tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[ultraviolence.xx]

wow 3 of us are in last this round. cere was ruthless wasn’t she

[ultraviolence.xx]

3 minutes ago, SaintWest said:

FFFFFFFFFFFF

hmm it didn’t work

[ultraviolence.xx]

4 minutes ago, SaintWest said:

Why did this make me scream in the drive thru line of a Starbucks 

whatchu gettin at starbs

[mxtthewdelrey]

4 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

It appears to be something along the lines of

 

Saint

Uvie/Tsa

Aurora

Pear

Hug/Matty

Mxtt

If you're gonna type my name out in last place, at least put a  emoji next to it to voice your support

[fountain]

6 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

If you're gonna type my name out in last place, at least put a  emoji next to it to voice your support

We are in phase 3, every bitch for them self 

[fountain]

9 minutes ago, Corsola said:

i think it's themselves

When in competition there is no time to spell check 

[SaintWest]

I’m getting my hair braided for the next few hours so xoxo xoxo xoxo let me know when I’m snubbed again x

[mxtthewdelrey]

I hope we have a Demi Lovato inspired challenge 

[MattyTacos]

31 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

I hope we have a Demi Lovato inspired challenge 

woo ready to serve my daddy issues

[Jackson]

results probably arent going to be until laTe again this week, like 11 or 12 PM EST probably

[mxtthewdelrey]

Just now, MattyTacos said:

woo ready to serve my daddy issues

i'm going to be serving ready for ya

[ultraviolence.xx]

Just now, Jackson said:

results probably arent going to be until laTe again this week, like 11 or 12 PM EST probably

it was 12pm EST 6 hours ago x

[MattyTacos]

Just now, Jackson said:

results probably arent going to be until laTe again this week, like 11 or 12 PM EST probably

Wow and I was actually listening to Witness for the first time in months, I'm turning it off after Deja Slay

[MattyTacos]

2 minutes ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

i'm going to be serving ready for ya

The best song off the album and it's not even on the deluxe & I'm too lazy to 'buy' it 

[Citrus]

my reviews coming a little after 8 PM EST xo

[ultraviolence.xx]

35 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

me when "smells like fire" comes on in the parking lot after i just left the club

a tu’er shan tea

[ultraviolence.xx]

Just now, Gastrodonatella said:

i got so lost in the moment as i was bopping that i couldn't even remember the name wow you really gave me that out of body experience

whew i’ll take that as a phat compliment 

[Citrus]

2 more to go

[ultraviolence.xx]

shaking? yes

[Citrus]

In the meantime stream one of my fave rap songs

 

 

[Aurora]

2 minutes ago, Citrus said:

2 more to go

epididymis in orbit

[ultraviolence.xx]

2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

epididymis in orbit

vas deferens outsold 

[Aurora]

10 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

vas deferens outsold 

you want a rap beef, lil uvie vers? i'll end u

[Citrus]

 

CitRuviews - Rap Round

 

@ultraviolence.xx– I Smell Fire:

• Sam Smith really is the whitest kid on the soul train, isn’t he?
• “sweaty like a gym sock” is better than it ought to be, but “prolly got a small ****” is weak
• Boo hoo doesn’t belong in songs that aren’t Halloween themed or for children
• I like the inclusion of the Antoine Dodson interlude, slay
• Your perfect rhymes of stay with you/pray for you feel weaker given the pacing of this
• Like a kangaroo pouch-packin is a dumb, dumb line. Are you Australian? Because if not there is no excuse tbh
• Same @ “you should really get tic-taccin”

First of all, this is a wonderful recording and it jams so much it made me forget what a ****ing mess these lyrics are. Your disses alternated between being elementary (small dick jokes) or almost completely nonsensical (you’re saying his breath stinks and NOT because he’s been sucking off Pharrell?). Some of the musical industry allusions were cute like the cheap thrills line, but, overall, this is just way too weak for a diss track. No lines stick out as real cutthroat ****. You should’ve been talking about how Sam had to lose weight because being fat is the gay death worse than AIDS, and you should’ve mentioned Ed being the “nice guy” to a white supremacist (Taylor). EDIT, came back after finishing reviews to say not to be scared by the harshness of my write-up here. This whole round is trash!

 

 

@Tsareena – Asparagus Water:

• If you’re going to use the same rhyme with itself, the surrounding words have to change for it to work (@ friends/friends and culture/culture vultures).
• My first impression of verse 1 is that your lines are too long to flow terribly well.
• I actually really like the chorus, it’s a nice weird one for a good rap song. It would be a slay scene in the music video, too.
• There was no rhyme in the first 6 lines of Verse 2, and for rap that’s kind of a major problem.
• Calamity/brutality/insanity is the closest you got to hard hitting line in this song.
• Delete “Oh wow how”
• Shout out to recognizing the murder of trans women
• Your shade with the orange line wasn’t cute

This did a fair attempt at the kind of social commentary that rap can accomplish, and it’s enjoyable at parts. Your concept and what you wanted to say were both very strong, but, unfortunately, the lack of technical precision (in rhymes, line length, not laying on the metaphor quite so thickly) really served as detriments to what is an otherwise admirable and exciting way to approach this challenge.

 

 

@SaintWest – I Kneel:

• “They beat us black and blue until the red is all we’ve got” is a great line
• Better/trigger is a weak rhyme but it’s only a blemish on an otherwise gorgeous first verse
• The chorus is strong in concept and language, but the perfect rhymes make it singsongy and remove some of the power behind the words. Also leads you to some forced situations like ears/revered, and the revered line isn’t a strong enough one to end your chorus on
• “Because my skin is black” is a true statement but its bluntness doesn’t fit with the more nuanced way you described it in verse 1
• The knee/free lines are very awkward, the latter one especially so.
• Verse 2 is definitely weaker than the first, primarily because the more direct calls to action and description of injustice aren’t tempered with the same figurative language that made the first verse so poetic and staying.
• The first four lines of the bridge pop OFF, then we have this clunky involved/unsolved, and the “On the one whose life’s at stake” bit just feels like you inverted it to fit the rhyme scheme

Overall, I really liked this and it was so wonderful to read because almost everything this round is garbage. Technically, the biggest issues here were 1) Consistency between writing styles in the verses and 2) Making sure that the lines flowed, as a few of them felt very shoved in and disrupted an otherwise smooth reading. I don’t know if you did or not, but definitely read this one out loud before submitting. Rap lyrics read aloud should hit a natural rhythm almost like spoken word.

 

@MattyTacos – Private Sanctuary:

• Say goodbye to the word ‘Accrue’, I don’t google **** for this game
• Probably meant extent to be extend, but it’s not a biggie
• What does “You didn’t leave with a binding” mean? Not sure binding is the word you wanted
• Miles heat in the desert, what?
• The love/blood couplet in the pre chorus is a slay
• This chorus has a decently cute first line and then three forced/non rhyming/ugly lines immediately after. Sanctuary is a hard word to not sound forced, and I still don’t know why refugees is in here.

I didn’t comment on the second verse because what’s wrong there is kinda the same as what’s messy in the rest of the song, the big thing being that this isn’t really rap? Like the flow, meter, and rhythm are not at all indicative of rap. There are necessary pauses at the end of almost every line and that’s not what you want for this genre, you need each line to spill immediately into the next as a constant pouring of water. There wasn’t enough detail for us to understand exactly what was going on without the explanation, and you had a fair amount of lines that were imagery, yes, but the kind that is forced and doesn’t make sense (see: middle of first verse).

 

@keshaspearsxo– Billboards:

• I have no issues with the way the first verse is written BUT this doesn’t read as rap. It’s a cute verse from a #Pears song, but a reading stops/pauses at the end of just about every line.
• I like the chorus, and it flows smoother and more quickly than the first verse. It still feels stilted for rap, but it’s better.
• I love the way fantasy leads into the rhyme of “come to be”
• The bridge is actually the most rap-like part of your song, cute

Similar notes for you as I had for Matty. This is a good song but it isn’t a rap song. There’s no heartbeat here, this could be sung as someone strummed some chords and it would fit perfectly to that. It’s still well written though! If it was a rap song that didn't wanna do a bunch of creative references, then I think you have to sell the storytelling much more than we usually do. Rap storytelling is usually pretty sequential and can even involve "check ins" where things are summarized (chorus/hook). Some of those structures are good things to build a rap song around.

 

@Aurora– Counterfeit:

• Your penchant for internal rhymes got the worst of you in some places and made us lose the rhyme structure of the end of lines (“Alibi loose as your” wrist through “dead in a ditch”)
• “High as a lift” is basic and hearing it would make me think of the driver app tbh
• “Fake as a pseudonym author” is clunky and ugly

****ing bye at the Genius page, you tryhard extra ass. That being said, I ****ing SCREAMED at “Following the loose theme, I reference Taylor Swift”, you shady bitch. The chorus in this song goes all the way off in a way pretty much nobody else did this round, so thank you for that. While there were a couple issues (highlighted above, though those definitely weren’t the only ones), this was a bop and a proper diss track. I’d love to see you do this style again, and that says a lot because this round almost made me register as a Republican.

 

@mxtthewdelrey – Mouth Where my Money Is:

• The title is cute, I stan a little
• The intro/chorus is fine but a little short to be much more than a singsongy rap stanza
• The first verse doesn’t work because there isn’t a consistent line length or rhyme structure, though I love the cinema line
• The whole Halsey verse is too obscure to really fit into things smoothly, which is the most important aspect of rap
• BYEEEE @ photosynthesizing a man, is this an inside joke I didn’t get? PLs tell me it is
• The compare it/financial merit couplet is good
• The “cars in my lot” stanza is just kinda there, it doesn’t add much and it doesn’t hit very hard
• The “One Dance” reference is too forced and disrupts the song

My biggest problem with this is that the lines were both too short to feel like most rap and too loose to feel like the shorter but still tight spoken word style. While I love the central conceit of this song, there just isn’t enough exploration of it. We needed a little more characterization of the antagonist and why we don’t care that her man is lost forever.

 

@Hug– Hug’s Manifesto:

• I love the first stanza of the first verse, specifically the ending line about being DTF, whew. Of course, the rhythm isn’t really that cute but at least the lines are here.
• Bye @ “Never have I gave a ****”, bad
• You tried to do a cool thing with the face/resting bitch face thing but it didn’t hit
• Deliberate/congratulate doesn’t work well as a perfect rhyme here
• Girl who is the 35^th president? It would’ve hit harder if you’d just said “the president” because that could’ve been interpreted as political commentary
• Not Thug, jesus
• The internal rhyme in stanza two of the bridge was a nice thin but I was sad it ended immediately after

Similar issues to Uvie in that, while it’s a diss track, it isn’t a good one. Yours suffers a tad more because I can tell you’re uncomfortable in this style (which is fine!), as the song comes across rather forced. Diss tracks thrive on both specificity and creativity, and lines about how you can fight a bitch or how you’re better than others don’t work if we don’t have the context. Either tell us the situation and then make your assertions, or have some creatively killer punch lines.

 

[ultraviolence.xx]

7 minutes ago, Citrus said:

EDIT, came back after finishing reviews to say not to be scared by the harshness of my write-up here. This whole round is trash!

still very, very scared