mxtthewdelrey Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 ph11 #001 a little hope #002 black dog #003 misjudged #004 progress #005 bitter after dark #006 from above #007 everything hurts in the autumn #008 mouth where my money is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 12 minutes ago, Aurora said: It's only like 600 ignoring chorus repeats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Aurora coming for UFO with LENGTH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATRL Moderator feelslikeadream Posted October 13, 2017 ATRL Moderator Share Posted October 13, 2017 Well I'm done with reviews, but I only have 6 entries Going to SoHo to run some errands, but hopefully I'll have the rest when I get back tonight and can wrap up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 7 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said: Well I'm done with reviews, but I only have 6 entries Going to SoHo to run some errands, but hopefully I'll have the rest when I get back tonight and can wrap up. some of the judges post reviews in batches Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 40 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said: Well I'm done with reviews, but I only have 6 entries Going to SoHo to run some errands, but hopefully I'll have the rest when I get back tonight and can wrap up. "errands" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minho Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 1 hour ago, Aurora said: Girl what? I was ready to see Marilyn Min-HOE pop of. bye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 3 hours ago, minho said: I didn't quit, but I will not be submitting for this round and will accept the 0, sorry! I'll submit next round however. n ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Thrussy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Are we not getting reviews tonight? I'm going on a date to see IT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minho Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/platinumhitlers ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 i can't believe xyz's review said xyz about my song! i am feeling so xyz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATRL Moderator feelslikeadream Posted October 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Share Posted October 14, 2017 (edited) Fefe’s Reviews ultraviolence: This diss track basically works in targeting white male artists that make ATRLers seethe by highlighting unoriginal/basic aspects of their careers/music. The strongest element of this was probably the wordplay in moments like the “13 reasons why” repetition, the ‘stay with you’/‘pray for you’ rhyme, etc. Unfortunately, I didn’t think the insults quite punched hard enough; there was nothing as bad as “old coupon expired” here, but some of the disses were too generic; insults sting more when they’re specific and show your attention to detail. Many of these disses could apply to anyone, and the ones that were more specific seemed easy (e.g. comparing Sam to Adele, calling Ed ugly, etc.). Your flow was pretty good throughout, though I wish there was some variation. It also comes across as a little inauthentic that you don’t sustain the dialect use in the penultimate verse (‘you’re’ appears when you’d been eliding the “r’e” throughout). [Sidenote: While drowsiness does happen to be side effect of the allergy reliever Claritin, the insult would be much better if you used a drug used primarily as a sleep aide, like Ambien, which is a great pairing with “alien” since it rhymes and is also alliterative.] Tsareena: Your song led to me to a Google search on asparagus water and MESS. Anyway, the subject matter was relevant and I like that you tackled these important issues in your song, which was appropriate for the genre. The chorus doesn’t quite capture the serious tone of the issues you raise in the song as well as it could; it seems more like a critique of dissimulation (or of capitalism) and only tangentially speaks to the cyclical nature of oppression, which could come through on the chorus much stronger. The song was pretty inconsistent with the rhyming, which was probably my biggest gripe. I’m ok with a loose/non-existent rhyme scheme in most songs, but for a rap song I expect it to have tight rhymes. There were moments with no rhyming at all (even though the meter set it up), then others that had cool sound repetitions (cow, wow, how, pow[er]). The general lack of attention to sound throws off the flow a bit at times, but I do appreciate that you changed up the flow, like at the end of the second verse with the “I get it, I get it” lines. It’s easy to get into a sing-song rhythm when writing rap, but you avoided that well. Pears: Thematically, this song wasn’t groundbreaking, but we always love a “you were so blind to let me go” narrative! This entry felt more like a rap than many of the others given the meter and tight rhyme scheme. Speaking of rhymes, while you held up the overall scheme consistently, I wish we saw a bit more rhyming other than at the end of lines (couplets get a bit repetitive after a while) and some of the couplets felt forced, either because the meter was off (“I wonder/into the blur”) or the line was manipulated to end on a rhyme in a way that felt unnatural (“reflective light blue”). The chorus worked for the most part, but there was some awkward phrasing (notice me not far). SaintWest: I like how the title of the song—which I immediately placed in the context of the NFL protest in my mind—had a double meaning in the chorus related to praying. Like other songs this round, I thought the topic and the passion you brought to it were the strongest points and the execution of the song wasn’t quite as strong. My major issue with it is that the meter and rhyme scheme are so standard throughout that it could very easily just be a regular song submitted for any round and doesn’t feel like a rap song. The meter doesn’t change mid-verse or between the different verses and there’s little soundplay outside of the rhyme scheme (though I did appreciate the few spots I saw it, e.g. “Silence ain’t compliance,” “cry of passion/call of action”). The chorus was simple, yet effective. The phrase “stolen voices” wasn’t clear to me (and the verb ‘face’ with ‘voice’ struck me as odd), so its intended weight wasn’t fully there for me. MattyTacos: Now sis, the sung intro doesn’t make sense; do you know what “accrue” means? Anyway, like other contestants this round, this song had an interesting concept and felt somewhat appropriate for the genre, but the actual composition made it seem like a song that could be written for any genre. The rhyming was inconsistent in an awkward way and there were several other instances like “accrue,” where a big word was used in a way that either didn’t fit the definition, like words “embedding” meaning. There are some nice moments of imagery, like the end of the second verse. I also like the way the soldier character is not just some generic hero, but instead has a complicated history with the speaker; you definitely avoided the cliche army narrative here, which I appreciate. And from your pre-chorus I see you’re one of the few Americans who heard P!nk’s “What About Us”! Mxtthewdelrey: Ok no shade, but this was the kind of rap song I was hoping to read this round. The disses were direct and typically worked (the Halsey part was great), the flow was mostly solid, and the content was humorous and irreverent. The meter was pretty consistent, but I appreciate that you changed it up just a little. Given the short lines and quick rhymes, the song ends up feeling a little short to me; it serves its intended purpose well, but doesn’t do anything special beyond that; I would have liked another verse that either serves more drags or complicates the narrative somehow. Minho: I was looking forward to yours Sam: Wig. Sorry, but I feel like typing up a long review for yours isn’t even that helpful; your rhymes were on point (never too easy, rarely sloppy), the flow—and its constant variation—was great, and your song totally felt like a rap song in both execution and subject matter. The disses were smart and creative and actually made me smile, which is difficult to do, not everybody has that ability. I think the chorus is fine, but a tad too long; the “I’m... you’re...” refrain gets tired with that much repetition, so I would have liked to see your editing skills come into play here and keep the hook at a more reasonable length. Euphoressay: Whomp. Hug: Well to start, the title slays. This is certainly a successful rap song overall, but I expected nothing less from the writer of the iconic #OTF. I think some of the other entries this week go harder in their insults, which left me wishing that your song had a tad more vitriol, but you definitely had a great command of the rhyme scheme, meter, etc., and on the technical side of things, this was very well executed. The chorus is short and effective, and the “losing her medicine” line made my vas deferens quiver tbh. I really like the switch-up in rhythm in the second verse with the “drip drop” line (poor Drip not getting a shoutout there), and wish there was more of that. A lot of the meter feels a bit familiar and more changes that like could spice things up a bit. “I keep it so real for a fake bitch” is such a good one-liner. Edited October 14, 2017 by feelslikeadream Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 36 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said: Your flow was pretty good throughout, though I wish there was some variation. but i used 4 flows Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Any review that doesn't completely STAN I Smell Fire is invalid to me. Next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 39 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said: While drowsiness does happen to be side effect of the allergy reliever Claritin, the insult would be much better if you used a drug used primarily as a sleep aide, like Ambien, which is a great pairing with “alien” since it rhymes and is also alliterative.] lmao claritin makes me drowsy af but ambien is a better choice, i stan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATRL Moderator feelslikeadream Posted October 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Share Posted October 14, 2017 13 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said: but i used 4 flows Oh really? Sorry sis Are you the one who sent an audio version? I should listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 (edited) 1 minute ago, feelslikeadream said: Oh really? Sorry sis Are you the one who sent an audio version? I should listen. yes n Edited October 14, 2017 by ultraviolence.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Oh wow, a wig. I feel you on all of your comments tho @feelslikeadream, I actually extended the chorus (previously ended at first counterfeit) because I felt it went better with the beat I had in mind, and didn't just want to do a lazy chorus repeat tbh. But I really appreciate the positive feedback. Maybe I'll record it at some point just for fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 1 hour ago, feelslikeadream said: Hug: Well to start, the title slays. This is certainly a successful rap song overall, but I expected nothing less from the writer of the iconic #OTF. I think some of the other entries this week go harder in their insults, which left me wishing that your song had a tad more vitriol, but you definitely had a great command of the rhyme scheme, meter, etc., and on the technical side of things, this was very well executed. The chorus is short and effective, and the “losing her medicine” line made my vas deferens quiver tbh. I really like the switch-up in rhythm in the second verse with the “drip drop” line (poor Drip not getting a shoutout there), and wish there was more of that. A lot of the meter feels a bit familiar and more changes that like could spice things up a bit. “I keep it so real for a fake bitch” is such a good one-liner. Okay yes we love an extra ass title that has nothing to do with the song! The way I thought I was dragging the girls but I guess not. Even when I go hard, I'm a bit soft. The technical things being on-point though, will gladly take that. Definitely important, especially for rap when all you have is text. Scream @ the losing her medicine line. Seeing as you and Citrus would best know who I am talking about, I hope it's worth a kii. (TIL: vas deferens is a thing, and I'm kinda screaming at you using it. ) I do suppose there's not enough of a stark contrast in the flow of the song, and these changes are more in my head, I can see that, though I do imagine constant switches in my head! Also, that being the one-liner you point out, I see but thank you for your comments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 not vas deferens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I was on Dr. Phil and he read my lyrics out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultraviolence.xx Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 “dumb blank,” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Quote hi hi im drunk so reviews r tomorrow~ ok bi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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