ATRL Moderator Ampersand13 Posted October 21, 2020 ATRL Moderator Share Posted October 21, 2020 welp, Twas good while it lasted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 While on the topic of judging and bias and sabotage @ughgabriel now that you’re hosting let’s not forget who gave you 10s every round on the season they hosted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8thPrince Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Wait if there's only 10 entries I wonder if results will be tomorrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted October 21, 2020 Author Share Posted October 21, 2020 9 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: While on the topic of judging and bias and sabotage @ughgabriel now that you’re hosting let’s not forget who gave you 10s every round on the season they hosted ? time to pay back! giving you 10 Spoiler th from now on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 2 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: ? time to pay back! giving you 10 Hide contents th from now on! At least somebody will finally agree with Prisoner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted October 21, 2020 Author Share Posted October 21, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 ROUND V: CREATING THE COSMOS Sorry for the shorter reviews this time. Everyone of you slayed, I feel I didn't have to say much https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yQhRnDwz4T4Z1XiArnkmsHvq7LL3Sux0FDB-3c3Ao_U/edit?usp=drivesdk @Hug @Ampersand13 @funnellegs @Astronomy @Dessy @firecrotch @Rence @keshaspearsxo @Aurora @8thPrince Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Courtney Love Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 26 minutes ago, Hug said: @Courtney Love if it helps, the deer/wolves line was supposed to be a callback to Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring while keeping the theme of animals in the presence chorus. Also...you being a Virgo? ? that was the first sign I chose for this song because I loved their qualities and the potential for writing there. Aw ok, I see, thank you for saying that. I'm going to be honest unlike OTHER judges and admit I didn't make the connection until now I don't really think too much into star sign stuff, but I had no idea Virgo and Pisces were that compatible, it made me think so much Quote Still hdhvj thank you a lot! Love seeing your comments. Thank you so much, i'm glad you're enjoying them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATRL Moderator Ampersand13 Posted October 21, 2020 ATRL Moderator Share Posted October 21, 2020 @Prisoner and @Courtney Love thank you for the reviews! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Not me thinking W D would get the acclaim and T A would be the ugly child, and then it’s totally the other way around Thank you @Prisoner that was really kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecrotch Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 @Prisoner thank you!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rence Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) Okay I thought I was going OUT after the first rihview but maybe there's stil a chance thank you @Prisoner Ignore my previous posts on the last page it was my cat typing Edited October 21, 2020 by Rence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Courtney Love Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted October 21, 2020 Author Share Posted October 21, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funnellegs Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Thank you @Prisoner and @Courtney Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 @Hug - The Score Spoiler This is honestly very beautiful. It’s probably my favorite entry of yours this season. The concept is executed in such a great way. I’m kind of screaming at this being inspired by astrology instead of music theory I loved how the two sides of the song are very clear and have their own essence without feeling disjointed from each other. Both parts really complement the other and create a really great song. I thought at first that I was going to like the Pisces side better because I’m more into grandiosity, very conceptual and bold songwriting. But honestly when I read the Virgo side, I was just as mesmerized. The subtleness worked really well to convey the shyness and that passive nature that virgos can have. The last two stanzas of Virgo’s chorus have the perfect amount of cuteness that makes your heart feel happy to the point where it could also move you to tears. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just had the cliched thought of “I want that”. I also caught that easter egg on your prechorus when you referenced your Pokemoon entry. Nice! If I were to nitpick on anything it would probably be the lion and the dog lines. But they were fine to be honest. Great, great work! @Ampersand13 - Mr. Aquarius Spoiler This song has a musical vibe to it. I think it’s because it almost reads as a campy monologue where the character is introducing themselves. I honestly thought this was a very interesting take on zodiac. I’m really not sure what are the traits of an Aquarius but I liked the idea of it being an ancient being. I think there are many layers to this song that one could analyze. At first sight it comes across as creepy; the character talks about their hypnotic nature and how people are going to go through a tough time if they get with him. But when looking deeper it almost feels as a warning saying “don’t get closer because i’m going to ruin you in some way” which leads me to believe that even if they are aware that they are the best person their partner is going to get with, romantically, it’s kind of sad because this “I’m too much for you” thought almost reflects that this person maybe doesn’t fulfill Aquarius’ needs. I really liked how your chorus really reflected that greatness of what Aquarius represented in the song. I think I would’ve liked to see you develop the character a little more. I think I got a good sense of him perceiving himself as a god-like being but it didn’t go beyond that to me. Maybe you could’ve done something more with your verses or added a bridge because there were some times where you could’ve gone more into detail (“how hard i bite”, “your name is now irrelevant”). Overall, a very interesting and intriguing entry. I enjoyed it! @funnellegs - something like kintsugi Spoiler There were some clear key lines in this song that really encapsulate the essence of the whole. I’ll try to be as vague as possible so the last line was one of them, so as the myself/else couplet; both of them have a lot of meaning within the song. I really like that it actually feels like a reworked version of your first song. And I think it was more successful this time around because you were aware of how you were feeling and you allowed yourself to go to the places you needed to go to accomplish this. I really liked that you set your limits on how deep you’re willing to dive for now. I think there was a clear feeling of desolation and emptiness throughout the whole song which, I think, was a very good reflection of the feelings you tried to evoke. Because the image that stuck with me was when the protagonist was sitting on the table. I just imagined them being there, staring at nothing, just pondering. Just staying there. And I think that struck me because it didn’t feel like they were trying to move on or to go back. They are just waiting for a moment where they feel ready to cope with the entirety of this situation. If you ever write the follow up of this song. It’d be a pleasure to read it! Really good job, very brave of you. @Astronomy - NOTHING! (is ever as it seems) !! / LUCID DREAMING Spoiler Come on versatility? I mean, I’m honestly not surprised that you can also deliver more detailed entries like this one. But at the same time I was not expecting to see one from you this soon? I really like that you took a very cinematic and ambiental route where you described all the surroundings in the first part of the song. I thought the way you were describing everything on NOTHING! was very whimsical and it was very fitting considering the theory you took as your inspiration. I like the transition of the dream turning into reality. It’s a really cool take on the “nothing is as it ever seems” part which I thought was a very metaphoric and effective take on lucid dreaming. This was a very gripping story and I was very invested. I pictured a whole movie/music video to go along with it because it’s very imagery driven which I love. When a writer paints a picture in my mind is so satisfying! I do have to say that I would’ve liked to know why was she being chased by these people! That was something that was left unclear and I think the song could’ve been fuller if you included that detail! @Dessy - The Edge of Time (Sloth of the Ten Tenacious Sins) Spoiler I love this concept, the personification of this omnipresent being looking at the state of the world while everything is slowly turning into ruins is very engaging. Being unable to actively do anything but to just witness the apocalypse sounds very frustrating. I kind of picture the whole situation in slow motion which I think is very reflective of what sloth represents. I like the way Sloth is also presented as a wise and almost ancient deity in here. His addition and the way you built the character in here, gives this kind of an environmental song a very philosophical twist. This is also a very clever take on apocalypse because it subtly addresses the whole mess that has been 2020. So I feel like not only does Sloth’s advice apply to an apocalyptic setting but also to any aversive situation. It’s presented in a very refreshing way because it doesn’t read as preachy or tacky. It’s subtle, it’s philosophical, it’s very well done to be honest! I really liked this approach <3 @firecrotch - lying girl Spoiler Well, the brilliant judge that is CL already critiqued your song, so I guess you don’t need my review anymore <3 Spoiler In my country and in many other Spanish talking countries there’s a saying that means “small town, big hell” which means that in surrounding where everyone knows each other, life’s going to be hard because you’re always going to be a subject of judgement. So this song reminded me of that. I don’t know if you did it to reference or if it’s based on your experience. But the portraying of the mother really reminded me of Carrie’s mother. I feel like I connected with this song because of the many stories I’ve heard about this topic and the way christianity and catholicism play a big role in the way people perceive these situations. I’m not against religion, but these points of view are honestly abhorrent. I know you said that you love writing short songs. And in here it shows! I honestly forgot you had a limitation for this round because you really used every single word you had in the most effective way. You told the story and it didn’t feel like there was missing something nor did it feel like you overdid it. It was just the perfect balance! The “always on her mind” stanza is the section that stuck with me the most. I loved it! @Rence - name Spoiler I really liked the idea behind the song! I think death is a very heavy topic since we don’t know much about it. Life is all we know about, so the ending of it can be perceived as scary or dark. I really loved your intro, it was very poetic and had a lot of emotion attached to it. I really like the line of the history books because it reflects this feeling of “maybe I was not the most known person or maybe I didn’t make a change in the world. but I want someone to remember me”. It’s very melancholic and i think most people can relate to it when thinking about death. I have to say that while I loved the first part of the song i felt like it lost steam as it continued to progress. I think there was a lack of focus or clear direction in this song because i didn’t feel like you connected the emotionality, the storytelling and the self reflectiveness as you usually do in your songs. While those elements were present in this one, I felt like you didn’t connect the three of them. I don’t know if that was the intention but in the end it felt a little melodramatic since the situation was only getting worse and worse, which is why I felt like the song’s direction was not very clear since the beginning was kind of a peaceful farewell and then it all became a very dark set of flashbacks. I was also confused as to why the character would send this letter expressing guilt to the people who mistreated him as expressed in verse 2. I don’t know, I just feel like as a whole it had some incongruences so it was rather confusing :( @keshaspearsxo - T A & W D Spoiler I like when people choose to do two different songs in one and approach both of them in very different ways. Which is what you did here in my opinion. While both of them are very poetic, T A is very concise, straightforward, its metaphor is a little clearer, and its structure falls into the more conventional side; while on the other side, W D is more complex, there are some up to interpretation elements, it’s more adventurous in my opinion. I really loved the meaning to gave to the ark because I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of wanting to shelter themselves for recovery after tough times. In the bible, the ark was only open for Noah and the animals who were the purest beings in the world. In this case, the ark is for the ones that are suffering which leads me to think that they’re the purest as well, and I agree with that. Only people who have gone through difficult situations are going to have the skills to understand what it is to suffer and will try to understand other people’s situations. I believe that if a flood of that magnitude happened on this day and only those people were in the ark; the new world would be much better. I loved your references and the way you used these biblical symbolisms in this song. While the reader can pick up on these references, they can find a new meaning to them in this concept you’re presenting. As for W D, I think it was my favorite out of the two. I don’t know if you intended to link the two songs but I chose to think of the white deer sheltering itself in the ark after the surroundings have made them weary. Even though, during the bridge (which was my favorite part) I got a sense of the deer being sufficient to protect itself. They become the ark in some way. A very endeering entry! One of my favorites from you as well! @Aurora - Ripple Spoiler I think this was probably the most unique take on the challenge. Not only did you bring your theory into your lyrical content but also into your song structure. That was really really cool! I honestly loved that there was a lot of very majestic and big elements in your song which at times can be overwhelming but due to the short nature of the song, it feels very balanced. I really hope you rework and add another section to this, not to give it a different structure but to make it longer. Right now it reads as a very beautiful interlude but when you limit yourself with the length of a song this much, the content is going to feel a little unfinished when compared to other entries. So while I thought this was very beautiful, I definitely think you could’ve developed your story and concept a little further. Loved the whole meaning behind this song and being in love with the thrill of getting to dive into the unknown! I honestly could see this as the perfect intro for an album! But I do want to see a longer version of this as well <3 @8thPrince - Stained Glass Spoiler I’m not going to lie, at first I was worried and thought I was not going to like this because I read what the theory was and then the first verse caught off guard. They seemed as if they were polar opposites so I was very confused and thought you were it was going to be a reach to say the theory inspired your song. But i honestly ended up loving the whole concept and execution of your song. I love how from the very beginning the protagonist is questioning the parts that society has assembled on him to build what the perfect student should be. So the process of deconstruction was a very fitting choice for your theory. A complete 180 for me! From intrigued to worried and ended as a fan! You know I like the variations you do on your choruses; I’ve said this before and this was no exception! The last chorus was so great and really encapsulated your whole concept. A chorus that actually works as a central piece! I also think that this song was a little more succinct than some of your other entries. It was more concise, focused and grounded. I’m not saying this to discredit your other songs but I think this specific song feels like the most polished! Oh, and that bridge? Brilliant! Contender for couplet of the season in my opinion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funnellegs Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Thank you @ughgabriel !! It’s been such a helpful experience to share these songs with you and the other judges. I really do appreciate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auburn Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 9 hours ago, ughgabriel said: By the way, unfortunately, baby @Auburn won't be able to post his critiques this week since this is the busiest week of the semester for him :( Wish him luck and send him support <3 9 hours ago, 8thPrince said: @Auburn Good luck and wishing the best for you this week! 9 hours ago, Hug said: Oh and good luck Auburn! Slay your semester ~ 9 hours ago, Rence said: Good luck king @Auburn 9 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said: @Auburn thank you all, I'm almost through the week only 2 big tasks left Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) 49 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: I don’t know if you intended to link the two songs but I chose to think of the white deer sheltering itself in the ark after the surroundings have made them weary. Even though, during the bridge (which was my favorite part) I got a sense of the deer being sufficient to protect itself. They become the ark in some way. That was intended, yes. While F F 1 & 2 were to me like two different sides of a coin, T A and W D are a bit more parallel. I’d say that it’s something like the deer’s feelings or return after experiencing the ark set up in the first song, but I’m always happy for what I write to be interpreted in any way desired. edit: the more I think about it, too, the more your interpretation clicks. It totally makes sense that it could be the deer’s actual encounter with the ark as it takes place. I love it. As always your thoughts are very insightful and a pleasure to read, thank you. Edited October 22, 2020 by keshaspearsxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 @Prisoner I really could have done music theory it was something I thought of far too late but I guess it doesn't matter in the end. I expected Percy's half of the song to be the more well-received one because I think it's just more interesting to read, but I'm glad that Virgil's part is (mostly) fine! I could've done direct metaphors, and it was something I had in my initial draft of the pre-chorus (something that was effectively "I'll be your loyal dog, always by your side"), but I thought this person being a dog and a lion would sound confusing? I also didn't think I could stretch the dog metaphor out long enough without it sounding ham-fisted, so ultimately I just went with what we saw. Maybe I could've just done the metaphors anyway? Regardless, I'm surprised Virgil's pre-chorus was the most criticized part, as I thought Virgil's chorus was going to be the most criticized. I prefer this outcome though as choruses are something I really pride myself on. Thank you for your comments!! @ughgabriel omg okay acclaim ?the two parts being distinct but not disjointed was my exact aim, so I'm glad to see you think so! One thing I'm surprised by was you not thinking Virgil's half was weaker, because I think from a sheer poetry standpoint it is weaker, but I wrote it weaker intentionally as part of the concept, so...in the context I felt it worked so I'm glad you think the same ? 1 hour ago, ughgabriel said: I don’t know how to explain it, but I just had the cliched thought of “I want that”. me having this exact thought a lot when I've read BLs (which this was me basically writing one but in song form ) Also love that my SAWS reference was noticed. ? Thank you for your comments!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 PTR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rence Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Thank you gabe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rence Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Wellitsover.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 2 hours ago, Rence said: Wellitsover.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dessy Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Oh wow I love all the judges (and all the drama) and hope Auburn is hanging in there (Test to see if my score equalizes ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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