tournament Golden Hit: Season 1 📀 Congrats to 8thPrince and Jackson!! 🏆🏆

[fountain]

Me rn reading back these reviews trying to figure out if wtf I wrote makes any sense 

[ughgabriel]

Thank you @fountain 

[fountain]

1 hour ago, Hanami-Blossom said:

Is anyone else experiencing this? I will literally type the correct spelling of words in my ATRL posts, but then when I look away or after I post... The spelling is incorrect. Like two letters in the word have switched places, I think usually the two letters are beside each other. It's so freaky But it could just be the forum glitching out.

I’m gonna use this excuse if anybody doesn’t like their review

[DevonRoars]

Thanks for the reviews  I definitely didn’t have the time to finish.

[fountain]

1 minute ago, D e v o n said:

Thanks for the reviews  I definitely didn’t have the time to finish.

The public sex in the woods song that we were denied is going to haunt us now

(at least that’s what I think it was about? )

[OreGuy]

thanks for the reviews @fountain @Aurora i appreciate them and will do much better next time

[fountain]

1 minute ago, OreGuy said:

thanks for the reviews @fountain @Aurora i appreciate them and will do much better next time

But I liked your song, quite a lot actually! and from the looks of it Aurora did too!

[Achilles.]

39 minutes ago, fountain said:

Now, if you hadn't mentioned that it’s been so long since you have written, I would have had absolutely no idea. Clearly you have a gift and a skill for writing if you can jump back into it this well, which is really great to see, and I hope that this exercise has helped build up your writing confidence again and proven that you can still do it!

Yeah I kinda shocked myself with how quickly and easily this came together; I came up with the Persephone idea before bed and ended up cranking out most of the song in a few hours the following afternoon. Then when I sat down to submit it (I had it pasted into the form and ready to go) I was like “this isn’t done yet” and wrote the final verse in five minutes at the dinner table.
 

I was a bit worried I’d get some criticism for the repeated structure of the four verses, but it was a very useful crutch to lean on given that I haven’t written anything in so long and I figured the repetition in the verses was excusable given how short the chorus was. Kinda surprised that was Aurora’s favorite part tbh.

 

Thank you both for your reviews!

Edited May 21, 2022 by Achilles.

[fountain]

8 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

Yeah I kinda shocked myself with how quickly and easily this came together; I came up with the Persephone idea before bed and ended up cranking out most of the song in a few hours the following afternoon. Then when I sat down to submit it (I had it pasted into the form and ready to go) I was like “this isn’t done yet” and wrote the final verse in five minutes at the dinner table.
 

I was a bit worried I’d get some criticism for the repeated structure of the four verses, but it was a very useful crutch to lean on given that I haven’t written anything in so long and I figured the repetition in the verses was excusable given how short the chorus was. Kinda surprised that was Aurora’s favorite part tbh.

 

Thank you both for your reviews!

Honestly great job, it was so good to see after how you were apprehensive prior, but writing can be very mysterious like that and just happen so naturally  it’s those moments that are really special, when you are uncertain and then you surprise yourself. 
 

[fountain]

Well I will be sleeping now! If anything needs to be answered I will reply as soon as I can, good night Golden Hitters 

[diamondsky]

Thanks for the reviews @fountain!! You put a smile on my face with mine

 

@Legend E getting doubly acclaimed, I’m so intrigued

 

the reviews from both judges make all these sound so good  

[luckystrike]

1 hour ago, fountain said:

luckystrike - picking petals

 

I’m pretty impressed considering you said this is rushed, if this is what you are writing in a rush then I’m very excited to see what you write when you have time! You incorporated your element very well throughout the entire song so you absolutely succeeded in the challenge, and I think this is a song ultimately that you can be proud of having written. Of course, I did pick up on the Colours of You “every single hue” nod, which was very cute too. I do think it probably could have used a bridge highlighting more of the story you were telling, and perhaps this is what you meant by it being rushed, but I think overall you’ve done a solid job!

thank you so much!! that’s exactly what i was worried about actually! the outro was supposed to be a bridge at first but i wasn’t able to land enough thoughts to finish it as a bridge so i decided to just leave it as an outro/afterthought, also love that you got the colours of you reference, obvs very inspired 

[Aurora]

 

 

Hey, Hitmakers! Today is review day for me, and I've worked very hard to get all of my reviews out within the last couple of hours.

Next up is my third batch of reviews (i.e. submissions 25-32). You can view this post if you're unsure what your submission number is.

I'm so impressed with the calibre of entries! You can view my reviews for batch one (1-12) in this post, and batch two (13-24) in this post.

If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request.

 

Batch 3

 

25. @ughgabriel - “sequoias on fire”
You’ve certainly opted for a very specific, intriguing subject matter with this one! I can’t say I know all too much about sequoias, so the other information certainly helped with some of the finer details. The elemental combination of fire and earth was clever and your chosen subject matter was a good fit. You touched on using the sequoias as a metaphor for humans enduring our own struggles and wondering if it is worth it, and I would have loved to see this developed more within the actual lyrics of the song. This has immense potential to be an allegory in the way that you’ve described, but I feel it doesn’t achieve this until the last section. That said, it was still an enjoyable read.

26. @mxtthewdelrey - “If I Leave This Earth”
This was certainly an experimental art piece, but I’d expect no less from you! In some ways, I interpret the nonsensical or unexpected nature of some of the lyrics to be an allegory for the aftermath of someone taking their life… those questions of, “Why did they do it?” “It doesn’t make sense.” “They seemed so happy?” and so forth. The horse being named Barbara feels like acknowledgement of the Streisand effect—insistently telling others you’re fine only amplifies the fact that you aren’t. Thus, burying Barbara and her horse friends en masse is essentially burying all of the white lies and false proclamations of happiness and finally accepting one’s fate.

27. @TruGemini - “Dive”
I’m enjoying the amount of commercial-leaning content Golden Hit is bringing to the table! Your verse showcases some obvious talent for rhyming and despite the wealth of internal rhymes and prolonged rhyme schemes, almost nothing feels too forced. Your verse is definitely the highlight of your song for me, and I would have enjoyed another (but I see you were writing to a rather short instrumental, which is absolutely fine). I would say the chorus and repeated/echoed section are not the most lyrically advantageous additions to your piece, and while the water elemental aspect was there, it could have been blended into the overall submission more fluidly. I’d definitely love to see you continue to go in a more R&B or hip hop direction!

28. @JoeAg - “you in those depths”
This was certainly on the shorter side, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing if the content submitted is wonderful—and I do think you’ve done well with a smaller submission. The lyric, “now there’s only a congeries of memories” was definitely the highlight of your piece for me—a lovely internal rhyme and meaning! Moving forward, my main piece of advice would be to expand on your thoughts in more detail. You have submitted what I would consider a good intro or interlude—the next step is that album track that’s going to garner acclaim, and with more content comes more opportunity for that. I think your chorus sections are great, but fleshing out the verses and playing around with the addition of a combination of pre-choruses, a bridge/middle eight, or even an intro/outro can elevate a song on the simpler side like this.

29. @☆lex - “Warm Winter Wind”
I enjoyed this a lot! You definitely have a good grasp of metre and rhyming, and the subject matter you have chosen is a great fit for this elemental challenge. The “Can you feel it yet?” motif was a nice addition in the verses, and everything felt so tight and purposeful without being forced. The closing lyric of the chorus (“And a warm winter wind / Gave me chills”) was powerful in context. You successfully painted the scene of the townsfolk helplessly watching their town be destroyed, and the reality of such a situation even down to the small details such as those taking photos of the event. I liked the misleading titular lyric too—clever! Overall this is a very well formed piece that could benefit from some standout one-liners to really make it a knockout!

30. @Lorenzo22 - “Keep Me Warm”
I’m going to jump right into the chorus and say that while I imagine this would work well with the right vocals, arrangement, and production, Golden Hit is a lyric-focused tournament, and repeating any 3-4 words isn’t going to come across as the most impressive piece of literature. With that out of the way, your verses do a fine job of conveying your narrative, as does your bridge, which also has some nice internal rhyming. Moving forward, I look forward to seeing you tackle another chorus with a bit more body and lyrical content to it. As the centrepiece for most songs, it’s helpful to have a strong chorus—especially in a lyric-focused writing experience.

31. @8thPrince - “Wind Rather Than Sun”
This was a very intriguing piece—you have a wonderful way of seamlessly navigating between the literal and the metaphorical that makes for a very enjoyable experience. There are plenty of wonderful moments in this submission, however the second prechorus in particular (“The more the resistance, the brighter you shine; / The longer the shadow you cast behind / But there’s not a place in this world you can find where the wind won’t blow”) I found to be a masterfully triumphant positioning of wind in favour of the sun, with glorious internal rhyming as well. I just know I’m going to have to read this piece a few more times to fully appreciate it—and intend to do so. A lovely first offering from you, and as always I look forward to what’s to come.

32.  @luckystrike - “picking petals”
This was a lovely read, I’m honestly surprised that nobody else went for more floral imagery seeing as it’s such a perfect match up for many of the elements! The picking petals off of flowers and “love me/love me not” trope may not be the most original, but I do enjoy it in this context. I loved your second prechorus, especially the couplet, “crying a river of tears / turned all dirt into mud”. Despite it being a rushed entry as per your own admission, I’m very glad you submitted and I look forward to seeing what else you have to offer in this tournament.

[luckystrike]

5 minutes ago, Aurora said:

32.  @luckystrike - “picking petals”
This was a lovely read, I’m honestly surprised that nobody else went for more floral imagery seeing as it’s such a perfect match up for many of the elements! The picking petals off of flowers and “love me/love me not” trope may not be the most original, but I do enjoy it in this context. I loved your second prechorus, especially the couplet, “crying a river of tears / turned all dirt into mud”. Despite it being a rushed entry as per your own admission, I’m very glad you submitted and I look forward to seeing what else you have to offer in this tournament.

tysm <3 

[JoeAg]

thanks y’all for the reviews @Aurora @fountain  definitely gonna be more ambitious with my lyrics, guitar chords, and vocals for the next one! i kinda rushed to do this one and wrote the melody in like 10 minutes lol, but i’ll utilize more of my time this coming week

[diamondsky]

Thanks @Aurora for the review! 

Some of these reviews got me really curious  seems we have some artistes among us

 

[Lorenzo22]

@Aurora @fountain thank you so much for your reviews!! if i'm honest i wrote this song in an hour, just before the deadline but i'm definitely taking your observations into consideration when editing it. i'm really looking forward to the next round, i'll definitely dedicate more time to it, i just hope i get more inspired this time

[GentleDance]

Thank you @Aurora @fountain for hosting and for the incredible feedback 

 

It's honestly my first attempt at writing in English, I've found some success at school writing in French many years ago, essays and narration mostly, I have no experience in poetry, I didn't really to try to write anything ever since, I think I've found it pointless after school as their was 'no one left to sing to'.

And sadly my interests are too varied, I can never commit to one hobby and lend it the attention and practice it deserves, this is something I really dislike about myself 

 

 

Edited May 21, 2022 by GentleDance

[DevonRoars]

2 hours ago, fountain said:

The public sex in the woods song that we were denied is going to haunt us now

(at least that’s what I think it was about? )

The premise was going to be a song about having sex with nature. More like.. masturbation.. 

 

but it turned into an escapism piece that could have and probably would have turned sexual. 

[Arrows]

3 hours ago, Aurora said:

 

  Hide contents

18. @Arrows - “careful, boy”
Oh wow, the talent! Your voice and acoustic style remind me a little of fellow Golden Hitmaker Jackson. It was a wonderful listen, but I will now direct all further commentary to the lyrics alone, which are the main focus of this tournament. Your second verse was really great here, your sense of metre and rhyming skill is excellent, and your focus on the natural imagery is perfectly suited to the elemental challenge. While I loved the melody of your chorus in the recording, the lyrics in a vacuum are fine, but aren’t extraordinary. I liked your bridge too, but your verses are definitely where this song shines the most. Ensuring all of your individual lyrics are just as strong as your melodies would be my best advice, otherwise fantastic first offering!

 

3 hours ago, fountain said:

 

@Arrows - careful, boy

 

First off, amazing job not just writing this song but also working it out on your guitar and performing it! It sounds lovely, your voice is so nice and that chorus is going to be stuck in my head now for sure Now, more specifically on to the lyrical content: in general, your entry is a little on the shorter side, but I think you make up for it by having overall a very polished song. I would say that my favourite parts of your entry are the verses, and I think that is just because those are the longest parts and where you show your writing off a little more! I wouldn’t change anything about your writing itself in this song, I just wish that there was a little more of it! But of course, this isn’t a bad problem to have; for people to want more of your writing, because it is good, it’s actually a blessing in a way! For your first entry I think you should definitely be proud, I really enjoyed it, and I don’t really have any criticisms but more so hopes that we could possibly see something a little longer next time. 

 

Thanks so much for the reviews! Great constructive criticism, can’t wait for next week’s challenge! If anyone’s interested here a (pretty rough) recording of my song:

 

 

 

[Julia Fox]

yea xx thank you xx 

[Hanami-Blossom]

Thank you so much for the review, fountain!

 

The ACCLAIM I guess that might mean Element is the one judge who panned my song in my nightmare

 

 

-

 

 

Yas I love pretty ****

 

At first I was really trying to focus on building a narrative for my song, I think this could be part of the reason why I was struggling to write the verse. I do want to learn how to weave storytelling and imagery together. I think the concept was already set at such a high level that trying to also create a story was too much for me this round so I sacrificed the less important part of my song.

 

I'm happy that I've succeeded with what I wanted for this song I ultimately wanted to create a highly metaphorical song set in a fantasy world that could paint a vibrant picture in the imaginations of those who read it.

 

Thank you for the kind words and for pointing out where I could improve on These reviews are really helping me!

 

Also, enjoy watching my biopic Everything Everywhere All At Once !

 

6 hours ago, fountain said:

I’m gonna use this excuse if anybody doesn’t like their review

It's a better excuse than "my finger slipped"

 

What's weird is that your posts and mine are the only ones I've really noticed this phenomen to occur in I can't verify yours though, they could just be typos. Mine are freaky.

Edited May 21, 2022 by Hanami-Blossom

[DatChickDoe]

Thank you for the feedback @fountain

[DatChickDoe]

36 minutes ago, Hanami-Blossom said:

Thank you so much for the review, fountain!

 

The ACCLAIM I guess that might mean Element is the one judge who panned my song in my nightmare

 

 

-

 

 

Yas I love pretty ****

 

At first I was really trying to focus on building a narrative for my song, I think this could be part of the reason why I was struggling to write the verse. I do want to learn how to weave storytelling and imagery together. I think the concept was already set at such a high level that trying to also create a story was too much for me this round so I sacrificed the less important part of my song.

 

I'm happy that I've succeeded with what I wanted for this song I ultimately wanted to create a highly metaphorical song set in a fantasy world that could paint a vibrant picture in the imaginations of those who read it.

 

Thank you for the kind words and for pointing out where I could improve on These reviews are really helping me!

 

Also, enjoy watching my biopic Everything Everywhere All At Once !

 

It's a better excuse than "my finger slipped"

 

What's weird is that your posts and mine are the only ones I've really noticed this phenomen to occur in I can't verify yours though, they could just be typos. Mine are freaky.

Your song sounds pretty awesome!! 

[RobDeWittBukater]

3 hours ago, Arrows said:

 

Thanks so much for the reviews! Great constructive criticism, can’t wait for next week’s challenge! If anyone’s interested here a (pretty rough) recording of my song:

 

 

 

This is soooo pretty 

 

And omgf reading these reviews makes me want to listen to all of these songs