tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[Glassmouth]

1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said:

no one cares if its on the same ****ing page just go 5 somebody else already you rat bitch 

messier

[Glassmouth]

1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i'm helping us spam to the next page what do you want from me my review is already out anyway i'm doing this for the good of other people and out of the kindness of my ****ing heart but it seems like everything i do is just ****ing unappreciated and discounted as me being a messy bitch and i just don't ****ing understand why everything i say gets dissected like this and

why the f*ck do you think I posted two flipping times, bitch? I'm trying to do the same

 

Edited August 26, 2017 by Glassmouth

[Glassmouth]

Just now, Gastrodonatella said:

SO YOU ADMIT YOU THINK IT'S ****ING OKAY FOR YOU TO DO THE SAME THING AS ME  BUT WHEN I DO IT I'M THE MESSY ONE HOW THE **** DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL

WELL, IF YOU WERE NOT SO SELF-CENTRED YOU'D SEE THAT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, GASTRODONATELLA, SCREW YOU AND YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS

[Glassmouth]

because I'm not funny 

[Jackson]

 

@OreGuy - Running Out of Time

First off, I want to just say you’ve improved quite a bit from the last time I read one of your songs. In every prior song of yours I’ve read, you seemed to struggle elevating your songs past just relaying exactly the events in your head, and it appears as though you’ve finally overcome that. There were still some issues here, however. “Volcanoes everywhere are mad”, although a strong metaphor in theory, was about as basic as a metaphor can get. Instead of explicitly stating that they were mad, you could have used a strong verb describing their explosive or destructive nature. Additionally, you still haven’t quite grasped the concept of meter, and doing so will make the words you choose much stronger in your songs. 

 

 

@EJQL8 - Servant of the Lord

“Feelings have aboard”? That has to be one of the worst forced rhymes I’ve seen in this competition, because the word didn’t even make sense in the line. It was literally just there to fill a rhyme scheme. This was prevalent throughout the song. “mess/duress/undress”, “saliva/lava”, which don’t even really rhyme, etc. Don’t let your rhymes control your song. You basically let it move wherever the easiest word to rhyme fit. Think about what you want to say first, and then find a rhyme that fits, or don’t rhyme at all if ti becomes too much of a problem. The structure was interesting, though, so props for that.

 

 

@Nait Phoenix - Overboard

“What good’s an anchor when you’re sinking?” OK WIG at this line. Each line individually here was really strong. It can be difficult to write a water themed song without being reductive and familiar, but I felt like your metaphors here were fairly original. If I had to pick a problem, it would probably be the fact that a few lines didn’t quite make sense. A siren’s melody would realistically be heard over the ocean’s waves as opposed to the ocean floor, and I can’t really see someone being washed down transition into them floating. So maybe think about the meaning of your lines more critically. But overall, this is one of my favorite songs I’ve read from you.

 

 

@Speezy - Shadows Can’t C*m

Wig and a half @ this concept. I don’t think it’s something I’ve ever heard before. There were a lot of really clever lines, like “while our shadows imitate the movements that we create” and “there are scratches on my neck/my silhouette failed to reflect that”. If the song’s meter was a little more present, it would have strengthened each individual line even more. There were also a couple of lines that could have been phrased a bit better. “There are only four of us here tonight” was a bit more raunchy than clever, and since you used it before the whole shadow concept had really sunk in, it was a bit confusing as well. Still, probably my favorite song I’ve seen from you.

 

 

@Glassmouth - Angel

This song was a mix of lines that did and didn’t connect. You started off on a bad note, where “inhale it and take it” is redundant. Still, not even 3 lines later you come back with “the call to keep going under/under the neon dream”, followed by the hijab snatching “the lights will activate/what’s inside of our veins”. The mix of scientific words sprinkled into an otherwise unwordy song bordered on jarring, but actually worked for me. I think my biggest problem here is I could never quite catch the flow of the song, which muddled the power of some of your better lines as I was stuck looking for a rhythm that wasn’t quite evident enough. I did still enjoy the song overall, though.

 

 

@FCKNAmbrosia - Only Afflicted Time Escapes From the Quicksand of Oblivion

OK sis, you really weren’t lying about your title lengths, I’m GAGGED. Let me get out what I didn’t like first. There were a few little word choices that bothered me, like “demons getting free”. The first verse of the song was a little AP English, where you used some big words that weren’t really necessary as they didn’t add much to the song other than making you seem smart. But, of course, both of those issues are only minor. Overall, I loved this. You really made every word count, and some specific word choices were really well thought out. “The day you left still glitches in my time frame” WOO LAWD I’m shaking at this. The second has to be my favorite part of the song. This is my favorite song I’ve read so far.

 

 

@Aurora - Aftertaste

The way you utilized your meter to make certain words and lines pop was brilliant. The verses read like a wave, rolling in and out of your words before landing on rhymes, until the phrase “I think we need to talk” abruptly stopped everything, drawing specific attention to it. I kind of loved this song from the title alone, but the chorus just exemplified why the title was so perfect. The first two lines of the chorus were both emotive and thoughtful in a very powerful way. “The moving van is waiting to erase you from my life” honestly gave me chills. Honestly, I really don’t have anything to criticize here. Good job.

 

 

@MattyTacos - Erase You?

You’ve got a lot of nice words here, but do they really mean anything next to each other? Why are you using lucid dreaming as a simile for dreaming when it’s just a type of dreaming? What does humidity have to do with being cold blooded? In the end this was just very AP English. You used nice words and your technique was good, but the metaphors failed to connect and the song’s punch wasn’t as strong as it should have been. The best line? “Don’t cloud a silver lining”. 

 

 

@funnellegs - Constellation

Out of all the songs I’ve read so far, it looks like you stayed closest to your inspiration, emulating the themes, structure, and rhyme scheme all in one. Copying the structure was probably a smart choice, because, not to toot my own horn too much, it had a good structure and a tight meter. There were a lot of clever lines,  specifically in verses 3 and 4, but also a lot of lines that didn’t quite live up to their inspiration, such as rhyming “online” and “offline” (see: Gastrodonatella’s review, it’s typically not a good idea to rhyme a word with itself or its opposite when they’re both derived from the same roots). My biggest complaint here is that you didn’t quite take the storyline anywhere new. I would have loved to see a bit of shift in the mood of the end of the song, or some sort of plot twist or something. Not a bad entry overall, though. 

 

 

@Legend E - Hourglass

Some people are really coming through with the strong concepts this week! You’re not exception. This was a really strong case of third person songwriting, and using the bird as a bystander was pretty clever. Still, the song read more like a story than a song or even poem, and I could tell there were points where you struggled to fit lines into a meter or rhyme scheme. I know it can be difficult, but try to find words that fit better into your meter, and try not to deviate from it more than one or two syllables per line at most, and make sure each rhyme fits naturally. If you ever write a word solely for the sake of rhyming, delete it. A few structural changes would have made this a much stronger song.

 

 

@CountryBritney - August

Wow, not this being your Dangerous Woman era. I liked that this was something different from you. There were a few lines I’d delete, such as “secondhand settee”. I could see where you were going with it, but it still seemed forced. The “woman’s mind aligns” line would have been a lot stronger with perhaps a different word as well. My favorite part was the chorus, especially the halo couplet. As far as your entries go, it was neither your worst or your strongest, but I’m glad it was a new page in your songwriting book.

 

 

@Oxygen - Deep

OK, my biggest problem here was simply the lack of proofreading. Each time I read a “to” that should have been “too” or a “your” that should have been “you’re” I wanted your lover to drown me too. Additionally, you also seemed to suffer from a few forced rhymes with “weak” and “bleak”. You should have changed the “salty” line to “salty on my teeth”. Otherwise, there wasn’t  much else wrong with the song, but the water metaphors did feel quite familiar. Just make sure you proofread your songs a little more next time and try to be a bit more creative or personal with your metaphors and imagery.

 

[Nait Phoenix]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Jackson! And I understand what you mean, I'll try to make my lines more cohesive next time so that it all makes sense…

[ultraviolence.xx]

nnnnn

[Jackson]

22 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

how many are getting cut R1

I was thinking of moving 30 people on to R2 but I don't actually know how many people submitted so I have to look at that first 

[Legend E]

oop thanks for at least liking the concept I'll try to make it better next time if I get through

[touya kinomoto]

2 hours ago, Citrus said:

KatyCatPH - Out of my Mind

 

Okay but I SCREAMED at the randomness of “You’re looking good as always, that’s nice”. I get the meaning behind the line, a kind of ‘I’m glad you’re still doing well’ vibe but that phrasing is awkward as hell girl. Same @ “Like Celine told me, my heart will go on”. References have to be done VERY carefully in songs for this game, and I know that because Jackson continuously dragged me for mine when I played. These kinds of references make the song seem less serious and more surface level/humorous, which is fine but it throws off the more somber tone you set out with at the start. Work on keeping a consistent tone and making sure the lines flow together well. Read it out loud to yourself before sending to make sure there’s a natural rhythm.

Thanks for the honest critique, I appreciate it. Because I am a stan of my fave, I tried to do an empowerment/break-up anthem so it sounded sad in the beginning and then it got a bit sassier by the pre-chorus. 

 

@Jackson babe tore me into pieces! Jk. Seriously I ger what you're pointing out and I greatly appreciate the feedback. I had some people read my work (Thanks @Lane Boy and @Hug) who taught me a few things here there (rhymes, meters, etc.) But next time I'll ask for more feedback. 

 

@ceremonials I was gunning for actually a Sara Bareilles style but I too realized that it was more Katy in basicness!  But because I know how really somber "Erased" was (yes, that was my inspiration and I know it was a suicide tackling it ), I wanted to do a song that's opposite. More of a light take on moving on. But if ever I get through to the next round, I'll definitely ditch the basicness and try different styles and techniques. (I just wanted to do a radio-friendly single for my debut for the GP to like me. )

[ceremonials]

More reviews tonight x

 

hopefully I'll do another 15, idk how many there will be after that but I'll try to do them Sunday morning.

 

i also am gonna wait til im done to do scores I think, so I'll probably do hints as well on Sunday

 

[UFO]

14 hours ago, Corsola said:

I usually read them because I stan for the way you type and the essays  

5 hours ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

also @UFO i live for your essays and for your beautiful creative brain

5 hours ago, Corsola said:

@UFO was my first platinum hit friend (along with @ceremonials) so I have a soft spot  and also we have so many common interests so there's that too 

OMG the praise! whew, my PR team rebuilding my public image like this - SLAY   

NNnnn thanks g0rls! you know ily2.mp3    

 

7 hours ago, Speezy said:

 Me, You and our silhouettes 

Here for it tbh   "steel sex impregnation bop" teas  

 

Edited August 27, 2017 by UFO

[Jackson]

37 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

More reviews tonight x

 

hopefully I'll do another 15, idk how many there will be after that but I'll try to do them Sunday morning.

 

i also am gonna wait til im done to do scores I think, so I'll probably do hints as well on Sunday

 

Mess I never understand how people do that. I always do my scored with my reviews 

[Nait Phoenix]

3 hours ago, Gastrodonatella said:

ARTPOP was a criminally underrated masterpiece

Ooh, truthbomb!

 

[UFO]

19 hours ago, Jackson said:

@UFO - Black Sun

I like that this was different from you. You’re typically more verbose and prefer longer, more conceptually complex entries, so I like that you chose to peel it back a bit this week. Your prose style still seeped through a little more than I would have wanted, and the lack of a clear rhyme scheme made the song border a little too far into poem territory. Overall, I wish you would have expounded a little more on what the black sun represented, as the meaning was never quite clear as to why they would prefer the moon. Still a strong debut entry, though.

Nnnnn CLOCK me!   lately I have given zero ****s about rhyme schemes, I literally just rhyme whichever lines sound nice in my head     when I first started writing I was sooo anal about rhyme schemes but now I'm at the opposite extreme fffff I'll keep that in mind for future rounds though cause I definitely admit the rhyme scheme was non existent in my song   

 

5 hours ago, Citrus said:

 

UFO - Black Sun

 

Please don’t include cover art in the PMs. All the songs are in a massive doc and it just means I have to scroll more. Not sure what you mean by falling in all your ocean blue. If you meant ocean blue eyes you should’ve made blue plural. I HATE “I have the ocean blues”, that reads like a popsicle stick joke: “What does the Jazz musician in Florida have?”. Yikes. Anyways, this was cute, I normally have trouble getting into these Lyyke Li teas but I was living a bit. Some of your lines focus so much on abstractness that they lose impact because of their ~art~ but I know you’ve gotten that critique before. Try to remember your audience is stoopid.

"falling in all your ocean blue" was basically supposed to represent how the Sun falls under the horizon as it sets, so it's as if the Sun is "falling" into the Earth's ocean. Nothing to do with ocean blue eyes at all    although I guess you could interpret it like that? Nnnn the entire song goes from morning to night: 

 

In the morning 

All the way into the afternoon

I was falling

Kept falling in all your ocean blue

 

I tried to flip the meaning a bit from "your ocean blue" to "I have the ocean blues" to shift the perspective a bit and also I didn't want to mention "ocean blue" once in the first verse just because it sounded cool and never go back to it again but I do agree that I was kind of hesitant about whether to include that line because it sounds so Lana del Rey (in a bad way )

 

but yas @ that Lykke Li comparison tho     I'm definitely inspired by her slightly

 

fffff I've tried to write "stoopid" before but it usually ends up sounding like a diary entry so I tried to embrace my abstractness and poeticism more lately but I'll definitely keep that in mind! The audience aren't in the creative process with me so they are literally looking at my lyrics with fresh eyes. It's why I rarely include explanations for my songs because I believe so strongly in subjectivity and multi-interpretation. I sometimes forget that the judges are reading my lyrics for the first time tbh     I've always struggled with maintaining a balance between not sounding too basic and obvious but not sounding to artsy fartsy vague either   I'll definitely try to find that medium though

Edited August 27, 2017 by UFO

[UFO]

Uvie and Aurora are coming for wigs   hopefully I can slide in the Top 25 somehow

 

edit: mess I'm reading back through the past couple of pages and... if @feelslikeadream was judging this season... y'all would be having meltdowns every week      I'm lowkey wishing Fefe is a guest judge at some point   I'd be here for it

 

I miss how the good sis used to clock and go IN on me for my questionable word choices 

It was so fun   not gonna lie

Edited August 27, 2017 by UFO

[UFO]

Currently reading through the rest of Citrus' reviews and ha blunt honesty is making me KII    

 

Quote

“I have not” is clunky; pretty much anything that can be contracted in a song, you should contract.

Idk why but when I read this I thought of STDs

 

[UFO]

8 hours ago, Lémur said:

@Jackson

 

"Chained to the Rhythm is SHOOK. Trapped in our white picket fence indeed. In a song so short, there were a couple of awkwardly phrased lines where I felt the space could have been used better (“all the viruses…”/“I’ve yet to see any”), but that is but a minor qualm. Despite the structure being fairly rigid, I felt a lot of personality in this which I appreciated. The song progressed naturally, which can be hard to do in such little space. The final verse summed up the song well and provided just enough poignancy to make the song stick."

 

I have to say I disagree with this comment and actually I find it really offensive. I don't know if you don't read the news or something but the line "All the viruses and shrunken heads" was in reference to the Zika virus and how the government didn't help enough and it ruined the lives of so many and killed millions. Now, I know you're privileged and live on the bones of Native Americans killed in genocide but the fact you would come after this line is frankly disgusting when it conveys more social commentary than you have ever shown in countless seasons of playing this ****ed game.

 

Also I know you're not the sharpest tool in the shed but the line "I've yet to see any higher power" is about how there's been no intervention from the god or gods that we all pray to. Maybe you didn't understand that because I know you have a brain the size of a squirrel's. If I had shortened the line and "used the space better" or whatever the ****, it would sound like "I don't see a higher power" and that just doesn't reveal the same emotion. Personally I think your critiques are pointless and ****ing stupid and you should take a bath with a plugged in toaster.

Nnnn sis what is this? ajkfhajkgf I'm screaming

 

[ultraviolence.xx]

3 minutes ago, UFO said:

Idk why but when I read this I thought of STDs

 

except the opposite

 

 

[UFO]

I swear to **** if @Moonchild doesn't give me a 10 for my song, I will slit my throat

I literally wrote a song about the Moon blocking the Sun with her big ass

 

If that doesn't warrant at least a 9.7 then ok  I give up dsfdfgfs give me a 0 sis, it's a song dedicated to you anyway

so do what u want.mp4

 

Edited August 27, 2017 by UFO

[feelslikeadream]

45 minutes ago, UFO said:

Uvie and Aurora are coming for wigs   hopefully I can slide in the Top 25 somehow

 

edit: mess I'm reading back through the past couple of pages and... if @feelslikeadream was judging this season... y'all would be having meltdowns every week      I'm lowkey wishing Fefe is a guest judge at some point   I'd be here for it

 

I miss how the good sis used to clock and go IN on me for my questionable word choices 

It was so fun   not gonna lie

There's a reason I was often voted Best Judge  I'm happy to come back as a guest judge, but only when there are a lot fewer entries to read, so maybe like top 10? You won't be around anymore probably, but you can still read my reviews and get some vicarious enjoyment out of it.

 

And @Jackson I saw your "pedestrian" essay earlier. My impact!

[ultraviolence.xx]

1 minute ago, feelslikeadream said:

You won't be around anymore probably, but you can still read my reviews and get some vicarious enjoyment out of it.

CLOCK HA OMFG  

[Glassmouth]

ow 

[UFO]

18 minutes ago, feelslikeadream said:

There's a reason I was often voted Best Judge  I'm happy to come back as a guest judge, but only when there are a lot fewer entries to read, so maybe like top 10? You won't be around anymore probably, but you can still read my reviews and get some vicarious enjoyment out of it.

 

And @Jackson I saw your "pedestrian" essay earlier. My impact!

Nnnnn I literally choked on air when I read "feelslikeadream quoted your post..." I think I'm getting flashbacks   all those times you dragged me and my songs through the mud are flooding back like all those ****ing Water songs!  akjfhaf I'm literally so scared to write a Water song this season because if I do write one, I know it has to SCALP. 

 

omg I hate you so much, you just couldn't resist including a little dig at me in there - could you?   but the joke is on you because I was Top 4 last season with a overall season average of 7.4625, my #1 hit virginity anthem Let The Water Fall (my second #1 ever after my domestic abuse anthem Tough Love) and my #2 hit philosophical Dear Whoever Is Listening   hopefully my slayage continues this season though!  

 

here are the receipts for your convenience:

 

I've also made the Top 5 in PH, the Top 6 in PH6, the Top 5 in PH7 and the Top 4 in PH8

much love, sweetie.   

Edited August 27, 2017 by UFO

[UFO]

It's not really a clock when I've literally made the Top 10 in 5 seasons out of the 7 I've participated in  

and even then, I made the Top 20 in PH9 and the Top 12 in DH

 

I've literally made the Top 5 in 4 out of 7 seasons I've participated in

 

my longevity is kind of ICONIC

 

but I guess people only appreciate you after you die

let me write a song about it 

 

Edited August 27, 2017 by UFO