fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 7 minutes ago, Jackson said: apparently he still wants to be judged but wants to lose? why would i take my time? no Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Pears Reviews https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOCyvf7kl2g @Kunst I really like the meter in the verses here. It didn't read perfectly but I did like the melody is got from it. I think the narrative was pretty good but some parts were a little confusing eg. "who's says I won't regret this on Sunday" - im not sure what the significance of this is for example, especially since as far as I can tell it's not about religious themes. I think you did a good job with the challenge - there were no major parts where I thought "this needed a rhyme". I like how your theme was a little darker than usual yet I still got the same nostalgic youth feel that I get from a lot of your writing. You handled the concept of abuse in a way that wasn't over dramatic and felt natural. @ceremonials I was reading this and it sounded like a song about when the mother dies during birth and it was about a pregnant woman choosing either to take that risk or abort the baby. I'll pretend it was, cause the actual concept was a bit more confusing. I don't really get why she was choosing between killing her child and her husband. It was quite extra. That was the main issue I have. Lyrically it was quite sound despite this, and the lack of rhymes had no impact on the quality. The concept is really good but the narrative was just the issue. @Aurora I wasn't getting a lot from the verses melodically. Conceptually a little standard, but you really did stick to it and went about it quite well in the song so it's not too much of a criticism. While quite lyrically simple for the most part some of the metaphors were kinda cool such as the padlock and the leather cover ideas. I think for the most part this is middle ground for me, it's a nice song but nothing special or amazing, and also nothing awful or worth dragging. The absence of rhymes didnt really make the song any worse. @ughgabriel I can totally see how this is your most personal entry. I think overall the entry is very good, I love particularly love the chorus, but I think it could do with some additions such as a pre chorus or longer bridge as to advance the narrative a little more, or feed into the overall mood of the song, while the verses did a pretty good job of setting this up I did feel like there was a little more room to expand, but beside what could be added - what you actually did was great. @Corsola I feel like the concept was just too out there, for me at least, it's pretty unrelateable and I felt as though it lacked real emotion. You're great at coming up with great concepts for writing but no pun intended, you seem to succeed more when you bring it down to earth like last week. While something like this could be a cool plot for a book or a comic or something it's a bit out of place for a song I think. While with songwriting you can be quite mysterious and enigmatic, I felt like this idea needed more expansion as in another form of writing because there was a bit of disconnect with the narrative. @SaintWest For the most part I thought this was ok. The numbers gimmick was rather childlike. The meter was quite good and catchy, this was by far your best entry in those terms. The lyrics were a bit lacking in depth. And certainly not everything has to be deep, but, this is more of a The Greatest than a Breathe Me. So if you're going for that, you succeeded with that! @TheCheetahwings I don't really get what this is supposed to be about. The narrative is a bit lacking in detail for me to know whats going on, I feel like a lot is not explained adequately. Why a ladder to the sky? Why didn't you run after them? What did this person do? I feel like theres way too many questions left unanswered for me. @MattyTacos I think this definitely needed some imagery or something. You're talking about craziness and adventure and there's like nothing to back it up. The narrative was a little unclear, also. The verses and chorus feel like totally different songs to me, there was bit of disconnect between the two. @Auburn Not sure what the context of this is, you never really explain who 'she' is or what 'she' is? I feel like its definitely in need of more detail. It could've been really great with this I think. It's a bit half baked right now. The bridge probably would've been a great spot to do so but it's only two lines long that don't add anything. @jpow Your concept is good and makes for a great entry but I think the way you went about it here is a bit of a mess. The name dropping of other peoples entries and other contestants is super awkward, some of the vocabulary such as "i see the others slaying" is like this too. The chorus is kinda cute, but again the overall bluntness of it is all a little off putting. The bluntness is probably intentional as to really get the point across but it comes across moreso cringeworthy. The concept though is really strong, I did something similar in the S7 final where I wanted to kind of sum up my thoughts of the game and how it can feel both good and bad, but I think this overall should've been crafted a little more lyrically rather than bluntly. It's a bit more rant worthy than song worthy. @Gladion The first very was the peak here. I really enjoyed that. But then it kind of descends into cliche. The idea of winter and summer verses were an eye roll moment. And overall you kind of contradict yourself. You say "the trees transform, and so do I, i move along with the weather" yet in the verse you say "the air gets warmer but my heart stays cold" so something went wrong here. @UFO "He treated me like a goddess, but I was alone in heaven" **** ME UP. I looooooved this. You had great lyrical moments, the concept pulled off flawlessly, the emotional content, the bridge the gap motif. Slayed me. @Achilles. These verses are quality! I love the metaphors of the stage and acting and what not, they worked great with the concept. One thing I'll say is I wish you kept with the mentions of nervousness and what not a little more because in the latter parts it kind of descended into just a full blown sex song, while I really enjoyed and wanted more of that feeling of uncertainty. @funnellegs This was really, really great. I loved the narrative, it had a great nostalgic and irreverent feel that was great. A lot of the lyrics were really catchy despite no rhymes. I don't even know what else to point out or say cause I just really enjoyed it. @8thPrince This is a really good example that a song doesn't need to rhyme to be catchy. You did an awesome job. One of my favourite aspects of this, was your imagery choices, they worked really well and rather than being overbearing or random, they were just perfectly a part of this. So good. @Jackson Well this is a bit of a history throwback isn't it? I told you to step up your concepts and you totally did here, thanks! Kind of a titanic tea. The only part that was a bit "ugh" was the bridge - it felt a bit abrupt to he moved on like that. Think you could've expanded it a little with some stuff about him grieving or missing her and then eventually having to move on, rather than just heading straight there. But yeah other than that, this is much more impressive from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 thanks pears XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 thanks pears i do agree with that a bit, the story needed more development Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UFO Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Quote "He treated me like a goddess, but I was alone in heaven" **** ME UP. I looooooved this. You had great lyrical moments, the concept pulled off flawlessly, the emotional content, the bridge the gap motif. Slayed me. omggggg thanks @keshaspearsxo!! I really did try hard this round even despite everything stacked against me. Also slay @ you stanning for the best lyric aljkfalfg when I wrote that goddess/heaven line, I almost snatched my own wig lmao I don't want to jinx it so let me not say anything except for yay I did it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 anyway ya results are pretty much ready, just need Hug's Achilles score. will do them asap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said: anyway ya results are pretty much ready, just need Hug's Achilles score. will do them asap maybe in the morning (US) if Huga gets it to you by then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Thanks @keshaspearsxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UFO Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 ugh I wish I focused more on the airplane metaphor, oh well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 8 minutes ago, Jackson said: maybe in the morning (US) if Huga gets it to you by then? probably the afternoon but I'm not really sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Achilles. Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'm sorry that yall ain't getting results tonight because Hugs was too blown away by my work to score it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Can Achilles just drop out so we can move on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 do we really need another drop out besides, theres only like 5 of us here rn n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funnellegs Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Thank you Pears! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Achilles. Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 7 minutes ago, Jackson said: Can Achilles just drop out so we can move on? I will when you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 De nada! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 i'll take middle of the pack it's better than back of the pack so thanks @keshaspearsxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 The fact that I did give Achilles. a score, but I backspaced it when sending pears the PM. When I do judging, I format it like this Name - Song Title (X/10) critiques I then just copy everything, paste it in the PM box, then delete the critiques part. It's a bit inconvenient, though, seeing as I left out at least one score two rounds in a row now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 11 minutes ago, Hugamari said: The fact that I did give Achilles. a score, but I backspaced it when sending pears the PM. When I do judging, I format it like this Name - Song Title (X/10) critiques I then just copy everything, paste it in the PM box, then delete the critiques part. It's a bit inconvenient, though, seeing as I left out at least one score two rounds in a row now. proofread it fat, fat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Sorry I should have :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 6 minutes ago, Hugamari said: Sorry I should have :( it's ok you just delayed my elimination Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 hour ago, Aurora said: it's ok you just delayed my elimination I doubt you will be eliminated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denim Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 2 people are coming back right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 23 minutes ago, Gladion said: 2 people are coming back right? I don't think you have any idea do you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I was high on caffiene all day yesterday so I was just being v impulsive But anyway just cause i droppednout domt mean i cant be supportive of pears amd ha thread. I had my reasons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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