Remmy Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 The song I've been wanting to finish and send in works for this round!!!!!! I've had one part of it done for so long, just gotta do 3 verses or so. While my NSFW songs were silly and hypersexual, and the other 2 were relatable but impersonal, this one is all me... ? depressed, insecure and constantly letting myself + others down!
Achilles. Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 44 minutes ago, fountain said: Structure is irrelevant though, the challenge is more about embracing different concepts, styles or topics, and you can achieve that while still using a similar structure. Doesn’t saying that the structure is irrelevant directly contrast the original description of the challenge? Quote We don’t wish to see any overlapping themes, repurposed song structures and rhyme schemes, or concepts previously explored during your time in this tournament What is the truth?
Remmy Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 5 minutes ago, Achilles. said: Doesn’t saying that the structure is irrelevant directly contrast the original description of the challenge? What is the truth?
fountain Posted June 18, 2022 Author Posted June 18, 2022 2 hours ago, Achilles. said: Doesn’t saying that the structure is irrelevant directly contrast the original description of the challenge? What is the truth?
Galah Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 3 hours ago, fountain said: If you’re thinking of picking Nothing, I wouldn’t go for any of these themes. Structure is irrelevant though, the challenge is more about embracing different concepts, styles or topics, and you can achieve that while still using a similar structure. But I suppose the more you want to experiment, the better. I would also say that “personal” overall is very general, you can write two personal songs and they could be completely different; it’s more specifically about the actual themes of the song. If you were hoping to incorporate any of the themes that you have already used, such as a female pov, queer life, small towns or the end of the world, then I would pick the All prompt instead. Like Aurora has said the references to the past entries don’t have to be strict, eg. you wouldn’t have to specifically write a queer female end of the world small town song, it can simply be a call back in a line. Co-signing this. Were you to write a song from a queer perspective that would definitely not be suited for “Nothing” @Achilles.
Achilles. Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 Just now, Aurora said: Co-signing this. Were you to write a song from a queer perspective that would definitely not be suited for “Nothing” @Achilles. Okay, that’s fine. I’m still confused about the song structure aspect though.
Galah Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 2 hours ago, Achilles. said: Doesn’t saying that the structure is irrelevant directly contrast the original description of the challenge? What is the truth? Two songs having an outro doesn’t mean they have the same song structure though. You’ve been a writer (and consumer) of music for long enough to know what this means I would think. If you’ve ever heard two songs that essentially follow an identical “hit” formula. We don’t want to see something that resembles the exact structure and meter of a past song just reskinned with different lyrics.
Galah Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 Ultimately I think this is a pretty interesting conversation. If you’re worried about being too close to the line of familiarity with your past entries, I’d say it’s not really using the full potential of the challenge. One purpose of this round is to eliminate the middle grey area of “kind of reminiscent of this work or that work”. It’s either a cohesive opus linking or referencing all of your songs in some way, or it’s something completely unexpected or new. If you’re trying to get as close to what you’ve already done without actually doing it I’d say that’s already a bit of a miss.
8thPrince Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 Very conflicted on whether I want to go with All or Nothing tbh
8thPrince Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 24 minutes ago, 8thPrince said: Very conflicted on whether I want to go with All or Nothing tbh Like Cephalopods would’ve been perfect for Nothing but now it’s kind of hard to come up with an All because of it dd
fountain Posted June 18, 2022 Author Posted June 18, 2022 6 minutes ago, 8thPrince said: Like Cephalopods would’ve been perfect for Nothing but now it’s kind of hard to come up with an All because of it dd Oop true. Although if you wanted to go for All you could perhaps incorporate it with that style of imagery again, not overall throughout the song but maybe at a specific point, perhaps the bridge if it is a heightened moment?
Galah Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 Oh, there's only one more submission (and a resub). I actually read this last night but was far too tired to form a proper review, so here goes!
Galah Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 16 hours ago, Aurora said: Hey, Hitmakers! This was such a fun round to judge... seeing your choices and interpretations of the unique challenges was very rewarding. As we move into the final stages of the tournament, I just want to reiterate how much it means to us to have you all submitting every week. If you are yet to submit and still plan on doing so, I will edit your review into this post once we receive the submission and tag you in the post afterwards. If there is anything in your review that you do not wish to have public (lyric excerpts, references to your material etc.) I will remove it upon request. Reveal hidden contents 1. @hurricane326 - “Foothills” Loving this title and cover artwork, very nice aesthetic (unlike the red text—that was just to highlight the parts meant to be edited, you could have changed it Back_to_Black.mp3). I loved The Hunger Games’ series so much, and co-wrote a song loosely inspired by events in the first film about a year ago! I think writing from Gale’s perspective is a refreshing take since the obvious angle would be Katniss’ or perhaps even Snow’s given the forthcoming new film. This really was a beautiful piece all around even without knowing the inspiration, the imagery of the pines and the birds and the cries for freedom were conveyed so well. The entire penultimate verse was honestly flawless and is easily my favourite piece of writing you’ve submitted in this tournament. Not you purchasing an instrumental for this, we- I would say that was unnecessary, but the instrumental you’ve curated for this honestly feels perfect too, and I enjoyed your proposed music video concept and felt it would make a fantastic visual for the song. I could honestly see this scoring a placement on the upcoming Hunger Games’ spinoff soundtrack. Lovely work. 2. @Hug - “Maid of Windemere” We stan a self-written and self-produced masterpiece. I read the lyrics standalone first and I was already loving what I was seeing, but then you hit me with the music video, the effort. To cut straight to the point, this exceeded my expectations of what I was hoping for in this challenge honestly. It’s clear that so much effort and research has gone into this song, care into the actual lyrics, making your own instrumental and music video, and yet you were still one of the first to submit? (Technically first with hurricane’s usual resubs). I like how you integrated language and references from the actual game without it feeling shoehorned or out of place, it really fit the vibe of the song naturally. I love the whole “weaving the tapestry of fate” angle and changing one’s destiny. “This tragedy’s the only play I’ve ever known / Yet you exist outside of all that fate has sewn” was honestly killer. This is easily my favourite submission of yours in this tournament thus far… your “Drowned in Neon” repeak moment is imminent I fear. 3. @DatChickDoe - “Black Rain” I think you’ve selected a strong source event that was perfect for this challenge, but this was surprisingly concise. When dealing with such difficult themes it’s important to display a sense of tact, as you did with your prior song “Days Spill On Like Blood”, which was in my top three. At times it didn’t feel like you’d given yourself enough time to really delve into this issue beyond referring to a selection of facts about the historical event in question. The second verse particularly reads more like a rhyming stat list rather than the emotive opportunity that it should have been. I’m also not entirely convinced by lyrics such as, “No one could have envisioned this,” or, “There was a price no one knew,” which almost deflects some of the blame or responsibility from those responsible, or reducing the event to a “dangerous game”. I’m sure your heart was in the right place, but I would have liked to see this song approached from a completely different angle that focused on the emotional response, and acknowledged the terrible nature of this tragedy in a more lyrically profound manner. 4. @Better Mistakes - “Watch The World Burn” Straight to the point, the intro and outro served no purpose, delete it fat. The plot twist in the other information, I actually was trying to figure out the subject (“she”) of the song and was thinking, “Could it be Anne Frank?”, and then I thought the “she” was Mother Nature which I was also kind of down for, although I wasn't sure if the (ongoing) climate crisis was an apt fit for the challenge, so good to know my initial thoughts weren’t mistaken! Given the intended historic inspiration for the song, I do think it’s a little light on the specifics that made Nazi Germany during WWII such a historically significant event. I actually think conceptually you have something really fascinating with the angle of a German against their own country’s decisions, but it didn’t come through in the song’s lyrics as strongly as it perhaps could have. “Our tears don’t stop the sound / Of the innocent hurt,” was my favourite couplet in the song, and fits the vibe of your concept very well. 5. @Euterpe - “Seven Stripes” I honestly wasn’t familiar with this particular historical event, but it’s definitely an appropriate fit for this challenge. Contrary to what my reviews throughout this season may suggest, I actually don’t mind shorter songs when it’s clear care and thought has been meticulously placed into each lyric and it still packs a punch—I do believe this is the case with your song. The reason for this song being so short was very meta, and honestly with the expanding chorus and such it honestly didn’t feel all that short anyway. The capitalisation of groupthink did throw me off a little initially, but that’s only a very minor thing. I liked the countdowns between sections, a nice touch that actually aided your song! I think the final line of the new chorus was probably a bit unnecessary and could have been handled with a little bit more grace, but it certainly did get the point across. This was a pretty unexpected submission from you and deviates from what I’d consider your unique style quite a bit, but I rather enjoyed it. 6. @RobDeWittBukater - “Lovers in June” The aesthetic of the cover art has captured my attention right away! As always though, I like to start with the lyrics first and foremost and then progress to the supporting elements. I really enjoyed this song, it felt like a fully-realised summer pop track with substance and gorgeous imagery. Its vibe reminded me a little bit of a song I wrote a while back titled “Celestial”. The instrumental you’ve chosen feels very fitting for this song, too. The music video treatment is next level, wow! (Although I do wonder why it says 2020 on the graphic. :eli:) As far as fitting the challenge criteria of lyrics inspired by some kind of visual medium, I’m honestly not sure if it nails the brief. It does feel like a very, very slight nod to the folktale you mentioned in the background, but even that in itself isn’t really what the challenge was asking for. That said, I did enjoy the song itself. “Sunny skies / In your eyes / They’re a glimpse of paradise” was a fun popalicious moment, and was a good submission overall. 7. @Julia Fox - “27” This was a pretty unique take on the challenge, and while I do agree that the tragic death of stars such as the likes of Amy Winehouse could be considered historic events, Element did stipulate that the event in question should be prior to 1990. Amy’s passing was in 2011. Lemme pretending this song was about the birth and life of Amy, though. “I never lived long enough to learn how to live,” was a genuinely powerful moment and possibly my favourite lyric of yours in this entire tournament thus far. I think you addressed various potential emotions of Amy’s final days well… the longing for a life pre-fame, the substance abuse to get through, being coerced by her management to go on etc. At times it feels like there was more focus put on the inclusion of these factoids than working them into thought-provoking or powerfully emotive lyrical moments (such as the one I highlighted earlier was), but overall I think this was handled fairly tactfully. 8. @EpicSongFan - “Frozen in Time” Ooh, we have another short offering. I really enjoyed this piece. As I indicated in Euterpe’s review, shorter songs can be powerful when done right, and I think you have done just that with this one. I read your lyrics standalone before looking to your inspiration, and part of me wished there had been some kind of chorus or central refrain element to tie things together. After learning about the background of the song however and watching the excerpt you linked, I agreed it didn’t really need that. You captured the emotions quite well, even down to the cover artwork, which is as brilliant as ever. The first two verses are set up so well, and the lyric, “I can’t move on from this endless guilt / I’ve knocked down the house we’ve built,” was wonderful. It was simple but effective, and I can tell that care has been put into each of these lyrics. A stellar offering from you. 9. @Jackson - “You Almost Knew My Name” Not being American I hadn’t heard of either of these fires, but the foreword did set a pretty upsetting scene that we have unfortunately seen repeated throughout history (where more catastrophic events in developing countries are overshadowed by more minor tragedies in first world ones, for instance). It’d be remiss not to acknowledge that after back-to-back-to-back challenge wins there’s an expectation of greatness from you, and I will say you’ve delivered something great again. It had the metre-perfect style exhibited in songs like “Reykjavik”, yet thematically it felt more akin to “Bike Lane” with its social commentary and realistically unfortunate resolution. Overall, I find this song definitely fits somewhere between these two. There was a lot to praise about this entry, but I would rather comment on the few aspects I found less than perfect. Approaching this subject from a first person perspective rather than third person was a particularly intriguing decision. While you handled it well, I feel some of the more upsetting themes of perishing children and family members would probably have been better represented from an outsider’s point of view. A few other choice nitpicks would be some lines deviating from the perfect metre or extended AAAA rhyme scheme (which was very impressive), and “shades of gray” obviously has other connotations. Overall, this is definitely my favourite of the historical submissions thus far and you’ve shone the spotlight on a long-overlooked tragedy in a respectable way. 10. @Achilles. - “Graveyard (Land of Opportunity)” This felt like another deeply personal offering from you, and I feel like it ticked the boxes by subverting an idealistic American culture and embracing your own unique queer identity, experience, and culture. I do think it was an interesting choice coming directly after a round specifically focusing on that aspect and as a result it does feel a little same-y. This song thematically reminded me of one I wrote many moons ago titled “Guide the Way”, or more recently another titled “Confessions”, both touching on themes of small town life, isolation, and longing to leave (spoiler alert: I’m also still here!), so in many ways I can relate to this song a LOT. Song aside, if you are unhappy in your current situation, know you do have the power to change it if you want to. Sure, it may be cliché leaving a small town for the big city, but is subverting clichés really a fitting exchange for personal happiness? Back to your song, I think it was another decently solid offering from you and a nice first submission for the cultural appreciation challenge. 11. @Augmented - “Lost” The Augmented glow up is well and truly here ladies and gentlemen! Not to dismiss your earlier submissions which were still strong, but these past two weeks have been wonderful for you (and us, for getting to read your submissions!) This feels like exactly what fountain would have been hoping to spawn from this challenge. It may not be the most technically perfectly written song at times, but conceptually and emotionally you hit this one out of the ballpark. I can somewhat tangentially relate to this, since a little known fact about me is that I’m actually half Scottish, yet unfortunately have very little connection to my Scottish heritage, have never been to Scotland, found it really hard to understand Scottish relatives growing up etc. and I feel very little connection to that side of me. Back to your song, I do feel you conveyed those ideas of personally feeling so detached from your culture, yet being judged as “too much” like that culture to be included in the one you actually identify with very well. This was another triumph for you. 12. @mxtthewdelrey - “No Train Out” Okay I think it’s time to set you and Achilles. up on a date because y’all literally wrote the same song this week and it’d be so cute if Golden Hit could bring y’all together. Honestly, please read Achilles.’ review two paragraphs up, because I’d just be repeating myself, but pretty much everything applies here too. “Living in Wales but I’m the one wailing” was a cute unique moment. I look forward to seeing a refreshingly unique concept next week that I absolutely know you are capable of, however! 13. @Legend E - “Maria” Not the Cultural Appreciation challenge turning into the Small Town Sorrow challenge, we- I honestly had no idea of your cultural background, so it was lovely to get to know you a little bit better through this challenge. I think this was a pretty interesting interpretation of the challenge, it began similarly to Achilles./mxtt’s entries yet expanded upon those feelings by showing both sides of longing to move out of the small town and also longing to move back in some ways, ultimately still struggling to find a place that you genuinely belong. I think that overarching theme of wanting to belong is what makes this particular song so special. Combine that with the distinct cultural references and the themes of loneliness and being torn between two worlds, and I fear you’re close to raising that “White Flag” again. This is definitely a stronger submission than what we’ve seen in recent rounds from you (although I don’t think your last offering was bad at all), and it was nice to see this more personal side of you, even if it wasn’t strictly speaking a song based on personal experiences. 14. @TruGemini - “Sweet Release” Nawt the red text, I- see hurricane’s review! Also I know you had some trouble with the formatting which isn’t going to impact your score, but you really should have just written the lyrics in rather than redirecting to a separate document. Onto the lyrics, as usual your sense of rhyming is spectacular, I can see this fitting to your chosen instrumental perfectly. You’ve selected a pretty interesting source of inspiration I find, especially coming off the Queer Pride challenge just last round, but I realise that was intentional seeing as you missed that one. Honestly I have to give you mad props, I thought you were mildly insane for potentially taking on all three challenges in one song (although it definitely was possible), but the fact that you integrated the Queer Pride challenge into it also AND somehow made all four work is commendable. I like that you’ve even acknowledged the potentially controversial or uncomfortable message/implications of the song and that shows tremendous strength as a writer. I can see it being a controversial addition, but I personally love the staggered delivery in the choruses which juxtapose the longer line lengths in the verses. This is easily my favourite offering of yours thus far, and I think all of the effort that has gone into it has definitely paid off. 15. @Remmy - “Scary Movie” Screaming at “A. Roarrah”, serving Red Rose Records’ A&R Alistair Theodore "A.T." Arelle. Let’s start off with the lyrics, as usual. Well. Where do I even begin? I had a feeling we were in for another sextacular bop given your pattern of sex-bop-political-bop, but I really wasn’t anticipating this. Respectfully, I think you channelled “Scary Movie” a bit too well, because this honestly reads like a parody compared to your other R-rated tracks I’m afraid. There was far more cringe and revolt here than there were witty setups and punchlines, and referencing a bunch of scary movie scenes and characters wasn’t always inventive enough to make for a good lyric (although “Vacation to the Mountains, ended with a Broke Back” did get a chuckle out of me). It wasn’t really a major part of the score—and you can call me a prude—but the “second music video” honestly was extremely off putting to me. I’m not exactly personally familiar with female anatomy, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. The instrumental you have selected would be perfect for this kind of song though. Perhaps all of the additional elements this challenge called for overwhelmed you, but I believe spending more time on the bars themselves and less on the second ridiculously unnecessary music video treatment would have gone a long, long way. 16. @Prisoner - “The Wind Spirit” This definitely took me back to your first entry for this tournament, “Wind Chimes”, in a very good way. It had the same feeling to it, despite it being an entirely different song. This was the second song submitted about this particular historic event, and while I don’t wish to directly compare them, it’s hard not to acknowledge this fact. I enjoyed that I had to read your song at least twice to fully appreciate it, which I imagine was an intentional creative decision given the subtlety of the song until its final verse. Similarly to Jackson’s song, taking a first person approach was definitely a risky and interesting decision, but I think it worked to your advantage in this song being the personification of an inanimate object, all the while highlighting the catastrophic nature of such an object’s creation. While I still consider “Wind Chimes” to be one of your best works, this is definitely trending in the right direction for me, and I thoroughly enjoyed this. 17. @☆lex - “A Long Night In May” Not you submitting this absolute showstopper of an entry at the last minute. I love how organically this title came to you, and it’s such a perfect fit. Technically the fourth verse doesn’t really fit the challenge, but it’s not actually an issue because the challenge criteria was already met with the first two verses and it serves as a great natural progression. I’m just going to be completely candid, your submissions have been such a rollercoaster for me throughout this tournament—you’ve consistently teetered between the top seven and bottom seven of my rankings each round, but this round you’re definitely going to be in the top. This is absolutely my favourite submission from you thus far. It’s a great fit for the challenge, it’s well-written, thought-provoking, displays excellent storytelling, and has a powerful message proclaimed respectfully. My only qualm would be—in order to remain consistent with Jackson and Prisoner’s reviews—utilising a first person approach to self-insert into a real tragedy may not have been the best option, but similarly to the others at least you handled it with tact. 18. @8thPrince - “Cherry” I was super excited when I saw your early eagerness to take on this challenge, seeing as you’ve submitted elaborate concepts, cover art, and instrumentals in the past, and you didn’t disappoint! I was even anticipating anime to be your media inspiration. As always I read the lyrics standalone first, and I liked the song. Structurally I found the way it only had one verse a bit odd, but given the second prechorus is different from the first, it didn’t feel like much of an issue. That prechorus is phenomenal by the way, especially the couplet, “Even if this moment’s fleeting, it still existed and had meaning / Like the afterglow of fading fireworks.” I then looked to your source of inspiration to get a bit more of a background, and I can definitely say that this is a song that is improved with the knowledge of the source material. This isn’t necessarily a negative, but it did help some of the more specific references pop, so to speak. One thing I learned while researching your inspiration is that the protag “Cherry” communicates with haikus, and I think it would have been an insanely meta idea to incorporate the use of haikus (even just one) into the song, and that felt like a huge missed opportunity. I know you weren’t writing from the perspective of Cherry, and had you done so that would have probably been an angle you may have gravitated toward, but I still think that would have been a special moment. Of course I have to acknowledge your instrumental also, which is a bop and feels like a perfect accompaniment to this piece. @8thPrince I have added your review!
8thPrince Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 (edited) 41 minutes ago, Aurora said: @8thPrince I have added your review! Thank you! I originally wanted to do a prechorus or a chorus that’s exclusively haiku, but since the melody came first, I couldn’t craft an appealing one/one matching my vision for the instrumental following 17 syllables each phrase so I ended up not pursuing it. Althoooough there is a stealth haiku I added (traditional haiku in Japan and in the movie isn’t 5-7-5 but rather 17 syllables with a seasonal word) in the first lines of the second chorus ? Edited June 19, 2022 by 8thPrince
Galah Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 9 minutes ago, 8thPrince said: Thank you! I originally wanted to do a prechorus or a chorus that’s exclusively haiku, but since the melody came first, I couldn’t craft an appealing one/one matching my vision for the instrumental following 17 syllables each phrase so I ended up not pursuing it. Althoooough there is a stealth haiku I added (traditional haiku in Japan and in the movie isn’t 5-7-5 but rather 17 syllables with a seasonal word) in the first lines of the second chorus ? Huh, the more you know! Cloque me. I'm glad you did incorporate that in somehow after all, although I am more familiar with the 5-7-5 haikus. Ultimately you made a decision that you felt was best for the song, and I respect that.
fountain Posted June 19, 2022 Author Posted June 19, 2022 Round 5: The Judge’s Choice Challenges Thank you everybody for another great round! I loved seeing all of your interpretations and inspirations this round. It's so sad to think that there is only one more round remaining ... but who knows, maybe we'll be back sooner than later! As usual, thank you for being here and thank you for submitting. @Hug - Maid of Windemere (Multimedia Challenge) A song over 5 minutes, we love to see it! And self written, self produced; talent! The background section was a kii, between “middling reception” (they each have good scores!) and “interview with his mirror”. Your composition section was really well written and shows that you clearly put a lot of thought into how your song would sound; also, I really agree and think that you captured the essence of video game music in the instrumental. Your music video works really well too and the fact that you actually went as far as to create one shows the effort you put in. I wasn’t entirely sure how the cover related at first, but then I noticed how her armour resembles a spider and it became clear, along with the references in the song itself. As for the lyrics it’s hard to know how well you’ve represented the game, not knowing the source material, but with the information you’ve given us it is clear that the song is full of references and meanings relating back to the game. Overall, I think you’ve definitely excelled in this challenge and have really embraced every aspect of it, creating an overall highly cohesive piece. Great job! @DatChickDoe - Black Rain (Historical Challenge) If I’m honest this entry feels a little less edited or complete than your previous entries. Taking on an event like Hiroshima is honestly a really big ask, and you did a good job in that you had many specific mentions to it and information on the event, but I think in general the song could have used some expanding; it’s quite short overall and could have done with the commentary in the song being pushed further I think. Overall though in terms of taking inspiration from a historical event you’ve definitely excelled in that challenge as the song very clearly is written in the context of the bombing, but it was quite a tricky pick and probably could have used a bit more editing or work on it to really cover all bases of this shocking event. @Better Mistakes - Watch the World Burn (Historical Challenge) I think it's an interesting choice conceptually to attempt to portray the Germans as sympathetic figures in WW2, obviously the song is coming from the perspective of the citizens who aren’t actually directly involved in the atrocities but overall it’s kinda giving “there are people who are dying, Kim”... because, like, literally there were; so it’s kind of an uphill battle to connect with the song in that way. It’s an interesting idea but I think ultimately nobody wants to feel sorry for the Germans at the end of the day lol. I would also say that I think in general the song doesn’t relate as specifically to the war as it could have, the inspiration is a little generalised and I have to wonder if you didn’t clarify it was about WW2, would I have been able to tell from the content in the song? I am not certain. I definitely admire you trying to take on a tough concept like this, and I hope this review doesn’t discourage you from trying to write conceptually in the future again, but I would say overall this specific instance was a bit of a miss for me. @Euterpe - Seven Stripes (Historical Challenge) Purposefully submitting a short song as a concept is interesting… do I buy it? for the theme of this song, I’ll say yes! Overall it does leave the content a little lacking in terms of diversity lyrically, since it is just two verses and a repeated chorus, but it does make sense since the actual flight was so short and the song reflects the disaster and how quickly the whole thing was over. My favourite part of the song was the countdown throughout the song… that was a really smart and eerie choice to echo that throughout the song, and got a great emotional response from me. Overall I think this is another solid entry from you and an interesting look at a historical event, if I’m totally honest it doesn’t reach the highs of some of your previous songs since it really is so short, but it’s still a solid entry and a good take on the challenge. @hurricane326 - Foothills (Multimedia Challenge) Not you writing a song from the perspective of the worst character in THG dsfhkdflshj. Really though it’s actually kind of a marvel that you’ve written something so compelling, for such a crap character. The song is really imbued with many themes and references to THG and so you’ve done a splendid job of putting across the influence of the movie in your song, your instrumental choice also pairs really well with the overall vibe of the song. The single cover you’ve went for and the music video treatment are both nice too and in keeping with the theme, but I think the stand out here for me in your entry is the song itself. Truthfully, I think even outside of this challenge the song could stand up on its own and still be strong, and that’s really a sign of the great job that you’ve done in writing this. Great job. @RobDeWittBukater - Lovers in June (Multimedia Challenge) Happy to see you back this round! Right off the bat I thought this was interesting because Paris Jackson, a folktale from the middle ages, and a kpop instrumental are not things I would ever have paired together. The thing that I think this demonstrates is your creativity, I mean I would never have thought of something like this, yet it works very well! Comparing this to your last entry we saw which was the Britney song, even though you haven’t submitted since then I would still say that this entry shows huge growth particularly in the creativity and uniqueness of it. Also, kinda shocked you didn’t use this challenge as an opportunity to write a song about Titanic! The descriptions you have provided both in the composition of the song and in its video idea are both really well thought out and creative; ultimately I found your take on this challenge impressive, well worked on and ultimately fun to read! Lyrically I think your song is really well written and if I had to sum it up in a word I guess I’d say sparkly, it’s just such a light and pretty song; and I’m pretty certain it’s a bop, too. Overall I think you’ve done a really great job with this challenge, and once again I’m happy to see you back! @Julia Fox - 27 (Historical Challenge) So, yeah, I think this interpretation of the challenge was totally off. This really would have worked better for the Studio Session challenge instead, for example, but as the Historical challenge I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Element was looking for. That said, the song itself is pretty interesting, I think. You’ve included some compelling themes such as fame, drug abuse, and overall life. I was worried when I first saw what your concept was, but I think it turned out better than I expected. I think you’ve encompassed the feelings surrounding her untimely death quite well in the song, but again, ultimately it’s not really what the challenge was asking for. I like that you tried to take your own spin on the challenge and your inspiration did work well if we look at the song separately from the challenge. @EpicSongFan - Frozen in Time (Multimedia Challenge) I really enjoyed the inspiration you took for this challenge; the emotion and the story were very clear from the cover, music video and the information that you provided. Something that I have to specifically give you props for is that you took on an anime which itself already has a musical element to it, and you avoided replicating that music itself, instead creating your own thing which still really encompassed the emotion and reflected the story desired well; since the character already sings about this in the show, it could have been easy for your song to end up being quite samey, but you’ve created something distinct which shows you’ve done a great job. For the song itself, it’s quite short, but it does portray the emotion of the story very well, and I felt that despite its shorter length it still showed off your inspiration and your lyricism well. I think you probably could have incorporated some more of the actual story elements into the lyrics which could have pushed things a little further, but focusing on the emotional aspect mainly was itself a strength and I think, overall, you’ve done a great job with this challenge. @Jackson - You Almost Knew My Name (Historical Challenge) Okay so I haven’t heard of either of these fires, but I think they form the basis of a really interesting event that brings up a lot of questions. It’s a really interesting topic at least for me because wildfires like this are not really something you hear about in the UK. I think displaying the actual fire itself through the pov of someone going through it was an interesting choice, it meant the song was quite fast paced and high stake, but for me it might have been more interesting if the emotional aspect was just as high, because I felt overall the song did a better job of providing a frame by frame of somebody going through the fire, as opposed to the emotional aspect of somebody affected by the fire. I also thought the biggest question for me just now hearing about this event was how, or why, a lesser fire was given precedence in the news over the more horrifying one? It would also have been interesting to have seen this discussed more as it feels quite a unique aspect which wasn’t touched on much beside the penultimate verse of the song; really it probably could have formed the entire basis of a song itself because it raises a lot of questions to me that would be interesting to see discussed. Now overall I think you’ve done a good job here regardless but what I’m saying is that there were certain aspects about this that could have been more powerful to see focused on rather than the actual moment of the fire itself, at least in my opinion. That said, I think the way you decided to execute the song was still good, and ultimately this is another very solid entry from you with an intriguing look at the historical challenge. Achilles. - Graveyard (Land of Opportunity) (Cultural Challenge) This is a very relatable topic, at least for me personally. I’m from a small town also, which could be described like the one you are from, so I totally get where this is coming from and it was hard not to picture my own hometown when reading this, so you could say it definitely touched me in that way. It’s a really beautiful and sentimental song overall, you’ve really demonstrated this feeling so well throughout the song, it really is a great example of how many of us grow up and feel in these types of places. I would say in terms of the challenge, it could have a little more cultural influence, the only two real uses are the “land of opportunity” and “American dream” lines, so more specificity or uniqueness in terms of looking at this through an American lens could have occurred; like I said I found it very easy to picture my own town which in terms of reliability and putting across your message is great, but in terms of the challenge shows that I think it probably isn’t as culturally personal as it should be. But that aside, overall I very much enjoy the song as its own stand alone piece, another high quality entry from you. Augmented - Lost (Cultural Challenge) This is another really stunning song from you about identity. Personally I can relate to this a lot, also being British but having an immigrant family. A lot of the things you described I also experienced and it was amazing to see them vocalised in a song; that feeling of not wholly belonging to either, the idea of living in a country and being surrounded by people that had their own flag on show but then in your home you had another culture (for me it was Chinese imagery and symbols), and not really knowing much about that culture and not knowing how (or if) you can identify with it. I think this is an absolutely stellar song and perfect interpretation of the challenge, really I was just amazed reading the song because of how much I connected with what you were discussing and how well you touched such a complex topic. Another fantastic round for you, great job you should absolutely be proud of this. mxtthewdelrey - No Train Out (Cultural Challenge) Another entry I can really relate to, even down to the title (we don’t have a station in my town, either). I think you’ve really encompassed the feelings of living in a small, rural town here and how suffocating it can feel. The part about living close to places that you fear such as high school really hit me too because whenever I have to pass my high school it still irks me too, it’s really amazing to see these feelings put into song because it’s always great to see that there are others out there who feel the same; well, not great because it’s a shitty situation, but good in the sense that it can create some camaraderie over the united experience. I also liked the references to typical British things like Lidl, it really drove home the more personal cultural aspect of the song, and the imagery of your baggage filling up all the seats on the train if there did happen to be one was really striking. Overall I think this is another strong entry from you, great job! Legend E - Maria (Cultural Challenge) I’m very happy to say that I think this is a huge improvement over last week. I absolutely enjoyed the story that you told here of Maria, it was moving and also a great look at Romanian culture with the lovely references that you have layered in throughout the song; you have excelled at the challenge in that aspect. What I particularly love about the story is that you have portrayed quite a complex situation where she dreams of moving away from her village, and achieves this, but then actually ends up missing that place and feeling she has lost a part of herself; that is such a bittersweet and realistic narrative and I’m so glad that you portrayed it in this way because it felt very true to nature. It also would have been fine if she excelled in the city and had a perfectly happy ending there, but the fact that you chose to explore the idea that perhaps she didn’t get everything she wanted there and still had some longing for the village was very moving; ultimately I think you’ve beautifully shown that really, all we want is to feel like we belong somewhere, and unfortunately in this case for Maria she doesn’t feel like she totally belongs in either… but the reality is that a lot of people feel this way in their lives, and I think you portrayed this feeling in a very touching and relatable way which really made me think. Overall, I think this is one of my favourite entries from you, I have really enjoyed reading it and thinking about it. @TruGemini - Sweet Release (Multimedia Challenge) Not me getting a shoutout “drink this fountain” Firstly I’m really happy to see you back! And you’ve definitely came back with a statement piece; I think I can easily say that this is your most ambitious entry so far, trying to incorporate elements not only of all three challenges this week, but also of the queer pride challenge last week… and ultimately, it pays off; I think this is your best entry so far! On the challenge side of things I think you’ve excelled, you’ve really brought in the historical view of the AIDS crisis, the multimedia aspect of It’s a Sin/Pose/Paris is Burning, and also the queer pride prompt too, and they’ve all come together to create a really interesting song. Reading the background of your entry it’s clear that a lot of thought went into this concept, and also a lot of care into how you chose to portray the situation, and I think in this way you’ve really taken on comments in the past about pushing for more conceptual ideas in your entries, and it’s great to see. On the lyrical side, I’m very impressed here too. I think the thing that I love the most is that this still reads as a TruGemini entry; it still has all the strokes that I’ve come to understand of your style from what I’ve seen of your writing, it’s very boppy and jumps right off the page, but the best part is that you’ve paired this musicality with a more emotional theme and the two coexist fantastically, it’s a really good amalgamation of a bop and a song with depth. There are a lot of hard hitting lines here, specifically: “people gotta worry ‘bout the things I touch” which was a really poignant mention of how people were literally scared to touch or come into any contact with HIV/AIDS patients, “some signs and it’s cause for caution, but imma party till the cops come barge in” which is an amazing demonstration of both how people were ignorant to the crisis and first and chose to deny it, but also at the police harassment of queer spaces. Overall this is a grand return for you, I think I can easily say this is my favourite entry of yours so far and shows huge growth, you should definitely be proud of yourself! @Remmy - Scary Movie (Multimedia Challenge) Okay so… this was very creative. I mean you really took the Scary Movie inspiration and just ran with it. I have to say, that’s definitely the most compelling part of the entry, seeing the various ways in which you can set up scary movie references was fun. Now for the sexual side again… I think it works very well as an outlet for your creativity, but I can’t help but wonder if you could find other outlets, lyrically, for these ideas too, because obviously this is the third song like this from you now - and you can write about whatever you want - but the more repetitious your entries are, the less effect - and in this case, the less shock value - they are ultimately going to end up having, unless they are truly something special or next level. I think this one is solid again and some lines definitely are highly quotable and absurdly comedic, and the references throughout the song helped it stand out a little, but it’s still very comparable to what we have seen in the past. Overall it’s another funny and solid entry from your sexually deviant side, but I’m very happy to hear that you’re going to try something personal for the final round… although now I’m starting to worry that this was sarcasm and we’re going to be made to read another of these @Prisoner - The Wind Spirit (Historical Challenge) It was an interesting choice deciding to give no context for the historical event you chose, this meant the song requires two reads to really understand it; the first anticipating the reveal, and the second reading it again in context. It could be a hard choice to pull off, but I think you managed to do it here, the only slight issue is that for the song to stand on its own and for it’s impact to resonate, the reader needs to know the date of the Hiroshima bombing and I’m not sure everybody does. Lyrically your song really shines more on the second read, lots of great lines that begin to have clear meaning such as “born out of hate and modernity” (I specifically liked the mention of modernity and looking at the bombing as something that was only able to take place thanks to technological developments and human advancement, which is a really interesting idea; humanity developed to the point that it was able to create this weapon, but not to the point where they didn’t feel the need to use it… honestly this could’ve been an idea expanded upon more too outside of this line as it was very compelling), and “I am a song that the nations sing” (because ultimately they all played some part in fuelling this event through the war). Overall I think this is another strong entry from you, it’s been fun getting to see your writing and I think I’m starting to paint an overall picture as to your style, so it’ll be interesting to see if this is seen in your entry next week. @8thPrince - Cherry (Multimedia Challenge) I’ve never actually heard of this movie before but I’m very intrigued to watch it now! I love the instrumental you have created, it captures that typical anime intro song style that is so infectious and really helped me envision how the song was supposed to sound. Lyrically this could be my favourite from you so far, I think the song describes well the situation where a person experiences difficulties in communication and is instead found somewhat confined to their device (“but your screen stands in the way”) but my favourite parts where the very sweet moments where imagery mixes with these themes and creates a really fun, playful picture (“hope that gums up your fingertips”, “words that bubble up, then float away soda pop”, and “all the thoughts that leave your cheeks stained cherry read”), these created a really vivid image that paired really well with the anime inspiration and showed you executed the challenge very well. Overall I just found the song very bubbly and had a great energy to it, providing ultimately a really enjoyable reading experience; it also shows your diversity as a writer as this is, for example, is a stark contrast to something like Cephalopods and keeps us guessing every round as to what you may create! Very good job. @☆lex - A Long Night in May (Historical Challenge) Oh wow, oh wow. I can’t believe you nearly didn’t submit this! What a powerful anti-authoritarian protest song, I think you’ve perfectly embraced the historical challenge by being inspired by two events that share a theme and link, and not only that but have brought it into the modern day and provided a really strong and moving commentary on how things, unfortunately, have not changed. It’s a very powerful statement piece, and I’m extremely impressed. You’ve had plenty of strong entries so far, but I have to say I think this is your best; this truly went further and was so full of depth and message, it was fantastic to read and see the argument and picture that you have painted here, bringing together 3 separate times but providing a touching look into how they reflect each other, even as far as all taking place in May, and demonstrate the importance of fighting for freedom and how those in power will go to extremes against this, was fantastic and incredibly compelling. Just a really, really wonderful job. You should absolutely be proud of this and I'm so glad that you finished it and submitted.
Remmy Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 You didn't lie! ...although at the same time y'all went crazy for Flowerbloom and told me to keep it up soooo "I’m very happy to hear that you’re going to try something personal for the final round… although now I’m starting to worry that this was sarcasm and we’re going to be made to read another of these" I was not! Plus I have to continue my pattern NSFW-SFW-NSFW-SFW-NSFW-SFW
fountain Posted June 19, 2022 Author Posted June 19, 2022 15 minutes ago, Remmy said: You didn't lie! ...although at the same time y'all went crazy for Flowerbloom and told me to keep it up soooo "I’m very happy to hear that you’re going to try something personal for the final round… although now I’m starting to worry that this was sarcasm and we’re going to be made to read another of these" I was not! Plus I have to continue my pattern NSFW-SFW-NSFW-SFW-NSFW-SFW Who’s y’all, I said rounds ago that it would be fun to see you try something more poetic and said last round that I wanted to see you try more mature writing, and Element has said nothing
Jackson Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 I felt that this was probably my most "emotional" song of the season, but perhaps that didn't come across. Basically my approach in writing this song was to tell the history of the Peshtigo fire in a way that would educate while emotionally engaging readers, which is why I chose to do it in first person and also why I only mentioned the other fire in the bridge (also I was already at 500+ words). I guess for my imagination's intended audience (an American that already knows about the Chicago Fire) they wouldn't need anything other than a passing mention, but I wasn't aware of how well-known either event was outside the US. I definitely appreciate hearing how the judges would have written my song but I stand by how I approached the challenge and hopefully this explains my thought process a bit 25 minutes ago, hurricane326 said: @Jackson Are the fires you're referencing those like the Great London Fires of 1212 or 1666? My song's about the Peshtigo Fire, which is the deadliest wildfire in human history, which happened on the same day as the much more famous Great Chicago Fire. I've never heard of either of those London fires though, so maybe fires are just generally a region-specific thing
Remmy Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 1 minute ago, fountain said: Who’s y’all, I said rounds ago that it would be fun to see you try something more poetic and said last round that I wanted to see you try more mature writing, and Element has said nothing I mean round one you both said that and getting a 4th place position must've meant Element gave a solid score so that says it all! Well I think one of those is finally about to happen next round! Let me not hype it up too much though
fountain Posted June 19, 2022 Author Posted June 19, 2022 8 minutes ago, Remmy said: I mean round one you both said that and getting a 4th place position must've meant Element gave a solid score so that says it all! Well I think one of those is finally about to happen next round! Let me not hype it up too much though I didn’t deny that we liked Flowerbloom tho, and round 1 was weeks ago I still liked this song and said it was solid btw the issue is there’s a dozen or two other people as well so comparison comes in at some point and inevitably plays a part, and we probably haven’t seen as much from you as we could have in the context of the game as an overall competition, if that makes sense but hopefully we see that change in the final anyway!
Remmy Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 15 minutes ago, fountain said: I didn’t deny that we liked Flowerbloom tho, and round 1 was weeks ago I still liked this song and said it was solid btw the issue is there’s a dozen or two other people as well so comparison comes in at some point and inevitably plays a part, and we probably haven’t seen as much from you as we could have in the context of the game as an overall competition, if that makes sense but hopefully we see that change in the final anyway! I know! I'm not pressed or anything, plus I didn't read either of these new reviews as (fully) negative, just simply saying that you 2 encouraged me to keep doing it so I did! Even though I likely would've done it this way no matter what.
fountain Posted June 19, 2022 Author Posted June 19, 2022 23 minutes ago, Jackson said: I felt that this was probably my most "emotional" song of the season, but perhaps that didn't come across. Basically my approach in writing this song was to tell the history of the Peshtigo fire in a way that would educate while emotionally engaging readers, which is why I chose to do it in first person and also why I only mentioned the other fire in the bridge (also I was already at 500+ words). I guess for my imagination's intended audience (an American that already knows about the Chicago Fire) they wouldn't need anything other than a passing mention, but I wasn't aware of how well-known either event was outside the US. I definitely appreciate hearing how the judges would have written my song but I stand by how I approached the challenge and hopefully this explains my thought process a bit It definitely was engaging from the first person pov since it gave the song a lot of action, but I suppose I view emotion as more of a thing done as an act of reflection as opposed to an in the moment one; reading it beat by beat through the fire gave me more of a sense of adrenaline rather than emotion, if that makes sense. 26 minutes ago, Jackson said: My song's about the Peshtigo Fire, which is the deadliest wildfire in human history, which happened on the same day as the much more famous Great Chicago Fire. I've never heard of either of those London fires though, so maybe fires are just generally a region-specific thing Not you never hearing about the Great Fire of London. Well, if you’re interested in the topic that’s a good one!
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