touya kinomoto Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 1 minute ago, beatinglikeadrum said: I said it before and I'll say it again IF Katy wins a Grammy someday I want her to give it back on national TV bad*** style. No, by that time, she would've worked so hard for that. I want her to have the longest standing ovation in the history of the Grammys and have her Susan Lucci/Leonardo DiCaprio moment. So someone tell her to contact me about the release of Witness as the last single from this era and a prelude to the next.
Alesus Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 1 minute ago, Aurora said: ok batch one reviews are coming Next week?
beatinglikeadrum Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 1 minute ago, KatyCatPH said: No, by that time, she would've worked so hard for that. I want her to have the longest standing ovation in the history of the Grammys and have her Susan Lucci/Leonardo DiCaprio moment. So someone tell her to contact me about the release of Witness as the last single from this era and a prelude to the next. She won't get standing ovation. Don't be delulu. She has too many enemies. Black community literally hates her so as Republicans.
beatinglikeadrum Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 1 minute ago, Achilles. said: But I’m probably in batch two. You still can learn sth from the batch one. Plus mentally prepare yourself for all the drags.
touya kinomoto Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 (edited) 16 minutes ago, beatinglikeadrum said: She won't get standing ovation. Don't be delulu. She has too many enemies. Black community literally hates her so as Republicans. Maybe she would when she wins her first Grammys after 25 nominations though. Edited April 20, 2018 by KatyCatPH
Aurora Posted April 20, 2018 Author Posted April 20, 2018 ok at my formatted getting erased we love newtrl
beatinglikeadrum Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 3 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said: Maybe she would when she won her first Grammys after 25 more years though. Fixed. Lifetime achievement here we go.
ceremonials Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 To make a long ****ing story short I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my a**
beatinglikeadrum Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 5 minutes ago, ceremonials said: To make a long ****ing story short I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my a** I hope it's a metaphor.
Aurora Posted April 20, 2018 Author Posted April 20, 2018 EARLY DROPS Attention all songwriters! Here in Oceania, due to the global release schedule most of our artists follow, some songs were released on Thursday rather than the typical New Music Friday release. The reviews are in for these early drops. As we're trying to decide which songwriters we'd like to sign, detailed reviews of song performance has been provided for this episode. CREAM OF THE CROP* Spoiler 1. @Nait Phoenix - "Lights" For me, this was a pretty textbook Platinum Hit style song in a way only a veteran like yourself would know. Lots of pretty astral/natural imagery, pleasant to read, delicate rhyming. I think delicate is a word I’d use to describe your song in general actually, almost effortless. The chorus and hook could be stronger admittedly, but I really like the verses, especially the third, and the overall feel of the song. Lovely start to the season. Best lyric: “Dancing in phases of the golden moon / shifting my body to the stellar tune” 9. @Kunst - "Butterfly Weather" This was exceptional. I love that you found inspiration in a specific source and knew exactly where you wanted to take the song because of that, and since your concept was sound you had more time and energy to focus on the specifics and make them all shine. I actually haven’t seen/read the source material but I didn’t need to, your song shone in its own right. I liked the rhyme scheme in the verses but the same AA or AAA rhyme scheme throughout the whole song made the chorus lose some of its punch, had you changed it up to ABAB or something else there it would have elevated the song just that extra bit you needed. The bridge was the weakest part of the song and felt like an opportunity to change the pace that you didn’t take. But these are minor criticisms, overall this was a highlight and I anticipate your future entries! The titular lyric was simply magical. Best lyric: “Tugging at impossible forevers / maybe it’s the butterfly weather” 11. @Gastrodonatella - "The Gallery" This song walks the line between poetic and lyrical and has an artistic edge to it which lends to your title. I think you could have elevated it by really tightening up those verses so that each couplet leads from one idea to the next seamlessly rather than just being connected by the extended gallery metaphor. There also seems to be some contradiction with lyrics such as “a moment time could not erase” soon followed by “but over time our colors grayed”, having a contradiction can be fine, but it would be best to lead into it rather than just dismissing what you’ve already set up without an explanation. The chorus was appropriate and nice but it wasn’t particularly emotive or anything we hadn’t gathered from the verse, there doesn’t really seem to be much variation in the purpose of the verse and chorus. The second part of the bridge was brilliant. Overall this was an enjoyable read but a stronger sense of progression would have made this into a real work of art. Best lyric: “A temple built inside my mind / that’s sheltered from the hands of time” OTHER DEBUTS Spoiler 2. @conatus - "You Only Want Me When You're Drunk" *resists the urge to comment about you being #2 to submit* There was a certain commercial aspect to this song I was surprised by and rather enjoyed. As much as I enjoyed this, the concept isn’t anything original and the AAAA rhyme scheme, while bold, always had at least one rhyme that just felt a bit too elementary. I think having less familiar lyrics and more of a unique, personal voice in this song would have lended to a better submission overall, but this was nice. Best lyric: “Always come to me with a clause / I guess some lessons can’t be taught” 3. @Obsession - "Drive Away" I liked the central driving metaphor you chose to utilise, it was refreshing since typically if people focus on a central metaphor they’ll choose something nature-based or elemental, but this works just as well. Some of the lyrical choices bordered on colloquial (i.e. “take a hike”) and others just seemed forced (i.e. “co-adventurer”) but this was mostly very good. I loved the extended final chorus. The subject matter wasn’t anything truly unique but your approach to it was and that’s all we ask for when handling common subjects. Best lyric: “The nights we spent in cars / to waste days in hotel rooms” 4. @KatyCatPH - "Scream My Name (The Fame)" So this was very much The Fame meets ARTPOP. Personally, I’d have rathered The Fame Monster meets Born This Way if you were going to write such a clearly Gaga-inspired song, but to each their own. My main issue is that it seems to lack a unique identity, it’s a mishmash of concepts. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but it reads like a song those Ma Ma Pa Pa Pa Perfect Illusion people would produce (which was a bop, btw!) There are elements of good songwriting here however and I look forward to seeing you apply them to a more original idea that isn’t based upon another artist’s style. Find your voice. Best lyric: “I want it all, the gore and the glory / and be exalted for eternity” 5. @ICEY - "Body On Me" Firstly, I have nothing against radio friendly songs when they’re done really well, and by that I mean they still have some kind of original element or unique double entendre or some kind of creative risk in terms of structure or rhyme scheme. For me, this didn’t have anything unique or distinctly creative enough to warrant the easy commercial lyrics. All I got from this was Work From Home/Down redux and that was even before I listened to your recording. You used a couple of identical rhyming elements that let me know this was more of an unofficial sequel than a truly original song. It wasn’t bad per se, it was enjoyable, it just didn’t have a strong lyrical or structural element to set it apart from its predecessors. Best lyric: “Not too bad at conversations / but I like it when your body’s talking” 6. @Kylie Jenner - "Urban Princess" A female rap track, we stan! This got me really excited because we don’t often get rap submissions in Platinum Hit and I’m always here for someone giving it a shot. You certainly had a particular vibe in mind and you stuck to it which was great. There was some decent flow and bars here too. Rap writing demands more than just an urban bad bitch persona though, and the rhyming here is not where it needs to be, having a simple AABBCCDD rhyme scheme in the verses isn’t the right approach for a rap, there should be internal rhymes, extended rhyme schemes, setups and punchlines, changes in flow etc. I don’t know if you’ve written a rap before but this is definitely a good foundation, if you keep it up you might surprise yourself at how far you could take it. Best lyric: “I’m the real deal, I’m not broke tryna look rich / and I got this all myself, I’m that independent bitch” 7. @MTrain - "Heaven" There was definitely something here conceptually but it never quite reached the heights it needed to. With a title like “Heaven” there’s a certain expectation of a smooth, almost ethereal vibe and the wording throughout the song was too blunt for me, there were a lot of colloquial terms that don’t really sound lyrical when read aloud. I wasn’t sure what the section about the emerald eyed creature was referring to, nor its place within the context of this song. Envy/jealousy, perhaps? Try to avoid unnatural terms such as “pleasure-bound” just to land on a rhyme, a non-rhyme is almost always better than a forced rhyme. Best lyric: “I hang on to all the memories / letting go for me ain’t easy” 8. @OreGuy - "Make The Glass Half Empty" I honestly really liked the concept of keeping emotions bottled up and pouring a little out with each struggle. That was really something. The second verse doesn’t introduce any new ideas or anything notable for me and I feel that could have been rewritten. The bridge, again, had a solid idea but lacked the execution to really sell it. The “sad disaster” section simply didn’t need to be there. The extended chorus was a nice addition. Overall, this was somewhat hit and miss but I still enjoyed the majority of it. Best lyric: “Keeping all emotions in a bottle / pour a little in a glass each time I struggle” 10. @MattyTacos - "Magician's Hand" Choosing a central metaphor for a song can often be a good lyrical device but in this case I feel like it ultimately detracted from the song. It felt like you were constantly trying to contrive these magician inspired lyrics that just made the overall song a bit too gimmicky. Choosing the right central metaphor that lends itself to your subject matter is very important. I liked the changing choruses, though, and your rhyming is pretty solid overall. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t as magical as it should have been. Best lyric: “I got lost in your fortress / why was I so enchanted?” 12. @RihsusChrist(ATG) - "Miami" This was a real vibe and a concept, I like that I didn’t get what I was expecting from the title alone and that Miami was a person with similar connotations to the state. The first verse really drew me in. The chorus was somewhat lackluster, simply having three word lyrics like that doesn’t really allow you to say much or convey any kind of reaction. The verses were definitely the highlight, and the overall concept was interesting, but the ending felt rather disjointed and was there just for shock value. I think if you’d kept that admiration vibe throughout, this could have been a lot stronger. That said, the outro was nice. Also, “knowed” is a no. Even if it may be a word used by some, it’s not the best lyrical choice regardless. Best lyric: “Hair blowing in the soft breeze, swaying back [and] forth to a tune by Bob Marley” 13. @Lukey - "Teardrops of Pain" So, this was rather short, which isn’t necessarily always a bad thing, but in this case it didn’t do you any favours. With such a short piece there’s little room to hide. It’s even shorter than it initially appears to be because most of these couplets could be condensed down to one line, and the prechorus is essentially a two-line repeat. That said, I’d rather a short submission than no submission, so thank you for submitting. There were too many unoriginal lyrics or cliched ideas for the short lines and lack of verses. However, your chorus had a lot of potential, and if you ever decide to revisit and complete this song, I’d strongly suggest starting from there and building back up around that. Best lyric: “Show me colours, a brand new day / fighting the demons in my way” 14. @Body Talk⠀ - "Runaways" The most evident thing for me was the structure, six verses with no other elements was a risk and while it didn’t necessarily work for me, I understand you wanted to take it in a more storytelling direction and keep the story moving. That would be the challenge here, to find some kind of central element, and work with that. It doesn’t have to be a chorus, it could be a simple refrain or even a motif, but that central element is really important. “Stanza after stanza / I’m writing down each emotion down like I’ll forget” is honestly a perfect summary of this song, you have the building blocks, but it lacks the extra step of piecing it all together in the right way. Best lyric: “Wrote our names on the windshield as the rain poured in an overflow / open road, no place to go” *"Cream of the Crop" highlights the top three submissions of the batch in order of submission DISCLAIMER: If you'd like any part of your review removed from public view, don't hesitate to tag me.
Aurora Posted April 20, 2018 Author Posted April 20, 2018 sorry that took so long but omg that was a nightmare to format i seriously hate this new editor, BBCode >
Aurora Posted April 20, 2018 Author Posted April 20, 2018 5 minutes ago, ceremonials said: wow my Best Couplet from S11's impact It was a wig concept, ngl.
ceremonials Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 1 minute ago, Aurora said: It was a wig concept, ngl. i think i stopped doing it halfway thru tho
ultraviolence.xx Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 32 minutes ago, ceremonials said: To make a long ****ing story short I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my a** iconique
Kunst Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 @Aurora Thanks for the feedback i always welcome constructive criticism, but positive feedback is really quite a warm inspiration
smholiv Posted April 20, 2018 Posted April 20, 2018 55 minutes ago, Corsola said: Reminder of this lesbian bop in a homophobic country that also happens to be pop perfection talent
Aurora Posted April 20, 2018 Author Posted April 20, 2018 RE: The Katy Grammy discussion, she was definitely robbed at least twice imo with Dark Horse and Wide Awake. I could make arguments about others too but those are the most blatant shows of Grammy bias I've ever seen.
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