by art and the art is me Β julia: Β i always was the muse of my boyfriendsΒ and even were the muse of my girlfriends but you thought I was an open book while I see you like a big memoir i swear you were my muse but now you are just a fool Β another man who breaks my heart itβs another way to make art a masterpiece if Iβm exact who cares about heartbreak every day a man's left thereβs no reason to worry about 'cause praising is coming to us Β lana and julia: Β you donβt know what you just didΒ you break a heart of a woman like me the one that can turn you into a painting donβt you know when i open my heart and my mind means that itβs over for you now Β thereβs no way you could fix the **** that you just did so you now know that you canβt be like thatΒ with a woman of heart and mind forever you will be haunted by art and the art is me Β julia: Β no woman is no art you should know it by now no woman is no art then itβs over for you now because you break the heartΒ of a woman, they are art Β The way I can hear this in lanaβs voice, Iβm getting hopeΒ is a dangerous thingβ¦ type piano hymnΒ Β Edited May 27, 2022 by βlex
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 15 minutes ago, βlex said: Lyricists only. No wonder youβre a good songwriter whew They had me hooked from the moment I heard "Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm" & "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy / That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay"Β
mxtthewdelrey Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 20 minutes ago, fountain said: an asda with a built in mcdonalds, now that is luxuryΒ whenever i would go with my mother i would just walk off and get myself a 99p cheeseburger whilst she shopped!
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 1 minute ago, mxtthewdelrey said: whenever i would go with my mother i would just walk off and get myself a 99p cheeseburger whilst she shopped! respect. and where is the song about that?Β
diamondsky Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 8 minutes ago, Remmy said: They had me hooked from the moment I heard "Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm" & "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy / That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay"Β the original SUPERIOR lyrics tbh. Β our song and lovegame are what got me Β
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 @ArrowsΒ idk if you know already but the soundcloud link in your entry says the song has been removedΒ
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 35 minutes ago, βlex said: the original SUPERIOR lyrics tbh. Β our song and lovegame are what got me Β Picture to Burn wasn't actually my first Taylor song, it's just her best lyric Β I started with Just Dance (thanks to a Vevo ad before a YT video) and was instantly obsessed + Teardrops On My Guitar but didn't fall in love until Fearless.
Aurora Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 My first batch of reviews nearing completion... will we have our first taste of performance today?
Hug Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 53 minutes ago, Aurora said: My first batch of reviews nearing completion... will we have our first taste of performance today? I sure hope so ?
Aurora Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 Β Β Hey, Hitmakers! The deadline has passed, and I've been working on my reviews for a decent portion of today to share some early opinions! Reviews for the remaining songs will be written up tomorrow and posted in Batch 2 (possibly a Batch 3 depending on submission count). If you have not yet submitted, I will review any entry that is submitted between now and noon tomorrow, my time (approx. 20.5 hours from now). If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request. Β Batch 1 Β 1. @DatChickDoeΒ - βBlue Is How I Live Without Youβ My first impression is that I think itβs a clever idea to use some of your artistβs song titles in the lyricsβit reinforces the connection, and would make a fun βgreatest hitsβ song. The imagery in the first verse was really nice, and I like the way the verses lead into the chorus. I commented on your rhyming last time, and there was less unnatural wording in this submission, so great work. Next submission, I would suggest labelling all of your sectionsβthe chorus and bridge were great, but clarifying everything would help as the first section has six lines, the next has two quatrains, and the third has five lines. Uniformity with the verses would also be another piece of advice. Overall, I do think this was an improvement, and I anticipate your continual rise! 2. @HugΒ - βHugβ Itβs cute having a self-titled song! There were many lovely moments, though a few puzzled me. The pre-choruses were both stunning, particularly the second, which I hoped was coming following the prior verse. I enjoyed your bridge, the references to your other song were nice and didnβt feel out of place or like required reading. Other gems were the titular couplet in the chorus and most of the second verse. βI feel the old me died,β reads strangely since you have a present tense (feel) and a past tense (died). βYou gave me wings so gorgeous that allowed me to fly,β was redundant, and the bugs-making-noise lyric felt like a forced rhyme. The overall concept is solid, but I feel there was more polishing, tightening, and trimming that could have been done. 3. @Better MistakesΒ - βDancing With My Tearsβ This had a cute commercial vibe, and I could see Tove Lo being involved. The pronouns being βhimβ took me out of the Tove immersion a bit, although I guess her ex might not be straight. The first verse was a great start. βAs we made out with drinks βtil your mind blinked?β felt a little clunky as if it were written just to rhyme. The chorus serves its purpose, but I would have loved to see more punch; instead of repeating the quatrain, perhaps the fifth and sixth lines could have been something new to give it more body. Did you purposely omit a second verse? The second pre is much better! On a strictly lyrical level, the bridge did feel like a missed opportunity to showcase a range of emotions. Keep submitting and I look forward to your continual growth! 4. @hurricane326Β - βInto the Blueβ I think you channelled Joni well with the three periods of growth, which felt like a nod to βBoth Sides Nowβ. I enjoyed the imagery in the first verse, I got strong lush green vibes and a sense of optimism, and I really liked the callback to this verse in the fifth section. Your use of repetitions aided to their respective sections rather than reading like filler, so good balance there. This song took me on a journey, and I can relate to the themes of waning optimism, settling for less fantastical goals, growing apart from childhood friends and so forth. Life is wonderful but it can also be cruel and wear us down. As a whole it works well, and the only thing I would have liked is one or two killer couplets that stood out from the rest. Great work! 5. @Julia FoxΒ - βNo Woman Is No Artβ Ooh a duet, thatβs an interesting take on the challenge. Thereβs definitely a sense of melancholy which is giving Lana vibes, so thatβs a good start. I liked the βAtlantisβ lyric, and the section that followed from βink,β to βit seems,β was very conceptually intriguing. I think the duetted chorus could have been strengthened with a few more of these artistic metaphors rather than focusing more on the literal dissolution of the relationship. The muse/book metaphors in the second verse were again a good direction to steer this song, and would have loved to see more of that in the chorus, and a bridge would have helped flesh out the concept even further. 6. @EuterpeΒ - βCandlelightβ What a unique artist inspiration! I really enjoyed this submission. The comments I made last round about providing more content for context definitely didnβt apply here, there was plenty of great lyricism here. The alliteration in the chorus was a nice touch, and it created some dark and mystical imagery which I could definitely see Evanescence incorporating into their music. βMelting a part of myself, to be a part of you,β was a standout lyricβloved this! The bridge was fantastic also, a beautifully constructed section. It definitely seems like youβve taken the feedback you received last week on board, because this showed tremendous growth to me. 7. @OreGuyΒ - βWays to Bring You Downβ There were many surprising moments in this songβjust when I thought Iβd found the standout lyric, you surprised me with another one, which is definitely a good thing! Your continual growth as a writer is evident. βWhen we said forever, I guess this is what we meant,β βFire of desire, now burned down all the bridges,β and βYour eyes to win me over / But I guess you're determined to win,β were all great. These comparisons of something positive with something negative worked well in this songβs context. Conceptually, I think reinforcing the pain you have caused each other by using some more specific examples of the back-and-forth would have aided this piece. 8. @boubourΒ - βLonelyβ Interesting artist choice and submission overall. I want to keep my review concise in case I was unclear in my review of your last submission. While writing to an instrumental is fine, unnecessarily confining yourself to certain section lengths and flows determined by a beat might not be the best approach moving forward in this tournament. If you wish to continue writing to instrumentals, perhaps finding something a little longer would serve you well. For this submission, there was a lot of repetition and only thirteen unique lyrics, and of those thirteen, some unique angle or twist on a common theme would have gone a long way. 9. @GentleDanceΒ - βThey Just Had to Tell Meβ Let me start off by admitting I had to search up definitions for a lot of the words in this song, and coming from the formerly-dubbed βThesaurus King,β thatβs saying something! This is where I can offer some unique first-hand advice: fancy and formal isnβt always best for writing. I am not going to be too critical given, a) Your artistic inspiration was Fiona Apple, and b) English isnβt your mother tongue, but I would love to see you experiment with more emotive, accessible language that doesnβt require an immense vocabulary knowledge or take one out of the immersion by researching some of the more advanced lyricismβlyrics like βYouβll accessorize your accessory,β are wonderfully powerful with simpler language. I canβt wait to see what else you have in store. 10. @EpicSongFanΒ - βFeeling Youβ Another gorgeous cover! I love that this tournament has helped you complete a song youβve had in your pocket for years. I actually like the new parts youβve written for this tournament best. The hook is nice, inconsequential and simple, but the verses in particular do a much better job of showing the level of adoration. The βa precious treasuresβ lyric appears to have a grammatical errorβsmall qualm. The bridge is lovely, especially the βparadigmβ lyric. I often find when writing that the sections I form early in the process need to be reworked later on, and I would have loved to see this with a reworked hook to provide a little more texture. Otherwise, nice work! 11. @ArrowsΒ - βOut Of The Blueβ Hmm, definitely not the Carly era I would have imagined you channelling. I couldnβt play your performance either. That said, thatβs where most of my criticisms end. This was very cute, I could definitely see Carly being involved with this one. It appears youβve put more focus on each of the sections having stronger lyricism rather than being carried by interesting melodies, so thatβs definitely noted and appreciated. The additions in parentheses I could see being fun backing vocal moments, too. The second verse was definitely my favourite, the entire verse was perfect honestly. The bridge was a touch basic and it would have been lovely to see something a little more honest and vulnerable here to really convey their passion. Β 12. @RemmyΒ - βDon't Let a Man Tell You What to Doβ Not the oooβsβwe-are-going-to-pretend-we-didnβt-see-that.mp4 (seriously, cute in moderation, but never a great idea in a lyric-focused tournament). Not Sigrid being British now, weβ this is certainly a welcome change of pace all things considered. You display a great understanding of rhyming, particularly internal rhyming in the verses which is enjoyable to read and helps shape the metre and flow of the piece nicely. The chorus could have been stronger admittedlyβas you have mentioned itβs βdecently basicβ and perhaps selecting Sigrid to match this level of lyricism isnβt a suitable crutch given this is still a lyric-focused tournament. Taking your impressive internal rhyming skill and applying that to a more eloquent piece would be appreciated! Β 13. @RobDeWittBukaterΒ - βPasswordβ I think Britney Spears is an interesting choice because sheβs not necessarily known as an acclaimed, renowned lyricist. Thatβs not to say every selection had to be, and I love plenty of Britneyβs bops. The βpiece of meβ reference was cute, and the βmystery/gist of meβ rhyme was chaotically good. While short, I really liked the bridge (although itβs not a middle eight by definition, which is literally eight bars in the middle of a song). Conceptually, I think the password idea was solid for a pop song format, yet the lyrics themselves could have done with some more refinementβreferences to cracking codes, βkeystrokesβ, or what might happen if they try to βhackβ/guess incorrectly. Thereβs a lot more you could have done with this fun concept! Β 14. @Legend EΒ - βTalk of the Townβ This is probably one of the most distinct approaches to the challenge thus far. While most have attempted to model their songs after specific musical stylings, song titles, or eras of their respective artists, youβve fully focused on the personal life aspect and brought your own songwriting style to the forefront. I think you have an interesting concept here, but it is admittedly a little hard to grasp. I wonβt make direct references to lyrics out of respect, but I wasnβt sure if Kelly was supposed to be the shrub or growing it? Iβm also not entirely sure if hearing about a breakup is a suitable comparative to being poisoned? In short, I feel like you got caught up in the metaphors a bit with this one. That said, the outro was a lovely end to this piece.
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 7 minutes ago, Aurora said: Not Sigrid being British now, weβ omg @Remmy fake fan exposed
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 Kiii Β The thing is I either had to choose someone messy like cupcakKe or someone that's kinda basic but can easily write lyrics that get stuck in your head. There's no way I was gonna go with an artist that's lowkey a poet. I'm a pop hoe at heart, what can I say! Β I definitely understand the critiques though. Β 9 minutes ago, fountain said: omg @Remmy fake fan exposed I know she's not British but several European accents all get lumped into the Bri'ish category for me
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 1 minute ago, Remmy said: I know she's not British but several European accents all get lumped into the Bri'ish category for me like a typical UHHHHHHmuhricunΒ
Hug Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 20 minutes ago, Aurora said: 2. @HugΒ - βHugβ Itβs cute having a self-titled song! There were many lovely moments, though a few puzzled me. The pre-choruses were both stunning, particularly the second, which I hoped was coming following the prior verse. I enjoyed your bridge, the references to your other song were nice and didnβt feel out of place or like required reading. Other gems were the titular couplet in the chorus and most of the second verse. βI feel the old me died,β reads strangely since you have a present tense (feel) and a past tense (died). βYou gave me wings so gorgeous that allowed me to fly,β was redundant, and the bugs-making-noise lyric felt like a forced rhyme. The overall concept is solid, but I feel there was more polishing, tightening, and trimming that could have been done. Well chickens have wings and they can't fly! Β No but I can understand your criticisms and I appreciate your feedback β₯ Β However this song will not be shared until after the results due to my first review reading like a 70 on metacritic when the deal was 80+
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 2 minutes ago, fountain said: like a typical UHHHHHHmuhricunΒ YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWWWW!!! i love my beer and trucks and football
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 1 minute ago, Remmy said: YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWWWW!!! i love my beer and trucks and football thats right sonstand up for the flagand things that should be banned
OreGuy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 (edited) 37 minutes ago, Aurora said: Β Β Hide contents 7. @OreGuyΒ - βWays to Bring You Downβ There were many surprising moments in this songβjust when I thought Iβd found the standout lyric, you surprised me with another one, which is definitely a good thing! Your continual growth as a writer is evident. βWhen we said forever, I guess this is what we meant,β βFire of desire, now burned down all the bridges,β and βYour eyes to win me over / But I guess you're determined to win,β were all great. These comparisons of something positive with something negative worked well in this songβs context. Conceptually, I think reinforcing the pain you have caused each other by using some more specific examples of the back-and-forth would have aided this piece. a positive review Β thanks legend Edited May 27, 2022 by OreGuy
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 16 minutes ago, fountain said: thats right sonstand up for the flagand things that should be banned this was my reaction when seeing this post, brother!!!!!! AMEN i'll drink to that!!! YEEE YEEEEEEE Β Β
fountain Posted May 27, 2022 Author Posted May 27, 2022 9 minutes ago, Remmy said: this was my reaction when seeing this post, brother!!!!!! AMEN i'll drink to that!!! YEEE YEEEEEEE Β Β Mate I was there canβt you see me?Β
Arrows Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 2 hours ago, fountain said: @ArrowsΒ idk if you know already but the soundcloud link in your entry says the song has been removedΒ 57 minutes ago, Aurora said: Β Β Hide contents 11. @ArrowsΒ - βOut Of The Blueβ Hmm, definitely not the Carly era I would have imagined you channelling. I couldnβt play your performance either. That said, thatβs where most of my criticisms end. This was very cute, I could definitely see Carly being involved with this one. It appears youβve put more focus on each of the sections having stronger lyricism rather than being carried by interesting melodies, so thatβs definitely noted and appreciated. The additions in parentheses I could see being fun backing vocal moments, too. The second verse was definitely my favourite, the entire verse was perfect honestly. The bridge was a touch basic and it would have been lovely to see something a little more honest and vulnerable here to really convey their passion. Β Thanks for the review! Thatβs weird though, canβt really seem to figure out why. Here it is though, itβs a bit rough but the song itself is there Β
RobDeWittBukater Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 Since the reviews are coming out, I thought I'd share the song I submitted for this round! Here it is:Β https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AC_sC9gCoWcyKIm0PmAKSfIpxTeokd6WCUFHyAQDqaY/edit?usp=sharing Β (/And here's my song from the first round, 'Stranded in Your Arms':Β https://docs.google.com/document/d/19zWVJ7Qc7iL2sS4gA-CqA-MONt39YmvaHnfSYuL5YS4/edit?usp=sharing
Remmy Posted May 27, 2022 Posted May 27, 2022 24 minutes ago, fountain said: Mate I was there canβt you see me?Β Afraid not, soldier... but my health insurance didn't pay for my new glasses so maybe that's why
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