UFO Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 When @UFO gives great advice to the other contestants but he can't apply that great advice to his own damn songs I'm such a self-saboteur
UFO Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 10 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said: and you did AMAZING serving qualiTea!!! Thanks Henny! I try
touya kinomoto Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 1 hour ago, UFO said: @KatyCatPH btw girl it's NOT "But it was me that caused this tragedy" it's supposed to be "But it was I who caused this tragedy" just a heads up! I don't want you to get dragged for something as petty as that Oops! Thanks for that. Glad I haven't sent my final work yet.
UFO Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 41 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said: 51 minutes ago, UFO said: you don't always have to have a climax but it's something to keep in mind like most women, i don't always have a climax I'm sorry sis but I just HAD to share this with everyone @ultraviolence.xx I literally bust out laughing I nearly bust a blood vessel when I read that fake orgasm queen no-climax having queen FEMINIST queen akhfgaskjfasjk fff Just now, KatyCatPH said: Oops! Thanks for that. Glad I haven't sent my final work yet. No problem! Tbh I've been constantly editing my own song these past few days even though I've already submitted. Jackson hasn't sent it to the judges yet so all I've been doing is editing it lowkey
ultraviolence.xx Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 41 minutes ago, UFO said: I'm sorry sis but I just HAD to share this with everyone @ultraviolence.xx I literally bust out laughing I nearly bust a blood vessel when I read that fake orgasm queen no-climax having queen FEMINIST queen akhfgaskjfasjk fff no lies spotted are there?
fountain Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 On 28 August 2017 at 6:16 AM, Jackson said: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ P H A S E 1 ROUND 2 : CRYPTOZOOLOGY ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In case you haven't been paying attention, welcome to Phase 1! You've made it this far, which means you don't have to worry about eliminations until the end of Round 4, but warning that eliminations will be pretty brutal at that point. Still, don't rest easy quite yet. In Round 4's elimination, you will be scored on an average of your scores from rounds 2-4. That means that you have to give your all each week, even if you may survive a misstep. Each phase of PH11 will focus on a different aspect of songwriting. Phase 1 focuses on inspiration based songwriting, where you choose an image, story, or theme and base your song around it. R2 focuses on something Platinum Hit writers have been known to experiment with, but has never had a dedicated challenge. This week's challenge is centered around mythology, folklore, and cryptozoology. Citrus, who came up with the challenge, wanted to base the challenge completely off cryptozoology, but I decided to be a little nicer and broaden your choice of writing for the beginning of the game. You may choose any piece of mythology/folklore/cryptid you like, but please make sure it's at least moderately well known, and attach a link to a source for further reading. Like last week, your inspiration can be fairly loose, but back it up. No word limit this week. Ohhh, and the comeback? Like I've already announced, it's open to anyone, both eliminated contestants and those that weren't able to submit anything for Round 1. How will it work? You will follow the challenge the same as everyone else. However, each judge has ONE wildcard pick of comeback contestants to bring back into the game. The catch is, if multiple judges pick the same person, they can't change their pick. If every judge chooses the same person to bring back, only one person will come back. Additionally, no judge is required to use their wildcard. So make sure you give it your all if you want to make it into the competition. CHALLENGE EXAMPLES: ENTRIES ARE DUE THURSDAY AT 11:59PM EST Uh, the countdown is wrong?
Jackson Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 52 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Uh, the countdown is wrong? Yeah I think it's counting to 11:59AM EST
Aurora Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Work keeps screwing me around so much. Was supposed to work a 10 hour shift today, got sent home to come back in the afternoon as they had nobody down to close. Literally have no idea if I'm gonna have anything to submit.
Hug Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 5 minutes ago, Aurora said: Work keeps screwing me around so much. Was supposed to work a 10 hour shift today, got sent home to come back in the afternoon as they had nobody down to close. Literally have no idea if I'm gonna have anything to submit. Omg You're safe til Round 4, just sent a troll entry or something if you have to ytgfvd I don't want you to get clocked after a smash debut
ceremonials Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 @ICEY, “Meet You In Space” Okay, that title triggers me. Idk why it just sounds so...broad? Idk Though, I don’t hate the line it’s used in, it’s actually quite nice. The chorus for the most part was really strong, albeit a tad predictable. You can’t really go wrong with astral imagery, but the metaphors used for them are pretty predictable at this point. I’d like to see an astral song about something other than love, maybe. But that’s not my qualm with you, since the task was essentially to recreate these songs, and Stardust is just that (except it’s about a one night stand, but you get what I mean). So it wouldn’t make sense for me to dock you for that. There were some curious word choices though, particularly “silly” in the prechorus - this sort of destroyed the tone. It seemed a little bit rushed or sloppy in places, but the ideas were there, maybe just not fully polished. That’s something I’d like you to work on in the future. Overall, this was a great attempt at recreating Stardust. It might not have the ambience of the original, but it makes up for it in its own unique ways. @Covergirl, “Drowned in Neon” I actually kind of really like this so pardon me for not saying a lot about it. The narrative is cute, again nothing groundbreaking but the point is that it’s told well. My main issue is that it was a tad too story driven for me. I love storytelling songs, but there comes a point when cramming every piece of info you can in is too much. I wish we would have gotten to see more of the narrator’s internal conflicts other than simply what is happening around him. There were flashes of this, sure, but I wish it was slightly more fleshed out. Still, you continuously prove your growth as a writer and as someone who has experienced that in the past, I say keep at it. @Tsareena, “Cherry Liquor” Okay, I actually like this. It’s a bit too similar to the original, I think, it doesn’t really deviate from it all in terms of theme, but I also think in a week like this that’s fine. I really admire how your lyrics never stray away from that theme as well, it makes the song feel very cohesive, and consistent imagery is something a lot of people have issues with. We can all use imagery - it’s not hard - but making it consistent and effective is what takes the skill. And from the few songs I’ve read from you, I think you have that down pretty well. That’s a great asset to have, as it can take years to learn (or seasons maybe. Trust me, this was one of my biggest flaws in S10). So the issue isn’t there. I think it’s moreso with the narrative going on. I’ve said this in a lot of interviews, but i’m not going to be judging your entries narrative’s based on whether or not the story is good, because it could be entirely derived from the original. I will be judging on whether or not its told well though. This piece is told almost the same as the original, which doesn’t really end up going anywhere. I feel like your biggest mistake here was picking Scarlet Bitch. It’s not a bad song by any means, but maybe not the best for your immersive writing style. Overall, I know this week was kind of rough for you, but I don’t want you to be discouraged. You have a very vivid and immersive writing style and that’s something that cannot be undervaued in a competition like this. @PoKiTaurus, “Magic Man” Okay, there aren’t many...glaring flaws with this. So as a first time contestant, that’s always a good start. There’s definitely some small areas that need improvement, and there’s definitely some rough patches in terms of individual lines, but as a whole I don’t find the final product awful. . “You’ll never feel sour” has got to be one of the most forced rhymes I’ve ever seen You might not know what those are or why they don’t work though, so let’s talk about them. Forced rhymes add nothing to the narrative you’re trying to propose and are simply there to, well, force a rhyme. If a line has a word that seems like it was placed there just because it rhymes, it’s probably a forced rhyme. Let’s take Summer Bummer for example. Not many things rhyme with summer, so you have really limited options if you want to rhyme something with it. Summer Bummer as a title just sounds comedic, and that was not its intended effect. Instead of summer, you could maybe use June or July, since it would still be summer, and much easier to rhyme with. Aside from that though, you seem to have some natural skill for writing. It needs some refinement, sure. It’s going to take practice. But I see a lot of potential. @Mezik, “Glow” Um, why wasn’t this top 10? (Or maybe it was, idk at this point ). My point is I think this was pretty underrated compared to what the other girls scored you. That said, the song is pretty basic conceptually and mechanically. There’s not a lot to make it stand out at all, and that’s where I take issue with it - it’s very middle of the road, at least conceptually. As a whole though, I think this was one of the stronger entries. Forgive me for writing a short review, but I want to more focus on you as a writer. This is the first song from you I’ve read, and you seem to be a competent writer, as far as I can tell. The issues aren’t with refinement but maybe moreso subject matter. In the future I want you to try more ambitious concepts, or maybe just a new take on a tired concept. This is because my biggest fear for you is that you will mold into the crowd of contestants. Your writing is good, and I want it to stand out, but you have to meet me halfway. @SaintWest, “Train” Ok wow at this being even shorter than Aurora’s. Talent? Perhaps. I gave this a really high score but I actually did find it kind of boring? Like, it’s just someone narrating all the things passing them by as they look out the window? On paper, that sounds so dull but here, it works for the most part, thanks mainly to the masterful writing. Sorry this isn’t longer, but there aint much to pick apart. Your writing is strong as ever, but the concept didn’t entirely hit home for me. And that’s okay. It’s not going to every week.
ceremonials Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 i think thats it? @ me if i didnt review your song and you still want one, sorry if i missed any and sorry for being so late :(
SaintWest Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 (edited) 8 minutes ago, ceremonials said: @SaintWest, “Train” Talent? Perhaps. Edited August 31, 2017 by SaintWest
ceremonials Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 When I think of Whimsicott, I feel... Disgusted.
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted August 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted August 31, 2017 6 minutes ago, ceremonials said: @Tsareena, “Cherry Liquor” Overall, I know this week was kind of rough for you, but I don’t want you to be discouraged. You have a very vivid and immersive writing style and that’s something that cannot be undervaued in a competition like this. Thanks king
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted August 31, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted August 31, 2017 10 minutes ago, ceremonials said: When I think of Whimsicott, I feel... Disgusted. as miss gastrodonatella once said " didn't ask"
ceremonials Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 1 minute ago, Tsareena said: as miss gastrodonatella once said " didn't ask" never heard of this alleged person
ceremonials Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 Just now, Corsola said: I stan for the Whimsicott hatred between you and @Hug. Anyone else part of the club? Regardless, Jumpluff truly won as the superior cotton pokemon. Yes @8thPrince is also woke!
Aurora Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 23 minutes ago, Hug said: Omg You're safe til Round 4, just sent a troll entry or something if you have to ytgfvd I don't want you to get clocked after a smash debut I know, but I don't like submitting something that I already know is subpar, but I don't want to not submit altogether. Makes it tough. I've got about 3 hours now, I'll see what I can scrape up and then come back to it after work tonight, when I'll basically have to finish and submit since I'm back at work until the deadline tomorrow.
SaintWest Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 1 hour ago, Aurora said: I know, but I don't like submitting something that I already know is subpar, but I don't want to not submit altogether. Makes it tough. I've got about 3 hours now, I'll see what I can scrape up and then come back to it after work tonight, when I'll basically have to finish and submit since I'm back at work until the deadline tomorrow. give us girls a chance and don't submit
Aurora Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 7 minutes ago, SaintWest said: give us girls a chance and don't submit I've already got a verse I like so no
fountain Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 On 30 August 2017 at 1:31 AM, keshaspearsxo said: Sweet Simulation 2. The Owl If you should want to give up relying on late hindsight I suggest perhaps you should follow where that great wise owl goes ok finally wrote it
SaintWest Posted August 31, 2017 Posted August 31, 2017 7 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: ok finally wrote it hoot hoot bish
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