tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[Citrus]

@minho @UFO @mxtthewdelrey @Aurora @ultraviolence.xx @Nait Phoenix @MattyTacos @funnellegs @keshaspearsxo @Tsareena @SaintWest @Hug

[ultraviolence.xx]

2 minutes ago, Citrus said:

Uvie – YES @ the entire first stanza, especially that all/soft rhyme. What a slay. I’m afraid I can’t read fumed without thinking of ATRL, so poor your word choice. I think this is possibly my favorite romance/relationship song that has been submitted this season, because it describes the anger and violence of passionate relationships using such soft and tender language. You’ve come so far, and I love watching you take the critiques and improve upon them each week! For next week, I’d love 2 see you use some specificity (situations, places, whatever, real life details) to add some context to your song. Good job!

SLAY  ME  thanks citrus!!!   i’ll work on specificities in the next challenge (if I make it) 

[Tsareena]

6 minutes ago, Citrus said:

Tsareena – Love Tsareenuh, she sounds cute. I totally got that this was about a procrastinator, which feels like a personal attack on me. But yes congrats on making your dueling emotions come through! That being said, this isn’t particularly compelling because the stakes aren’t defined. We need to know what’s gonna happen if things don’t work out if were meant to care. Also, that metaphor is dumb as hell. Like it’s fine, but it doesn’t fit into this song at all.

I didn't think of that tbh. 

[Citrus]

2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

actually the amount of self inserting you both do comes to mind way before car accidents 

I missed last week can anyone fill me in on why you're such a **** now? 

[Citrus]

Just now, Tsareena said:

I didn't think of that tbh. 

It doesn't have to be explicit, most of the time it probably isn't in a song tbh. Lemme fetch an example to try and clarify that a lil more

[Citrus]

4 minutes ago, Tsareena said:

I didn't think of that tbh. 

In stories and other writing the stakes are often pretty well defined. If you don't go to school, you fail. If she doesn't leave him, she'll keep being abused etc etc. In songs, it's a little less clear cut because we have a limited number of words and can't be like "if this happens then this will happen next!" because that's awkward and clunky. The below song I think does a pretty good job at setting up what the stakes of the situation are and making us understand the justification the mother uses in her actions.

 

 

Spoiler

Well she seemed all right by dawns early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again
But daddy left the proof on her cheek
And I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day

Well word gets around in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
But mama was proud and she stood her ground
She knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered and some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay it's Independence Day

Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames, and took down some names
And sent me to the county home
Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong
But maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Independence Day

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay it's Independence Day
Roll the stone away
It's Independence day

[Aurora]

49 minutes ago, Citrus said:

Aurora – Your commentary >> your song. This felt very poetic but not at all like a song, perhaps because it doesn’t flow as much as your stuff usually does? The rhymes were also far more basic than you usually do. Thematically, you kind of hit us over the head with everything. 4.6

Yelling @ 4.6. Well, I can't say I didn't try something new, at least.  But I think we can all agree that it was totally the wrong way to go about the challenge. Noted, thanks!

 

15 minutes ago, Citrus said:

Aurora – This was a bit of a Minho song about lights moment for me, because it’s not technically about something I experienced (not entirely, at least), but I still feel a very deep connection to it. This is the kind of song my 14 year old self would’ve downloaded then deleted from the search history, listening to it on his ****ty knockoff iPod every day on the bus. Again, this is one of those songs where the intangible outweighs technique. The goal of songwriting is to connect with people, and you succeeded.

This is everything I hoped to achieve and more with this song. I was nervous to try and do something emotive, but that's the aim of the challenges I suppose, to push personal boundaries. Thanks Citrus.

 

(Why is the bolded me though? )

[Tsareena]

4 minutes ago, Citrus said:

In stories and other writing the stakes are often pretty well defined. If you don't go to school, you fail. If she doesn't leave him, she'll keep being abused etc etc. In songs, it's a little less clear cut because we have a limited number of words and can't be like "if this happens then this will happen next!" because that's awkward and clunky. The below song I think does a pretty good job at setting up what the stakes of the situation are and making us understand the justification the mother uses in her actions.

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Well she seemed all right by dawns early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again
But daddy left the proof on her cheek
And I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day

Well word gets around in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
But mama was proud and she stood her ground
She knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered and some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay it's Independence Day

Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames, and took down some names
And sent me to the county home
Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong
But maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Independence Day

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay it's Independence Day
Roll the stone away
It's Independence day

ah makes sense. would have been good for 2nd voice to establish that since a procrastinator usually feels the stakes are never that high till a deadline comes close. whew thanks 

[Citrus]

16 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

sounds like we both missed last week  

we love talented ratings magnets

[Aurora]

Now Citrus has posted reviews I have a craving for a Ruby Grapefruit Red Bull.

[ultraviolence.xx]

cere are you going to post the rest tonight?

[ultraviolence.xx]

3 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Now Citrus has posted reviews I have a craving for a Ruby Grapefruit Red Bull.

i’ve never had one but it sounds great 

[Citrus]

7 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Now Citrus has posted reviews I have a craving for a Ruby Grapefruit Red Bull.

Aurora gay icon cancelled

[Aurora]

16 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

i’ve never had one but it sounds great 

we stan a biT, Hey QT found dead in a ditch

 

13 minutes ago, Citrus said:

Aurora gay icon cancelled

I don't typically drink energy drinks tbh but sometimes I make an exception for that one. It's unbelievably good.

[ceremonials]

 I?

AM?

 

STARTING??

REVIEWS???

[ultraviolence.xx]

BLESS ? UP ?

[Aurora]

according to my calculations there are only 6 songs left for @ceremonials to review so lemme hop in the shower and have some lunch and hopefully we'll have a lil something something when i return from my brief hiatus  good luck frenz

[ceremonials]

we could do results tonight i guess ???

 

is anyone here for it

[ultraviolence.xx]

Just now, ceremonials said:

we could do results tonight i guess ???

 

is anyone here for it

I am but i feel like others are expecting tomorrow

[ceremonials]

if enough people say yes we can, but if not theyll go on as scheduled ~~~

[Aurora]

Just now, ceremonials said:

we could do results tonight i guess ???

 

is anyone here for it

i mean i'm up for anything  maybe @ everyone and see who is online/their thoughts?

 

also, i take it you know all the scores/averages from the entire phase too?

[ceremonials]

@UFO @Hug @funnellegs @SaintWest @mxtthewdelrey @MattyTacos @Tsareena @Nait Phoenix @minho 

 

[ultraviolence.xx]

can you post reviews in the meantime? x

[ceremonials]

3 minutes ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

can you post reviews in the meantime? x

[SaintWest]

16 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

@UFO @Hug @funnellegs @SaintWest @mxtthewdelrey @MattyTacos @Tsareena @Nait Phoenix @minho 

 

i'm cool wit it!