Dessy Posted October 17, 2023 Posted October 17, 2023 Tbh after seeing that description essay I see why there's a short word count
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted October 17, 2023 ATRL Moderator Posted October 17, 2023 Maybe this game isn't for me my initial submission is too surface level for anyone to understand or relate with, but a deep dive into the connections with the music I have is panned by multiple people 1
Kern Posted October 17, 2023 Posted October 17, 2023 I feel like I have a chance in top 3 this round 1
poki Posted October 17, 2023 Posted October 17, 2023 1 hour ago, khalyan said: Maybe this game isn't for me my initial submission is too surface level for anyone to understand or relate with, but a deep dive into the connections with the music I have is panned by multiple people Same 1
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted October 17, 2023 ATRL Moderator Posted October 17, 2023 15 minutes ago, Hey Dude said: Same Sending love bb I liked your entry
Staryu Posted October 17, 2023 Posted October 17, 2023 Staryu group B crits Spoiler PinkBox – Rebel Heart – Borrowed Time Do you really love this song? I appreciate you sharing your personal experiences and tying them into your interpretation of the song lyrics, even if I kinda agree with Shelven about the song meaning __________________________________________________________________ minho – Hypnos – Wish I feel like Wish is a very minho song, I love your reasonings, you're a creative soul and this soothes it, I can hear how it would, her vocals are so soft and heavenly, very lovely choice. I do wish you went into a little more detail about specific lyrics or the production and how you connect to the song thru them but I still think you did well. __________________________________________________________________ Overprotected – Everything’s Eventual – Don’t Worry I appreciate your honesty and I really like the route you took with this theme despite not having a deep emotional connection to the album (yet). __________________________________________________________________ wehavetostan – The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess – Casual I think you nailed the theme here, you use personal experience and specific lyrics to explain your emotional connection to the song, which is exactly what we wanted. Also I've been in a similar situation as well, a great poet once said "my god love's embarrassing as hell" and I agree with her. __________________________________________________________________ Not Like The Movies – CTRL – Garden (Say It Like Dat) You sold your personal connection to this particular song quite well to me and slayed the theme with specific examples of lyrics that correlate to your personal life and you didn't really give us any filler, great job! __________________________________________________________________ PoisonedIvy – Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz – I Get So Scared I think you did a great job here, maybe a little too much lyric quoting but overall you slayed. I love the last line you used, it's a way we can all relate personally to the song. __________________________________________________________________ nostalgic – Dignity – Stranger I kinda love your use of TRL as a way you personally connect to the song, I also grew up with TRL and associate it with so many 2000s songs, it's crazy how the nostalgia feels flood in with certain songs. __________________________________________________________________ EriKills – Trouble – Daddy’s Girl I kinda agree with Shelven here again, the song isn't as depressing/dire overall as the parts you focused on, but with the sad lyrics you did choose, I think you explained your connection well. __________________________________________________________________ ughgabriel – Halcyon Nights – Anything Could Happen I feel like your personal connection with the song is strongly connected to the title more so than the rest of the song itself? I do wish you expanded a bit more on specific reasons/feelings that other lyrics/the production invoke in you. __________________________________________________________________ luckystrike – Bloom – What A Heavenly Way To Die I love your personal story connected to this song, it's very pure and sweet, I do wish you gave more specific moments from the song as examples though! Please invite me to the wedding tho __________________________________________________________________ Post Malone – Unapologetic – Stay The first half was great and on theme but it kinda devolved into a song review by the end, which wasn't needed, but overall I think you serviced the theme well, just next time expand more on your own personal side of things/the theme itself, and less song review filler words 3
Sanguine Posted October 18, 2023 Author Posted October 18, 2023 Element should be posting critiques soon, I have a tight schedule today and since Atrl was down for a bit I won't have time to do results until 4-5 pm EST so see y'all then 1
ATRL Moderator Element Posted October 18, 2023 ATRL Moderator Posted October 18, 2023 ELEMENT'S CRITIQUES Group A Spoiler @Dessy - Smoke (ft. Lucky Daye) This was a solid entry! I think you did a pretty good job of showing your personal connection(s) to the song, and I enjoyed how it wasn't a somber story. It was just like... this is a part of life and this is what I like... and here's how the song connects. Some of your sentences felt a bit more outwardly focused -- i.e. "ode to smoking the good stuff" and "the beat makes you sway along" -- when you could have focused more inward. @Psycho - Run Away With Me From a pure writing perspective, this is a strong explanation that is very convincing of why the song is a really great pop anthem. I think you did a lovely job of weaving in references to various elements throughout: Carly's vocal quality, catchy hooks, adlib, etc. The final sentences could have definitely been expanded on to show us that personal connection to the song. For example, you could have described your emotions as you experienced each part of the song (as mentioned above) in a live setting. Side note: I saw Carly live and the entire show was also one of my best memories! It was pure euphoria, so I know exactly how you felt!! @khalyan - Soul Control I think you had a decent skeleton for your entry, but it was lacking direct connection to this specific song. What are the elements of "Soul Control" that really appeal to your dance-music sensibilities? You call out "interesting production", but what does that really mean? A few connections back to production choices or lyrics would have really helped this entry. @Hey Dude - Afterglow I'm sorry to say that you lost me here! Your audition was really promising and interesting, but this pushed the limits of being avant garde to the point where the challenge prompt was almost completely lost. I appreciate your creativity, but focusing on a third party character diluted the goal of the essay. There were a few bright spots - such as "the verses represent my gloomy moods, the guitar solos my panics". If you had described those personal details with more vigor on how they connect to the lyrics/atmosphere, this would have been a bigger success. @ultraviolence.xx - Holier This is a really striking essay. I see that you are putting your well-refined writing skills to exceptional use already! Your expertise of music production shined brightly with your descriptive take on the instrumentation. I loved your description of the octave jump as a "moment of bright clarity" that helps you get through difficult times. Very poignant. I have high expectations for your success in this competition, given the lethal combination of this acclaimed album and your academic background. @ATRL Username - Sunny Day I was not as sold on this explanation as the other judges. It was still good and effective, but others stood out more to me! Your personal connection was quaint if not a bit surface level. I am definitely big on tying in specific lyrics to the essays. You say there were "melancholy lyrics" - but if you included specific examples, that would have taken the entry from good to great. The music video connection was an interesting aspect given it was your introduction to the album. @Julia Fox - Obtener un sí I see the vision that you were going for here, but the execution was definitely not the strongest. If you had limited the soap opera explanation to one sentence, I think you would have gotten your point across more effectively. The memory of this song in your youth lasting through to the present relationship is a very cute aspect. However, I wanted to see more about the specific elements of the song that speak to you. For instance when you say, "this song describes everything I feel for him" -- you could call out specific examples. @MusicLoverDude - You're On Your Own, Kid This is one of the strongest entries of the round for me!! You really hit all the marks, describing in detail how this song connects with your intimate personal experiences and emotions. I especially love the comparison of how "Taylor's naive delivery of the first two verses" is akin to your own personal perspective prior to these hardships, followed by a different vibe in the conclusive chorus. Transformative truly. You discuss specific lyrics that supported you through the difficult times, and I am excited to hear that you have been inspired to keep going! Great work. @stupidjock - Dreamcatching Another really good entry from Group A, and an interesting perspective to hear about! I'm sorry that this relationship had such an emotionally challenging finale amidst what was supposed to be a beautiful trip. I appreciated your references to lyrics that help us visualize the scenery and context. You also had some nice references to the production and how they contributed to your unique interpretation. Finishing the essay stating that the "song explodes in the end like my broken heart" was such a powerful conclusion. @Alena - People You Know This entry is serving "fine"... like it definitely has some good aspects that show your personal connection, but it felt like you could have gone a lot deeper! This definitely would have benefited from some more specific references to the lyrics/production. I also would have loved to learn how Selena's experiences and lyrics connected with you and how they made you feel. Did they help you heal? Did they make you feel better? Or maybe they were just a comforting hug in a time of rage or sadness? @Auburn - You Very nice overall! While you chose a somewhat high-level personal experience, you did a great job of tying it back to this specific song. I really liked the final section about vocal delivery and production representing the voices in our heads -- quite a relevant interpretation. 2
ATRL Moderator Element Posted October 18, 2023 ATRL Moderator Posted October 18, 2023 ELEMENT'S CRITIQUES Group B Spoiler @PinkBox - Borrowed Time I liked this entry and I'm v happy for your personal growth arc!! You presented the overall message of the song, contrasted the vocal delivery to the production, and then showed us how that connects directly into your mindset these days. Could you have bolstered it with a few more specific lyrics and examples? Yes. Did you have an opportunity to go into more details about the production in the context of your personal experience? Sure. But I think overall, it was a good entry. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. @minho - Wish This was a really awesome anecdote and I applaud you for making the full commitment to your creative vocation! That is a big personal step to take, and I'm sure it will pay off immensely. You presented an interesting connection to this song and this album -- how it "ignites your imagination". However, I felt like you were challenged to fully explain how or why it does. You say "this song in particular" inspires you - but I didn't see much differentiation from the rest of the album. Specific examples of production choices and lyrics in "Wish" would have made this good entry a great one. @Overprotected - Don't Worry This falls into the same bucket as Alena's entry for me - "fine". You definitely had some good concepts that you touched upon, but your experiences were a bit generalized - even moreso than Alena's. I appreciate that this was a challenge for you as a newer album, so I think you did okay given the context. But in the future, I definitely recommend more direct references to the lyrics and production choices that make you feel a certain way... to support the main premises of your essay. @wehavetostan - Casual You did very well with this challenge, and I was amazed to hear that you had a very similar experience. Everyone always says they can connect with a song because of general themes/emotions/etc, but to actually have the exact same situation is pretty crazy... so your choice was on point! Your essay was successful, highlighting key vignettes from the song. I also liked how you showed the progression of her emotive delivery in comparison to your personal evolution with this life experience. @Not Like The Movies - Garden (Say It Like Dat) Very good submission! Definitely one of the best of the round. You did a great job of demonstrating the overall theme and message, while connecting it directly to your personal experiences. I think that you were very close to hitting the final nail on the head that would have made this a 10 -- which was how exactly did "Garden" help you through that period? Did you grow as a result? We can interpret this through the rest of the essay, but a specific sentence about how this song encouraged you to be your authentic self would have taken it all the way. Great work regardless! @PoisonedIvy - I Get So Scared Definitely another strong submission. This album will definitely take us to various emotional depths, I see! You did a great job of introducing the song's themes and how they directly connected to you. Specific lyrics were used in a sensible way to support what you were telling us. @nostalgic - Stranger This was a really cool perspective to read! A lot of people focused more on connecting with the lyrical themes. It was very unique to hear a personal history of encountering a song back in 2007 and being inspired by the specific elements within. I loved how you called out the "sonic ethereality pulses", the "Middle Eastern guitar riffs", and the "exotic mysticism". All of this justified how intriguing the song was to you, and continues to be. Don't be scared to throw in lyrical references in the future though! @EriKills - Daddy's Girl There definitely feels like a bit of a discrepancy between what Natalia is writing about vs. what you experienced. Like her father literally went to jail, but your parents had positive goals with their immigration. I liked the perspective that you took, but I wish the connection was a little less tenuous in that regard. You also could have strengthened your essay by expanding upon the important "family and relationships are truly what matters to me" concept -- explaining more details about the experiences and family that you lost, and how it compares directly to what Natalia also lost. @ughgabriel - Anything Could Happen UGH Gabriel. This was one of the most disappointing entries of the round for me. Anything Could Happen is an incredible and powerful song with so many beautiful lyrics and concepts and production choices. You could have used so many of those wonderful elements in your essay to underscore the meaning of this song -- both at that point of your life and even in the present day! The first paragraph could have been streamlined, and the second paragraph only referenced the title. Where was the content? You excelled so much in the audition round by calling out specifics within "Hanging On". You have to bring that approach back if you make it through! @luckystrike - What a Heavenly Way to Die This is another entry that made me a bit disappointed! This is clearly such an important song to you, but I am struggling to see how this specific song made you feel all of these emotions. There was really no reference to specific elements of WAHWTD. You did a lovely job explaining how you felt and how it will impact your future, but it could have been any song that made you feel this way tbh. @Post Malone - Stay This was another well-written entry, but it came across almost as a music review from a non-interested party. You explained the song in a way that would make people want to listen, for sure, but I struggled to really understand your specific personal connection here. It was almost thrown in as a side note. Good work on highlighting the production and vocal delivery though. 3
ughgabriel Posted October 18, 2023 Posted October 18, 2023 3 minutes ago, Element said: UGH Gabriel. disappointing Mom? 2
nostalgic Posted October 18, 2023 Posted October 18, 2023 7 minutes ago, Element said: ELEMENT'S CRITIQUES Group B Reveal hidden contents @PinkBox - Borrowed Time I liked this entry and I'm v happy for your personal growth arc!! You presented the overall message of the song, contrasted the vocal delivery to the production, and then showed us how that connects directly into your mindset these days. Could you have bolstered it with a few more specific lyrics and examples? Yes. Did you have an opportunity to go into more details about the production in the context of your personal experience? Sure. But I think overall, it was a good entry. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. @minho - Wish This was a really awesome anecdote and I applaud you for making the full commitment to your creative vocation! That is a big personal step to take, and I'm sure it will pay off immensely. You presented an interesting connection to this song and this album -- how it "ignites your imagination". However, I felt like you were challenged to fully explain how or why it does. You say "this song in particular" inspires you - but I didn't see much differentiation from the rest of the album. Specific examples of production choices and lyrics in "Wish" would have made this good entry a great one. @Overprotected - Don't Worry This falls into the same bucket as Alena's entry for me - "fine". You definitely had some good concepts that you touched upon, but your experiences were a bit generalized - even moreso than Alena's. I appreciate that this was a challenge for you as a newer album, so I think you did okay given the context. But in the future, I definitely recommend more direct references to the lyrics and production choices that make you feel a certain way... to support the main premises of your essay. @wehavetostan - Casual You did very well with this challenge, and I was amazed to hear that you had a very similar experience. Everyone always says they can connect with a song because of general themes/emotions/etc, but to actually have the exact same situation is pretty crazy... so your choice was on point! Your essay was successful, highlighting key vignettes from the song. I also liked how you showed the progression of her emotive delivery in comparison to your personal evolution with this life experience. @Not Like The Movies - Garden (Say It Like Dat) Very good submission! Definitely one of the best of the round. You did a great job of demonstrating the overall theme and message, while connecting it directly to your personal experiences. I think that you were very close to hitting the final nail on the head that would have made this a 10 -- which was how exactly did "Garden" help you through that period? Did you grow as a result? We can interpret this through the rest of the essay, but a specific sentence about how this song encouraged you to be your authentic self would have taken it all the way. Great work regardless! @PoisonedIvy - I Get So Scared Definitely another strong submission. This album will definitely take us to various emotional depths, I see! You did a great job of introducing the song's themes and how they directly connected to you. Specific lyrics were used in a sensible way to support what you were telling us. @nostalgic - Stranger This was a really cool perspective to read! A lot of people focused more on connecting with the lyrical themes. It was very unique to hear a personal history of encountering a song back in 2007 and being inspired by the specific elements within. I loved how you called out the "sonic ethereality pulses", the "Middle Eastern guitar riffs", and the "exotic mysticism". All of this justified how intriguing the song was to you, and continues to be. Don't be scared to throw in lyrical references in the future though! @EriKills - Daddy's Girl There definitely feels like a bit of a discrepancy between what Natalia is writing about vs. what you experienced. Like her father literally went to jail, but your parents had positive goals with their immigration. I liked the perspective that you took, but I wish the connection was a little less tenuous in that regard. You also could have strengthened your essay by expanding upon the important "family and relationships are truly what matters to me" concept -- explaining more details about the experiences and family that you lost, and how it compares directly to what Natalia also lost. @ughgabriel - Anything Could Happen UGH Gabriel. This was one of the most disappointing entries of the round for me. Anything Could Happen is an incredible and powerful song with so many beautiful lyrics and concepts and production choices. You could have used so many of those wonderful elements in your essay to underscore the meaning of this song -- both at that point of your life and even in the present day! The first paragraph could have been streamlined, and the second paragraph only referenced the title. Where was the content? You excelled so much in the audition round by calling out specifics within "Hanging On". You have to bring that approach back if you make it through! @luckystrike - What a Heavenly Way to Die This is another entry that made me a bit disappointed! This is clearly such an important song to you, but I am struggling to see how this specific song made you feel all of these emotions. There was really no reference to specific elements of WAHWTD. You did a lovely job explaining how you felt and how it will impact your future, but it could have been any song that made you feel this way tbh. @Post Malone - Stay This was another well-written entry, but it came across almost as a music review from a non-interested party. You explained the song in a way that would make people want to listen, for sure, but I struggled to really understand your specific personal connection here. It was almost thrown in as a side note. Good work on highlighting the production and vocal delivery though. Thank you king
Sanguine Posted October 18, 2023 Author Posted October 18, 2023 Rihsults? @ughgabriel @Psycho @ATRL Username @luckystrike @Alena @MusicLoverDude @Dessy @minho @Not Like The Movies @PoisonedIvy @Hey Dude @stupidjock @EriKills @Post Malone @ultraviolence.xx @Auburn @wehavetostan @PinkBox @nostalgic @khalyan @Overprotected @Julia Fox 5
Sanguine Posted October 18, 2023 Author Posted October 18, 2023 Gonna go 17-3, then post bottoms/elims and winner
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