tournament Drag Race All Stars | Our first (and last) ALL STAR!

[talent]

Just now, Kylie Jenner said:

there she goes... playing the victim.... again !

abshndkskfnks shut up!!! SHUT UP!!!! *throws my purse at you*

[Kylie Jenner]

1 minute ago, talent said:

abshndkskfnks shut up!!! SHUT UP!!!! *throws my purse at you*

O:

[Vulnicura]

Well... based on the lipsyncs so far, I know who my top 3 are.  

[Citrus]

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Episode 1 - Sissy that Snatch Game

The Entries - Snatch Game Top Row

 

 

 

Chanel DiAngelo

 

On 1/12/2018 at 7:17 PM, CHANEL™ said:

Snatch Game: Melania Trump

 

 

"Moving on down," CitRu announces into his dildo microphone, hand reaching up to his oatmealy hairline but snapping back down as he realizes he can't let the girls know how much his head itches. "We welcome perhaps the largest celebrity to grace our panel today, Me--"

 

 

"... nia Tr--"

 

 

"MELANIA TRUMP, everyone!"

 

"Tank you, CitRus! I had very much appointments to make today, but my hair dresser told me I needed to vork on being more of a gay icon, so I did my best to make it here."

 

"And do you think you'll be able to answer these questions for us?"

 

"Why would I be trouble?"

 

"Well--"

 

"With a teleprompter, there should be not any proper reason why it should be difficult for me. My husband's team has has prepared me well. He is kind, he is a gentleman-- he does these tings for me. When I mess up, he lets me know, because he is real, he is raw-- he tells it like it is. When I mess up my Ge-- English, he corrects me. When I make the mistake of going high, he teaches me how to go low. He does everything for me."

 

 

 

"How IS your husband? Being married to the President, especially this one, is quite a trip, isn't it?"

 

"Well, I did not assume I would be married to such a man when I grow up in Southampton, New York, but I had saying for myself with looking for a husband-- 'The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.'. With Donald, I got none of that. But, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do."

 

...

 

"And on to Melania Trump-- Gladys Lux Maure is SO nice, each time she sees a homeless person, she BLANKS them!"

 

"Vhile I do not know much about Gladys, I know from my husband's informants that homeless people are at an all time low, so this question means nothing! Zhere are no homeless people to worry about. Unless they are our veterans! The idea that anyone who has worn our country's uniform spends their nights sleeping on the ground should horrify us."

 

"You believe that?"

 

"I said it!"

 

"Did you?"

 

"Seveda."

 

  

 

"Did you write something down, Melania?"

 

"Wot?"

 

"Did you write something down?"

 

"To your question, I answer another question." She holds up the card, revealing--

 

 

 

...

 

"Back to Melania, ***** Yentl is such a slut, she can't dance without a BLANK falling out!"

 

"I do not know much about sluts, but I do know one ting: Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes. But you know what else is bad ting? Emigrants! My husband has told me much about those who come to our country illegally, and from the sights of Miss Yentl, I tink security should be escorting her to the nearest ICE station possible."

 

"Are you trying to get one of your fellow competitors deported, Melania?"

 

"I am trying to ensure that justice is being served! I fear that my husband's policies allow for many to slip through the cracks, but, like I always say, there is nothing to fear but fear itself."

 

"So what'd you write down, dear?"

 

"Vell, my husband speaks of all of these falling out of the sky-- and I can presume Miss Yentl's muco is only the same size."

 

 

 

...

 

"Melania-- Melanoma is sOoOoOo tan, when she goes to the store, she gets mistaken--"

 

"IMPOSTER!" Melania leaps up from her seat, pointing at Melanoma in her odd costume as a Twitter star. Security guards in the peripherals of the studio seem to reach for their weapons, but all remains calm as the First Lady stands. 

 

"Melania?"

 

"That is me! Do not call ze imposter by my name!

 

"Imposter?"

 

"We've been looking for my double for months! I never would have think it would be amongst you... homosexuals!"

 

"Melania-- the question?"

 

"Like in the trials, I would like to plead my fifth amendment rights."

 

"Trials? Mel--"

 

"The answer sits before us all!"

 

"Did you at least write something down?"

 

"We haven't been given the full question," Moonchild calls from off-stage.

 

Melania crosses her arms, refusing to look in Melanoma's direction.

 

"Oh, never mind."

 

...

 

"Back to Melania: Pea En--"

 

Melanoma jumps.

 

Melania glares.

 

Citrus stares for a second, but returns to Melania.

 

"Has my imposter been taken care of?"

 

"There is no imposter, Melania. Now-- Pea Enculo is so, so SHELARIOUS, even her BLANK are funny!"

 

"Vell, as we might know with the world that we live in, make 'em laughing, don't you know everybody loves to laughing?" She laughs, robotic and too loud. "But there is one thing that we cannot make joke, because is too serious for this day in age--"

 

 

 

...

 

"Over to our First Foreign First Lady--

 

"Foreign?"

 

"Yes, you are Slovenian, are you not?"

 

"I am not! I am from New York City! Proud American!"

 

"New York City? Are you mistaking yourself from Nancy Reagan, or Eleanor Roosevelt?"

 

"I am not! I am despise the foreign, as my husband will tell. We need to ensure that our walls stay up and that our people sta--"

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAnyway, Carbon is SUCH an artist, she can't even BLANK without her paintbrush!"

 

"Wot?"

 

"Answer it, Miss Trump."

 

"Vell, after my husband was fairly elekted, I was reached out to designers to help dress for my appearances-- Zac Posen, Marc Jacobs, Tom Ford-- icons, they all said they vould have no interest in dress me. I wish Carebomb had been around to do my own clothes, but she would design with paintbrush, so without, she could not..."

 

 

 

...

 

"Melania-- Colleen is SOOOOO edgy, when she has sex, she BLANKS!"

 

"While I do not support sex, because abstinence is only proven way for avoid pregnant, I understand Colin may have a lot-- similar to our ***** Yentl, who I have called ISIS-- I mean, ICE-- on."

 

"You're still trying to get that bitch deported?"

 

"It is only way for safety in here! She should have marry President if she wanted to stay."

 

"Are you admitting to being an immigrant yourself?"

 

"Read!"

 

 

 

"Alright, Melania."

 

...

 

"Melania... Chanel DiAngelo is SO emotional, she can't even cross the street without BLANK."

 

"Chanel DiGiornio is such an... what? My husband-- he has tried to stop these emo-- emi-- emigrants from crossing paths into our land. As you vill know, tis is his platform, one I stand by with him, because the emigrants are steal our jobs, our men, our women-- they are bad for our country, and we will fight to keep those like Chanel out of here."

 

"And you consider your husband's policies successful?"

 

"I say-- success isn't about how your life looks to others. It's about how it feels to you. But also, strive not to be a success, but to be of value." She attempts to hold up her card, but another one accidentally falls off of her desk.

 

"What'd you drop there, Melania?"

 

"Is noting!"

 

"Noting?"

 

Next to her, Gladys as whichever sassy black girl she finally chose snatches up the dropped card and holds it out for others to see: 

 

  

  Hide contents

 

"I did not have plagiaristic relations with that woman."

 

 

 

 

...

 

"Melania, Kunty is SUCH a bitch, that, instead of shaking hands, she shakes BLANKS!"

 

Melania stares off for a minute, staring into space as she thinks about her experience with touching other hands...

  Hide contents

 

  

 

 

"I..."

 

"Melania?"

 

After a minute, she snaps out of it, seemingly having written an answer while dissociating.

 

"Much like me, she shakes her..."

 

 

 

...

 

"Melania, Stone wears so little clothing, when she goes outside, she gets BLANK!"

 

"Well, clothes are one of my vavorite tings, and as I say, give a girl the right pair of shoes, and she'll conquer the world."

 

"That's another one of your quotes?"

 

"Mhm! Like my husband, I am real, I am raw-- I tell it like it is. Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters. This applies to me and my husband-- we can be trusted."

 

"I'm not sure if I believe that, but Stone wears so little clothing, she gets....?"

 

 

 

...

 

"Melania-- our last one here, alright?"

 

Melania nods, eyes empty, but a plastic smile still on her face.

 

"Pixel Dark is SO scary... Even BLANK refuse to look at her!"

 

Melania's answer is instantaneous.

 

 

"Care to explain that to us, Melania?"

 

Tears in her eyes, Melania uses the index to wipe it away before her mascara runs.

 

"Vell, as you may know and see, I am beautiful-- I am the most beautiful woman in the world, never before seen levels of beauty. And yet, even my husband will not look at me for more than a minute for some reason, so I can assume someone as scary as Pixel herself may not be looked at by any man-- let alone her husband."

 

Pixel glances back at her for a moment.

 

 

 

A tear falls over the edge, but CiTru moves on before it matters.

 

"And THAT'S all, folks! Thank you for--"

 

 

 

"MELANIA, PLEASE!"

 

"I won?!"

 

"NO! Ugh. As if it matters. Ladies and Pea Enculo, we thank you for watching our very own ALL STARS SNATCH GAME! That's all, folks!"

 

 

 

 

Pixel Dark

On 1/10/2018 at 5:22 PM, Hug said:

 

 

Melanie walks onto the set wearing nothing but a name tag, pink dress, and her signature two-color wig. She quickly finds her seat and she’s ready to answer her questions.

 

CitRu: On the panel tonight, we have singer/songwriter, among other things, Melanie Martinez! How are you doing tonight?

Melanie: I’m doing well and I’m happy to be here, miss CitRu!

CitRu: Lovely, lovely, it’s the first time in a while many people have heard from you, taking some time out of the spotlight?

Melanie: You know, sometimes you just need to know when you need to stop doing something, and I needed to take a break from social media because it was getting to be too much.

CitRu: You were a major talking point for a while, but people were disappointed to find out it wasn’t because you had an album coming out.

Melanie: So they think!~

Melanie then turns and winks to a nearby camera.

 

--

 

1. Gladys Lux Maure is so nice, each time she sees a homeless person she _____________ them!

Melanie: I’m going to say “sleeps with” them! Consensually, of course!

CitRu: Oh, so she’d ask if she could sleep with the homeless person, and they would respond with “Yes”?

Melanie: Well...they wouldn’t say much of anything! *laughs*

CitRu looks uncomfortably over to the judges, who don’t have that as an answer.

CitRu: I’m sorry, dear, but no matches.

Melanie: I don’t quite understand.

CitRu: Understand what?

Melanie: ”No”?, I’m not sure what you mean.

CitRu: I think we’ve established that, dear. Moving on.

 

--

 

2. Wh*re Yentl is such a slut, she can't dance without a ______________ falling out.

Melanie: A “pacifier”? I mean, that’s where I keep mine! Sometimes, I’ll forget I even put one there until it comes sliding down and it’s a good reminder to pop one in my mouth.

A pacifier then rolls down Melanie’s leg and lands by her foot, where she picks it up and starts sucking on it..

CitRu: I...um...judges?

CitRu looks to the judges, slightly gagging when she turns around to look at the judges.

CitRu: I um...I’m sorry that’s not a match. Could you maybe put the pacifier down so we can move on to the next question?

Melanie puts the pacifier down, and the pit crew near immediately comes out and throws it in the garbage. Melanie then starts pouting and kicking the chair in front of her.

 

--

 

3. Melanoma is sooooo tan, when she goes to the store she gets mistaken for ______________.

Melanie: I put “Donald Trump”. I saw Melania was here and it reminded me of her husband, who is really tan!

CitRu: It seems you have a lot in common with the POTUS, Melanie.

Melanie: What? But I’m really pale!

The panel starts to chuckle, but Melanie is completely oblivious to the joke. Seeing everyone laugh made Melanie mad and she throws another tantrum.

CitRu: Well, lucky for you, Melanie, that was a match! Hard not to have that answer when Melania is joining us.

Melanie smiles and claps, she seems to be easily entertained.

 

--

 

4. Pea Enculo is shelarious, even her ___________ are funny!

Melanie: Even her “performances” are funny!

CitRu: That’s...very true! Aren’t you a performer yourself, Melanie?

Melanie: That’s right.

CitRu: Do you have a performance for us now?

Melanie: Yes, I do actually!

Melanie stands up on her chair, and CitRu tries telling Melanie that it was just a joke, but it’s too late. Melanie starts to sing.

 

 

Molesting (Dollhouse Parody)

[verse one]

Hey girl, open your legs get in my bed

You’re gonna have gay sex with me

You just want to sleep, and I’m being a creep

I don’t hear you when you say

 

No, please don’t touch

That is enough, and I am sick and tired of it

I won’t ever listen, my mind starts to sicken

No one’s gonna see what I do your kitten

 

[chorus]

Rapist, rapist, I’m not a rapist

Saying it was rape is a little bit racist

Everyone thinks that I’m guilty

Please don’t let them know that I’m filthy

 

Pervert, pervert, I’m not a pervert

This wouldn’t happen if she gave the right answer

Everyone thinks that I’m guilty

Please don’t let them know that I’m filthy

 

M-O-L-E-S-T-I-N-G

I did things that she found disgusting

M-O-L-E-S-T-I-N-G

I did things that she found disgusting

 

The panel and judges reluctantly clap and Melanie does a curtsy before sitting back down in her chair.

 

--

 

5. Carbon is such an artist, she can't even _________ without her paintbrush.

Melanie: I put “take a nappy”! Personally, I need my teddy, Mr. Snuggles, to take a nappy, so maybe Carbon sleeps with her paintbrush?

CitRu: Do you ask Mr. Snuggles if he wants to take a nap with you?

Melanie: Yes, but he doesn’t say anything so I take it as a yes.

CitRu: Seems to be a common theme with you.

The panel once again laughs, but Melanie still doesn’t get it so she just pouts.

 

--

 

6. Colleen is soooo edgy, when she has sex she __________!

Melanie: I put, she “keeps trying until they stop resisting”. It’s what worked for me!

CitRu: Oh...okay, judges?

The judges look a bit shocked at first, but then they reveal their answers.

CitRu: Unfortunately, it’s not a match. Sorry.

Melanie: Are you sure it’s not an answer?

CitRu: Positive, Melanie.

Melanie: Come on, please?

CitRu: ...okay, it’s an answer. ~Congratulations!~ Moving on…

Melanie smirks, getting her way once again.

 

--

 

7. Chanel DiAngelo is sooooo emotional, she can't even cross the street without ____________.

Melanie: I put “remembering traumatic childhood experiences” like the time I went to go audition for a Nickelodeon sitcom. I wore the same socks for a month after that because looking at my feet disgusted me too much.

CitRu: I feel like we’ve had someone here who had an obsession with feet and worked at Nickelodeon before.

Melanie: The scary man is HERE?

Melanie crawls under the table and starts to cry while covering her feet.

CitRu: Sweetie, sweetie, come out from under the table. No scary man is here, hun.

Melanie peeks out from under the table.

Melanie: ...are you sure?

CitRu: I’m sure hun.

Melanie comes back from under the table and takes her seat again.

 

--

 

8. Kunty is such a bitch, that, instead of shaking hands, she shakes ____________.

Melanie: I put “her rattle!” Which, speaking of…

Suddenly, rattling can be heard coming from where Melanie is seated, before a sound of plastic hitting the ground can be heard. Melanie picks the rattle off the ground and starts playing with it.

CitRu: If you don’t mind me asking...just what all do you carry around with you?

Melanie: Only my favorite toys: My pacifier, my rattle, my sippy cup, my dil--

CitRu: O-kay! Thank you for enlightening us, Melanie...moving on…

 

--

 

9. Stone wears so little clothing, when she goes outside she gets __________!

Melanie: I put “her diaper changed”. I like to run around my house in nothing but a diaper, but sometimes it comes off and I don’t notice! Really embarrassing when I end up going out into public.

CitRu: You sometimes go outside...just wearing a diaper?

Melanie: Don’t you? You should try it some time!

CitRu: I’ll have to pass on that one, hun. Judges?

CitRu turns to the judges, who don’t have a match.

Citru: I’m sorry it’s not a match. Moving on.

 

--

 

10. Pixel Dark is so scary, even __________ refuse to look at her!

Melanie: I put “her parents”, because my parents don’t look at me either. Between my mom’s alcoholism and my dad’s adultery, they never have any time for me. Not to mention that my brother overdoses on weed on a weekly basis and I may as well be an orphan at this point.

Melanie starts to pout again

CitRu: That’s sad to hear...judges?

CitRu once again looks to the judges, who don’t have that as an answer.

CitRu: I’m sorry, but it’s not a match...and that looks like that’s the end of the show! The winner is...nobody!

The panel and judges all clap and confetti falls down as the show ends.

 

 

Melanoma

Quote

SNATCH GAME

 

 

Pea Enculo

10 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said:

SNATCH GAME

 

QUEEN ELIZABETH II

 

 

Cheerio public. To the uneducated, I am Queen Elizabeth the second, queen of the United Kingdom and a few other foreign countries, head of the Commonwealth, and the fearless leader of the British empire. 

 

1. Gladys Lux Maure is so nice, each time she sees a homeless person she _____________ them!

 

You are to tell me, the queen of england, that there are homeless cretins living out on the streets of my glorious country? Filthy vagabonds. A waste. Put them in the factories. Make them work. Long hours, low pay. We have an empire to rebuild. Or better yet... take them below the palace.

 

2. Wh*re Yentl is such a slut, she can't dance without a ______________ falling out.

 

Wh*re Yentl, now that is an ethnic name! Surely not a British native. Does it have a job? Put it to work in the kitchen, you know I like my ethnic meals. 

 

3. Melanoma is sooooo tan, when she goes to the store she gets mistaken for ______________.

 

Are you suggesting that Melanoma is a... dark skin? Back in the glory days of this great empire, we would've had a suitable position for a person of such an ancestry. Sigh. Truly, I wish I had ruled in better times, but all I can do is look to the future and hope history repeats itself. You know, at the start of my reign Africa was still a colony. Truly, those were grander days. 

 

4. Pea Enculo is shelarious, even her ___________ are funny!

 

In the Palace, I do not permit jokes. Once, in 1997, my son Charles hired a clown to come and perform at the castle on my birthday. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted at such a display of idiocy. As punishment, I requested a beheading of his girlfriend at the time. I was informed this was no longer a tradition in effect in modern day, and as such, we opted to stage a car accident instead. Ah, poor Diana, a pity.

 

5. Carbon is such an artist, she can't even _________ without her paintbrush.

 

I've been needing a fresh portrait painted, perhaps this Carbon could visit the palace and create a piece for me. But if it isn't up to my standard, she will learn about what lies under the palace grounds, and you will never hear from her again. I have no problem with doing so, after all, she's just another commoner like the rest of you all.

 

6. Colleen is soooo edgy, when she has sex she __________!

 

Heaven forbid the queen publicly speak of sex. How dare you even ask such a question. But if she's anything like us royals, the answer will be she does it with her relatives. Got to keep the blood line strong and pure, Citru!

 

7. Chanel DiAngelo is sooooo emotional, she can't even cross the street without ____________.

 

For a moment then I thought you mentioned Camilla. Truly, what a wicked woman. In my life I've never regretted an act of murder, torture, or bloodshed in any form, but when it comes to Camilla replacing Diana I couldn't have been any greater a fool. The first opportunity I get at having her taken out, it will be done. And thus the day will go down as the greatest in the entirety of my reign.

 

8. Kunty is such a bitch, that, instead of shaking hands, she shakes ____________.

 

In my time, I've shook many a hand. It becomes a chore. However, on occasional public appearances when I visit the commoners, I like to play a game. Every time a child greets me, I take a pin from my pocket and place it in the palm of my hand. I can't tell you how satisfactory it is to watch their faces in pain. I revel as I watch their faces squirm as I fiercely grip their tiny hands and punish them. They should count themselves lucky, back in the good old days those hands would've been at work in the cotton mills!

 

9. Stone wears so little clothing, when she goes outside she gets __________!

 

Her pictures leaked on the internet for all of the public to see. Just like my sweet grandson Prince Harry. It was such a shame when that happened. But what else is the head of the monarchy to do other than punish those who fall out of line? I had no other choice. But have you ever wondered how the son of a brunette father and a blonde mother ended up with ginger hair? The secret is blood Citru, lots of it. 

 

10. Pixel Dark is so scary, even __________ refuse to look at her!

 

Even my Welsh Corgis refuse to look at her! Many of commoners such as yourself will know I am a lover of my corgis, and we have multiple at the palace. But the truth, my dear, like most things I am involved in, is a little darker. My corgis are fed a diet of solely human flesh, straight for the underground palace prison. We bathe them in blood and they drink nothing but it. Every day at 7:30am they are let loose within the palace prison to maul two victims of their choice. And they don't hunt for survival, they hunt for sport. Much like me.

 

 

Well, thank you Citru for this opportunity. It's been a pleasure to visit this group of sexual minorities. Now, who wants to shake my hand before I leave?

 

 

 

 

 

@EJQL8 @Rhisiart @Buddy! @Kylie Jenner @Hug @CHANEL™ @keshaspearsxo @Witch Privilege @Vulnicura @talent @feelslikeadream @Aciid @Subomie @True Skarlet @Moonchild @Lémur @PinkBox @mxtthewdelrey 

@Alena @Stan @Tsareena @Slut @SitarHero @Losing my ground @thecptz @Fruity

 

 

 

[Citrus]

12 minutes ago, Fruity said:

Um stress!! I’ll go with Gladys Colleen and Chanel (we love girls who can WRITE) but I’m rooting for nearly everyone good luck sweeties x

 

oh I’ve just seen the entries were posted lol well ignore my team if it’s not allowed then 

im sure it's fine, it's not like you could've possibly read them in less than an hour

[Wondy Lust]

Long answers are the bane of my existence

[Kylie Jenner]

Wtf

[Hug]

I better slay that top row placement. I feel like it was chosen randomly and has no significance but everyone gets to see my musical debut sooner!

[EJQL8]

Me literally the only one not making the judges read a ****ing novel.

[Hug]

Quantity not quality has always been my motto. The judges will be too worn out to read it all, but can't claim it's bad if they haven't.

 

[Citrus]

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Episode 1 - Sissy that Snatch Game

The Entries - Snatch Game Bottom Row

 

 

 

Gladys Laminate Manila

CiTru: Next up on the panel, we have reality show super-star, Tiffany “New York” Pollard!

 

NY: Yes, it is I. The HBIC now and forever, has arrived. Good morning to you all, except you. *points to Melania* ...And you. *points to Omarosa* And you can choke, Hottie. *flips Hottie off* ...And you, Pumkin. *points to Kellyanne Conway* We meet again. The last time we saw each other, you were uglier than a bulldog that had its face bitten off. And it fills my heart with joy to see that you’re even uglier than before.

 

CiTru: ...Are you excited to get to playing, New York?

 

NY: You know what, I certainly am ready Citrus. I’m ready to crush this pack of idiot bitches to dust and take the crown I deserve. Because I am a winner, New York always wins.

 

Omarosa: Didn’t you lose Flavor of Love twice? Not to mention Scared Famous and Big Brother.

 

NY: Bitch, and Melania’s dick pig kicked you out of his boardroom 4 times, most recently at the damn White House. New York wins at LIFE, you stay unemployed. I’ve been going to anger management, you better recline in your chair now before I manage my anger on that mutha****in’ ass.

 

CiTru: Okay then! Let’s begin!

 

1. Gladys Lux Maure is so nice, each time she sees a homeless person she _____________ them!

 

NY: I happen to know a lot about the homeless community. Many people don’t know about my vast philanthropic efforts. For years, I along with my ex-soul mate Flavor Flav provided dozens of homeless women across America jobs on television. Hottie here probably wouldn't be alive or have a bank account that exceeds $20 without my charity. But to answer this question, I’d say that Gladys graces them with her presence. Because what else would they really need but bask in utter perfection?

2. Wh*re Yentl is such a slut, she can't dance without a ______________ falling out.

 

NY: Out of all of the sluts, *****s, and prostitutes I’ve met in this lifetime, the biggest and fattest slut of them all is that **** Deelishis. So if this Jewish ***** is anything like ****in' Deelishis, then she can’t dance without her ugly-ass dick falling out. Because Deelishis looks like WHAT? *studio audience screams A MAN in response* A man, and so does everyone in this room besides me obviously. *throws a razor at Melanie Martinez* I know you’re going through puberty sweetie, so you might want to use that liberally and share it with your class.

3. Melanoma is sooooo tan, when she goes to the store she gets mistaken for ______________.

 

NY: *clears throat* LUTHER VANDROSS! *stands up to ravenous applause from the audience* The HBIC knows how to please her subjects, yes she does.

4. Pea Enculo is shelarious, even her ___________ are funny!

 

NY: I would say her delusions are funny. Pea is almost as hysterical and deranged as Hottie, and I say almost since Hottie’s room at Briarcliff will never be expiring. *chuckles* Beyonce… I’m still in awe over that moment, because saying that those bitches look like Jay-Z would be too nice of a compliment to them, and I surely won’t be giving it to them.

5. Carbon is such an artist, she can't even _________ without her paintbrush.

 

NY: After many years, I still find Hoops’ (pronounced HEWPS) mother to be the pinnacle of surreal artistry. So I would say that Carbon, much like HEWPS and her mom, can’t ***** in public without her paintbrush.

 

CiTru: Tiffany, is it really appropriate to call someone’s mother a *****?

 

NY: I hope your pasty ass isn’t thinking I’m about to apologize to those bitches or anybody the hell else, absolutely-****in’-not. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the moldy, termite-infested shrub.

6. Colleen is soooo edgy, when she has sex she __________!

 

NY: Now I personally don’t have sex. I have experiences, escapades, epiphanies even. I give my men the absolute pleasure of getting to stuff me raw. I like to say that I take chunks of my man when we make love, metaphorically of course. But I think that Colleen takes literal chunks out of her men. Like, full on biting and plucking and all of what that entails.

 

CitRu: Tiffany, I have to ask, are you dating anyone right now?

 

NY: Right now I’m dating the greatest person in the whole entire galaxy: myself. I’m dating me and I’ve never felt better. I haven’t found a man worthy to submit to me yet, but I’m always open. *slips paper to Jenna Maroney and whispers* Miss Lemon, I really love your show, and if you could just give this note to Tracy for me? He’ll know what it means.

7. Chanel DiAngelo is sooooo emotional, she can't even cross the street without ____________.

 

NY: *points to Gemma Collins* That bitch sitting over there, that Jenna girl, lord she was the biggest trainwreck of a person I’ve ever met during my stay in the Big Brother house. I was blown away to discover a white woman with worse speech patterns than Buckwild. I’m a rather reserved person, I have a firm grasp on my emotions especially after anger management. But Jenna took emotionally to another damn level. So I’d would say Chanel can’t cross the street without knocking the stones out her cheap D&G knockoffs and the zippers of her ratty thigh high BEWTZ, *kicks in the air* with her hog’s feet. Smelling like corn chips.

8. Kunty is such a bitch, that, instead of shaking hands, she shakes ____________.

 

NY: I know a little something about being a bitch. If I have a major in English, I have a freaking PhD in Bitchology. I refrain from shaking hands with most women because I reserve my hands for future husband’s meat, and also because a handshake establishes an even and common ground with a person, and I’m obviously on the top of the food chain. So, I shake my knife. *pulls out a kitchen knife and a steak dinner from under the table* I shake a knife in their face to make them visibly uncomfortable and to let them know I’m not the one to mess with. And between swings, I use it to cut my lovely and expensive steak, which is the closest most of these bitches will ever get to a thick and juicy chunk of meat in their lives. And they’ll just LIVE WITH IT, HONEY!

9. Stone wears so little clothing, when she goes outside she gets __________!

 

NY: A lot of those sluts that lived in Flav and I’s house would try to wear as little as possible in a futile attempt to seduce my man. Luckily Flav always saw right through those shrews, which is why they all got the boot and why HEWPS and Deelishis were dumped and packed in the garbage compactor. So, I say Stone gets what I’d give those girls, a damn “BOO” and maybe a rock to the back of their empty heads.

10. Pixel Dark is so scary, even __________ refuse to look at her!

 

NY: She’s so scary, even I refuse to look at her. Look, I may be a bitch, but I’m not a bitch, you feel me? I’m maybe scared of three things: wild animals that aren’t attached to a man, ghosts *crosses her chest and whispers “Shoutout to David”*, and the canine-like facial features of some of these things on the panel. But Pixel, that’s a girl I would wish on my worst enemies.

 

CitRu: Well ladies, thanks for playing! Now, the winner is… Nobody!

 

NY: ...You’re not getting a single tear from me tonight, sir. Hell no. You won’t even get an inner cry from my ass, you’re not worth it. *picks up her steak plate and walks off set* The HBIC now departs! *studio audience gives New York ravenous applause*

 

 

Wh&re Yentl

W H O R Y E N T L / / S N A T C H

H O T T I E

 

 

 

 

 

(actual image of Mel!)

 

 

(a typical Pea sartorial moment)

 

 

(buy my book here!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Colleen

 

  Hide contents

 

 

 

At the age of 34, Gemma Collins earned her divaship. 2 years later, 36 year-old Gemma is putting just that into practise. After her management let slip the news that she would be on another game show, Gemma broke down. Having given up on I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out Of Here after only 72 hours, Gemma did not want to take the risk of potentially doing another fluorescent yellow sh*t in a dunny. And so, Gemma did what Gemma does best: she lost it with her managers.

 

 

After all, Gemma is coztrophobic.

 

But Gemma soon heard that A-listers were involved and so quickly realised she needed to clean up her act. A fresh layer of bronzer and some new extensions later, Gemma is ready for the show.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

CitRu: Oh, look who's up next on Snatch Game today!

 

"KISS KISS! so gels, is me, the GC"

 

 

CitRu: ....The GC?

 

"...GEMMA. ...... ya sily c*nt"

 

Gemma seems tired of the game before it has begun.

 

1. Gladys Lux Maure is so nice, each time she sees a homeless person she _____________ them!

 

"Well wen I wuz on big bruvvaaaauhhh, I felt homeless because I didnt av heated rollas and only straitnas... straitnas are what ****n weirdos use on their hair. mi hair got ****n frazzled mate... If Gladders is nice she wud git them heated rollas hunny."

 

Gemma begins to hold her hair as if it is her most prized possesion.

 

2. Wh*re Yentl is such a slut, she can't dance without a ______________ falling out.

 

"So gels... Thas a disgrace.. acting like a slut. She needs a quickie in a bush with Arg, that'll change her life hunny, I can tell yew.."

 

3. Melanoma is sooooo tan, when she goes to the store she gets mistaken for ______________.

 

"So gels, Am best known for... always bein on a diet and... too much fake tan so I'd say she gits mistaken for me hunny! Aint nothing wrong with that, not everyone has candy like the GC!"

 

Gemma gets out of her seat and peels off her dress. She's showing everyone her sexy, not-so-little black number.

 

 

4. Pea Enculo is shelarious, even her ___________ are funny!

 

"...babes.... Shes so funnay even her jokes bout mi needin a gastric band are funnayyy.... onestly"

 

5. Carbon is such an artist, she can't even _________ without her paintbrush.

 

"FACK OFF GILLIAN MCKEEEEF!!!"

 

CitRu: That's not a match!

 

"OMG babes dunno what happend.... Just remindin yew that... Am not good at games hunnayyyy.. it's lyk the turtle and the slug.. or the horse and the rabbit. cant remember what it was but my time will come, gels."

 

6. Colleen is soooo edgy, when she has sex she __________!

 

"she REMINDS everywun she ISNT good at games... CitRu am having a mare here... fought I signd up for deal or fckn no deal and Am havin to answer all these questions. Yew wudnt believe me if I said I didnt go school wuld ya..." 

 

7. Chanel DiAngelo is sooooo emotional, she can't even cross the street without ____________.

 

Gemma looks visibly distressed. Her make-up which she insists is not from Primark starts running and her fake tan is looking a little streaky.

 

CitRu: Oh, Gemma, what's up?

 

"Am 100% pregnant I know et, I know et....... I know I am... Am havin a babey I know I am... I can feel et in ere look..." Gemma starts crying, rubbing her overly large stomach. "Bet its coz I didnt forward that chain mail that Ferne sent me on myspace in 2008... mate... Am gonna need that gastric band now fck sake"

 

8. Kunty is such a bitch, that, instead of shaking hands, she shakes ____________.

 

"A rubber at me..... I shuldve used one... Am not ready for a baby... I wanna go marbs and ibiza again... but Am scared but kinda excited but what if I dunt know what to do wiv a baby...."

 

Another celebrity guest confers with Gemma and they conclude that Gemma is not pregnant.

 

"Fank fck for that... Am so busy with work mate... honestly yew wuldnt believe et since Am ere but onestly... Ain't easy havin brains, beauty and booty"

 

9. Stone wears so little clothing, when she goes outside she gets __________!

 

"Fresh air ! it's not good to av no air.... so gels, fresh air is EVERYFIN.... and I am tellin yew!"

 

CitRu: Not a match, Gemma!

 

"..silly c*nt"

 

Gemma looks frustrated and shoves on a pair of dark Tesco sunglasses.

 

10. Pixel Dark is so scary, even __________ refuse to look at her!

 

"Am gotta be honest CitRu... I dunt wanna play any more games... Am fckin gamed out. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OV PLAYIN GAMES... FCKIN HELL.... it's like having a job... working 24/7 for 30 minutes on the trot."

 

Gemma begins to sob quietly.

 

The game ends and CitRu announces that nobody has won.

 

"Nah fck this am out ov ere. Git dat fire exit door - am off!"

 

Carbon

Citrus: Ladies and gentlemen, Jenna Maroney is here! Now Jenna, you’ve been known to be… uptight, and to be frank, offensive. Welcome!

 

Citrus, please, I prefer soul-sucking monster.

Citrus: We’ve been trying to get you on the show for so long now, I’m so glad you’re here. What’ve you been doing recently? I understand you had a run in with the law.

It’s all just been a huge misunderstanding, haha! I had just gotten a huge deal as a footrest in Moscow at our Great President Putin’s birthday celebration for his dog, Hollary. Anyway, one dog biscuit led to another, and that’s where things started to get really interesting, since I ended up back at [REDACTED]’s hotel with two other girls, and he started grabbing us by the [REDACTED], and well… we ended up [REDACTED] all over [REDACTED] with a little bit of [REDACTED] [REDACTED] on my [REDACTED] all on tape. It was only on my way back to the United States that I realised I had left my phone at the hotel, but security wouldn’t return it as a matter of “national security”. But please Citrus, I’d rather talk about my upcoming project, Muffin Top, available now as a Zippyshare exclusive.

Citrus: … Right. Let’s play Snatch Game!

 

1. Gladys Lux Maure is so nice, each time she sees a homeless person she _____________ them!

 

Who? When my agent called from rehab, I didn’t think I’d be doing these kind of shows, but Harvey’s been kinda quiet recently. Anyway, I wrote “gives them a signed Jenna Maroney autograph” like I did when my mother was homeless - she’s probably still out there, sat on a curb, chain-smoking and waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born.

 

2. Wh*re Yentl is such a slut, she can't dance without a ______________ falling out.

 

She can’t dance without her accent falling out - and it’s a serious medical condition. The reason why I have a slight British inflexion is because I lost my virginity to the soundtrack of Oliver, alright!

 

3. Melanoma is sooooo tan, when she goes to the store she gets mistaken for ______________.

 

She gets mistaken for me, silly! Ever since I’ve been taking these Yugoslavian toe-slimming pills my skin has been AMAZING, and my instagram has been blowing up with #dolezal since I announced my campaign to bring back Osama Bin Laden for a third-term presidency!

Citrus: Now, just to be clear, we don’t condone any of Miss Maroney’s actions and apologise for any offence caused to the black community.

No, you’ve got it all wrong! The blacks love me, I had a black boyfriend once! Although, the last time we spoke, I called him and said “OJ, where are you?” and he was like, “Wait, you’re alive? Then who did I kill?”. A total sweetheart.

4. Pea Enculo is shelarious, even her ___________ are funny!
Is she blonde?

Citrus: Sometimes?

Is she pretty?

Citrus: Not particularly…?

Okay, good… well, I wrote “orgasms”. Look Aciid, I’m sorry, okay! Pea and I were in a very emotional place because of Hurricane Katrina and that phase when I was sexually attracted to small vegetables!

 

5. Carbon is such an artist, she can't even _________ without her paintbrush.

I wrote “slit her wrists”. Don’t ask me how I know. Carbon, I’m gonna be constructive here after your previous snatch game… you should kill yourself. 

 

6. Colleen is soooo edgy, when she has sex she __________!

Well, I’ve been writing a sex column for Cosmo for 3 years no--

Citrus: Cosmopolitan magazine?

No, Cosmo is my 14-year old neighbour. Anyway, if I knew Colleen, which I don’t, she’s probably one of these “feminists” I keep hearing about, so I wrote she “orgasms”. Haha! I mean, can you imagine? Call me old-fashioned, but I think that’s the man’s job! I had to scrap the release of my Easter sex tape because of it. That and you can see his friend robbing me.

 

7. Chanel DiAngelo is sooooo emotional, she can't even cross the street without ____________.

Oh PLEASE. If a little depressed gay boy threatens to kill themselves and no one is around to Instagram it, did he waste $3500 at Evita Kirchner’s unaccredited school of psychology? Thanks Osama!

Citrus: Didn’t you go to the same unaccredited school for acting?

 

Thank you for looking for looking that up on my Wikipedia, and yes, I may have, perhaps dabbled in some acting lessons, but without actors, how would people know who to vote for?

 

8. Kunty is such a bitch, that, instead of shaking hands, she shakes ____________.

 

I visited Kunty during her house arrest, and she was pretty fiesty with her maid, so I wrote her “spanish dictionary” - she’s been giving me GREAT lessons and now I’m fluent! Let me see if I can still remember… Ahem: 

“ROSA, I KNOW YOU STOLE MY NECKLACE. I’LL HAVE YOUR SON DEPORTED. OH WAIT. I FOUND MY NECKLACE.”

 

 

9. Stone wears so little clothing, when she goes outside she gets __________!

Almost as much attention as me! This is a man’s world, Citrus, and you have to use every asset you have: anal bleaching, vaginal restoration, rib removal… I won’t be pushed aside and forgotten, like that time at my sister’s funeral.

 

10. Pixel Dark is so scary, even __________ refuse to look at her!

Pixel gives women a bad name, especially beautiful, white women like me, that not even Muslamic men will look at her. That’s why I’ve opened I’ve opened a shelter for little white girls too ugly to sing and dance their way off the streets. Pixel - I’ll be in touch!

Citrus: Before we finish, Jenna, is there anything you’d like to plug?

If you want to stay up to date with all things Jenna Maroney, make sure to follow me at myspace.com/jennas-side!

Citrus: Thanks for being here Jenna, and condragulations on the pregnancy.

 

But I’m no-

[Citrus]

1 minute ago, Hug said:

Quantity not quality has always been my motto. The judges will be too worn out to read it all, but can't claim it's bad if they haven't.

 

In Season 01, I refused to read Chanel's 30 something page screenplay so I just gave it a 7

[EJQL8]

1 minute ago, Citrus said:

new york: She’s so scary, even I refuse to look at her.

[Citrus]

cute part is that runway looks are up next!

[Wondy Lust]

On 1/13/2018 at 11:41 AM, talent said:

Sexy Robot by Hitomi Tohyama

, but stan for Hitomi! 

 

 

[Kylie Jenner]

Just now, Citrus said:

cute part is that runway looks are up next!

[Hug]

Excited for my look debut

 

#BuyMolestingOniTunes

[Vulnicura]

Wtf is my font, I sent it as comic sans?

[Kylie Jenner]

Just now, Vulnicura said:

Wtf is my font, I sent it as comic sans?

It is, it's just italic comic sans 

[Witch Privilege]

I kind of knew this would happen. I got way too busy with work this week, and then on top of that I got sick. 

When I got home, I curled up in bed and slept. This was fun for the week I was in it.

 

[Vulnicura]

3 minutes ago, Kylie Jenner said:

It is, it's just italic comic sans 

o. 

 

anyway I kinda flopped in hindsight. Everyone did really well! 

Edited January 14, 2018 by Vulnicura

[Citrus]

4 minutes ago, Vulnicura said:

Wtf is my font, I sent it as comic sans?

Quotes italicize everything. I was trying to just copy and paste, but people's formatting kept mucking up so I had to do quotes

[Kylie Jenner]

1 minute ago, Witch Privilege said:

I kind of knew this would happen. I got way too busy with work this week, and then on top of that I got sick. 

When I got home, I curled up in bed and slept. This was fun for the week I was in it.

 

 Hope you get well soon babes

[Citrus]

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Episode 1 - Sissy that Snatch Game

The Runway - Club Kid

 

 

Carbon

 Hi judges. For the Sissy That Lipsync, I decided to pay homage to a few of my favorite things: the Faux News channel is a nod to the S2 challenge with Dame and myself, and the Ghost in the Shell references are a further nod to my S2 Sissy That Lipsync entry, and just general enjoyment of the franchise. I decided to do something pretty campy with a mixed serious tone, so I hope you like it. For my Club Kid look, I consider Club Kids to be wild, dangerous, bold and unconventional, which is what I tried to capture in my look - I wanted it to be inviting to look at, but also kind of disgusting when you examine each part; the belt skirt thing was inspired by Lulu from FFX, and the neck piece is supposed to be a dining table with my head at it's centre. [insert Citrus "How's your head?" joke here]. I also went for a male-bodied look since I thought trying to make this concept look fishy or "real" wouldn't really fit the theme. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. I quite liked this challenge!

 

Gladys Lansing Michigan

 

For my Club Kid look, I'm serving you a "Death by Falling TV" look, with the idea patented by my sister Noah. I have an old tv on my head, truly making trash into treasure. I also have a giant plug that kinda serves a faux-ponytail (gifted by Pixel). My mug gives you the classic MTV color bar screen, with the neon colors dripping down my body like blood. I serve Sasha Velour with my bald head and a red lip. I'm giving you static blue screen with dark purple body paint with glitter everywhere. I have on a glass, polygon dress that reflects light off of every angle. My nails and shoes are also made of reflective glass and are modeled after Beyoncé's gold shoes and nails in the Run The World video. When I researched Club Kid, I mainly saw loud and bright colors, creative ideas, and interesting silhouettes. I really tried to hit all of those bulletpoints and make a look that both avant-garde and beautiful, and I think I managed to succeed. I'm ready to stun on the runway and turn all of you bitches on.

 

This week really put me through the wringer, but I guess that's All Stars for you! I believe I managed to rudeem myself from my Lipsync and Snatch Game last season, and I had so much fun with every part of this challenge. I hope you all enjoy. 

 

Colleen

 

 

For my club kid look, I was inspired by nature and flowers. I feel like there is no better example of something that starts from nothing and becomes something and that is something I feel represents my story very well. With smaller buds up the side of my leg and vein detailing across the green fabric, my look is complete with a hand-stoned bodysuit. In this look, I feel beautiful and unique, and proud of myself that I managed to produce something that makes me proud. My face is surrounded by a headpiece made of large petals which have matching ribbons flowing and trailing behind me as I walk the runway. My make-up is exaggerated, bright and eye-catching, but still fits with my look. My walk on the runway is excessively dramatic and I am feeling my fantasy in its entirety. I really feel like I have captured the outlandish outfits and antics we are used to seeing from club kids, whilst putting my own spin on it to make it fit my character.

 

Pea Enculo

RUNWAY

 

CLUB KID

 

(metallic fish prosthetics, tentacles, fin heels, metal hair braids, blue body paint, see through metallic dress, spiked back)

 

Chanel DiAngelo

Quote

 

Melanoma

 

For my club kid couture, I am giving you Melanoma at her realest.

I hand crafted this bulbous tumour dress and slipped on a simple nude pump.

 

Wh$re Yentl

W H O R Y E N T L / / L O O K

 

 

POR MAY KLAB KID LUK, AM SERBING YU MEDIKALI INDUSD HALUSINEYSHON RILNES, MAWMA! SINS KLAB KIDS AR BEYSIKLI DRAG ADIKS, AY TINK MY LUK RILI RIPRESENS DEM WEL. AS MAY LUK IS BERI KOLORPUL, AY YUS WAYT MEK UP POR MAY PEYS TU JAKSTAPOWS. AY HAB BIG AS AYS, BKOS, AS AY SED BIPOR, DEY AR DRAG ADIKS. POR MAY SHUS, AY WER PAT BKOS AYM PLAWER.

 

(For my Club Kid loo, I am serving you medically-induced hallucination realness, mawma! Since club kids are basically drug addicts, I think my look really represents them well. As my outfit is very colorful, I am wearing a white make-up in my face for the juxtaposition. I have huge eyes, because, as I sad before, they are drug addicts! For my shoes, I am wearing pots, because I am a flower.)

 

Pixel Dark

Runway

@EJQL8 @Rhisiart @Buddy! @Kylie Jenner @Hug @CHANEL™ @keshaspearsxo @Witch Privilege @Vulnicura @talent @feelslikeadream @Aciid @Subomie @True Skarlet @Moonchild @Lémur @PinkBox @mxtthewdelrey 

@Alena @Stan @Tsareena @Slut @SitarHero @Losing my ground @thecptz @Fruity

 

 

[Hug]

Gladys fucking snapped on her look, and the attention to detail on the skirt Carbon is wearing is gag-worthy. The drawing queens really pulled tf through didn't they?

 

Anyway, I don't see a BOOT to be had, but I'd prob give top TOOT to Gladys. Xurkitree is quaking hun.