tournament Golden Hit: Season 1 📀 Congrats to 8thPrince and Jackson!! 🏆🏆

[RobDeWittBukater]

14 hours ago, hurricane326 said:

Mine: "On a Sea of Glass"

 

I throw myself to the frigid waves/
Every trough and crest battering/
May the seabed be my corroding grave/
Every iron rivet shattering/
//
When I wake the water's calm, collected/
As if we're on a sea of glass/
So peaceful my tears are reflected/
On the ache of decades past/
//
His hand is getting colder/
I stare into his cooling gaze/
The night I came to see/
The light go out in what was supposed to be a life so free/
I have more than eighty years/
With which these minutes will haunt me/
//
And I know I've traveled so many roads/
Just to be where I am today/
So many led to nowhere/
But I knew I couldn't stay/
"I must go on" I'd tell myself/
For his memory shall never die/
And the water I dream of every night/
Will not be where I'll lie/
//
A piece de resistance worth nothing/
And an owner who can't see/
That love is not to be bought and sold/
It's based on who you come to be/
//
And who I've come to be/
Is a woman holding her own/
Keeping a secret true to her heart/
That will never know another home/
//
His words are coming slowly/
I hold his frigid hand/
The night I came to feel/
The warmth of loving comfort grow as cold as sinking steel/
I have more than eighty years/
Through which I might never heal/
//
And I know I've traveled so many roads/
Just to be where I am today/
So many led to nowhere/
But I knew I couldn't stay/
"I must go on" I'd tell myself/
For his memory shall never die/
And the water I dream of every night/
Will not be where I'll lie/
//
Be at peace, my love/
Fall down through/
Be at rest, my darling/
I'll always remember you/
Be at peace/
Be at peace/
Be at peace/
Be at rest/
It's the best that I can do/

Be still, my Titanic-loving heart You've done Miss Rose DeWitt Bukater JUSTICE with this introspective piece about love, death and the perseverance of the former in face of the latter

 

 

Edited May 21, 2022 by RobDeWittBukater

[Hanami-Blossom]

25 minutes ago, DatChickDoe said:

Your song sounds pretty awesome!! 

Thank you

[Jackson]

4 hours ago, Arrows said:

 

Thanks so much for the reviews! Great constructive criticism, can’t wait for next week’s challenge! If anyone’s interested here a (pretty rough) recording of my song:

 

 

 

wow, this is super catchy. you have a great voice too!

[Jackson]

thank you judges! the reviews are more positive than i had hoped for a song i didn’t feel was polished to my usual standard, but i’m glad i stuck to my original concept even though it turned out to be difficult to write. not @fountain forgetting about my DH environmental anthem Lilac Fields, though, I’ve been in my environmental era!

[fountain]

27 minutes ago, Jackson said:

thank you judges! the reviews are more positive than i had hoped for a song i didn’t feel was polished to my usual standard, but i’m glad i stuck to my original concept even though it turned out to be difficult to write. not @fountain forgetting about my DH environmental anthem Lilac Fields, though, I’ve been in my environmental era!

Not gonna lie I don’t remember that song  but to be fair it has been like 5+ years, but I’m here for your environmental era again. What I liked about this and thought was refreshing about it was actually probably the very fact that it wasn’t polished to your standard, without much fancy imagery or metaphors we were very much just left with this straightforward, conversational story but in my opinion it actually paid off, it wasn’t like any other entry and the way that the story unfolded really was interesting and thoughtful, and the fact that it was quite simplistic in its nature meant that there was nothing to distract or take away from this statement that you were making. I am wondering if this actually happened or not? Because if it didn’t, you convinced me that it did, which is another example of how the song was executed well. 

[fountain]

So for anybody who hasn’t played a game like this before I’ll just give a little outline of what will be happening next so you know what to expect:

 

After all the judging is complete, the next part of the round will be the results show, and we will let you know the time that this will be happening beforehand. We are hoping that we could do it tonight but we will confirm later whether this is the case or not. 
In addition to writing their reviews, each judge scores the entries on a 1-10 rating, and these scores will be averaged out to receive your overall average score for the round. 
Using these scores we have a ranking of the entries from the lowest average score to the highest average score, and during the results show these scores and your placement in the ranking will be revealed. 
After all the scores and rankings have been revealed, the round will be over and we will begin the next round by posting your new challenge!

 

This was overall a very solid round as I think you’ve seen from our reviews so far, you all did a great job particularly considering this is only the first round of the season. As such I’m expecting that a lot of the scores will be very close, so just as a general message to everybody I would say to remember that ultimately your score is much more important and relevant than your ranking during the round; somebody who ranks #20 and somebody who ranks #10 ultimately could actually have very little difference in their score due to how close and how strong the round was, so as an overall piece of advice try to view all of this as relative and remember that ultimately writing is an art form, and art is subjective, and ultimately the only person who really knows your writing is yourself, and we are just outsiders getting a privilege to glimpse at it. But once again, a really great job this round everybody and thank you for all these wonderful submissions! 

[fountain]

7 hours ago, GentleDance said:

Thank you @Aurora @fountain for hosting and for the incredible feedback 

 

It's honestly my first attempt at writing in English, I've found some success at school writing in French many years ago, essays and narration mostly, I have no experience in poetry, I didn't really to try to write anything ever since, I think I've found it pointless after school as their was 'no one left to sing to'.

And sadly my interests are too varied, I can never commit to one hobby and lend it the attention and practice it deserves, this is something I really dislike about myself 

 

 

You should really be so proud; your song was fantastic regardless, but specifically for it to be your first time writing and for you to create something like that is really amazing. Hopefully we can get you to commit to writing as a hobby now because you definitely have a skill for it

 

2 hours ago, Hanami-Blossom said:

Thank you so much for the review, fountain!

 

The ACCLAIM I guess that might mean Element is the one judge who panned my song in my nightmare

 

 

-

 

 

Yas I love pretty ****

 

At first I was really trying to focus on building a narrative for my song, I think this could be part of the reason why I was struggling to write the verse. I do want to learn how to weave storytelling and imagery together. I think the concept was already set at such a high level that trying to also create a story was too much for me this round so I sacrificed the less important part of my song.

 

I'm happy that I've succeeded with what I wanted for this song I ultimately wanted to create a highly metaphorical song set in a fantasy world that could paint a vibrant picture in the imaginations of those who read it.

 

Thank you for the kind words and for pointing out where I could improve on These reviews are really helping me!

 

Also, enjoy watching my biopic Everything Everywhere All At Once !

 

It's a better excuse than "my finger slipped"

 

What's weird is that your posts and mine are the only ones I've really noticed this phenomen to occur in I can't verify yours though, they could just be typos. Mine are freaky.

For what it was, I liked your song regardless, and the narrative stuff was more so just a pointer for the rounds moving forward. I wouldn’t mind seeing another song like this one, but in the future I would branch out a little more also and try to incorporate both to reach a very sweet point. 
 

I didn’t get to watch Everything Everywhere in the end  maybe I can tonight, or if not then tomorrow 

 

You know what, I would love to say that this glitch phenomenon that you are noticing in my posts is exactly that… but it’s definitely just me… and yeah, actually it is a glitch, very weird! 

[Hug]

9 hours ago, fountain said:

It’s hard to deny the elemental impact on your song since you’ve used it so well, and what I think I like most is that you didn’t just incorporate the element as imagery, but also in the mood and of course also the overall context of the song; perhaps I didn’t think hard enough, or don’t need to be ravaged enough, but I had not even considered using a fire song in this way. I like that you basically said, if I’m going to go for this type of concept, I’m going to completely take it there; and you did; when reading the song it puts you slightly on edge waiting to see what perverted things are going to be said next, in a fun way. And I think, overall, that’s what this is and I assume what you were going for: something fun and slightly off the rails, but still having some polish to it. If I’m going to be picky, while I think you had some great wordplay there was also some that I think on closer inspection doesn’t totally make sense (“then put the O in the GOAT” - now of course this is used to rhyme with throat and spell out DO it and imply you are the GOAT, so I understand it’s use, but the O in GOAT in the literal sense is just ‘of’ so if we are to look at it in that way with a more judgemental eye, something else could have worked better possibly), but to be that picky would just be silly. Of course, I think the thing that is most interesting about you and your writing is that you can never know what type of song we are going to get from you; this week we got RAVAGED and next week we could get some super introspective and beautiful, and that brings me back to that key word again: FUN!

Thank you for your review!! You got it in one on the whole "If I'm going to do for this type of concept..." part, because it's the type of thing that can be really easy to come off as cringe/embarrassing if you're going to tip-toe around it. Sometimes I'd write something down and be like "...is this too much?" (see: bridge) but ultimately, yes if I'm going there, I'm GOING there. (to hell) (and I know that)

 

The part you pointed out about the GOAT line was something I was debating myself over as well. What I was going for was like...shifting the acronym's meaning in the context to Great Orgasm of All Time, while playing on what people's known interpretation of that acronym to be for a double meaning, with the other meaning obviously being putting said orgasm into the Greatest of All Time!! (and yes, that'd be GOOAT if we were going to include the "of" although "of" being included in an acronym seems to be optional like "the" or "and" so I thought maybe I could get away with it.) Still, if it's not apparent in that sense then it's not as brilliant as I thought and that's fine! It's important to get out of your own head as a writer if you intend for it to reach an audience further than yourself.

 

I am glad my versatility is appreciated as well. <3 I know that with so many entries across different rounds, things can start to feel same-y to read, and that's no contestant's fault inherently because they won't know what everyone else is going to do, but just to have something that stands out and feels different can be that little bit of invigoration you need when going through so many entries.

[Prisoner]

Waiting

 

[Achilles.]

You should post a teaser for round 2.

[Into The Void]

10 hours ago, Aurora said:

 

 

Hey, Hitmakers! Today is review day for me, and I'm going to be working hard to get all of my reviews out within the next couple of hours.

Next up is my second batch of reviews (i.e. submissions 13-24). You can view this post if you're unsure what your submission number is.

I've been really impressed with the calibre of entries in this tournament thus far! You can view my reviews for batch one (1-12) in this post.

If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

Batch 2

  Hide contents

15. @Insanity - “Temporary Fix”
Firstly, thank you for submitting even if it’s incomplete to you. I love a good song with an upbeat, commercial vibe. Conceptually, I like what you have here a lot. Describing a fun, exhilarating experience in the verse, acknowledging it’s just a distraction in the prechorus, and then expanding upon the issue in the chorus is a great, natural progression for a song like this. Were you to complete it, focusing on some specific examples of how you’ve tried (and failed) to find a more permanent fix would be a possible next step, perhaps integrating some more of that air imagery and a metaphor or two as well. The outro section felt a little too jarring in comparison to the rest, but perhaps that was your intent?
 

It's un finished lol i just sent what i had written so far which is why i didnt put what part was what lol it was just a collection of words

[Aurora]

Apologies for my lack of contribution to the thread outside of posting my reviews—truth be told, today I was on a rather tight schedule, but I really did want to get those reviews out for you all. Hopefully both @fountain and I can help even in some small way and provide insight into what we're looking for during our time together in this tournament, and may even provide a pointer or two to take away from the tournament also. @Element will also have reviews coming for you all!

 

If anyone has any further questions about a specific comment in my review of their submission, or would like a more in-depth analysis, feel free to message me privately and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. I'm getting some rest now in preparation for score finalisation and the beginning of the new round, which is sure to be a fun and inspiring one! I'd like to echo what fountain had to say—this was a very strong debut round of Golden Hit, and we're not just saying that since both of us have been around for a few of these ATRL songwriting tournaments. Y'all are constantly raising the bar and it's so nice to see such a great community of creatives once again having an outlet to showcase their works.

 

Happy writing, best of luck during the eventual Round 1 results show, and stay inspired. ✨

[Into The Void]

10 hours ago, fountain said:

 

 

 

@Insanity - Temporary Fix

 

So, you already said this is unfinished, so I won’t view what you submitted as if it was intended to be a full what. What I’ll say of what you have submitted is that you have a pretty good beginning to a song here, I definitely think you could work it into something great and something to be proud of, it just needs a little more time and effort. The topic is obviously personal and could be taken into quite emotional territory, I think if you were just to flesh this out it could be very impressive. Hopefully for the next round you will be able to submit an entry that is finished, so we can have a better impression of your writing and offer some more feedback. But overall for this one, I would say keep working on it because what you have so far definitely has potential. 

 

 

glad it is somewhat doable

[fountain]

16 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

You should post a teaser for round 2.

Teaser: fenty spore shower challenge 

Edited May 21, 2022 by fountain

[fountain]

33 minutes ago, Hug said:

Thank you for your review!! You got it in one on the whole "If I'm going to do for this type of concept..." part, because it's the type of thing that can be really easy to come off as cringe/embarrassing if you're going to tip-toe around it. Sometimes I'd write something down and be like "...is this too much?" (see: bridge) but ultimately, yes if I'm going there, I'm GOING there. (to hell) (and I know that)

 

The part you pointed out about the GOAT line was something I was debating myself over as well. What I was going for was like...shifting the acronym's meaning in the context to Great Orgasm of All Time, while playing on what people's known interpretation of that acronym to be for a double meaning, with the other meaning obviously being putting said orgasm into the Greatest of All Time!! (and yes, that'd be GOOAT if we were going to include the "of" although "of" being included in an acronym seems to be optional like "the" or "and" so I thought maybe I could get away with it.) Still, if it's not apparent in that sense then it's not as brilliant as I thought and that's fine! It's important to get out of your own head as a writer if you intend for it to reach an audience further than yourself.

 

I am glad my versatility is appreciated as well. <3 I know that with so many entries across different rounds, things can start to feel same-y to read, and that's no contestant's fault inherently because they won't know what everyone else is going to do, but just to have something that stands out and feels different can be that little bit of invigoration you need when going through so many entries.

Wait, GOAT being Great Orgasm (of) All Time is genius! That wasn’t immediately obvious to me reading the song, looking back on the line now perhaps “first, put the d in the throat / then, put orgasm in GOAT” works at achieving that? It doesn’t still follow the idea of spelling ‘DO it’ as well but I think it does follow the same rhythm and might present that idea a little more clear? 
 

Really though that part about the line was just me trying to offer any feedback at all, since as a whole your entry didn’t have much to criticise with how polished it was!

[8thPrince]

Thank you for the reviews so far!

[Legend E]

56 minutes ago, fountain said:

Teaser: fenty spore shower challenge 

Song inspired by cosmetics yass

[Prisoner]

56 minutes ago, fountain said:

Teaser: fenty spore shower challenge 

This is so hard to decipher. But detective Prisoner is on the case

[Prisoner]

Fenty spore shows no relevant results. So it led me to Fentispor

 

[Prisoner]

So Fentispor + shower = cleaning the dirt in us = Cleanliness

[fountain]

1 minute ago, Prisoner said:

Fenty spore shows no relevant results. So it led me to Fentispor

 

Fenty spore shower

Fenticonazole Nitrate

vaginal capsules

[Hanami-Blossom]

Vaginal Capsules would be a sickening song title

I can imagine it being a song about pregnancy and birth, now this is what we call ART.

[EpicSongFan]

@Aurora

Thank you so much for the review and feedback! I highkey screamed at the Disaster Girl meme correlation because I can definitely see that in the song now  Once again, I definitely agree that learning to put in details to "show" than to explain is something that I do need to learn. I noticed that I tend to be really vague when I speak irl but be the opposite when I write lyrics  Hopefully I'll be able to pick some stuff up as I go with each round!

 

@fountain

Thank you so much for the review and feedback as well! I can definitely understand where you're coming from with feeling a bit mixed with the twist. Looking back, I think if I had added some disposition hinting on either the relationship or even the ex-lover, it could've worked out better! I actually didn't think of including this twist but I was speaking with my cousin about writing a song and she just randomly suggested it. She probably was joking but I thought "why not?" and it sorta became this entire thing on its own 

Your suggestion on having verse 3 be the perspective of the house feeling "betrayed" actually is really genius ngl, definitely learned something for sure! 

 

@RobDeWittBukater @Hug @Julia Fox @Remmy @hurricane326 @Hanami-Blossom @Arrows @JoeAg

So I read through the lyrics and listened the audio of some who had audios ready and damn... the TALENT each of yall have  I gotta say that I learned some new things just from reading each of yall's entries, really! Definitely eye opening and I think it's gonna help me a whole lot in the future rounds! Thank you so much for sharing your lyrics and I'll share mine shortly

[EpicSongFan]

This was my entry! Do lemme know what y'all think of it 

 

 

 

 

 

SCORCHING MEMORY

V1
She didn’t listen and took things for granted
So she left all the candles unattended
And she went ahead with her daily routine
Little did she know that she’d come back to a fiery scene

Pre Chorus
The gentle breeze brought the oxygen
So it grew into a roaring beast
Consuming everything in its path
Slowly until nothing else exists

First Chorus
Even though she’s standing far away
She could still feel the smouldering heat
Emanating across her face
There’s nothing else she could do but pray
As she stood across the quiet street
Now every night will remain a scorching memory in her mind

V2
Chaos erupts within the vicinity
With some panicking and being in a frenzy
She was the only one who stood quietly
As she slowly begins to start accepting reality

Pre Chorus
The sirens echo in the background
As the firemen came running
They couldn't save it from burning down
But that won't stop them from trying

Second Chorus
Even though she’s standing far away
She could still feel the smouldering heat
Emanating across her face
There’s nothing else she could do but pray
As she stood across the noisy street
Now every night will remain a scorching memory in her mind
Now every night will remain a scorching memory in her mind

V3
After everything settled down the very next day
She was brought to the station for formality
She cried her heart out, thinking that it was her fault
But turn out evidence revealed the true culprit
She witnessed her ex-lover causing arson through the screen

Bridge
Even though now he's behind bars
What about her, whose house got turned into ashes?
She never expected he would take things this far
Now she's left with all these scars, feeling cursed

Final Chorus
Even though things have turned out this way
She started picking up all the pieces
She tried her best to move ahead
All she could do at this point was pray
Since this pain in her heart could last ages
Cause every night will remain a scorching memory in her mind
Cause every night will remain a scorching memory in her mind

Outro
Now every night will remain a scorching memory in her mind
She'll remember this for the rest of her life
 

 

 

Edited May 21, 2022 by EpicSongFan

[Augmented]

Thank you for the lovely comments and constructive criticism @Aurora @fountain 

 

I knew it was going to be a real challenge for me in terms of purely focusing on lyrical content and structure without

being able to lean into melody and rhythm (I can hear how I want my song to sound but none of that can be translated in my lyrics ) but I’m excited to challenge myself and develop/explore my lyric writing throughout the season!