discussion Question for gays who are single in their mid to late 20s and early 30s

[Tropical]

I'm 30 and single and loving it. For sure I could have settled down earlier if I want to but like, I don't? Relationships are a lot of work. I've got a new job and buying an apartment right now, I don't need to be cooking and cuddling some fool as well.

 

In a few years though I'll be on the prowl.

[BtDecember]

I will be 30 in a couple of years and honestly, I am curious on having a relationship because I've never been into one. Unfortunately I am not conventionally attractive i.e., not hunk (a bit chubby), not tall enough (only 5'10"), not hung (only average), still has acne scars, etc., and gays are some of the most judgemental people in this world, so I guess I will never get into a relationship. However, I am working hard now to make myself look better by regularly going to the gym and eating healthier food.

 

I think you should not be worried being single. Just enjoy your 20s and be better in your career and life; your other half will come in the most unexpected way.

 

[FreeXone]

1 hour ago, spree said:

mid-20's?? lol.  Imo, you should be ****** up on drugs and going to EDC and being young while you still are.  You don't want a relationship right now.  Go party instead.  Being serious.

This

[Lady Claire]

I’m 27 and only dated once. I hate being in a relationship and I’m not interested on having a open relationship either. I’ve had some opportunities but i rather enjoy myself and have a hookup every now and then.
 

i feel like you should just let things flow… it happens naturally. The more the pressure, the more the failure.

[shinyshimmery]

I guess you have more leeway when you're a top lol. There's always more bottoms than tops imo. I got in my first relationship at 28, from what was supposed to be a hookup. Sometimes that happens too, but the reality is... you gotta put yourself out there, kiss a ton of frogs, then find your prince.

 

[king_queen]

It's so cliche but the best relationship you can possibly develop is the one you have with yourself. Being in a relationship with somebody else does not define or validate you. Start taking yourself on dates, loving yourself and treating yourself exactly how you would want someone else to treat you and eventually that other person will come along.

 

I'm 27 now and the best advice I can give is to not be one of those people who are in shitty, toxic relationships bc they are scared of being alone. Believe me when I say that there is NOTHING sadder than seeing someone in their 30s or 40s who knows that they've settled for someone they're not even compatible with for the sake of having a warm body next to them at night. It's not worth it. Just love yourself.

[Robert]

Late 20s/early 30s isn’t old and being in a relationship simply for the sake of it or fear of being alone won’t make you happy.

Edited September 15, 2022 by Robert

[Pikachoo]

so what if you don't have a boyfriend?

 

what's wrong with being alone? I don't need someone to make me happy, or to enjoy life. If I find a partner and he improves my life, great. if not, then I'm just fine on my own.

[perfect blue]

2 hours ago, jqnetto said:

 

it is okay to be alone.

 

Literally  

 

love being single tbh

[FightForTanas]

Unless you plan on vanishing into space at 12:01 on your 30th birthday I think you should be okay.  

[Dula Peep]

3 hours ago, spree said:

mid-20's?? lol.  Imo, you should be ****** up on drugs and going to EDC and being young while you still are.  You don't want a relationship right now.  Go party instead.  Being serious.

This.

 

Relationships and marriage are a heteronormative construct. I’m over 30 and I feel no pressure to even date anyone. Live your life and if the right guy comes along then great.

[jordanjm]

 don’t worry. I didn’t meet my partner until I was 27 and I was 28 until we finally got in a relationship. Just continue to date around and have fun finding out what you like.
 

Also do not ever settle, I once had an older gay tell me to settle because there are so few of us in the grand scheme of things, and I’m glad I didn’t. 

[Kimi]

You don’t have to be in a relationship right now but don’t listen to those forever single party bottoms. They’ll be sad lonely and washed up at 40. Now it’s time to learn how be in a relationship,  love is great but relationships are a lot of work and commitment. They are def worth it. 

Create right profiles on dating apps and date. Be open minded but don’t force yourself. Stop looking for hook ups tho, they won’t get you far.

[byzantium]

I’m 25 and have had my heart broken too many times by guys not serious about relationship right now.  I want to move to find more relationship oriented men. 

[Topaz]

3 hours ago, IBeMe said:

So I am officially getting closer to mid twenties and I'm starting to panic cuz I'm not in a relationship and only dated like two guys in total (one long term and one short term..not counting hook ups lol).  That said, I have a few gay friends who are in their late twenties and some of them are single and they keep telling me to get into a relationship now otherwise I wont be getting as many opportunities to be in one when I am in my late twenties or early thirties. Though I know they are mostly joking I'm starting to low key panic so I'm chronically on tindr and sometimes grindr trying to snatch me a hot / cute man while I still look cute enough. Hoping to get something long term and not just hook ups. 

 

Can some of you older gays comfort these anxieties by telling me if you are still dating around, or managed to start your long term relationship in your later years or are you finding it actually difficult in the gay scene to do so? Is the 30 year old gay death sentence thingy actually real?

 

Honestly if you're happy with you let the right person come. I'm 25 but all my friends are in a rush to get married and settled down and I just got out of a 5 year relationship. I dont see the rush in getting back into one (I also refuse to hookup) When you do your own thing the right person will come. Dont jump into anything bc friends are peer pressuring you to get into one. The gay death at 30 is dumb imo. 30's sound better for dating than 20's tbh. Just do you!

[Last Boy on Earth]

 I’m 28 and could care less about a relationship, I don’t even know how people find time for that. And how many gays do you know with long lasting relationships? What makes you think if you start a relationship now it will be forever and you won’t break up in the midst of the ‘gay death’ age? Lol

[Domination]

5 hours ago, Kassi said:

Workout, get hot, and you’ll be good through at least 44. Generally speaking, men don’t peak in the straight world until like 35. So no reason why they should peak in the gay world at 25.

 

Issue is, because sex is so easy to get within the gay culture. Many young gays fall back on their youth and neglect any other aspect of self-development then panic at 30, when it’s no longer viable to trade on being young fresh meat. 
 

I’m 28 now and my relationship prospects have never been better. But I’m also 6’3”, muscular, have a good job, and take decent care myself.

This tbh. 

 

Focus on other areas of your life and you’ll be able to be selective well into your 30s.

[cockatoo]

The problem with the idea of gay death is that it assumes all the good ones get snatched up young. It forgets that lots of relationships don't last so there's still lots of single people when you're in your late 20s and 30s.

 

I know others have said this but it really can't be said enough. If you're not happy being single, don't get into a relationship right now. Relationships don't solve all your problems and if need to be in a relationship, you'll be more likely to stay in a bad one because you can't bear the thought of being alone.

 

Do date people and have some fun with it though, don't put a lot of pressure on it and just enjoy meeting new people. If nothing else, you'll have some funny stories to tell later.

[Wolf Alice]

4 hours ago, king_queen said:

It's so cliche but the best relationship you can possibly develop is the one you have with yourself. Being in a relationship with somebody else does not define or validate you. Start taking yourself on dates, loving yourself and treating yourself exactly how you would want someone else to treat you and eventually that other person will come along.

 

I'm 27 now and the best advice I can give is to not be one of those people who are in shitty, toxic relationships bc they are scared of being alone. Believe me when I say that there is NOTHING sadder than seeing someone in their 30s or 40s who knows that they've settled for someone they're not even compatible with for the sake of having a warm body next to them at night. It's not worth it. Just love yourself.

Well said 

[Jagger]

Mid 20s? Get a ******* grip

[Daddy]

Gurl you gonna be happy to have your peace in your 30s lol First foster your relationship with yourself. You won't even be the same person in 5 years. So much is happening for you in the next years.

 

And you have time as a gay man. Life gets better in your 30s too! And imagine what a cute hunk you will be in your 40s. 

 

Loneliness is a state of mind. Don't bet on a relationship to fulfill yourself. 

 

What I wanna say is: Don't stress yourself. You'll be alright

[katara]

Girl you need to learn to relax real quick. Those friends of yours talked nonsense. Most gheys seriously start looking for relationships when they hit like 35-45.

[Theshigo Washidu]

I feel like the less you think about dating, the more everything will just fall into your lap when the time is right.

Don't overthink it, if it's meant to be, it will be.

 

Don't listen to those saying that you should hook up left and right. You're filling a void by doing so and it's not a healthy way to navigate life.

[John Slayne]

First of all, it's okay to be single at any age. Stop waiting for a man and start living your life. I keep saying this in relationship threads but actually, being in a relationship can be awful. Think of all the people who gave up their dreams and goals for a man. People who had to compromise. People who got abused and hurt. If the relationship does not fit right, it can be a disaster for you and your wellbeing. 

 

Count your blessings and enjoy your free time the way you like. Find new hobbies, read more books, meet people. Make sure you learn to live with yourself because that's the person you HAVE TO live with for the rest of your life. 

 

Relationships are also something you can't really force. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen no matter how upset that makes you or how much you want it to happen. That's not to say you should not put yourself out there, but don't set yourself up for a disappointment. Some people stay single and that's okay, there's more to life than romantic love. 

 

Lastly, you are still very young. People fall in love and get married at any age. Don't let society or anyone pressure you into thinking you are wasting your looks or your youth. You take care of yourself and enjoy your life the way that feels natural to you. Who knows, maybe you'll meet the one tomorrow. Or in 30 years. You can't predict it, so there's no reason to worry about something you can't influence.

[Breathe On Moi]

Being in a relationship is so fickle, like idk why people act it’s the end of end all. One day you can be in the relationship and the next day you’re not, like….why does it have so much weight on how you live your lives? 
 

monogamy is a human construct- people are disgusting and they cheat on each other no matter what. period!