discussion A co-worker that you don't really like flirts with you, what do you do?

[PoisonedIvy]

The correct answer is to be vulgar and explicit with him about your past sexual exploits. Turn him off of wanting to sleep with you by sharing all your past hoetivities.

[Colmillo]

1 minute ago, glitch said:

Oh...then just tell him you watch videos of puppies being drowned in your spare time

I feel like that could get me in trouble, I don't want to get fired 

[Colmillo]

1 minute ago, Gabriel said:

You need to choose:

 

1. Will you be friendly and make him happy, but you're uncomfortable at work.

2. You get distance for a comfortable environment, he is sad.

 

Maybe I can introduce him to more people and he'll find someone else to have a crush on

[Colmillo]

3 minutes ago, itshyolee said:

Well girl you either do that or enjoy being harassed by someone you don't like! 

[KatyPrismSpirit]

6 minutes ago, Colmillo said:

 

But I feel bad because he doesn't have many friends in the office, I don't want him feeling like he's the problem, but he's kinda clingy and I don't like that 

That isn't your responsibility. You deserve to feel comfortable at work. 

[Colmillo]

4 minutes ago, PoisonedIvy said:

The correct answer is to be vulgar and explicit with him about your past sexual exploits. Turn him off of wanting to sleep with you by sharing all your past hoetivities.

And when he actually likes that then what? 

[Timeless]

Say that you are straight and you have a GF. If he keeps hitting on you, contact HR for harassment. 

[Gabriel]

6 minutes ago, Colmillo said:

 

Maybe I can introduce him to more people and he'll find someone else to have a crush on

Your emotional attachment to this coworker will make your work-life worse, been there. Goodluck! 

[blackoutbaby]

It depends. If it's just like batting eyelashes or something I say ignore, but if they're coming on strong and making you uncomfortable you should take it to HR. You're there to make bank, not to deal with unwanted advances.

[Colmillo]

Just now, Gabriel said:

Your emotional attachment to this coworker will make your work-life worse, been there. Goodluck! 

I just don't want to hurt people's feelings 

[Colmillo]

4 minutes ago, blackoutbaby said:

It depends. If it's just like batting eyelashes or something I say ignore, but if they're coming on strong and making you uncomfortable you should take it to HR. You're there to make bank, not to deal with unwanted advances.

He's not saying any out of pocket things (yet) but what bothers me is the clinginess, when I'm at the office he's there with me, when I work from home he's messaging me, he even wanted to make plans with me for the weekend but I said that I couldn't  

[Worm]

The whole point of flirting is that it's a 'guarded' way to indicate your interest in someone else - it starts off subtly through jokes/entendres/double meanings so that the flirter can deny their serious intentions if they get called out or rejected. In most cases, you can communicate your disinterest back to them by simply not responding to or acknowledging any double meanings, and they will eventually get the hint without you ever having to reject them openly or hurt their feelings.

 

If this person really doesn't get the picture though, I would look for opportunities to discuss office romances in the abstract and make it clear that you would never risk dating someone from the workplace because it's highly unprofessional or because it could made things awkward at your job. You could invent a story about a friend who had to leave her job after a relationship turned sour to make it even clearer.

 

Really the key is just to find a way to reject them without explicitly rejecting them to avoid hurting their feelings.

[Colmillo]

10 minutes ago, Worm said:

The whole point of flirting is that it's a 'guarded' way to indicate your interest in someone else - it starts off subtly through jokes/entendres/double meanings so that the flirter can deny their serious intentions if they get called out or rejected. In most cases, you can communicate your disinterest back to them by simply not responding to or acknowledging any double meanings, and they will eventually get the hint without you ever having to reject them openly or hurt their feelings.

 

If this person really doesn't get the picture though, I would look for opportunities to discuss office romances in the abstract and make it clear that you would never risk dating someone from the workplace because it's highly unprofessional or because it could made things awkward at your job. You could invent a story about a friend who had to leave her job after a relationship turned sour to make it even clearer.

 

Really the key is just to find a way to reject them without explicitly rejecting them to avoid hurting their feelings.

I like this, I'll put it into practice, I hope it works 

[blackoutbaby]

21 minutes ago, Colmillo said:

He's not saying any out of pocket things (yet) but what bothers me is the clinginess, when I'm at the office he's there with me, when I work from home he's messaging me, he even wanted to make plans with me for the weekend but I said that I couldn't  

Then maybe talk to him. I get it can be tough not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, but I feel there's a way you can be gentle yet still firm

 

 

You could always pull a pop girl when she flops and say "I need to take time for myself"

[UnusualBoy]

Just tell him that you're not comfortable with the way he's acting, will that hurt his feelings? Maybe, but you're not there to please people or to feel uncomfortable in a place where you spend most of your day.

 

Communication is the key on EVERYTHING.

[Axolotl]

1 hour ago, Colmillo said:

 

But I feel bad because he doesn't have many friends in the office, I don't want him feeling like he's the problem, but he's kinda clingy and I don't like that 

Just talk to him and tell him that you're flattered but what he's doing is making you uncomfortable.

Edited October 25 by Axolotl

[Comedor]

Sounds like your company needs to introduce some obligatory training around harassment and general policies.

[Buffy]

There are so many horror stories about this, which leads to office shootings. Be careful he doesn't end up being a stalker or a psycho. HR can sometimes be negligent and complicit. If you go to them and don't think they're handling the situation well, I advise taking legal action by getting a 3rd party involved.

[CBC]

gather proof and contact hr to get rid of their @ss

 

[Colmillo]

16 minutes ago, blackoutbaby said:

Then maybe talk to him. I get it can be tough not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, but I feel there's a way you can be gentle yet still firm

 

 

You could always pull a pop girl when she flops and say "I need to take time for myself"

I'll try to, I'm not good at setting boundaries as you may have noticed 

 

 

[Colmillo]

9 minutes ago, Comedor said:

Sounds like your company needs to introduce some obligatory training around harassment and general policies.

Sometimes I feel like the people that act like that don't see anything wrong with what they're doing, so I don't know if it would work at all, specially if he thinks I'm comfortable with the way he behaves 

 

 

[Colmillo]

7 minutes ago, Buffy said:

There are so many horror stories about this, which leads to office shootings. Be careful he doesn't end up being a stalker or a psycho. HR can sometimes be negligent and complicit. If you go to them and don't think they're handling the situation well, I advise taking legal action by getting a 3rd party involved.

He doesn't look like a psycho but I guess you never know, I hope there's no need of taking legal action tbh

 

[Roberto]

1 hour ago, Rotunda said:

Is it that one ATRLer who's always making threads about his coworker

Or maybe the bakery one. 

[Colmillo]

5 minutes ago, CBC said:

gather proof and contact hr to get rid of their @ss

 

The thing is he hasn't said anything inappropriate yet, so I don't think I have any "proof" that can get him fired

 

[Matchatea]

Question… do you work in a bakery that you can sleep in overnight by chance? 
 

 

Spoiler

On a serious note, let him know you are uncomfortable or go to HR if you don't want to face him

 

Edited October 25 by Matchatea