tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[Jackson]

1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i hope i made batch one  

you did

[Jackson]

 

@SaintWest x @Hug – Snowscape

Very solid first verse. It didn’t really hit too hard until the final line of the verse, but “But every day is winter and the snowbanks pull me under” did a great job of pulling everything together and giving it dimension. I found the prechorus to be the best part of the song, still, because you didn’t seem tied to your metaphor or as if you were writing snow imagery in wherever you could fit it. “Forgiveness is a blessing” was an overall cool song. Your two styles meshed pretty well overall, although Saint’s part suffered from a couple awkward lines (I just basically always hate the word thigh in songs). The gradient at the end was a cute stylistic thing!

 

 

@Tsareena – Watermelon

You definitely wrote this about me, seeing as how you put my name in the first line and named the song after my favorite food. The slickness = nonexistent. There were still a couple of forced rhymes here (storm/torn, all/tall) but they weren’t quite as prevalent as most of your previous efforts, and I actually really liked the second half of the first verse otherwise. This actually felt like a pretty strong pop song, and the concept was original and kinda risky. The chorus was catchy, but the rest of the song didn’t ever feel trite. This was maybe my favorite song I’ve seen from you.

 

 

@keshaspearsxo – Spectrum

OK I did not dumb the concept down, I just gave examples which you didn’t have to follow, as you can see in your song. The fact that you introduced your title in the first line of your song was kewl. This song was reminiscent of Stardust, and this title is actually one of one of my old songs, so impact. The chorus was pretty brilliant. OK so I just read the whole song, and I realized it was brilliant. Gonna give you a 10.

 

 

@funnellegs – Two Sides of One Night

Hm, a rap. Interesting. “Treading down the backs of my shoes” is definitely original, but bordering on redundant. Like of course you’re going to be walking on your shoes, that’s what they’re for. I did like the first verse, but parts of it felt a little lazy, like you were throwing in the alcohol for another edgy element, etc. The chorus was poppy, but I’m not sure if it really worked in a Platinum Hit context. My favorite couplet here was “when it comes down to it, you’re a means to an end/we’ll never be lovers, it’s alright to pretend”.

 

 

@MattyTacos – Black Magic

OK, so Austin kinda warned me about this song and told me he already dragged you for it, but I kinda liked it tbh. Yes, the subject matter is a mess, but I didn’t feel like the way you handled it was indelicate in any way, and you showed the complexity of what often happens in these situations. The flowery imagery was balanced, something I haven’t seen much from you in a while, and each metaphor was strong. My favorite part was the prechorus.

 

 

@Nait Phoenix – Coasting

This was surprisingly direct who previously shuddered reviewing my song about a BJ in S5. Maybe it’s just because of the song that came immediately before it, but the line “treat you like a machine, not a warm-bodied being” felt a tad rapey. I liked the first voice more than the second, perhaps because you gave yourself a bit more real estate to work with longer phrases, while the second voice felt more at a loss for words. I did like the concept though, and the method you executed it in was respectable if a bit messy.

 

 

@ultraviolence.xx – beautiful chaos

Why did I read your opening line as “our memories float like falling assholes” at first? Anyway. Your first started out really strong, and I liked that ashes metaphor, but it lost a lot of its power moments later when stated in more plain terms. The chorus seemed redundant, like it was just a retelling of the verse where it should stand out from the rest of your song. I feel like this was definitely rushed, or at least uninspired, and I know you had troubles writing your song this week so let’s hope it’s enough to move you on to Phase 3 and have a return to your typical quality.

 

 

@Gastrodonatella – Plagiarism in C

Showstopping.

 

 

@Aurora – 17

Oh wow, the anticipation that builds up in the verse, I did NOT want to stop reading to write a comment. I wouldn’t say that every line has a purpose here, but the extra space builds suspense so it’s forgivable. I’ve always said that I don’t care if you submit a PH cliché song as long as it’s good or original (I’ve submitted my fair share of water songs), and this was both. The middle eight felt a little sudden, mostly in that I would have liked a little more info on the whole kicking out of the house, but I realize you were a bit limited with your structure. And although the ending didn’t feel quite complete, the last line was pretty powerful.

 

 

@mxtthewdelrey – Everything Hurts in the Autumn

The first part of the song was fairly strong apart from “I try not to cry”. There were a few iffy rhymes, like “without you”/ “doubt you”. You have a tendency to mix perfectly fine lines with lines that are either too blunt or just don’t match the mood of the song, which can be seen in the aforementioned “cry” line and “I’ve missed you so much”. My favorite part was “but for now I sit and wait/for all the leaves to fall”.

 

 

@UFO – Where the Truth Lies

I’m not sure how I felt about this song’s specific use of two voices from one person, as the sides felt like the same voice as opposed to two distinct ones. And idk about you, but I’ve never known cacti to appear in the forest. While this wasn’t quite as strong overall as your song last week, it was pretty good, and I loved the chorus. The song was good overall, but I felt as though your voices needed more distinction.

 

 

@minho – Seventeen

When I first saw this in my inbox I got a little bit of Déjà vu because of Aurora’s entry (and the fact that I also have a song in my catalog called 17). From the first line, this felt a little samey from you, with the sunrise imagery creeping in from the start. I know you’re an excellent songwriter, and your entries this season all prove that, but they all more or less seem like they’re cut from the same cloth thematically and with their imagery. I’m not necessarily taking points of because of this, but it is a little tiring to read. That being said, your language was very eloquent and the metaphors all worked, and I loved the plastic stars imagery. With a little more concrete imagery and a few less metaphors, I think it would have overall been more effective at conveying the emotion you were going for, but it did its job as is.

 

[smholiv]

you know what... i actually agree

 

i do feel like i need to try something else, at least conceptually.   i'll work on that for next round

[funnellegs]

@Jackson "treading down the backs of my shoes" meant when your feet aren't in the shoe properly and you're squashing the back of the shoe down to walk on them. It was meant to be an additional detail idk. It didn't work clearly 

[Jackson]

12 minutes ago, funnellegs said:

@Jackson "treading down the backs of my shoes" meant when your feet aren't in the shoe properly and you're squashing the back of the shoe down to walk on them. It was meant to be an additional detail idk. It didn't work clearly 

oh OK, it just felt like a Wooden Branches tea @UFO  

[ultraviolence.xx]

34 minutes ago, Jackson said:

I feel like this was definitely rushed, or at least uninspired, and I know you had troubles writing your song this week so let’s hope it’s enough to move you on to Phase 3 and have a return to your typical quality.

ok tea

 

34 minutes ago, Jackson said:

Why did I read your opening line as “our memories float like falling assholes” at first? Anyway

this is honestly better than anything I could have written tbh

 

35 minutes ago, Jackson said:

The chorus seemed redundant, like it was just a retelling of the verse where it should stand out from the rest of your song.

the intention I had for the chorus (which didn’t come through) was for it to be an oxymoronic combination of their perspectives (a Simply Complicated tea, out Oct. 14). like one thinks the separation is beautiful and the other thinks it’s chaotic

[fountain]

45 minutes ago, Jackson said:

 

@keshaspearsxo – Spectrum

OK I did not dumb the concept down, I just gave examples which you didn’t have to follow, as you can see in your song. The fact that you introduced your title in the first line of your song was kewl. This song was reminiscent of Stardust, and this title is actually one of one of my old songs, so impact. The chorus was pretty brilliant. OK so I just read the whole song, and I realized it was brilliant. Gonna give you a 10.

[ultraviolence.xx]

500s and 503s now??? which i’ve never seen before??

[Jackson]

in case didn't already say, we're cutting it down to 10 this week

[UFO]

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

@UFO – Where the Truth Lies

I’m not sure how I felt about this song’s specific use of two voices from one person, as the sides felt like the same voice as opposed to two distinct ones. And idk about you, but I’ve never known cacti to appear in the forest. While this wasn’t quite as strong overall as your song last week, it was pretty good, and I loved the chorus. The song was good overall, but I felt as though your voices needed more distinction.

SCREAMING I wanted there to be a contrast between the solitude of the desert and the crowdedness of the forest but I completely overlooked the fact that cacti aren't even found in forests, I'm a mess       oh well!   and yes, I definitely agree that the two voices could've been more distinct

 

but yas STAN for the chorus!     

[UFO]

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

oh OK, it just felt like a Wooden Branches tea @UFO  

Nnnnn

 

1 hour ago, Jackson said:

in case didn't already say, we're cutting it down to 10 this week

whew, I'll probably get eliminated but tbh I wouldn't be surprised if SOMEHOW I manage to scrape by - it wouldn't be the first time  

[Cupid]

On 02/10/2017 at 2:18 AM, SaintWest said:

corrupt? cupid says hello

 

On 02/10/2017 at 2:19 AM, Corsola said:

NOBODY CARES ABOUT HAS-BEENS WE'RE FOCUSING ON THE ENEMY IN THE PRESENT

 

 

 

[fountain]

33 minutes ago, UFO said:

 I completely overlooked the fact that cacti aren't even found in forests

Girl. Science is your friend. 

[UFO]

4 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Girl. Science is your friend. 

 nnn sis I said I overlooked the fact, not that I didn't know 

obviously catci aren't found in forests    

Edited October 7, 2017 by UFO

[MattyTacos]

3 hours ago, Jackson said:

 

@MattyTacos – Black Magic

OK, so Austin kinda warned me about this song and told me he already dragged you for it, but I kinda liked it tbh. Yes, the subject matter is a mess, but I didn’t feel like the way you handled it was indelicate in any way, and you showed the complexity of what often happens in these situations. The flowery imagery was balanced, something I haven’t seen much from you in a while, and each metaphor was strong. My favorite part was the prechorus.

Yeah, obviously I can't speak completely from experience but I didn't want that to hinder my ability in tackling such a heavy subject. I'll make a note on working on balanced imagery again, thanks for the review!

[ceremonials]

I knew I should have done them last night :’( 

 

Results are still probably tomorrow morning, I think.

[fountain]

11 minutes ago, UFO said:

 nnn sis I said I overlooked the fact, not that I didn't know 

obviously catci aren't found in forests    

It's all a simulation anyway. They could put a cactus wherever they wanted. 

[UFO]

Just now, keshaspearsxo said:

It's all a simulation anyway. They could put a cactus wherever they wanted. 

they could shove a cactus up my ass if they wanted   

 

 

[Hug]

51 minutes ago, Corsola said:

 

The Tragic Ballad of Corsola

[MattyTacos]

2 hours ago, ceremonials said:

I knew I should have done them last night :’( 

 

Results are still probably tomorrow morning, I think.

wow let me wake up at 8am then  tired of waiting all sunday to see whats up 

[Aurora]

7 hours ago, Jackson said:

@Aurora – 17

Oh wow, the anticipation that builds up in the verse, I did NOT want to stop reading to write a comment. I wouldn’t say that every line has a purpose here, but the extra space builds suspense so it’s forgivable. I’ve always said that I don’t care if you submit a PH cliché song as long as it’s good or original (I’ve submitted my fair share of water songs), and this was both. The middle eight felt a little sudden, mostly in that I would have liked a little more info on the whole kicking out of the house, but I realize you were a bit limited with your structure. And although the ending didn’t feel quite complete, the last line was pretty powerful.

It's so nice to receive a mostly positive review again.  Essentially it's a first draft so I definitely agree RE: "[not] every line has a purpose here" and if there's some kind of re-do challenge this season I'd probably pick this one. I just wish I'd been able to start at the beginning of the challenge but I totally blew the first 3 days. Slay at it being good and original enough, though. The progression of the storytelling may have been accelerated a biT yeah but I figured if I added any more detail it'd be far too long (my bridge was already a double bridge) and may deviate from the core fear vs. courage theme.

 

I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the review.  Now go make a bop with Swig and Toastie.

[Citrus]

Doing my reviews for this round rn, then will just post last round's and this round's as a double album release later tonight 

[ultraviolence.xx]

the good news is, if there is a redo round, i have a lot of songs to choose from  

[Citrus]

On 10/2/2017 at 0:11 AM, Corsola said:

(no shade to other rounds) but this is the first round I really stan for on this season. gl to everyone!

what does that say about you

[Citrus]

bipolar duets is the easiest round we've had so far 

 

story time was the coolest prompt but y'all were just lazy as hell

 

and even with this round being so simple my average is still the pits